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Stanly's Journal


Stanly Kwok
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16 August 2020 (Day 15):

Okay, I'm finally ready to write out my thoughts and feelings. Last couple of days have been pretty overwhelming, yet it's a good thing, because I exposed my parents' true faces.

As I have been aware my whole life, everyone (at least almost everyone) wears masks. People hide their true feelings, thoughts and so on. I can't really talk further about this, but I think everyone understands and can relate to this. 

Well, this is especially true for my parents. Ever since I've known them, I have never felt any kind of leadership attributes from them. Somehow, they are like children mind, with adult bodies. Instead of working our way to solve problems, they blame me, or they blame my brother. It has always been a blaming game, and never really about solving problems. 

I'm still trying to get my thoughts around this, but yeah, they have never been a leader to me. It sucks and disappointing, but it is what it is. I guess I have to be the leader for myself, instead of looking up to my parents as my leaders. 

As for video games, no playing video games and no watching professional e-sports games.

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17 August 2020 (Day 16):

Getting much better. Working my best to get out of my house, get a job and finally rent an apartment myself. I feel that I can work, think, do things much clearer without my parents around. They are just noises that just created more problems than there were in the first place. 

Working my best to be a professional full-stack developer 😄 

No playing video games and no watching professional e-sports games.

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19 August 2020 (Day 18):

Just realized how powerful journaling is. 10 days ago I did not feel this way at all, and by reading what I wrote 10 days ago, I can get a feel of how things have changed in just 10 days (my thoughts, feelings, etc). This is something completely new to me.

I am more motivated than ever to become a professional full-stack developer. Studying and learning harder and more effectively than ever. I am confident I am going to get this done.

No playing video games and no watching professional e-sports games.

 

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20 August 2020 (Day 19):

Working hard to be a professional full-stack developer. Learning API, XML Http Requests, these are freaking hard but I'm getting it.

No playing video games and no watching professional e-sports games.

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23 August 2020 (Day 22):

Everything is going great. I want to do research and investigation about video games addiction, also about professional e-sports players who practice 12-14 hours a day for at least 6 days a week.

No playing video games and no watching professional e-sports games.

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24 August 2020 (Day 23):

Everything is going great. I am more motivated to be a full-stack developer now.

No playing video games. Watched a couple of professional e-sports games yesterday.

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26 August 2020 (Day 25):

Damn it, last couple of weeks have been hard. Been slacking a lot with my work, not focusing and not concentrating enough. Time to get my focus on my work and get these things done.

No playing video games, no watching professional e-sports games.

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On 8/28/2020 at 2:09 PM, AbjurationWizard said:

Hey Stanley!

How are you? Do you feel that the e-sports could be progressively switched to something else?

Hey, I'm good :). I've tried many things, just that I enjoy watching professional e-sports games. I haven't played games though.

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On 8/29/2020 at 3:01 PM, Stanly Kwok said:

Hey, I'm good :). I've tried many things, just that I enjoy watching professional e-sports games. I haven't played games though.

That's great man! If you feel that watching e-sports is not detrimental to your health than I am not here to tell you anything. But be sure to be honest with yourself. Could you go without watching the pro scene, or would that also provoke removal symptoms? 

Just trying to be open and helpful here. 

Take care 🙂

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31 August 2020 (Day 30):

Missed 1 day of journaling 😞. Probably because I don't really know what to write or express my thoughts at the current moment. Maybe I know, but just waiting until it gets to a certain point, then I will express it as a whole. Don't know, but not really wanting to share anything at the moment.

No playing video games, no watching professional e-sports games.

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8 hours ago, AbjurationWizard said:

That's great man! If you feel that watching e-sports is not detrimental to your health than I am not here to tell you anything. But be sure to be honest with yourself. Could you go without watching the pro scene, or would that also provoke removal symptoms? 

Just trying to be open and helpful here. 

Take care 🙂

Hmm, I can't really say anything for now. All I know is that I'm getting a bit confused and stressed over my work and watching professional e-sports games kind of helps ease them. I still don't have any intention to play the game though.

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