Danny Lee's Journal

[dannylee3782]

I haven't played for a while, but I keep watching videos about League or Twitch Stream even after all the filtering I have put on. I believe this exacerbates my desire to play and I must completely block off all info about League so I have less curiosity about the game. 

I am gonna set today as Day 1 and try to write in this journal every day. No more League forever!! 

[info-gatherer]

Hi Danny, welcome :)

League was the last game I was addicted to, and probably my most played game. I am now at 60+ days game-free and stream-free, and writing this journal is helping me a lot. Just be sure to check-in here every day and you’ll be where I am in no time! On this website you’ll find all the support you need. The community is very nice and helpful.

[dannylee3782]

Thank you for the encouragement! @info-gatherer 

Day 1-2 (second journal of the day)

Dammit, watched a bit of Twitch today. Not too much though, thankfully. Maybe a 45min-1h so. I felt a bit worse because I went out of my house to go to the library and I watched it there. That resulted in sort of a disappointment in myself. 

Interesting things is that I always find loopholes after blocking Twitch.tvIt  because I am relatively tech-savvy. And unfortunately, there is a whole bunch of ways to watch Twitch without accessing the website itself. That really frustrates me. I really need to be able to control myself on that one. I got lots of assignments and work that I have to complete. I need to focus on those, rather than spending my time fruitlessly attempting to escape reality. 

[dannylee3782]

Day 6 (decided to count ever since I stopped playing League, easier to count)

Today is the first day that I didn't watch ANY streams or whatsoever. I am very proud of that because I had the opportunity to do so. I guess all I did today was read a couple wiki pages about some gamers. That's as far as I have gone, pretty harmless imo. However, ideally, I would like to not consume ANY information about League at all. THAT would be an ideal clean day. I just want to forget about the game completely and have no more interest in it. Tomorrow will be good too! 

[dannylee3782]

Day 7

Good day as well. Had the temptation to watch gaming vids but I was able to stay away from it thankfully. I don’t want to think about gaming ever. 

[dannylee3782]

Day 8

Clean day as well. I believe that in the coming days, I will be quite busy just preparing for school to open again. I actually love having school because I have more structure in my life and that makes it harder to fall into gaming binges. Now, that means I have to absolutely focus on staying away from any gaming information. Lots of big tournaments about League are going on at this point and there is the possibility of Twitch pretty much 24/7.

Today, I had the temptation to watch a tournament I missed but I resisted, thankfully. I want to find healthier hobbies to help me stay away from gaming + and thoughts about gaming. I can do this. Let's go day 9!!

[dannylee3782]

Day 9 (04012018)

Didn't play, but I did end up watching some stream. I may have spent maybe 2h watching. Not very proud of this, but I was able to bounce off of it without indulging in it any further. I was very stressed about an upcoming school interview. I had all these negative thoughts that I won't be able to succeed in it. That made me want to escape reality, which ended up me watching some LCS tournaments. I will use this as a learning experience and make sure that I resort to other healthy hobbies/habits when I am under stress. Perhaps just going out to take a walk while refreshing my brain. Next time, I will be better. 

Besides, I think this journal is really helping me. The reason is that when I first had the temptation to watch, I was able to resist it. That in itself is an achievement that I should be proud of. You can do this, Danny Lee. Pull yourself away from League and gaming. You can do this. 

[Dannigan]

Hey there @dannylee3782

Writing in a journal is tremendous help.  You'll look back on previous entries and see how much you've grown, and you might even pick up clues as to why you might relapse, or see not-so-obvious triggers in your writing that you hadn't noticed before.  It's very enlightening.  As well, the feedback from others can be invaluable. You take what you need and discard the rest.  Most folks here respond with very good intentions and they want to help by reaching out.  That's what makes this community thrive and become strong in the long-run.  That's my vision, anyhow.

Good to see your commitment shine through here in your writing too.  That encourages me as well.  So, thank you.

[dannylee3782]

Day 13 (04052018)

 

I was slacking for the past couple days. I did end up watching some league-related videos. But not a significant amount, thankfully. Not playing does steer my attention away from this shit. But I would like to pursue complete freedom with zero information about League entering my brain. Zero. I have so many other hobbies I can pursue instead of this shit. Let's get it! 

[dannylee3782]

Day 14 (04062018)

Yesterday, I think I almost fantasized about playing League again. Not for long, though.. It was a passing thought. But I guess I am sort of experiencing withdrawal symptoms. My busy life is keeping me very far from games. 

What I need to focus on is to not have the desire to play League by staying away from it COMPLETELY. No watching LCS, streams, or reading up about the players etc. That way, when I feel like I have time, I won't go back to the stupid game. After a month and a half, all my school will be over. I pray to God that I don't play League at that time. I want to stay clean forever. 

LCS is gonna happen over the weekend. I WILL NOT WATCH IT! 

Edited April 7, 2018 by dannylee3782

[dannylee3782]

Day 15 (04072018)

Today was a clean day, but I watched 15 min LCS highlights. I think I was drawn to watching it because I was super exhausted after a long day. I don't want to consume any information about League but that's a difficult thing to do. I'm starting to consider watching these highlights as a tapering method. Like methadone for drug addicts. I didn't feel too much shame about it after and it was a good rest. So I will have to ponder about that a bit more. 

[Natasha]

You probably don't realize this, but seeing your blog blurbs is helpful for others as well. I feel inspired by the progress you are making. Keep it up and keep writing! I'm cheering you on. :)

Edited April 8, 2018 by Natasha

[dannylee3782]

@Natasha

Hey! I definitely didn't realize that. I will definitely keep up with the journaling.

