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Day 24

gone to bed: 23.20

woke up: 06.40

Very glad to be back in this "NoFap" mindset and I think I wanna just continue it like I did before. 

Today I spent a lot of time on Youtube and I'm not very happy about it. Watched some discussions about abortion and the political left. But I did go to the gym and read a bit in my french book. I also went to the doctor and he now gives me drug to lower my stress and stop the symptoms. In the evening I had a great time with friends from the church. We ate together, prayed, sang and played some poker afterwards. It was exciting but I came home at 02.00 in the morning, what was a bit late.

I'm grateful for:

  • other friends that are there for me
  • the camera, I got from my mother because of my birthday
  • taking good care of myself

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Day 25

gone to bed: 02.20

woke up: 07.40

I was not very productive. Gym was good, went for a walk outside as well so that's good. Got a new haircut and I feel way better now in terms of look. Watched a film. I feel a bit sad, because I try to distance myself from my female friend and take a break from her for quite some time. One way I feel free again and open for new friendships, otherwise I hope that one day we get back together. Gaming gives me some urges, because Path of Exile released the trailer for the new league. Gotta stay strong here! 

I'm grateful for:

  • music
  • the storm and rain in the afternoon, that calmed me down
  • my cute cat
  • Like 2

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Day 26

gone to bed: 23.20

woke up: 08.30

Fuck me! I relapsed in "NoFap" pretty hard. Watched some porn and regret it now. I feel down and I hope I get back to how it was before tomorrow, when school gives me back some routine and stuff to do. I chilled many hours today, watched Youtube and never got anything done until 21.00. Now I've done all my homework. I still need to learn for my physics exam. I'm disappointed by myself.

I'm grateful for:

  • church service and worship in the morning
  • cleaning my room
  • support from a women in church for my relationship-problems with my female friend
  • Like 1

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Day 27

gone to bed: 23.45

woke up: 07.05

Good day. The exam went better than expected. In the afternoon I could try some different vehicle steerings and now I feel good, because I think I soon be able to drive my own car😎

I watched a film in the evening. Didn't do my homework and Youtube filled all the spare time. Not happy about it, but I feel empty and I don't know how to handle it. Even downloaded a game again and played for 4 minutes. Then deinstalled it again. Strange.

I'm grateful for:

I don't know...

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Day 28

gone to bed: 00.00

woke up: 07.05

Had some thoughts about gaming. "NoFap" is going good, since I made a challange with two friends about who can last the longest.

I'm gratful for:

  • a discussion in school during german class about human beings
  • being motivated for the gym ddue to the few minutes driving a car yesterday and saw that I have to work on my shoulder to make it work
  • With urges not have fallen back into gaming
Edited by Sapuverell

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Hey man, just had a chance to catch up with your story. As someone else said, it's great that you're realising all of this stuff about yourself so young.

Definitely going to be following along with the rest of your journey, and I'm looking forward to seeing where it goes from here 🙂 

Keep it up!

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7 hours ago, James Good said:

Hey man, just had a chance to catch up with your story. As someone else said, it's great that you're realising all of this stuff about yourself so young.

Definitely going to be following along with the rest of your journey, and I'm looking forward to seeing where it goes from here 🙂 

Keep it up!

Thanks man!

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Day 29

gone to bed: 16.00

woke up: 06.00

Good day. Havingg donwloaded a video game on my computer. I'm close to play again only because I'm really bored and I have nothing to do. Also because every other part of my life is going very well and I would not see it as a bad thing if I would play for 2-4 hours. Don't know what to think about that.

I'm grateful for:

  • the time to with freinds and family
  • having done almost eversthing I could do today
  • a talk with a frined I haven't seen for weeks now
  • Like 1

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There's still probably a lot of stuff to do, if you stop and think about it for a while. I always used to get enthusiastic about something, left a tab open and I'd have well over a hundred tabs open at a time before, so I recently got rid of them by putting them into bookmarks. I still want to visit those pages one day, so they are waiting for me there once I feel the most immediate stuff is dealt with and when I plan some time for them.

