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Countdown - 90 days - from Zero to Hero (real life this time)


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Finished day 1 > 89 days to go

In the beginning few words as how this journal is gonna look like.
- I am doing this purely for my myself, for my own purpose, writing from the bottom of my heart, not seeking anyone approval, cheers or special chapel to be built - though if it motivates at least one person somehow I will build it myself
- the idea is to finish EACH of my day just before going to bed with journal entry - even if there is gonna be just few words like "feeling like I am scrubbing the toilet with my teeth", whatever
- the idea is for me to last all 90 days (I have committed myself before my girlfriend, all of you on this forum and dear friend of mine, my psychologist) - being honest I have always quitted in few days, two weeks tops with all my new "resolutions" of how my life is gonna be - this time I will try to not fck this up for real !!
- the idea of quitting is total = no games, no streams, no video content, no websites, no twitter, NOTHING GAME RELATED

Entry:
Feeling quite optimistic, although tired in general at this moment. I have started the new job as Project Launch Buyer for European Automotive Plants which I know will be a challenging as hell and in very near future I'm gonna feel the urge to fire my ass and go straight back to candy land of virtual world and becoming one of the best instantly with no effort. That is quite discouraging.. But knowing that this stage will come eventually I am gonna be prepared to just accept that I suck until I stop sucking (yeah yeah I know). Also I am gonna try to fill my time after work with whatever I can just to stay away of urge that crawl down on me like basilisk from Harry Potter.. I can feel it coming, whispering louder and louder until it ends up with me with my phone/laptop in my hands petrified for everything else but that. 
As ending of this entry I would like to share with you activity of today that filled my battery, hold my focus and made me succeed with this day. Attaching the photo also as saying "hello" to whoever might read my journal.

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Finished day 2 > 88 days to go

Entry:

Second day behind me. I have experienced some mood swings. Deliberately staying away from my mobile phone today. For the first time I haven't taken it with me to the toilet as usual (which afterwards triggers willingness to check favorite youtubers, streams and in the end install HS and start sneaking behind my girlfriend's back while playing). Replaced the mobile with paper book about addictions bought in Empik specially for 90 days reboot occasion as the additional booster.

I gotta admit I have urges and I find myself to grab my phone or in the moment of distraction while working to have the need to check gaming websites or twitch. In those moments I try to regain focus but it results with me having low energy during my worktime. Focus is really distracted as I struggle with myself constantly.

In the end after work I have gone to the mountains right with couple of my friends to keep myself occupied and out of my normal comfort zone when I normally played/watched games.
It felt truly amazing!! Snow level up to knees point, winter in the higher mountains at night is something else. I got back tired (around 3,5h trip, 15km) but really happy. Adding photo as well as the journey was epic for us, though freezing, yet satisfying  :339_snowflake:

Have a good night.

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Finished day 3-5 > 85 days to go

Entry:
I am still hanging on.. I know it was supposed to be daily journal but I had a party on Friday - friend's birthday - drank too much and there was no way I could collect my thoughts into something of readable insight after that day. Saturday on hangover and another party (though no alcohol this time), Sunday spent on ice bathing (which became extremely popular in my country these days - more memes each days lol) and realizing one of my girlfriend's wish which was getting a cat. I got it from adoption and made here a surprise. Just as she was about to enter our flat I was nervous as though I would ask her to merry me. Funny feeling 😄 Anyway I just wanna say I am still staying away, no content was checked, no game was played. Got myself occupied fully. There were some moments I really wanted to check the "usual" websites, kinda felt like I have no purpose no more, felt lost in not knowing what to do.. We will see how it's gonna go.

Have a good night.

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Finished day 6 > 84 days to go

Entry:
Starting to feel withdrawal effects, definitely more gloomy mood, relatively depressing aura and lack of motivation.. I can feel the emptiness when I have nothing to fill my time with which was previously occupied by game related breaks and so on. Even writing this journal entry comes hard and I need to force myself to do it. Well.. I am still staying away from the activity that dooms us all which is in itself a success but aint feel so atm.. I have low energy and I know in my head that I should keep going and I shall do it further still. But at this moment it is the ultimate opposite of attitude than it was at the beginning of that journal. Just pointing that out

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Welcome @Stev1989PL! I like how you add photos to your entries. It's fun. 

Yeah, withdrawals can be a pain, and like you said, some of it is just the emptiness that's there now that you've sworn off what used to be a major part of your life. I completely lost my mind when I did it properly after I started up my journal again, and I realized I absolutely 100% needed a therapist because there were many things wrong in my life that I was neglecting. 

The good news is that as you use your time for better things, you'll start feeling better about everything and less depressed. Just don't forget to celebrate the small victories along the way, and no matter what, just keep trying until you figure out what works for you!