Day 1 (04162018)

Bad news and a good news.

Bad news: I was in a hotel by myself and I played League. For a very long time. I was alone and I had a lot of times to myself. The old habit came back. I got back and I had desires/plans to play today as well. 

Good news: I resisted the urge and blocked + deleted League for 10 years. There's no way to bypass this so I think I will be fine. Though I broke my streak, I am hopeful that I can return and work hard for the next month. Let's get it! 

 

[dannylee3782]

Day 2 (04172018)

I don't know if anyone suffers from this but my eyes hurt for a couple days after a long stretch of gaming, which happened on Sat-Sun. I think I played for like 12+h. I don't even remember. After this huge binge, my eyes hurt like hell. They are bloodshot. It's making me feel very tired and difficult fo focus. 

I played Dota 2 for the first time yesterday just cause I was bored. It was boring and I deleted it right away. I once again learned that I am really just shitty at games and I am too lazy to learn a new game other than League (I actually don't know how to play any other games than League). That's a bit of a good news because I only have to worry about getting over League. 

Overall, clean day, though. Worked hard just getting back into my usual routine and life. I got this. Anyone who is reading this also got this!! 

This is an old chapter of my life and I am getting over it. Don't believe me, just watch. 

[Guest]

Just saying welcome to the forum :) I see you relapsed, but don't let that stop you from coming back here. Make sure you take efforts to minimize the chance of your next relapse, as Dannigan as suggested some. good luck on this run, hope you make it your 90 days!

[dannylee3782]

@Dannigan  + @BigOlBeartic

Thank you for the encouragement! Really helping me out here. 

Day 3 (04182018)

I've blocked League pretty much permanently so that's not gonna be an issue unless I reset my computer. I think and hope that I will be too lazy for that. 

Also, today I watched like 1h of game-related stuff. Really stupid of me. I was tired and wanted to escape. I should have better and healthier escape methods if I really need to do so. I am committed to free myself from this game. Let's get it! 

 

[dannylee3782]

Day 4 (05022018)

I failed to keep up with this journal due to immense shame. I actually went as far as resetting my computer to play League. 

I disclosed my failure to my significant other, who was obviously hurt. She's gonna help me through this journey. 

It's exam season for me right now and I'm trying my best to not turn to League for comfort or stress release. This shit has killed me and I won't let it happen again. I got this. 

[info-gatherer]

Glad to have you back, danny. No one is judging you, you’re among peers. We’re all addicts (past or present). I am ashamed too, sometimes, but in the end it’s very important to be honest when writing a journal if we want it to serve our purpose.

[Guest]

welcome back :)

[dannylee3782]

Day 1 (06172018)

I hope I don't keep coming back every month LOL

But I haven't been writing in here because 

1. I was lazy

2. Been busy, travelling and such

3. I wasn't able to detox. 

 

Yesterday, I tried to play League but it wouldn't work for some reason, thankfully. But I still watched streams and highlights and whatnot. So I'm going to count today as Day 1 and really start this process up once again. I'm going back to Korea for the summer and I really hope that this could be the game-changer, where I strive to rebuild all my habits once again. 

You got this. Expect me to see here every day! 

 

[dannylee3782]

Day 0 (08092018)

No activity in this website for the longest time. I had kinda given up and I just let my desires to run free. 

BUT 

I will start fresh from tomorrow, building new healthy habits/hobbies. I am going to university soon as a freshman and I cannot have this in my life no more. 

I can do this. 

 

Edit*

New hobbies that I'm trying to build to keep myself busy

1. beatmaking (learn Ableton)

2. Weekly 16 (write 16 bars every week, if not feasible, change it to bi-weekly)

3. Coding

4. Reading

 

Edited August 9, 2018 by dannylee3782

[changing_smurf]

Hey neat!  If you are a freshman this year, we are about the same age group!  ?

I graduated from high school this year, but I decided to not attend college/university for the time being.  I hope you can keep us updated! I have always wanted to know what university life was like, especially the ladies. ?

Joking aside, it looks like life is looking up for you right now.  Keep the momentum going! 

Best wishes, bro.

[dannylee3782]

Day 1 (11252018)

Haven't come to this forum for 3+ months... It really is challenging to make a daily habit.

It was Thanksgiving break and I just binged on League once again. I didn't leave my dorm and continued playing. Probably around 50 hours in the past week. 

Why did I do that? I am not sure. I think I just like the feeling of letting all things go. Losing self-restraint. It's the most toxic habit I have built.

One thing I realized is that I can ALWAYS game if I wish to. No matter how much "blocks" I put on myself, I can ALWAYS find a way. So instead of finding ways to avoid it, I feel like it is a better method to simply just not think about it. Simply not care. Keep myself busy. Have caution during long periods of breaks (3+days). 

I spent way too much time dreaming, but it really is time to realize them. I am almost 20 years old. Be somebody. Be different. 

[Samon]

Nice you came back.

just read a post of an other guy, who play league much. Like me, like you. LoL is really addicting. So dont think you are alone with your problem. Maybe it helps you to write all the negative things about league down(those emotions when u lose a ranked and you think 'why am I play this shit?').

Furthermore its super important to use your time in a different way. If you have simply nothing to do in the day, you will surely relapse and watch streams and play lol etc. So focus on different hobbys and things you want to do at the day. One thing is coming to this forum and check ppls journals, taking positive vibes of their experience, write in your own journal etc. it helps much.

i am sure you can do it mate. Maybe you want to delete your lol account? But like you said, there is always a way back(smurf etc.)