My journal of joy

[Vojta]

Day: FIRST

Days without gaming and activities related to that: 1

Page I read in Respawn: 28

PS: pardon my English

I've never written a journal, so I dont have any eperience it's strange to me a bit. But I like the idea of seeing myself growth with a measure. 

Yesterday was an awful day for me, I woke up late bcs a late night talk with friend of mine. Actually I was only listening to him and he lended a broad speech about gaming, the time he/ we spent on it and how he was never succesful withing games. I had heared this words many times before and I wanted to go to sleep (that thay I started my game quitters Respawn), but I didnt have the will to say him that. So I listened until 4:00 am.

The next day I woke up at about 11 or 12:00. I had no shower, throughout that day I didnt eat much bcs I was feeling bad both emotionaly and physicaly. I was feeling bad, horrible, exhausted... I didnt clean anything after myself. I ate only sugar (sweets and junk food). Throughout the day I realised and I wanted to change it but I didnt have the power, will... up to 17:00 (5pm). I had a talk with myself. I ended with my phone camera looking at me and I described my situation on that video. One day I will help other reach day goals and dream, and this video will be a proof that truly anyone can do it!

After that I went to a forest with Respawn I printed out, blank papers and a pen. I read the first three chapters. When I hit chapter two with "delete all your games and accounts"... I was fine with it but the accounts... I started to racionalize why I should not do that, how many memories, work, money, energy is saved there... My breath... I started breathing and feeling like when you jump into cold water, breathing deeply and feeling deep anxiety. But I hopefully recognized the fact, to help myself I truly didnt deleted the accounts.

That day I opened a new email adress and put every game (basicaly just steam and LoL) on this new email, I changed passwords everywhere. And deleted everything form my notebook (laptop). I want to offer it to my cousins with a condition of changing the password. SO I will lost entrance and I will not throw it away, rather gift to someone.

Well I didnt do it so far (couldnt catch them on phone). But I am thinking if its a good idea: give games to someone, bcs of how much time they cut out of my life...

The fact I write today about yesterday and the day before yesterday makes the text above much happier. If I wrote it in that moments it would be much more hopeless.

My 3 Victories:

• Started my journal
• Cleaned the kitchen and prepared a pie for my mum
• workout > shower > breakfast

My Big 3 I am grateful for:

• Me myself with all my characteristics
• My past
• after accidently closing this window the text didnt dissapear ? +there is a pear inside dissapear, how fruity :3

What would I do differently/ ideas for future me:

• think about this journal, what would be beneficial to write here regularly
• write the journal at specific time each day

Thoughs:

• I need new friends
• I did always surrender new activities and skills I was learning bcs I always tried to do it alone. Not to tell anybody, bcs I was bad (bcs I was just starting). And wanted to "make it public" once I am good at it. Thanks to Respawn I know why this approach (and I) always failed.

Tips for you ?

• After each chapter in Respawn I write a review of that chapter in my own words, it helps me to highlight the message of the text thats crucial for me
• I write down all the words I didnt know the meanings of from Respawn or any other English text in a Excel table and I call it "my English tongue extension". For not that smart Watsons, I am not from English speaking country ?

Interact with me ?

• I will highlight with blue a possible thoughts or questions for you – text you can interact with
• one is in the text
• Today the same friend send me an E3 premiere of new game. How should I react on this? When friends wants to talk about games with me, should I ignore it? Reject them? Say I dant want to talk about it? Or talk about it with them? Is it a thread?

omg I am doing it lets submit it!

[Peluconus]

Welcome to the forums! You look like you are already feeling very good with the decision of quitting, and that's helpful, because it will make it easier than if you were frustrated or feeling forced.

There is a subforum where you can post questions if you feel like it. Although many of us read the journals, not everyone does, so if you post them there, you'll have more chances of getting an answer.

2 hours ago, Vojta said:

Today the same friend send me an E3 premiere of new game. How should I react on this? When friends wants to talk about games with me, should I ignore it? Reject them? Say I dant want to talk about it? Or talk about it with them? Is it a thread?

