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BigOlBeartic

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About BigOlBeartic

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  1. BigOlBeartic

    Moving on

    Noice, im trying to go back to the gym as well 🙂
  2. BigOlBeartic

    BigOlBeartic's Journal

    Day 13 😮 Late night studying tonite ;3 bad time management FTW!
  3. BigOlBeartic

    BigOlBeartic's Journal

    I talked to a therapist recently, and I came to the conclusion that I may be transgender. Talking to them about it, it just seemed to make sense. I plan to see a gender therapist this semester. My internship/co-op in the fall went great! I learned a lot about programming and received a good rating from my supervisor. I'm going back this summer. This semester I'm taking 18 hours which is the most I've ever taken lol. Also I put in some apps for some part times. During breaks (last christmas some of last summer after i stopped posting) gaming came up again. However, I feel a lot more @ peace these days since having seen that therapist and understanding myself more- im confident I can finally tackle 90 days. I haven't gamed for a bit but I'm going to start today as day 1.
  4. BigOlBeartic

    My 90 day gaming abstinence detox journey journal

    Jesus, that would rattle anybody. Hope the 3 weeks makes it a lot easier. So what happens if you actually do get really injured in the job? Did you have to sign something that says the company doesn't have responsibility, or would they pay you a bit?
  5. BigOlBeartic

    BigOlBeartic's Journal

    Day 8 Great week, probably best week of the summer. put in a consistent 6->8 hours of study each day. kinda tired at the end of such a day though and unsure what to do with myself. I stopped swimming btw. Art is fine and dandy but not down with it for every single day. so yea..
  6. BigOlBeartic

    BigOlBeartic's Journal

    I relapsed yesterday night from a stressful situation again, the driving trick didn't work. its easy once i get on a roll but when i run into these situations i tend to go back. idk what else to do except try again. when i'm in those situations I feel paralyzed. ok ..well, day 1.
  7. BigOlBeartic

    BigOlBeartic's Journal

    Day 7
  8. BigOlBeartic

    BigOlBeartic's Journal

    Day 4 long/rough day, but its overrrr! drew, got stuff done. cooked a little. programming stuff is going well. i also went out to the park with the doggie :) BTW.. ONE OF HIS PICTURES.. is the creepiest thing i've EVER seen. There's a picture my sister got of him sniffing a flower, and he's looking straight into the camera and smiling. i know this sounds like a strange thing to find scary, but there's a story called "smiledog.jpg" or something like that.. google it and read it! I dare you.
  9. BigOlBeartic

    My 90 day gaming abstinence detox journey journal

    wow, congratulations, i bet that must be a big weight off your shoulders! side note, thanks for always keeping up with my journal. its so nice to see those notifications. btw, i saw the movie 'call me by your name' this past week, and loved it.
  10. BigOlBeartic

    BigOlBeartic's Journal

    Day 3 good day, went to the art museum + class. also got some drawing done. i'm overcoming the anxiety i had about it yall.
  11. BigOlBeartic

    BigOlBeartic's Journal

    Hey, thanks @JustTom. Needed that encouragement. Monday S7 Tuesday S1 Starting over at Day 1. I saw call me by your name a couple days ago really enjoyed it. Summer class at a community college starts today. I've been studying over break but as tom said, being out of the house definitely helps me already. Gonna go back to tracking and counting stuff =) only posting sporadically was definitely a mistake, because regular posts helped me. anyhoo, here we go again woot.
  12. BigOlBeartic

    BigOlBeartic's Journal

    i keep relapsing this week...
  13. BigOlBeartic

    BigOlBeartic's Journal

    Sunday No gaming day 3 No porn day 3 Things have been going well, haven't uploaded because I've been focused on enjoying my summer break :) Something I've realized is outside influences seem to have shaped me much more than i thought. Been trying to reach bank into that happy and carefree place while I have time ^_^
  14. BigOlBeartic

    BigOlBeartic's Journal

    @Natelovesboardgames @16030669g, thank you for the kind words. Nate, this time, I just talked to someone for 2 hours. previous times, I read manga or watched shows the whole day when it was particularly bad, which did help. The two relapses when I was feeling particularly bad, I just dove straight into it, just as I did in this third relapse. I don't know what to do in those moments. Thursday Unprecedented double relapse, and I was really dreading coming to post this, but as much as I hate to, i know i have to figure out the cause and fight it, fast, before my summer is gone. its clear the gaming detox during school and vacation are two completely different beasts.main thought. . i'm in the house too long. the only times i've gone out really is for swimming. while I've gotten studying done, clearly it is not very good for my psyche and was conducive in leading up to the relapse. What occured to me this - get out of the house as much as you can to study- when you're panicking about to relapse- don't even think about it, just drive around if you have to and enjoy the road. i'm thinking being around other people will help. hopefully these steps will give me the strength I need during the summer. In less serious news, I re-read the first book of the bartimaeus trilogy tonight =)
  15. BigOlBeartic

    BigOlBeartic's Journal

    Wednesday Guess who improved in swimming?? My breathing and freestyle form are better :D Studied also. I relapsed was looking for some additional opportunities for the summer in compsci =/ just got overwhelmed by the difference between my resume and others, which drove me to relapse... :I I feel terrible but, gonna pick myself back up and start back where i left off. I'm still lacking a way to calm myself down in these extremely stressful moments.. I did talk to someone for a couple hours but that didn't end up changing my thoughts too much...
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