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Adam's Journal


Big Adam
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Day 5

Recap of yesterday's Goals:

  • Eat Paleo: .  No Video Games: .  12:00 Bedtime: . 

  • Get Guitar, Drawing Book, and Drawing Pad from Home.

  • Make an “Ideal” Schedule: 

Goals for today:

  • Eat Paleo.  No Video Games. Go to bed by 11:30. 

  • Hit the Gym.

  • Make “Ideal” Schedule that includes designated TV/Internet time and designated “Activity Time” to Read, Practice Guitar, or Draw.

What I'm thankful for:

  • A fun time playing Frisbee Golf with my Dad yesterday.

  • That I slept well last night despite eating junk food.

  • That I made myself sick from eating too much junk food last night.  That will give the impetus to commit to breaking my sugar/junk food habit.  It’s time to find other ways to cope with unpleasant emotions.

Summary:

Visited Parents and had lunch with them. Played Disc Golf with Dad.  Went back home, then kind of just farted around for several hours.  Watched TV, browsed Internet.  One win: I drew for about two hours.  That’s a good relaxing activity for me.  It takes very little willpower and my mind can wander.  I also ate a bunch of junk food because I felt bored.  Made myself sick from eating a bunch.  I’m going to make avoiding sugar a priority during this Reboot Process.

Goals from last week:

  • 3 Gym Workouts: ✔️ 3/3.

  • Go on One Date/week:  

Perfect!  Good Job, Self.

Goals for the week (Counting Sunday as the Start of the Week):

  • 3 Gym Workouts.

  • Go on One Date.

  • Sign up for Guitar Lessons.

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Day 6

Recap of yesterday's Goals:

  • Eat Paleo: .  No Video Games: .  11:30 Bedtime: . 

  • Hit the Gym:

  • Make an “Ideal” Schedule: 

Goals for today:

  • Eat Paleo.  No Video Games. Go to bed by 11:30. 

What I'm thankful for:

  • Sparkling Water.
  • That my local coffee shop now knows me and starts preparing my “usual” when walk in.  I’ve never had a local place that knows me before.

Summary:  (173.6 lbs) 

Good day yesterday.  Spent the morning and early afternoon reading and writing at a coffee shop.  Made my “ideal” schedule.  Went to the gym, then followed my ideal schedule for the rest of the day.  Did my stretching routine, Read, Drew and listened to podcasts, then bought and cooked food, had dinner, and spent the rest of the night drawing and watching TV. I did have a craving for some sugar at night and bought some banana bites. Need to stop doing that. But good otherwise.

Today is looking good. This will be a very busy few days at work, but I’ll have off Wednesday and Thursday for Thanksgiving and Black Friday.  I have a date tonight with a girl I’m seeing.  I’m not going to count that as one of my dates for the week since I’ve seen her a few times already.  I want to continue meeting new girls.

If I get some time tonight, I’ll look into local guitar lessons.  Friday evening or Saturday/Sunday afternoon would be a good time to schedule lessons since most of my weeknights are taken up by jiu-jitsu.  Gonna start posting my daily weight here for extra motivation to stick to eating correctly.

Goals for the week (Counting Sunday as the Start of the Week):

  • 3 Gym Workouts: 1/3 so far

  • Go on One Date.

  • Sign up for Guitar Lessons.

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Day 7

Recap of yesterday's Goals:

  • Eat Paleo: .  No Video Games: .  11:30 Bedtime: . 

Goals for today:

  • Eat Paleo.  No Video Games. Go to bed by 11:30. 
  • Hit the Gym
  • Come up with a dish to bring to the Pre-Thanksgiving Party.  Buy Ingredients for the dish.

What I'm thankful for:

  • Another night of good sleep. (Even though I sleepwalked at one point XD)
  • That I have control over the heat in my apartment so I can keep it toasty during the day and cold when I sleep.
  • That I rolled very well at Jiu-Jitsu last night with a guy who is MUCH stronger than me and usually beats me.

Summary:  (173.0 lbs) 

Cancelled my date last night after something came up on her end. I’ll try to get back in touch with her after Thanksgiving.  Went to jiu-Jitsu instead. I’ve been out for a week due to my shoulder injury. Felt good to be back.  I was careful not to go too hard and my shoulder felt fine the whole time.

Work is still busy.  I’ll try to get to the gym today at noon and maybe put in some extra work tonight after Jiu-Jitsu training.