It depends mostly on how you feel about it. If you feel the urge to play or watch gameplays, then you should not be in that conversation. I know I can talk with my friends about games, they know my problem and when they talk about buying a game or playing together they always look at me and say: "don't worry, we know you can't play and we will not allow you to do it", and even with their warnings, I know my will power is strong enough to be up to date with videogames and still stay away from playing or watching gameplays. So every situation is different. Identify your feelings about it and detect if it's going against your commitment or not.

Maybe our friend Cam has a video talking about this topic in his YouTube channel, you could look for it to get more information.

[Vojta]

On 7/15/2018 at 4:46 PM, Peluconus said:

Welcome to the forums! You look like you are already feeling very good with the decision of quitting, and that's helpful, because it will make it easier than if you were frustrated or feeling forced.

Thank you very much for your welcome words and advice! I think I will just test it out. So far so good, it doesnt seem like conversation about a new game drags me in terms of eager to play. However I feel like I have to agree and say "yes, its the best game ever, I am so exited to play it too".... it kind of drags me in terms of comunity. I have a low will to go against the current in social fields. I dont want to disconnect from my friends.

But I start to recognize I have to (or it will be better to), so current mission is to find new ones ?

 

again thank you very much ❤️

[Vojta]

Writing a journal streak: 1

Days without gaming, YT and Twich streak: 0

Page I read in Respawn: 39

Skipped days in journal: 2

OK, I skipped two days. One I arrived late and WiFi was poor, I didnt have the power. Yesterday I made a decesion to go to bed, justified by highter priority*.

I finally started learning, In a week I have an examination I posponed 2 months. Mainly bcs I am unsure of my university choice. But I want to close this semester and have one more to decide. (This is a large topic I dont want to open now)

In Respawn I went through new activities choosing and it was interesting. I found out I have a lot of mind engaging/ stimilating/ creative things to do, but I lack resting and social activities. This fact explains why I cant stay focused long enough on enaging activities I think. 

I am quite unsure about it, more in blue

 

 

My 3 Victories:

• returned to jurnal
• learning to school
• set everyday activities (habits) and made a nice table for checks. Things I check: read 30mins, not playing or YT procrastinaiting, journal. I am thinking about adding: going to bed before certain hour and making a day plan for next day.

My Big 3 I am grateful for:

• I have the best gf
• my optimism
• my knowledge

What would I do differently/ ideas for future me:

• *better to say just hi – make a minimum, but make a day journal and keep the streak lit ?
• make a day plan to find my prokrastination

Thoughs:

Tips for you ?

• Print a large calendar. I have A4 paper broader side down. Crossing past days helps you to realise the value of time, thus fight rocrastination

Interact with me ?

• About the
• About the resting activities. I am not sure if reading or art is great. I feel like reading takes some effort, you are reading Respawn, you underline important stuff and want to take maximum. Translating letters into voice inside your brain – it takes mental energy, doesnt it? Art and creative activities (cooking) you are making decesions, that also costs power... Could you please share your experience with resting activities that actually bring value? I cant think of anything but meditation ?
• Can I make a blueprint, so I can keep my journal structure the same? 

You are a great person!

Edited July 19, 2018 by Vojta

[info-gatherer]

There’s no rule about activities! Try reading or art, if after doing it you feel rested, then it’s a resting activity. It’s as easy as that ? 

Also, welcome to the community.

[Vojta]

On 7/19/2018 at 12:27 AM, info-gatherer said:

There’s no rule about activities! 

Yeah, thats what is so important to me right now, that "it's ok thing"

Thank You for Your support mate

[Vojta]

Writing a journal streak: 2

Days without gaming, YT and Twich streak: 1

Page I read in Respawn: 43

Skipped days in journal: 2

I feel really great about antiprocrastination chapter in Respawn. Throughout the years I was actually really interested and involved in self improvement, yet anything worked perfectly since gaming.

Now its 0:43. I would like to set a daily goal/ routine to go to sleep before 23:30 but from past experience I know its really hard bcs of the social preassure. And I dont want to ruin my day streaks just bcs of this. Remember, go step by step rather then ffearing yourself and stopping completely.

