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sick'n'tired

Just told myself enough is enough

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Hi,

Interesting thing happened yesterday when I looked myself in the mirror and thought to myself "I look like a grown up man playing this stupid game". That  day I played 12 hours of game, and the day following it I felt the guilt of time wastage, at that moment I realised there were so many things I was doing before I started buying these crappy games, and now they were taking control over me.

Mainly it was overwatch which wasted my time, and I had already forgotten about my steam games anyway, didn't seem to interest me anymore. 

I woke up at 11am, paid 20 quid for the book, got some good advice from it, deleted my blizzard account and steam account permanently. Funny enough when I told my mate about it he was surprised and told me that I had put so much effort into getting the SR points in Overwatch (the blizzard game). At the end of the day I told him I must change as time is not to lenient on the likes of me. He did tell me to sell it but the thought came to me "f*c the game, don't care about the money anymore, I want this weakness gone now!".

At the moment I feel guilt of losing something, a void you could say perhaps, but I feel energetic from being released from some sort of prison. It's more of a freedom feeling, and I feel my soul is at peace for now until the relapse comes. 

All games gone, and the achievements with them. I am in last year of my mechanical engineering degree, I survived barely for two years and that was purely due to putting gaming over my studies, hell even cycling became non-existant to me at that point.

Now it changes, something that I should've done a very long time ago. Can't complain much, have to man up and go ahead. Its better I toughen up now then to get a 2:2 and not become a phd doctor at the end of the year, or even worse not being able to get a job even. 

Many things I wanted to do: do my phd after this final year, take up competitive road racing again, do some spiritual stuff, read literature and talk to my friends who I didn't bother to respond to since I was gaming at that time or something. 

Well this is my story, its 11/08/2018 and a hilly journey starts. I will need a cup of coffee along the way, hopefully that will keep me calm awhile. 

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On 11/9/2018 at 12:14 AM, sick'n'tired said:

At the moment I feel guilt of losing something, a void you could say perhaps, but I feel energetic from being released from some sort of prison. It's more of a freedom feeling, and I feel my soul is at peace for now until the relapse comes. 

Hi and welcome. Your sentence above reminds me of a quote i once read: Recovery didnt open the gates of heaven and let me in. It opened the gates of hell and let me out.

I know this void you are describing very good myself, i guess most of us here do. But you seem to have many goals you want to achieve plus deleting your accounts was a very good step as well i think so you dont get tempted. I wish you all the best 😃

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