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Finished day 7 >  83 days to go (actual 1st week off full cut off gaming, nothing related to it)

Entry:
Well it seems like yesterday in a way.. Lack of motivation continues, though I am starting to notice that gap between what I am supposed to do at the moment (like the need to focus on certain task at new job position > which forces me to read for example the entire conversation between different parties related to resourcing from Monako to Poland with delivery to Spanish plant) and what tickles my fancy in gaming world.

@DaBest Thanks bro I truly appreciate your insight here. I gotta admit perfect timing as well as I am struggling atm. We have just watched "Seven Pounds" movie with my gf. She saw it for the first time (I have many times since my youth - one of those movies that benefited my value system as the man) and we shed few tears on the way. This movie seems to bring true emotions around what is really important in human lives somehow and leaves you w/o all of bad emotions with clear view around your situation. I am also glad that you like the photos I post. As the small victory you mentioned and part of something good on the way I am posting another one below. I dont know your situation bro but based on your posts count I can see you are either struggling yourself or putting the time to help others with something you had conquered.

 

 

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No problem, bro. It's an easier path to walk with others, which is I think the main reason why I'm still around--and the fact that I spend way too much time on the internet.  I want to pay back the support I got from others, and dealing with 20 years of unrecognized depression is going to take a bit of work :/

You know what, I'll give Seven Pounds a watch. I like movies like that, where it takes you out of your own self-absorbed existence and reminds you that there are much bigger things to focus on. 

And geez, I don't know how you developed that kind of cold tolerance, but you sir, are an absolute animal! 

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Finished day 8 >  82 days to go

Entry:
2nd week has started of gaming content ban I set for myself. At the same time it is getting tough at my new work, I am getting more responsibilities and are to be expected of more things to fulfill. I can feel in away as if the more I get on my plate the more I wanna quit right away.. How ironic is that in comparison to gaming addiction? I would leave this question to dwell on more.. How likely we are to give up the things that would improve our lives longterm at first hardship and how unlikely we are to do so when we are gaming..?
Anyway something of importance, I have noticed as I am keeping myself at bay of my gaming addiction I have started to get the urge to compensate at different ones. For instance I have drank way too much alcohol than I should. I know it doesnt serve me.. But as I am feeling better about myself due to successful games' prohibition I am less likely to do the same in other areas of self-destructing habits. I will need to keep an eye on that for sure....

 

@DaBest Bro just to share with you, I have also depression and in my egocentric nature and approach of "I know it all" I didnt feel to use help of any psychotherapist. I mean what for since I was knowing all theory from blogs/tedx talks/etc? What could they possibly say that I didnt know already? But in the end I gave myself benefit of the doubt and started sessions. At the moment I have to admit it is helping in some way even though I am still not entirely convinced. I guess I have reached the point of such indifference ("I just dont care anymore about anything" attitude) that I gave it a shot. I dont know your exact emotional situation but if you havent tried I strongly encourage you to do so. It might help. Wish you well!

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Haha, we're in the same boat then. I got a therapist around when that time happened, and it was the best decision I ever made. I can't tell you how many times I came to realize something by just talking out loud during a session, or having him call me out on my bs. It's been really useful to tease out thought patterns and cognitive biases that keep me stuck in the negative thought loops. Also, therapy can be a lot of work and you might not get to the mushy crying stuff or the deeper understanding of yourself right way. And if it's really not working, you can always try going to another therapist since not all therapists are good therapists. I think if you keep at the journal, and keep with the therapy, you will make big strides long term. Congrats on making it to week two!

 

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Finished day 9 >  81 days to go

Entry:
Feeling super tired so I am gonna make it super brief as well. Lack of motivation continues, I have trouble getting up in the morning, definitely way passed the time that I should already be up and running. I also get very easily annoyed which result in backfire at the one person I wouldnt like it happening to - my girlfriend. As she had a bad day too today I was really struggling to give her effective support.. At work I am also doing bare minimum atm. I am really looking forward to some turning point but I suspect it's not gonna come soon. 

@DaBestThanks for sharing, I really appreciate it. Sounds like you've come a long journey of self-discovery. I find it very motivating! 

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Finished day 10 >  80 days to go

Entry:
The day went fine I guess. It was pretty interesting at work though I am starting to get more on my plate. I am supposed to make a project extension for Jaguar Land Rover not knowing the system, where to find essential data, involved people and so on which is uber frustrating.. Probably usual characteristics of any corporation and approach in form of "sink or swim". Anyway I will need to resolve it somehow or fail during the process. Time will tell which actual scenerio is gonna be realized. I dont care in particular to be honest. Huh, I dont care in particular about anything at the moment actually. No idea if it is related to this detox or not but it is as it is.. I am purely keep on going just due to the fact that I made this commitment. Nothing else

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Yeah, that's probably a lot of just detox feeling. You're going from super dopamine highs with gaming, and replacing it with something relatively boring. It's going to take time for you to find ways to get more engaged and just get used to the lower level of stimulation.

How much were you gaming per day before your detox?

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