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NEW VIDEO: 22 minute gaming addiction documentary

~Oxana's diary~


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Hi there! I've already introduced myself here so I won't repeat my story and just say that I'm so excited to imagine what to do with a lot of free time which I've got now🙂 

I've quitted games on 06/21/21 and one of my first thoughts was to make a new account in League of Legends instead deleted 😄 I felt desperate, but understand, that I must be strong and find meaning in my life. 

Yesterday I've started online courses in photography, although I have no camera - I'll borrow it from my relative. I like to take photos and I think I do it well even by phone and without courses haha, so maybe it will be one of my new hobbies, who knows?

Also I reread Harry Potter books. I know I could choose something more serious and something that I haven't read yet but I felt to uncomfortable so I needed something that I really love. By the way, I've almost ended the first book for two days. Let's not count how many books I could read instead of years of gaming.

Feel free to visit my diary, I'd glad to chat with somebody. Although I have a husband, he still plays games (a lot too, but he doesn't think he is addicted, well, maybe it's true, at least, he will have a good job soon), so I can't feel full support from him now. Also for me it will be a nice chance to practice my English (I'm from Russia). 

Peace! 

Edited by Oxanasayuri
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Posted (edited)

It's rather difficult. Although I don't want to play, my subconscious is telling me: "I wanna play Teamfight Tactic!" while your husband is playing guitar and you can't read calmly. I want it cause I'm tired to watch courses/read. I want to play ANYTHING cause I'm used to do it CONSTANTLY".

It seems to me I need to find more ideas to spend time. I can't start to do any sport or walk a lot outside cause we have unusual heat in Moscow, +34C (yup, I know somewhere it's a rather nice temperature). But here it's difficult just to exist 🙂 So maybe I'll start to learn something else at home. 

Waiting while relative will bring me a camera on weekends. 

Edited by Oxanasayuri
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Welcome to the forum. Hopefully you will stay on the program and reformat your habits into a healthy lifestyle.

May I ask what your interests are and the stage of your academic career? 

Edited by Amphibian220
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Posted (edited)

@Amphibian220

hi and ty for visiting my diary 🙂

I've got a specialist degree (like a bachelor now) as a historian-archivist, but I've graduated in 2014 and I had no interest in it then (my family made me to go there), so I can't really say that I have a degree... I've seldom worked in this area since graduation. My dream is to go to study again. But I have no money now.

What about my interests... Well, most of all I like to travel (and of course, it's difficult now), nature, ecology, and sustainability (I'd like to go to study this area, by the way). I also like to learn languages, but I only speak English well now. I like board games. I like Asia and Japan especially. Fantasy genre (in movies, books, games, and so on).

Today I'm totally alone and most of the day I was learning about the DSLR camera (couldn't do anything somewhy) and cleaning up my house and reading. But now I'm sitting in the chair and can't find a thing to do, just want to play to kill time eh eh eh 😞

Edited by Oxanasayuri
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Posted (edited)

Today I was a participant in a D&D game (you know, role-playing not in front of a computer 🙂 ), which was held by my husband. I turned on some playlists named "D&D music" in Spotify and suddenly melody from World of Warcraft start playing. And DivinityOriginal Sin 2 (although I wasn't addicted to this game, I have it). Mamma mia, the Elwynn Forest theme woke up so many memories in my head. I was crushed, cause I understand, that I won't return there, but how it was cozy - to be there, just to feel the atmosphere around. But, I remembered the fact, that I haven't played in WOW for a long time! And I've quitted it - not because I needed to make my life better, no! Just cause I was bored after several new global updates! So, it was just nostalgia, right? Need to watch one of those videos about it. 

I still want to play LOL and TFT >_<


Oh! I've started learning Dutch, cause I wanna move there someday 🙂 Though, I do it in the Duolingo app and so similar to the game with a rating so I don't know if it's a good idea.

Edited by Oxanasayuri
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Haven't played any game for a week, it feels for me like a month minimum 😄 Harsh to go to bed early, to be productive during the day, cause my husband is playing games the biggest part of a day alone or with his fellow student 😞 Of course, we spend time together, but I can't don't think about games in this situation 😞 

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Posted (edited)

My partner will give me a SPA day if I don't restore my deleted LOL account 😄 (I have 30 days overall to do it but already about 20). To be more precise, I argued with him about this and established a prize for myself. At least there is one clear incentive. Because I still have no clear goals, even small ones. Yes, I read more now, watch documentaries and walk, but often I just seat in an armchair and think about what can I do with my life aaaand...nothing. Sure, it's easier for my mind just to go to play without these problems 😞 

Edited by Oxanasayuri
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Posted (edited)

Good news: I do some little exercises up to 10 mins every day almost a week already (it's a high number cause it never happens usually)

Not very good news: yesterday we presented to my husband a board game named Gwent - the game from the famous game Witcher 3. I haven't played Witcher games (unfortunately), so I have no strong feelings about it. But my mother-in-law mentioned that Gwent is kinda similar to Hearthstone. And then, a strong feeling of nostalgia, which is still in my mind now. I even had a dream at night about my returning to this game. But, like WOW, I've quitted it cause I'd stopped like it much - to play in whole power, you should donate to get legendaries or be in meta with your decks. 

