August 16, 20205 yr Author 16 August 2020 (Day 15): Okay, I'm finally ready to write out my thoughts and feelings. Last couple of days have been pretty overwhelming, yet it's a good thing, because I exposed my parents' true faces. As I have been aware my whole life, everyone (at least almost everyone) wears masks. People hide their true feelings, thoughts and so on. I can't really talk further about this, but I think everyone understands and can relate to this. Well, this is especially true for my parents. Ever since I've known them, I have never felt any kind of leadership attributes from them. Somehow, they are like children mind, with adult bodies. Instead of working our way to solve problems, they blame me, or they blame my brother. It has always been a blaming game, and never really about solving problems. I'm still trying to get my thoughts around this, but yeah, they have never been a leader to me. It sucks and disappointing, but it is what it is. I guess I have to be the leader for myself, instead of looking up to my parents as my leaders. As for video games, no playing video games and no watching professional e-sports games.
August 16, 20205 yr Sorry about your parents. Everyone's parents let them down somehow. Sounds like you're doing the best you can to work with the situation though.
August 17, 20205 yr Author 17 August 2020 (Day 16): Getting much better. Working my best to get out of my house, get a job and finally rent an apartment myself. I feel that I can work, think, do things much clearer without my parents around. They are just noises that just created more problems than there were in the first place. Working my best to be a professional full-stack developer 😄 No playing video games and no watching professional e-sports games.
August 18, 20205 yr Author 18 August 2020 (Day 17): Not feeling like writing my thoughts and feelings today. No playing video games and no watching professional e-sports games.
August 19, 20205 yr Author 19 August 2020 (Day 18): Just realized how powerful journaling is. 10 days ago I did not feel this way at all, and by reading what I wrote 10 days ago, I can get a feel of how things have changed in just 10 days (my thoughts, feelings, etc). This is something completely new to me. I am more motivated than ever to become a professional full-stack developer. Studying and learning harder and more effectively than ever. I am confident I am going to get this done. No playing video games and no watching professional e-sports games.
August 20, 20205 yr Author 20 August 2020 (Day 19): Working hard to be a professional full-stack developer. Learning API, XML Http Requests, these are freaking hard but I'm getting it. No playing video games and no watching professional e-sports games.
August 21, 20205 yr Author 21 August 2020 (Day 20): Working super hard. No playing video games and no watching professional e-sports games.
August 22, 20205 yr Author 22 August 2020 (Day 21): Rest day. No playing video games and no watching professional e-sports games.
August 23, 20205 yr Author 23 August 2020 (Day 22): Everything is going great. I want to do research and investigation about video games addiction, also about professional e-sports players who practice 12-14 hours a day for at least 6 days a week. No playing video games and no watching professional e-sports games.
August 24, 20205 yr Author 24 August 2020 (Day 23): Everything is going great. I am more motivated to be a full-stack developer now. No playing video games. Watched a couple of professional e-sports games yesterday.
August 25, 20205 yr Author 25 August 2020 (Day 24): No playing video games, no watching professional e-sports games.
August 26, 20205 yr Author 26 August 2020 (Day 25): Damn it, last couple of weeks have been hard. Been slacking a lot with my work, not focusing and not concentrating enough. Time to get my focus on my work and get these things done. No playing video games, no watching professional e-sports games. Edited August 26, 20205 yr by Stanly Kwok
August 27, 20205 yr Author 27 August 2020 (Day 26): No playing video games, just watching some professional e-sports games.
August 28, 20205 yr Author 28 August 2020 (Day 27): No playing video games, just watching some professional e-sports games.
August 28, 20205 yr Hey Stanley! How are you? Do you feel that the e-sports could be progressively switched to something else?
August 29, 20205 yr Author 29 August 2020 (Day 28): No playing video games, just watching some professional e-sports games. Edited August 31, 20205 yr by Stanly Kwok
August 29, 20205 yr Author On 8/28/2020 at 2:09 PM, AbjurationWizard said: Hey Stanley! How are you? Do you feel that the e-sports could be progressively switched to something else? Hey, I'm good :). I've tried many things, just that I enjoy watching professional e-sports games. I haven't played games though.
August 30, 20205 yr On 8/29/2020 at 3:01 PM, Stanly Kwok said: Hey, I'm good :). I've tried many things, just that I enjoy watching professional e-sports games. I haven't played games though. That's great man! If you feel that watching e-sports is not detrimental to your health than I am not here to tell you anything. But be sure to be honest with yourself. Could you go without watching the pro scene, or would that also provoke removal symptoms? Just trying to be open and helpful here. Take care 🙂
August 31, 20205 yr Author 31 August 2020 (Day 30): Missed 1 day of journaling 😞. Probably because I don't really know what to write or express my thoughts at the current moment. Maybe I know, but just waiting until it gets to a certain point, then I will express it as a whole. Don't know, but not really wanting to share anything at the moment. No playing video games, no watching professional e-sports games.
August 31, 20205 yr Author 8 hours ago, AbjurationWizard said: That's great man! If you feel that watching e-sports is not detrimental to your health than I am not here to tell you anything. But be sure to be honest with yourself. Could you go without watching the pro scene, or would that also provoke removal symptoms? Just trying to be open and helpful here. Take care 🙂 Hmm, I can't really say anything for now. All I know is that I'm getting a bit confused and stressed over my work and watching professional e-sports games kind of helps ease them. I still don't have any intention to play the game though.
September 1, 20205 yr Author 1 September 2020 (Day 31): No playing video games, no watching professional e-sports games.
September 1, 20205 yr Author 20 hours ago, AbjurationWizard said: Where are you from Stanly? I'm from Indonesia 🙂. What about you?
September 2, 20205 yr Author 2 September 2020 (Day 32): No playing video games, no watching professional e-sports games.
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