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iamthemithras

Just signed up, 1st long post.

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Hello everyone, my name is Miguel. I'm from the Philippines, I'm 24 years old, I work as a customer service rep, and I'm here because I want to change my life for the better.


I first found this website yesterday while I was researching about Video game addiction on Google. I got to the homepage where Respawn was being offered, then I watched some YouTube videos on the Game Quitters channel. I commented on one of the older videos, then Cam replied to me and convinced me to try the 90-day detox. He gave me the link to this forum for support, I want to thank him for that.

Since I'm introducing myself, I figure I might as well share all I can about me. This might come off as a cry for attention for some of you because I'm sharing such a sob story, understandably so, but I'm writing this more for me and the good people who want to better understand why I'm here... I suppose. I hope to see this post in the future and reflect on how far I've come since then, which is why I want to make this as comprehensive as possible.

So fair warning, this is a long post (and not a happy one to boot) so I won't feel bad if you skim through it or don't read it at all. This is a really long post, you guys. I'm not kidding. It's basically a freakin autobiography. (By the way, I didn't see any mention regarding cursing on the Forum rules but I hope you'll forgive me for the few that I've written)

I've been playing games since I was in kindergarten, strange that I still remember playing Super Mario Bros on our couch all day when I was that young. The habit never really stopped, I grew up essentially attached to my video games, and it didn't help that I grew up being bullied by everyone in school, everyday of my life (kids are big dicks), and my family has been falling apart since I can remember (my Dad cheats, and my Mom is a miserable person). Looking at me now, video games have been an escape from all this. Growing up with no friends, surrounded by assholes every day, my parents fighting at least twice a week, my life was shit but at least I was happy catching Pokemon on my Gameboy.

I sound bitter and I want to blame my circumstance for shaping me into what I am now, but if I was a stronger person then I would've grabbed the bull by the horns and changed myself instead of retreating to my happy place all the time. There are lots of things I should've done, maybe learned to be a more charming fellow, but I just played video games instead.

I remember dreading every day of my life, except when I'm playing video games. During school, all I can think of is going home and playing games. I grew up basically ignoring everyone because only video games interest me. So I grew up a weirdo. For a long time I didn't know social cues or stuff like that, which made bullies pick on me more, and made me shun people more, which made me more of a weirdo, and so on. I can honestly say that my entire childhood, up to graduating high school has been the worst days of my life. I'm actually proud that I didn't commit suicide, but I guess the video games helped.

When I got into college, I became a little more sociable. Probably comes with growing up, but not by much though. I still ignore most people, and academically I was still sub-par. I was always still thinking of video games during class, and I wasn't motivated to do well in because a lot of college professors are lazy bastards and can't teach for shit (In my Mechanical Engineering class, my professor won't even come to class most days, and when he does he has no idea what to teach us. He's so clueless It's like he didn't graduate at all). This kept up for years.

My greatest regret is that I've wasted money and my entire life in College. 5 years in College but I only finished half the courses - and those where the inconsequential ones, the basic Algebra II, Psychology classes, etc. With the integration of the K-12 in the Philippines, if I were to return to college I probably have to go back to High School to finish some classes I've left behind. Technically I went to College, but I've accomplished nothing.

I stopped going to school because this was the time my parents finally separated, and where my Father got into a motorcycle accident that smashed his left knee to pieces. This was back in 2011 I think. The surgery costed a fortune, I think somewhere between 500,000 and 1 million pesos. My aunt paid for everything, and my Dad can still walk again but his leg will never be straight again and he has to wear a crutch. This made him depressed and he has been unemployed since then.

With my mom suddenly being a single mother with 4 kids to take care of, I quit school and started working. I got into a Call center and became a Customer service rep. While it was good to finally earn money, I was still a loner with no friends that put people off. I'm still always thinking about games. I don't know anything else.

