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Pete's Journey

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Entry #1

I'm going to start journaling daily, just simple journals to keep track of some positive things I've done and how I feel.

Today I'm grateful for:
1) Starting the respawn program - got to module 4 and will try to finish the rest tomorrow

2) Got to spend time with a friend and offered him help

3) Having the courage to meet a much older guy for advice on work

I'm feeling good about myself today, I did engage in a mentally engaing actvitity as well as a social one.

Looking forward for the next days to come.

Over and out

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Entry #2

Today was another good day. It was not a big struggle to stay away from the games.

I am grateful for:

1) Making a good impression during a business meeting.

2) Being able to spend some time with my brother and teach him how to fly a drone.

3) About to step out tonight for a concert.

I wish whoever reading a pleasant day. Will check back in tomorrow.

 

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Entry #3

First Saturday. I did end up having times where I feel I was bored - immediately thought of that list I came up with from the respawn program and thought of diving into one of my mentally engaging activities to keep me away from gaming.

I am looking forward to:

1) Doing a module from the respawn program

2) Music practice 

3) Reunion dinner with some old friends (sometimes I feel crappy and unconfident if I've not been productive for the day or even for the week. I hope not to feel this way tonight - have been making some good decisions this week and have been more productive)

Happy/proud that I'm able to move on to one of the mentally engaging activities instead of giving in to gaming

Edit: Did Module 6 today and I'm going to list 10 simple things I'm grateful for. I'm grateful for being able to sit in a comfortable chair right now, I'm grateful I've gone through education and am able to understand a program like respawn, I'm grateful for having friends who invite me to dinners, I'm grateful for a new pair of pants I get to wear, I'm grateful I am able to surf the internet and plan parts of my week ahead, I'm grateful for the nice temperature in this room right now, I'm grateful I can look up how to meditate on youtube, I'm grateful for having a water dispenser in my room, I'm grateful for a loving family, and I'm grateful I am able to sleep well.

Edited by PFMA
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Entry #4

In conjunction with the game detox I'm also trying to go for no fap/no porn as suggested by Cam and also because I feel like getting into the habit of that I feel like it wires my brain unhealthily in a similar way that gaming does. It wastes time, takes away productivity, messes up my view on women. Anyways, would like to share that I fell into masturbation today, no porn however; felt some guilt and discouragement doing so, but I'm not going to dwell too much on that, I'm going to have a quick moment of remorse for it, pray about it, then pick myself up and move on. Today is a good day. God is good.

Gaming wise, its not been too much of a struggle today. Its also been just the start of the day, I've made plans for the rest of day and plan to follow it (did the calendar portion of respawn) - I've to brush up my cover letter and resume later this evening. I'll edit this post as soon as I get it done. No more procrastinating - time to really get some order back into my life.

Read a portion of the "Rules of Life" book by Richard Templar and a key takeaway I'd like to note down and share is to really reflect on who you are, to be the best version of yourself no matter the situation, and to know what counts and what doesn't.

Today I'm grateful for:

1) Being able to blog here and be open about my struggles, keep tabs on my journey and progress

2) A good night's sleep and a Sunday filled with a good mixture of productive/mentally engaging activities, social ones, and even resting ones

3) Good appetite for today's breakfast. Have not been having the best appetite this past few days. Seems like it has all turned around today and I'm glad for that. I don't tend to eat unhealthy foods when I game - I tend to skip meals and not even feel hungry. So this appetite and good breakfast this morning is really something I'm grateful about.

Time is still passing by relatively quickly, but a little slower since adding events to my calendar. Still struggling a little to stick to it but it has helped me be more productive. Also, I've noticed that I'm a lot more present and empathetic, I feel like I can connect with people emotionally much better.

 

Sidenote: I'm needing advice on seeking a health insurance policy, anyone can share advice on what a health insurance policy should look like? And whether or not someone in their 20s should consider starting a life insurance policy early on?

Thank you for taking your time to read and go through this journey with me. I wish you a very pleasant day (or night) ahead.

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Entry #5

Gaming has not been a struggle today. Habitica was interesting, debating whether or not to use it though because of its very similar to game like features. Struggled with porn and masturbation again this morning but I'm glad I can be open about that struggle here and that helps me move away from it and break the cycle vs letting it continue for a few days.