Goals for the week (Counting Sunday as the Start of the Week):

  • 3 Gym Workouts: 1/3 so far
  • Go on One Date.
  • Sign up for Guitar Lessons.
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Day 8

Recap of yesterday's Goals:

  • Eat Paleo: .  No Video Games: .  11:30 Bedtime: . 

  • Hit the Gym

  • Buy ingredients for Thanksgiving Dish: 

Goals for today:

  • Eat Paleo.  No Video Games. Go to bed by 11:30. 

  • Make Roasted Vegetable Soup for Thanksgiving Party

What I'm thankful for:

  • That I’m connecting with people at my new Jiu-Jitsu gym and starting to make friends. Last night after training I talked to a guy named Tony who’s about my age and skill level and we did some extra practice after class.

  • That I connected with some nice looking and friendly girls on Hinge and Bumble and have a few dates set up for next week.

Summary:  (171.8 lbs) 

.Worked from Home yesterday, did a GameQuitters Exercise, then went to Jiu-Jitsu.  I followed my schedule for the remainder of the night and got to bed at 11:30.  Feels good to get a consistent 7-8 hours of sleep every night.  Makes exercising and focusing on work way easier.

Today I’m working from home again.  As of 2:00 PM, I’ve finished all my submissions for the day.  After work, I’ll buy ingredients for Roasted Vegetable Soup, then make it and go to my friend’s house for Thanksgiving Eve.

I've got a few dates set up for next week but haven't set one up for this week.  I'll keep trying and see if I can get one for Saturday or Sunday Coffee.

Goals for the week (Counting Sunday as the Start of the Week):

  • 3 Gym Workouts: 2/3 so far

  • Go on One Date.

  • Sign up for Guitar Lessons.

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Day 10

Recap of Wednesday’s Goals:

  • Eat Paleo: .  No Video Games: .  12:00 Bedtime:

  • Hit the Gym

  • Made Roasted Vegetables for Thanksgiving Party

Recap of Thursday’s Goals:

·       Eat Paleo: . No Video Games: . 12:00 Bedtime:

Goals for today:

  • Fast until lunchtime tomorrow.  No Video Games. Go to bed by 11:30. 

What I'm thankful for:

  • For a Family that is stable and actually gets along well during the Holidays without infighting.

  • For a tradition of meeting at home every year for Thanksgiving.

Summary:  (174.8 lbs) 

I ate a lot at Thanksgiving Eve and on Thanksgiving. I knew I would.  Still got some good exercise in on Thanksgiving Day by playing a soccer game in the morning.  I’m planning to fast all day today to give myself a good re-start to my diet.  I’ve done it before and will drink lots of water.

I don’t have much planned for the day yet.  For now, I’m going to get out of the house and go to my favorite coffee shop to do the next Gamequitters Exercise, then read.

Goals for the week (Counting Sunday as the Start of the Week):

  • 3 Gym Workouts: 2/3 so far

  • Go on One Date.

  • Sign up for Guitar Lessons.

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Module 6, Action Step 01: What am I feeling right now?

How would I describe my current emotional state?  Maybe Melancholy?  I'm a little irritated at myself because I didn't fast all day today like I hoped. I got very hungry at lunchtime and had lunch.  It was a healthy lunch, but I was hoping to do all day.  I'm also kind of mad at myself for watching porn earlier today when I was bored.  That habit is no where near an addiction for me, but it's an unhealthy habit akin to eating junk food.  I'd like to stop doing that as well.  I feel slightly anxious.  Afraid that my schedule is too complicated and requires me to make too many decisions which will lead to my reverting to escape behaviors like watching porn or eating junk food.  I'm anxious that I'll fail in my diet attempts and that I'll start 2020 feeling fat instead of lean.


But all that is a description of the thoughts running through my head, not what I'm feeling right at this moment.  What do I feel in my body?  A slight unease... I feel my pulse more strongly than I normally do.  I feel it in my wrists, chest, neck, and head.  My eyes feel tired and slightly sensitive.  My legs ache (though that's from soccer yesterday, not my mood).  My torso feels bunched up and tight. I think I can remedy that by breathing consciously and deeply, lowering my shoulders, and opening up my chest.  Yes, that works.