I'm very sorry for sharing so much, I got off track, a lot of this are not important and thank you for reading this far. The point I want to make is that I've been wanting to improve myself because I'm such a failure. I want to learn new skills, I want to make connections, meet good people, learn how to meet people, learn how to actually interact with people. When people see me, they say I always look like I hate everyone. I assure you I don't, I only hate myself.

I feel like I'm so out of touch with the world and if I don't change I'll end up being a burden, an old man that his brothers and sister has to support, God forbid. I keep comparing myself to other people and I've seen so many from High School and College that are so much better off than I am. A lot of them are rich, have their own house, their own car and stuff like that. Meanwhile, I don't even know how to cook, let alone drive. Video games are all I know.

This is such a horrible introduction, I don't know what I'm thinking writing all this but I hope to look at this post in the future and remember how low I've stooped, and how much I've improved since then.

Recently I've started to workout and I made a bit of progress with improving my physique (I stopped working out last month though). I think I'm going to write my journal on this forum next, this whole introduction took three hours to write and I've wasted enough time making myself feel better I think. Plus, I don't want to willingly inflict excruciating pain upon my readers by making them read a wall of text equivalent to the Wall of China's length, even if probably only three or so people will read this post.

I hope to get to know some of you in this forum, and I'm thankful to be here. I'm definitely not expecting to actually succeed, there's optimistic and there's delusional. Right now I already feel I want to play some games on my laptop. It's only just now that it's so clear to me how dependent I am on video games. I'm expecting to at least find a compromise between actually succeeding with my goals and playing games, but I realize that I actually have to quit cold turkey first to actually tell if I can compromise or not.

Thank you again for reading. I appreciate the time you've set aside for reading this, I hope to make this all worth it.

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Hi, Miguel! Nothing to be ashamed of, we all have sob stories which is why we're here. Where in the Philippines are you? I used to work in a banking call center and we had an overseas center in Alabang. You're in a great place to start turning your life around. ?

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I feel like I'm so out of touch with the world and if I don't change I'll end up being a burden, an old man that his brothers and sister has to support, God forbid.... Meanwhile, I don't even know how to cook, let alone drive. Video games are all I know.

This. This is the best motivation to use to get you started mate! Continuing on from this, its when developments are happening in world news and you have no idea what they are talking about as well. It's like World War 3 could start right out your doorstep and you would have no idea.

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I feel like I'm so out of touch with the world and if I don't change I'll end up being a burden, an old man that his brothers and sister has to support, God forbid.... Meanwhile, I don't even know how to cook, let alone drive. Video games are all I know.

This. This is the best motivation to use to get you started mate! Continuing on from this, its when developments are happening in world news and you have no idea what they are talking about as well. It's like World War 3 could start right out your doorstep and you would have no idea.

True

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Hi, Miguel! Nothing to be ashamed of, we all have sob stories which is why we're here. Where in the Philippines are you? I used to work in a banking call center and we had an overseas center in Alabang. You're in a great place to start turning your life around. ?

@Mettermrck I suppose that's true. I actually live and work in Alabang. Traffic is atrocious here but lucky for me I live nearby so I only walk to work. Thanks for the kind words, I took a glimpse at your journal yesterday and I have to say I'm amazed.

Hi Miguel! 

@Cam Adair Hi Cam. It's good to see you reply here.

I feel like I'm so out of touch with the world and if I don't change I'll end up being a burden, an old man that his brothers and sister has to support, God forbid.... Meanwhile, I don't even know how to cook, let alone drive. Video games are all I know.

This. This is the best motivation to use to get you started mate! Continuing on from this, its when developments are happening in world news and you have no idea what they are talking about as well. It's like World War 3 could start right out your doorstep and you would have no idea.

@giblets I guess you're right. Certainly don't want to be the only guy who didn't realize it's World War 3.


I'm trying to tag you people properly but the webpage isn't showing any popup. Not sure if it's my browser, I hope you receive my message though

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@Mettermrck Sorry no. I'm with a different company, and working with a Fitness tracker account instead of a banking one. I don't think it's safe to say the specifics so you'll have to forgive me for being vague.

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