Today I'm grateful for:

1) Being able to study for the CFA

2) Looking forward to hit the gym later

3) Having a friend who'll proofread my resume/cover letter for job apps. Wish me luck guys.

Thank you!

 

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Entry #6

Dangerously slumping on a 3 day streak w porn. I've been able to stay off gaming without significant struggling but have shifted some time wasting to porn. Any advice anyone? Anything at all will help.

Bright side

1) Having a dinner with a few friends tonight - some are new

2) Still managed to power through some work and kept up with daily responsibilities

3) Eating healthy today

I've also been procrastinating on job apps. I've been filling up my time with other forms of reading and also signing up for short online courses. I really just need to dive in and finalize my resume and send it out. Will do that after dinner tonight.

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Entry # 7

Got curious about habitica and made a second account to "cheat" haha, wasted some time there but at least I stopped it shortly after. After that, I felt so guilty didn't have the desire to get into porn today. No gaming urges today.

Grateful for:

1) A crash course into laundry detergent formulation at work today - was interested in chemistry when I was younger, interesting way it played out this way

2) Finally finished my resume/cover letter - its been hard to explain some jumps and short tenures at some jobs

3) Being able to assist a cousin who's feeling lost

Also attending a talk focusing on strengths. That's positively shaped my mindset. Signed up for a swing trading course, gonna invest in a little education on that.

That's all for now folks!

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Entry #8

Great day today. No game urges today. Added to my list on habitica. Had a lot of time to go over reading on finance and self improvement, that felt rewarding.

Grateful for:

1) Being able to read up a lot on finances and self improvement

2) Spending time with a really good friend of mine and make exciting plans for the future

3) Making it through a week without gaming !!!!!!!!!!

:)

 

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Entry #9

Made a mistake sending a resume drop email. Felt pretty anxious in the moment but there are a few places to drop my resume at and looking back in a few months time, this should not be a big blunder :) Overall still glad that I'm able to confidently send out job applications again

Grateful for:

1) Being able to go through finances/accounting for my small business

2) Meeting new people from different countries tonight and it was a pleasant experience

3) Sparing time for me to invest in educating myself and being able to keep up with a good habit streak!

No game nor porn urges today.. YES!

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Entry #10

Stayed up late last night to prepare for a job interview. Felt a strong sense of focus and motivation. Going to bed early today and start off tomorrow with some more of that. Glad that the urges also weren't apparent today.

Grateful for:

1) Finally meeting a good insurance person, not a sleazy salesman

2) Being able to play a few good rounds of basketball with a few friends - old and new

3) Just having a positive mood lately and building mental resilience against negative self talk - higher self esteem just from doing more productive things instead of video games.

Have a great day to whoever is reading!

 

Edited by PFMA
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Entry #11

Thanks for the support Deku and Cam! It involves a 3 hour long case test that I have to prepare for, I'm trying to ask for a week's time to prepare since it is technical and something I have some foundation on but have not really used or completed in the past 2 years. Again, I appreciate you guys' support. Will be working hard for this. Challenges like this really help me focus on the more important things in life and reduce/eliminate urges to turn to video games or porn. Will stay disciplined and keep the momentum going.

Today I am grateful for:

1) A great catch up in the morning with friends who can just be genuine and vulnerable. Thankful for quality relationships.

2) Adding good habits to my habitica dailies list ! And actually building good habits. Journaling is definitely on there and positive self talk/being kind to myself is also up there. It's helped to build a positive less stressed/anxious attitude towards life.

3) Helping younger cousins out with some life advice, might need one on one time with another younger cousin who is seemingly spending an unhealthy amount of time playing video games.

And also of course I'm grateful for this forum and for the program to help me cold turkey quit gaming. It was 10 days since I quit and I received an invite to test with a pretty good company! I'm overjoyed! I could be otherwise spending a few hours a day addicted on some mobile game or whatnot falling for tricks that games have to hook me on.

Have a blessed day, reader! I hope your day today will be more pleasant than your previous day! :)

 

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Entry #12

Great day overall, had a bit of a roller coaster ride. Had to be bold and confront my business partner on how we should move going forward - preparing the company to operate quite passively and parting ways. Had a meeting with a graphic designer - it was cool to see someone passionate about their work - she was knowledgeable, direct, confident, yet not overbearing nor loud. I find calm and confident attractive ?.. Aside from that I needed help preparing for this job test which I successfully postponed to next week because it does require a lot of work; I have 2 good friends who are in the industry and could really help. What was interesting was that one simply wished me good luck when I asked for advice, whereas the other really took time to help answer questions and even set a time to sit me through a case. I'm so grateful for this friend. They are both brilliant at what they do, one just seems self centered and either is too lazy to help or fears that helping someone else will cost him something, while the other is so willing to lend a helping hand.