 

Action Step 02: 10 things I'm grateful for:

  1. The Starbucks I'm currently writing in.
  2. The 1950's Jazz they're playing in the background
  3. My work Laptop that I use for everything.
  4. My nice winter coat.
  5. My nice boots
  6. This green tea I'm drinking.
  7. The comfortable temperature in this Starbucks.
  8. The Jiu-Jitsu Open Mat session I'm about to drive to after this exercise.
  9. This comfy chair I'm sitting in.
  10. The headphones I'm wearing that I received as a gift from my younger brother last Christmas.
  11. The good relationship I have with my brother and sister.

 

 

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Day 11

Recap of Friday’s Goals:

  • Fast until lunchtime tomorrow: Eat Paleo: .  No Video Games: .  12:00 Bedtime: . 

Goals for today:

  • Eat Paleo.  No Video Games. Go to bed by 12:00. 

  • Hit the Gym.

  • Schedule Guitar Lessons

What I'm thankful for:

  • The Christmas music playing in the background at this coffee shop

  • My new drawing book “How to draw Manga for beginners.”

  • This dog in the coffee shop that’s wagging its tail and looking around.

Summary:  (172.4 lbs) 

Yesterday was a good day.  I got very hungry around 2, so I gave up on my fast and ate lunch.  Just didn’t have the willpower for it yesterday and wasn’t committed enough to push through.  No biggie.  I still moved toward my goals.  Last night I went to an open Mat Jiu-Jitsu night at my old gym in Philadelphia.  Then went home and had dinner.  I had more energy than I expected late at night and didn’t want to go to bed, so I drew for a few hours until I felt tired.  I drew ‘till about 1:20 AM.  I’ll probably take a nap this afternoon to catch up on sleep.  Nice to know that drawing can engage me almost to the extent that gaming did.

I’ll hit the gym this evening to get my third gym session for the week.  And sign up for Guitar lessons.  I didn’t get any dates for this week, but I have three arranged for next week.

.Goals for the week (Counting Sunday as the Start of the Week):

  • 3 Gym Workouts: 2/3 so far

  • Go on One Date.

  • Sign up for Guitar Lessons.

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Action Step 04: What Triggers do you need to be most aware of?

·       Free time in the evening.

·       Restlessness (especially in the evening)

·       Stress (especially after getting back from work)

·       Disruptions to my routine.  If a family event or something else throws off my routine, I’m tempted to play games.

·       Unscheduled time.

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Day 12

Recap of Yesterday’s Goals:

  • Eat Paleo: .  No Video Games: .  12:00 Bedtime: . 

  • Hit the Gym.

  • Schedule Guitar Lessons - I bought the lessons but didn’t schedule a time yet.

Summary: (171.4 lbs) 

I’m doing a challenge with a men’s group that I’m part of called December of Discipline.  So for the month of December I’ll be posting in their private forum and following daily challenges as part of that program.  I’ll try to post here occasionally, but it will be less often.  Not playing video games is part of my daily challenge in that program, so I will keep the streak going. 

Recap of last week’s goals:

  • 3 Gym Workouts: 3/3

  • Go on One Date.

  • Sign up for Guitar Lessons.

Goals for the week (Counting Sunday as the Start of the Week):

·       3 Gym Workouts

·       Go on one date

·       Schedule Guitar Lessons.

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  • 1 month later...

Day 42

Recap of Yesterday’s Goals: 

Summary: (172.8 lbs) 

I'm back.  December of Discipline went well.  Updates since my last post:  I started Guitar Lessons and have gone twice.  I have a third lesson scheduled for tomorrow afternoon.

One challenge during December of Discipline was no Porn use and no Masturbation.  This was very difficult but I stuck to it all month.  Going forward, I want to continue not using porn.  Occasional masturbation is fine (1-2 times a week), but let's cut out porn use and stick to my imagination.

Dating has continued to go well.  I went on 8 dates in December.  6 of those dates were with new women.  Had a lot of fun dates, and of the 6 there were two girls who I was interested in enough to get second and third dates.  I feel a good connection with both of them and at this point I'm considering both of them as a potential exclusive girlfriend.  I'm planning to continue taking things slow with both of them so I can get to know them better and decide who would be the better match before I commit to anything.  From my dates with them, I don't think that either of them is interested in anything casual, so I don't plan to go further than kissing with either until I've made a choice.

I've worked out consistently, but didn't lose weight in December. I actually gained a bit before dropping back down to 172.  I've hired an online trainer and committed to working with him for 6 months.  We've got weekly Skype calls to go over what is and isn't working. I'm  optimistic about working with him.