 

 

My 3 Victories:

• installed Toggle app, I am ready to track my time and focus more next day
• I won over myself and eventhough its late I finish my journal
• I had a really great talk with my forgotten friend

My Big 3 I am grateful for:

• I am improving everyday
• my happines was at really pleasant level today ?
• my health, I visited a doc today and I am ready for a surgery 

What would I do differently/ ideas for future me:

• track my time, especially spent on YT 
• realize I am tired and have a break that actually rests me!
•  

Thoughs:

Tips for you ?

• YT has a reminder. Set it to 15-30 mins and it will pause you after that time. If you dont ignore it, its great to realize your procrastination
• try toggle app, it tracks your time, see where your time goes

 

• You are a wonderful person!

[Vojta]

Writing a journal streak: 1

Days without gaming, YT and Twich streak: 0

Page I read in Respawn: 49

Skipped days in journal: 3

 

Hello lovele people ? Yeah yesterday I skipped. Actually yesterday was a really great day, I learned a lot, I did my time tracking thing and I finished the day with going out till 1:00. For whatever reason after I got home I decided to turn YT on and watch some shit eventhough I was so exhausted. Well I did a bad thing and stayed awake till 3 or 4:00.

How my time tracking went:

I tracked 11 hours. That means during those 11 hours I know what I was doing and the app was running. The missing hours to complete the day were procrastination or something... 5 hours from 11 were time spent out with my friend (long time crush). 4:50 I spent learning. From 4:50 I was studying 3:23 the rest were breaks.

On the other hand today was horrible. I didnt plan the day. And eventhough I started the day by reading respawn and furthermore reading "time is not to be kill but invested" (which was important to me), I spent the whole day watching YT and factorio gameplay. I am totaly OK without gaming (before joining this awesome forum and purchasing Respawn I maneged to stop gaming for some time. The problem I face is Analysis paralysis. I know I should study but thats isnt easy. But bcs I am aware of the fact I should study I can not do any "bigger" activity, thus I end up doing stupid sh*t. 

I planned tomorrow already and I turned on stay focused web app to block YT from me after 30mins. Also I feel I should work on some guide for myself. Idea: I notice I am procrastinating, look that guide, follow its steps and stop procrastinating. Something from outside, bcs my will powe is not that strong yet.

Also I find it hard to focus and manage my life when I am home with parents throughout the whole day. I feel like I need to throw away every distraction, bad food etc. Its not easy when I go to fill my glass with water and I have to pass across my entire family laying on a cauch watching a marvel movie, you know what follows...

 

My 3 Victories:

• writing this journal
• planing tomorrow
• I did sort out a large music folder (I would like to be a DJ or at least try it) ?
•  

My Big 3 I am grateful for:

• I can clearly realize my actions
• I have easy conditions to live in
• I am gonna do it!
•  

What would I do differently/ ideas for future me:

• gonna try meditaion before I fall asleep

Thoughs:

• For a longer time I feel that I have much much highter potentional apart from how I do now ?

Tips for you ?

• thinking hurts, thats why so little people think by themselfs

 

Thanks for seeing you around ?

Edited July 21, 2018 by Vojta

[Vojta]

Writing a journal streak: 1

Days without gaming, YT and Twich streak: 0

Page I read in Respawn: 49

 

Yeah! I did it, for past severl days I was studining and preparing for my last examination all days long. Today I woke up at 5 after 2 hours sleep, traveled with train to different city and I past the oral exam. Now I am officialy in 3rd semester ? Now I feel free of everything. Tommorow I am going to make a huge cleaning and sorting of all the papers, books laying everywhere and most important: go and thing about my vision/ dream life.

From now I am going to write my journal without breaks. ?

Throughout this day I felt dead after 2h sleep. My feelings were interesting: I didnt have energy for anything, but I felt watching TV or doing other brainless stuff is killing time. Hell yeah I have a good sense in my mind ?

 

My 3 Victories:

• electromagnetism course finished
• I reached awareness of time killing
• more stuff was going on today - taday I make a step in understanding myself
•  

My Big 3 I am grateful for:

• Gaming wont be a problem for me (just need to deal with YT)
• I am quite frugal and throughout school semesters I saved nice money I can enjoy holiday with trips ?
• profesor who examined me was good. I forgot lot of things put he gave me the mark
•  

What would I do differently/ ideas for future me:

• divide studying over longer period of time - feel more secure and have time for hobbies - keep your mood up
•  
• Thoughs:

•  
• Tips for you ?