As for gaming / porn - got tempted a bit after feeling anxious about preparing for this case. It eased off with the help of this friend. Glad I didn't cave in :)

Grateful for: 

1) Successfully acting boldly and being quite radically transparent in a tough situation

2) Being reminded that there are attractive people out there ?

3) Having a friend who's really willing to help, and to contrast that with one that isn't

Hope your days are bright!

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Entry #13

Not the best day today. I had some things I planned to do but I procrastinated and ended up doing secondary - non top priority things. I did read some self help things and watched a couple videos on them but I spent so much time on them I didn't get through my to do list. This lead me to feel anxious and displeased with myself and I was tempted to escape through gaming/porn. I have had some urges built up over the past few days and I did cave to porn (1 week..), not gaming though (13 days). I remember how it felt very dissatisfying after and, of course, in reality did not get me to where I want to be, do what I needed to do. So I'm penning down these thoughts to look through when tempted in the future. Overall I'm going to be cautious about these urges and not caving, I have to be. Today I'll start the day by doing the most important thing. I do want to be productive with my time, not just replace gaming/porn with watching videos or browsing even though the topics might be helpful.

Grateful for:

1) Spending some time with grandparents just chatting and catching up

2) Learning a few ideas from the self help topics I browsed through - a key takeaway I'd like to share was that procrastinators seek perfection and fear failure/mistakes, as a result, the more they procrastinate, the more they'd expect the work to be great. This can be combatted through a mindset shift -> to seek growth instead of perfection.

3) The avenue to write my thoughts and feelings out so I can part with my emotions and thoughts and move forward.

Cheers to a brighter day today! 

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Entry #14

I'd like to write journals at the end of the day, been brushing them off to the next morning. Did some financial modeling exercises today. Hope it really gets me prepared for next week. I tried to mediate a fight between my brother and parents. It was unpleasant to witness, there's definitely a communication barrier and lack of respect. Had some urges for porn/gaming because of this but I've tried as much as possible to be aware of times when I start to get anxious then -> I take a deep breath, acknowledge and understand why I'm feeling that way, let go of the anxiety, and move on.

All in all I am grateful for being able to:

1) Put in effort to help solve familial conflict

2) Take a step forward in boldness by singing on stage and taking a moment to share a few words

3) Resisting the temptation/urge to cave into unhealthy habits despite feeling anxious

I want to challenge whoever is reading to GO AND DO THAT THING you've thought of doing but haven't. Take the first step now !

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Entry #15

Productive day today. The more the days progress without gaming (it was worst in the most recent years) the more I realize how much time I wasted and how much time could've been better spent. Not helpful to linger in guilt and non productive thoughts now. Using this realization to make even more use of my time whether it'd be work/career related, social or familial.

Grateful for:

1) Growth in my personal life to understand the addiction, acknowledge, and take steps towards combatting it

2) Being able to be kind to myself, forgive myself for having made poor decisions in the past and not beat myself up about it

3) Being alive, being given the opportunity to right my wrongs, to live and explore life as a 23-24 year old. Still a lot ahead of me.

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Entry #16

Resisting the urges have created a little bit of a build up, I do feel sometimes that the struggle renews daily but its good to be able to combat it a day at a time. Being bombarded by target gaming ads is not helpful, wish there was a way to remove all that targeting. I spent a good chunk of the day doing the CFA today whilst part time working. Really preparing re entry into the finance. Went and had good food and sake with friends at night and did an escape room game to add some socializing to the day. It was nice.

Grateful for:

1) Ability to concentrate and go through needed material for work - no procrastination at all today

2) Hanging with new and old friends again - enjoying relationships

3) Not caving into urges - daily wins count

Looking forward to tomorrow :)

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Entry #17

So I've 2 friends' weddings tonight I'm looking forward to that. There will be a lot of people I know - friends and acquaintances from college life, from different social circles, etc. Sometimes I get a little social anxiety and I tend to drink a little beforehand to combat that. Will try and take notice of how I feel tonight, hopefully the non gaming and the being productive has lead to better self esteem/confidence and it will be genuinely a more enjoyable time out. Will challenge myself to be bold tonight and also to make new friends ?