I took up Woodcarving as a hobby in the past month.  I really enjoy it as a "mindless" activity.  I can carve away at a block of wood while listening to a podcast or audiobook.  It scratches that itch that games used to scratch for me.

When I see something online about a game that looks interesting, I get very nostalgic and do want to pick up games again, but it's not a strong urge.  I'd have to buy a new PS4 to start gaming again, and that's too much of a hassle right now.

Goals for the week (Counting Sunday as the Start of the Week):

  • 3 Gym Workouts: 2/3 so far
  • Practice Guitar at least 15 minutes/day: 4/5.  I didn't practice yesterday.
  • Lights out by 11:30 each night: 1/5 so far.  Need to be more consistent here.
  • No using Pornography.  Masturbation is fine but no porn: 5/5
  • Diet.  Stick to my calorie limits.  5/5

 

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Day 44   (172.8 lbs) 

Goals for the week (Counting Sunday as the Start of the Week):

  • 3 Gym Workouts: 3/3✔️
  • Practice Guitar at least 15 minutes/day: 6/7.  Solid
  • Lights out by 11:30 each night: 1/7.  Need to be more consistent here.
  • No using Pornography.  Masturbation is fine but no porn: 7/7✔️
  • Diet.  Stick to my calorie limits.  5/7. Went over on Friday and Saturday.

Solid week.  Need to be more consistent with sleep.  On Friday and Saturday I was out late on dates, but I don't have an excuse for the rest of the week.  Cutting out porn along with Vidya Games is helpful.  I just feel better about myself when I don't look at porn.  And when I feel good about myself, I'm less likely to say "fuck it" in other areas of my life.

Goals for Next Week:

  • 3 Gym Workouts
  • Practice Guitar at least 15 minutes/day
  • Lights out by 11:30 each night
  • No using Pornography.  Masturbation is fine but no porn
  • Diet.  Stick to my calorie limits
  •  Go to Jiu-Jitsu class at least 2 times this week.
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On 1/12/2020 at 5:37 PM, ElectroNugget said:

Dude! You're nearly halfway there! Great work! Looks like you had a really solid week lately too. You can be proud of yourself. 🙂 Make sure to give yourself kudos when you do well!

Thanks Man! Life has been good lately.

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Day 51   (172.0 lbs)

Goals for the week (Counting Sunday as the Start of the Week):

  • 3 Gym Workouts 3/3 ✔️
  • Practice Guitar at least 15 minutes/day 7/7 ✔️
  • Lights out by 11:30 each night 4/5 
  • No using Pornography.  Masturbation is fine but no porn 7/7 ✔️
  • Diet.  Stick to my calorie limits 5/7
  •  Go to Jiu-Jitsu class at least 2 times this week. 2/2 ✔️

Another good week. Didn't have any dates.  I had one planned for Saturday, but we cancelled due to the freezing rain.  I also need to get back on the dating apps and date some new girls.  I really like one girl that I've been dating, and I'm hoping that I can have a long-term relationship with her.  But I can feel myself becoming more invested than I should this early on.  I'm starting to worry what she thinks of me.  At this early stage, I want to have other options so I don't start acting needy with her.  And if things don't work out with her which is still a real possibility, I want to have other options.  So for this week I'll aim to set up at least one date with a new girl.

I've been busy enough that I don't miss games.  Between staying in shape, going on dates, practicing Guitar, and working, I haven't had a ton of free time that I feel the need to fill with games.

Goals for Next Week:

  • 3 Gym Workouts
  • Practice Guitar at least 15 minutes/day
  • Set up a date for next week with at least one new girl.
  • No using Pornography.  Masturbation is fine but no porn
  • Diet.  Stick to my calorie limits
  •  Sign up for Muay Thai Classes.
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  • 2 weeks later...

Day 60 (172.6 lbs)

Goals for the week

  • 3 Gym Workouts: 3/3✔️
  • Practice Guitar at least 15 minutes/day: 6/7✔️
  • Set up a date for next week with at least one new girl. 
  • No using Pornography.  Masturbation is fine but no porn 6/7 
  • Diet.  Stick to my calorie limits 5/7
  •  Sign up for Muay Thai Classes.

Rough week.  Had to work late several nights over the week and put in hours over the weekend.  It was hard to make time for dating or Martial Arts classes.  I was super-stressed last night and couldn't get to sleep and looked at porn. Broke my 52-day streak.  I'm going to start a new streak today.  No reason to go back to it. I feel way better when I don't watch it at all.  This project should go out Tomorrow or Thursday. I'm hoping for tomorrow so I can get back to normal life.  I'm just trying to maintain right now and not binge-eat.  Video games are still not a temptation as I don't have a console in my house.