• make yourself happy, people will feel it and will help you along your path (applies not only to ppl)

 

 

Cheers!

 

[Vojta]

Writing a journal streak: 2

Days without gaming, YT and Twich streak: 0

Page I read in Respawn: 55

Quick morning writing: I just woke up feeling exited! It iwas such a great feeling. I really wanted to get up and start working - be productive. I cant even remember last time I felt such a way- This is really great sign ? (I checked the time and it was 6 hours after I went to bed, so I decided to stay and sleep a bit more. Now ~1,5h later I am writing this).

Noon: I read Respawn chapter 6. And it was amazing! There are thoughts that I realized on myself before. Also it explained me, how I felt. I remember I told my friend about a week ago, that I feel like my life has no purpose and thus doing anything has no sense. All my life I was the opposite - overloaded with various activities and projects. Chapter 6 explained me why that happened to me. And furthermore it seems like this part is over! 

I was meditation for some time, but today I tried headspace. It was crazy! I achieved a state where my body was floating upwards with every breath I took, my eyes started watering... so intense compared to all my other sessions. I will meditate for 10mins daily after lunch.

I am thinking how to level up this journal thing. If you search how to journal on YT, they are talking about much more comlplicated and serious stuff.

 

My 3 Victories:

• went out with my friend and had a great time
• went outside with a book to clear my mind
• talked with a hairdresser for the first time
•  

My Big 3 I am grateful for:

• In Respawn there is a suggestion on doing this in the morning. So I will propably stick to that and cancel this section in my online journal.

What would I do differently/ ideas for future me:

• not to sit next to TV
•  

Tips for you ?

• If you are feeling weird, bad, without purpouse after quitting games. I can recommend reading first 5 pages of chapter 6 in respawn. 
• make yourself happy, people will feel it and will help you along your path (applies not only to ppl)

The world is lucky to have You!

[Vojta]

Writing a journal streak: 3

Days without gaming, YT and Twich streak: 0

Page I read in Respawn: 60

I would define today as a lazy working day. We live in flat and during summers there is so hot I am dying every moment. Throughout the day I was clearing my Shazam mostly. But true joy comed during evening. I was creating a drink for a competition, I came up with recepy and also how to shoot it. The best part was actualy testing it and trying to find out the right procedure how to achieve desired taste.

I am still kind of unhappy with my productivity. I am ineffective? I dont go according to plan? I am lazy?

And my day streak without a YT procrastination keeps on zero.

 

My 3 Victories:

• think up a drink for a competition with a photoshoot
• downloaded ~100 tracks
• invited my friends to a party I am helping to organize
•  

.What would I do differently/ ideas for future me:

• build a productivity routine - daily planning

Tips for you ?

• have a large cork/ white board. A place where you can hang out your materials and where you know for sure your eyes will cross with them. Put there for example your 'what to do list'.

Someone is looking forward to seeYyou tomorrow ?

 

The world is lucky to have You!

[Vojta]

I missed yesterday, I cant remember why.

I feel like there is no meaning. There is some for usre, but I just dont know where or what it is.T

oday I did something but far less then I wish, Because of the above reason. I am not productive because I dont know what to do. I was always a type of person that had so many interests and the problem was to choose between them, because there was no time for all. Now I thinks more about their purpose, if they are reasoneble, if they will give me happy futere... and I dont know these answers.

One year ago at this time I was driven hard to go abroad and find a summer job. I planned it for this summer holiday too, but I dont feel like it, I dont know if its the best idea. Eventhough I have more experience I can offer to employer, I feel less skilled. I have ~one and a half month of summer holiday but I dont know whats the best way of spending this time for me. 

I know nothing.

I am 20, for the past years I tried so hard to find my path, my pupose, my passion, the best journey I should take. But I still dont know. I feel like it doesnt exist. I feel like there is no reason I should do anything.

I wish someone would tell me what to do in my life and I wish not to challange their words.

[Cam Adair]

You're still very young, be patient. I didn't start pursuing my life and goals until I was 20, and now 10 years later things are much better. Read The Slight Edge by Jeff Olson.