Keep the detox up!

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Day 30

gone to bed: 23.45

woke up: 10.20

I played video games. I watched porn. No achievements today, but my spirit isn't broken at all. It even strengthened me and I look forward to the coming days.

I'm grateful for:

  • wonderful evening in the church
  • having learned about myself how I function
  • not blaming myself, instead the things I've done wrong in the last few days
  • good weather

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Day 31

gone to bed: 23.05

woke up: 09.30

No gaming. Watched some streams. In the evening I went to my brothers birthday. Went to the gym and did some phone calls. Overall I'm happy with this day. I enjoyed the weather outside as well.

I'm grateful for:

  • my hair loss has stopped
  • to start planning my days or rather weeks in advance like discussed with my psychiatrist today
  • the book for my graduation work just got delivered

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Day 32

gone to bed: 02.30

woke up: 13.15

I'm sick, so I lay in my bed, cooked me a meal and watcched some streames. Not very active today.

I'm grateful for:

  • being entertained
  • good sleep
  • hopefully built up my motivation to quit games

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Day 33

gone to bed: 01.40

woke up: 10.50

This will be a long one. So as you might have noticed were my last posts very short and not reeally clear how it is going with my detox. I had a hard time. About one and a half week ago I started to feel less motivated and I was more and more bored after school and especially on weekends. It wasn't that I wanted to escape from problems, more like to do what I thought was my passion for years. Playing video games for hours and hours. I relapsed pretty badly and downloaded games, played and watched streams all day long. At least I did all the stuff I've planned before hand. So I had social activities, spent some time outside and doing somtething for my body. Also cooked for visitors on saturday. So it wasn't all bad. But that's how it feels right now. Nearly shame you could say. I mean I hate it how I wasted my time, how little stuff I got done for school or my driver license and so on. But what now?

So I've to make myself commited again to the detox. I sort of lost my connection to it and it annoyed me even to write this journal here. What I did now is planning my whole weeek, so that I know when I do what exactly. I also deleted all my games again as you can see on my desktop.

I'm grateful for:

  • amazing rap music from Dax
  • starting over with the detox with the start of the new week
  • quick recovery from being ill yesterday

 

do isch es.JPG

Desktop.JPG

  • Like 2

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Day 34

gone to bed: 01.30

woke up: 06.00

So I did nearly all the things I had planned for today, except some learning and homewokr, but that's done quick tomorrow. As some classes fall out I have more time to do this and due to my five and a half hour sleeptime I really wanna go to bed. Today I had great fun with some classmates, discussing different topics and playing card games. All in all I had a great day. I had some problems however on behaving normally, because I'm still not over the heart break from my female friend. It's gonna take some time, but I talked with two persons today about it and it helped me a lot.

I'm grateful for:

  • quality time with all my colleagues
  • about 80% accuracy on my plan
  • feeling motivated to move on from what has happened during the weekend
  • good weather
  • therapy was exhausting but very helpful
  • found some more rap music I like
  • having a made bed, everytime I return at home

 

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Wow, this has been a long time since I last wrote on this forum. Not happy about what happened in the meantime. I relapsed like crazy and did not find a way out yet. I played the hole night today and had no sleep at all. This is going to be a rough day for me. 

Right now after this experience I wanna do what I already did one time when I quit gaming for over a year. I wanna put away my computer. Bring it to a place, where there is no chance to even see it. I haven't found a place till now, but I'm surely going to. The only electronics I'll have is my Nokia I once posted a picture of it here. Just to be available for the case. I need to feel this boredom really hardd to get away from something, also I have to really get used to another method of solving problems. 

This will probably be my last post for a  long time. Maybe I find some time during school to write how it is going, but rather not. I just want to disconnect from everything. I wish everyone here a good time and much success at whatever your projects and plans are.

Cheers, Sapuverell

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