January 18, 20206 yr Author I have not written in a while. Work and bathroom renovations + flu drained me of energy. today I went ti see a play in town. Historically watching people perform has triggered intense social phobia. Live acting and performances also trigger my sense of being less worth or not belonging, so I’ve always avoided them. I really liked it and will do it again. I have also signed up for an improvisation acting class, 15 times, once a week. It’s going to be crazy. It’s also in a foreign language so super difficult. i mean, I can’t even open my mouth properly when I sing... I have also signed up for a choir, so I will go and see what it is like on Tuesday. Wednesday to Friday I will be business traveling and then the week after I will have some super important deadlines... my life is just boiling over right now. on Friday I met a new therapist. She is specialized in sex counseling, not a sex therapist. I wanted to talk to her about all my issues, but she seemed a bit inexperienced. Let’s see how it goes. edit: in the past weeks when I lost my senses I started fantasizing about gaming again. Then I watched some game trailers and felt that NOPE I’m super done with that crap! Very good Vidar! Edited January 18, 20206 yr by Vidar
January 26, 20206 yr Author I think I am soon reaching my 90day no-gaming period. This is the longest I have been without gaming since I was a teenager. I feel depressed because no matter how much I try to change myself I keep falling back into my old habits. I dress in a weird way, not my age. I have difficulties keeping myself and my home clean, I behave in a weird way so that people don’t want to be my friends. And I can’t change it! It just feels so hopeless. what’s the point of spending all this money on therapy when I’m not getting any happier. What is the point of living when you are not happy? When every day is a shitshow. I started drinking a bit, like a bottle per day just to cope with things. I guess that’s a more grown up addiction at least.
January 26, 20206 yr What do you mean? Do you dress like a teenager? What actions do you perform that you think make you look strange?
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