Grateful for:

1) Friends and opportunities to meet new people

2) A wonderful roof over my head, waking up and being able to have breakfast at home is a privilege

3) Having a good night's rest and starting Saturday positively.

Edit: So I did have a good time at both weddings. Got compliments on my outfit hahaha - that was nice. I did feel cold turkey quitting gaming has improved my awareness and just being able to be more present even in social settings. Not proud that I had a little too much to drink though.

Edited by PFMA

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Entry #18

I love Sundays. I get to drive alone, think without background chatter. I also like listening to podcasts while I'm on there. Today I felt inspired and moved by Tony Robbins' sharing and stories. He gave some good life advice: at every stage in your life, focus on how you can add more value. It is the only thing that is fulfilling - keep growing and giving. You can only have so much pleasure in the body by yourself.

I'm grateful for:

1) Having access to brilliant minds, even if it's through podcasts. To be able to be continuously learning from some of the brightest minds in their fields.

2) To be able to give to a cause I care about. It's easy to think that you have to do well before you can do good for others, but I'm trying to exercise doing good for others despite how good or bad I'm doing.

3) Taking on a challenge - which is some sort of little speech on stage. I feel like that has forced me to grow in boldness. I tend to overthink things. I feel like things have to be done perfectly, especially if they are being done "live". Because of this I feel pressured and I'm, at times, tempted to back out. Over the years I have realized that this kind of attitude and thinking has really prevented me from becoming my best, I've learned to acknowledge that I'll always be imperfect and I just have to give my best in that moment and grow. Previously I might've not attempted things because I was so afraid of failing or looking stupid - instead I turn to games where progression is made easier and you can respawn, restart, save and reload if you make mistakes. That is just not reality, I've gotten so comfortable with that, that I am too hesitant/afraid to try new things.

4) I am grateful for not playing games. If I were still playing today. Oh MAN! My mind would be occupied by thinking of which equipment set would be worth grinding for and best suited to tackle this/that boss, or how to plan on allocating stat & skill points so I can get an edge in PVP, or how to outmaneuver the enemy team if they decided to play a certain strategy or a diff strategy. Point is these things take up a lot of brain space and the opportunity cost is FAR TOO HIGH. I'm just extremely grateful for being not on games today and the past 17 days because it has enabled me to grow as a human being. I believe continuing to do so will show more benefits and the longer I spend my time more productively, the more that the benefits will compound.

I'm excited for this growth, and I know it'll be painful, I'll have to deny my urges, I'll have to work hard, not procrastinate, do things that are tedious/unenjoyable in the moment, I'll have to deny my being tired and still do/act be productive, but it will life worth living. I wish for you all to continue growing as well. :)

 

Edit: Went through some old files - found some notes and responses from my interaction w a therapist/counselor from Jan 2016 - I did find myself seeking advice on quitting gaming. Wow.. that was nearly 2 years ago .. My gosh .. At least I'm moving on from it now. Also the counselor did advise me to reduce my time playing but not to quit completely. Yikes !

 

Edited by PFMA

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Entry #19

Great day today. Was mainly preparing for my upcoming test this week. Looking back, being productive has helped me a lot with not gaming, it's been rewarding.

I'm grateful for:

1) A friend who's willing to help. A genuine friend who doesn't interact with me transactionally.

2) The opportunity to learn financial modeling ?

3) Being able to give advice to someone younger, in a place I once was

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Entry #20

Going to get some rest tonight, I've a semi big meet to prepare for tomorrow at noon. Procrastinated a bit today, I remind myself that this isn't how I envision myself acting. It's either pain of discipline or pain of regret. I have the strength to deny urges of procrastination and will put my time to good productive use.

Grateful for:

1) Taking a blood test and finding the results to be positive

2) Meeting an interesting Spanish guy, learning from him, and discussing potential development of a project.

3) Being able to have this nice buffet and eat to contentment ?

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Entry #21

Had a great time meeting someone from the firm I'm applying to. It was nice to chat and I felt even more excited/interested in my transition.

Grateful for:

1) Being able to have insight on an industry I'm interested in working in

2) Being able to prepare for tomorrow's test

3) Being able to communicate and share this journey with supportive friends

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