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Day 65 (172.4 lbs)

Goals for this week:  Oops, I forgot to write down my goals last week.  I'll list the usual ones:

  • 3 Gym Workouts: 1/3
  • Practice Guitar 15 mins/day: 5/7
  • No Pornography: 5/7
  • Stick to 2000 calories/day: 6/7 

The Giant project finally went out on Friday, so I should be back to a normal schedule this week. No more weekend hours or late nights working on my laptop.  I broke the No Porn habit twice more this week.  Gotta get a new streak going so the momentum makes it easier to keep going.  With work, I didn't have time to get to the gym more than once.  This week I should be back to normal. I went today and plan to go at least twice more during the week.

This weekend, I was tempted to get my gaming computer from my parent's house. While working, I listened to a let's play of The Outer Worlds playing in the background.  Really made me want to play. I'm going to stop watching/listening to that let's play.  Whoever gave the advice to avoid gaming-related content on YouTube was right.  It really does trigger the desire to play.

Goals for Next week:

  • 3 Gym Workouts.
  • 3 Martial Arts Classes - At least one of which is Muay Thai.
  • No Porn
  • 2000 Calories/day
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Good job on your calorie goal!

I think it's a good idea to not watch or listen to Let's Play's... It's like if an alcoholic was trying to quit drinking but kept a bottle of scotch on their desk "just to look at" lol. Maybe check out some music or nutrition podcasts?

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Day 73 (173.6 lbs)

Goals for this week: 

  • 3 Gym Workouts: 3/3 ✔️
  • Practice Guitar 15 mins/day: 6/7
  • No Pornography: 6/7
  • Stick to 2000 calories/day: 5/7 

My weight hasn't been budging.  I need to either lower calories or just be more consistent.  I'll setup a video chat with my online trainer and bounce some ideas off of him.  It's frustrating not seeing the scale move downward.  I'm thinking of eating less fruit and dairy.  The sugar from those stokes my appetite and makes me want to eat more when normally I would be full.

Goals for Next week:

  • 3 Gym Workouts.
  • 3 Martial Arts Classes - At least one of which is Muay Thai.
  • No Porn
  • 2000 Calories/day
  • Save "treat" foods like fruit, yogurt, protein drinks for my evening meal.
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On 2/2/2020 at 4:03 PM, ceponatia said:

Good job on your calorie goal!

I think it's a good idea to not watch or listen to Let's Play's... It's like if an alcoholic was trying to quit drinking but kept a bottle of scotch on their desk "just to look at" lol. Maybe check out some music or nutrition podcasts?

Thanks!  And yes, you're definitely right.  I've started up on my Audiobook again.

 

7 hours ago, Tomas said:

Nice dude, you made some really inspiring progress throughout your journal here. And already on day 73. Keep up the good work. 

Thanks Tomas!

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Day 1 (173.0 lbs)

I played games this week.  I was feeling the itch.  I picked up my old computer from my parents house and booted it up.  I didn't play any games on it that night.  But Tuesday night I downloaded Dead Cells on Steam and played about 5 hours.  Slept, had a normal day of work, went to the gym, had a nice birthday dinner with my family, and then played another 5 hours last night.  I packed my computer back up this morning.  I'm planning to drop it off at my parent's or brother's tomorrow night so it isn't a temptation.

So, my plan before this week was to finish the 90 days - which would have been February 27th - and then bring games back on a limited basis.  Basically, I'd use an hour of guilt-free gaming as a reward for sticking to my other goals.  Now, obviously I won't hit a 90-day streak on the 27th.  However, I am planning to stick to that plan.  I'll avoid any more gaming until the 27th, then bring it back on a limited basis.  However, I'll obviously still need to avoid certain types of games.  I know that Open-World RPGs are addicting for me.  I find them harder to put down than other game types.  Apparently, Roguelike games (Such as Dead Cells) are extra-addicting for me as well.  So when I bring games back, those types of games will need to be off-limits.

After February 27th, I'll continue to use this journal to keep an eye on my goals and gaming time.  If the plan I've outlined above doesn't work and I find myself unable to stick to the limits I impose on myself, then I'll restart the program and aim for total abstinence.

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