So. My smart part tells me: you don't need this game, you've quitted it when you were playing all these games. But my weak part cries: wanna plaaaaaay please I don't have any cool thing now to doooo 😞 

Feel like Gollum 😄 

Edited by Oxanasayuri
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Hi, good idea to start learning a language, it can be interesting and challenging.

I see it's hard for you to keep going without video games now, but stay strong ! You're on the right path

Relapsing won't solve any issue.

Good luck.

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Thank you, @Martinof!

I'm really trying, but I feel like I'm on edge of failure 😞 Yup, relapsing won't solve any issue, moreover, I guess I'll hate myself more than before. It's a pity I can't play a couple of hours in a week as many people do 😞

One of the main barriers is that I'm sitting at home always, I'm unemployed. But I had so much stress on my last job, and now I have a depression diagnosis, that I'm afraid I won't be able to try again in the nearest time (pfff, half a year has passed, get a hold of yourself!).

 

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Hey thank you for looking by at my Journal. Clinal Depression is really a shitty sickness. But remember that this ist Not you. Ist an illness you have. This makes it harder though to have positive new experiences or trying new hobbies. Be Patient with yourself. keep fighting for the Things that matter to you. Persistence Beats everything. Thats atleast my experience. And half a year ist Not Long with that diagnosis. Do you have a therapist? How are you fighting against this? My wife also suffers from clinical Depression, thats why i got some exposure of the topic.

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Posted (edited)

@WorkInProgressthank you for your support!🥰

Well, what about half a year - I meant about my sitting at home without a job 🙂  I've got this diagnosis in March, but I guess that I have it muuch longer, maybe for a year or more, who knows? I know only that I was afraid to go to the specialist before. It was a shame to open my soul to smb unfamiliar.

But in March I met with a psychiatrist, not a psychologist, because I was in so big mess! Was crying after even a little bad thought or word or even not bad. And he told me to take 4 different medicines during 4 months (only 1 was working, but it was during 2 weeks - BUT I was so productive and inspired that I've almost enroll to the Dutch University - just didn't have enough money😄).

By the way, my last medicine will end in few days and then...I don't know what will happen 😄Not so much has changed and second visit will cost a lot of money which I don't have. So I'm afraid I'll have some kind of withdrawal syndrome. 

The most stupid thing that I must be happy - I have a roof over my head, a cool husband and cat, even a little money, I live in the capital with big opportunities, I have the Internet to study everything I want. What wrongs with me, why I want to live in other worlds? Haha, because I can't struggle against real problems. Never could. Always give up, during all childhood and further for the whole life, all hobbies and sports and languages and books 😞 So it won't be a surprise if I quit quitting. 

Sorry for the big message. Just a cry of the soul. 

 

 

Edited by Oxanasayuri
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Posted (edited)

Yesterday I've started doing yoga in real classes - I liked it very much. Rather, it was yoga therapy - for people with problems with health and newbies (I'm both lol). Hope to go 2-3 times a week to improve health and reduce stress. Except for general yoga and therapy, there are a lot of interesting things like female breathing practices or qigong. Looking forward to trying! 

Want to buy a bicycle also 🙂

Also today I've got the first injection of the COVID vaccine 🙂 Feel well yet, hope, and will further.

Still want to play. My husband doesn't leave me a chance to forget about it 😞  Soon, he will be at work for whole days (ambulance paramedic) and I'll be able to pay less attention to his games. I hope I WILL and WON'T play in secret from him at this time. This is, first of all, what I need. Yes? YES?

Edited by Oxanasayuri
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Great that you try some new stuff. Thats exactly the righte way to feel capable again. Just try some Things for some time and If you still do Them a avmonth from now youll have the start of a new positive habbit. I would advise you to plan Something for the days your husband ist away. The Missing accountability can ne dangerous. Especially at the start of a Detox. Maybe you can visit someone? Family/Friends?

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@WorkInProgressthank you for visiting me again! 

Unfortunately, I have no friends😅 And my family lives quite far away to visit them often, so I go there once a month or like this. Family from my husband's side is much more close, but soon, if all goes well, 4 of 5 of them will move to the USA and Germany 😞They have good jobs and money, apparently, cause they hadn't spent their lives in games 🙄

But, anyway, thanks for advice! I'll think what to plan on such days (it wouldn't a problem if I have a child, would it?😄)

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A story named "Almost Relapsed"

My husband was seeing, how I'm suffering today, invited me to the PC to play for an hour before his friends will come. I wasn't sure it's a good idea but...well, you know, I'm too weak yet 🙂 BUT: when I came, I couldn't decide what to install (all my games was deleted) - some games like Rainbow Six Siege was too heavy, LOL and Blizzard accounts needed to be recovered in addition to installing. I have a lot of games on Steam, but...I didn't choose any of it. My subconscious told me - better I'll read a book (even I'm tired of it for 2 weeks).

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Hopefully you will be able to change your environment for the better. I employ certain tactics in order to prevent myself from being tempted.

Whenever I’m revising or cooking, I put my phone away and keep it on silent. That way I’m never distracted from my activities.

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