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Skaliq

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I would choose a major that pays well and where you have an advantage in the domestic market, something that is harder to outsource. I would stick to a majot that has real world application. I'm sure that with time and enough exposure to the demands of the labor market you will find your niche. For now I would stick to something that gives you the most opportunities and flexibility.

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Day 15:  On Comfort Zone

Today was a productive day. I wrote a significant portion of my essay, studied Chinese, took care of my pets, and had some time to watch Monogatari SS which may be one of the best anime I've watched. And then I realized, I'm not doing anything new. 

Everything that I do to replace gaming is something I picked up before the detox. Pet caring (hobby since primary school). Studying Chinese (I live in China). Japanese (learned quite a bit from simple anime watching). Gym workout (I don't know other sports). Working on mathematics essay (math is my strongest subject). Drawing (started learning a couple of months ago). 

I'm doing nothing new. I'm merely going back to the life I know from two years ago, minus the gaming. Is it a good thing? Well, I was happy and productive two years ago, so that's a positive. But Cam is always emphasizing getting out of the comfort zone, setting new goals, and being adventurous in his videos and I don't fully grasp the importance of it yet. 

Replacement activities that are really daring would be learning an actual sport, learning musical instruments, being more social, being more social with guys, being more social with gals, all of which I have no clue whatsoever on where to even begin. These are things that make me anxious for even thinking about doing. 

Something to chew on, for sure. 

Edited by Skaliq

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Same situation. Today is 46th, but I don't do a lot different. Only slight change in strategy to deal with my life. I have to spend most of my time on studying or doing few works, so I think maybe, for some people, huge change is not available. But I'm happy right now. I can feel the small changes and little bit of confidence in myself. I think in my case, 90 days are not enough to be a totally different person. I learned that I can only move forward step by step, so it'll take a lot of time to change myself entirely.

But don't be disappointed. You would have a different future than mine. Who knows? No one knows the future. Keep it up :) 

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Day 16:  On Subculture

EMO WARNING

As I mentioned yesterday, Monogatari SS may be one of the best anime that I've ever watched. On the surface, it's about people who are possessed by apparitions. In reality, the apparitions are merely the manifestations of a person's inner desires, wanting to protect itself from externalities through various defense mechanisms. In essence, people create personas to not expose their true selves. 

And this is so true. I adopted the identity of a gamer because it lets me establish a 'character.' Then I got more into subculture because why the hell not, I'm already a gamer. I'm "the nerdy guy, " and this gives me the privilege to make self-deprecating humor. Guys who are not humorous by birth are not allowed to make jokes. Except if you adopt a persona that is regarded by society as 'less than ideal way to live' in which case making fun of yourself becomes de facto. And then you all have a good laugh, knowing that it's just a joke. It also allows me to skate around the question of my inept social abilities because guys automatically know I'm awkward with girls. Then I delve into more subculture for the sake of it being subculture because I've already established the character that I'm into subculture. The spiral continues. Guys know what I like. I stay away from pop culture or sports current affairs that I know nothing about. It makes conversations easier. 

In a way, I'm a lot like Hanekawa from Monogatari SS. Maybe that's why I like her character so much. Our defenses are similar. We're the 'smart students.' We're the 'kind, good boy/girl.' We're usually fine with the way things are until we completely lose it and go on a short burst of rage. 

Oh gosh, this is dark. But it just shows that I'm a twisted human being like anybody else. Deal with it. 

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Ok, I confess to being older haha. What is emo? I've seen the term around. I do remember watching early anime growing up..I'm talking Robotech and Voltron. ?

Special snowflake attitude, dark humor and clothes, girls wearing lingerie stockings, bangs dyed in purple, black eyeliner, red lines painted in your wrists with ketchup or ink, a morbid hate for your parents and society, bisexual experimentation ending in codependent straight relationships involving lots of bad quality picture slideshows with "My Immortal" as background made using Windows Movie Maker, high-pitched obnoxious screaming during group meetings in shady places of town made infamous among normies for aforementioned reason, anime character impersonations and threats to violence and self-harm were what being emo was about in my teens ^^

Disclaimer: I wasn't a true emo since I didn't dress up as one nor take pictures. God how I regret not doing it. "Adapt to society", said Mom, "It will be fun", said Mom. I hate you Mom, now I'm going to listen to some more Evanescence.

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Ok, I confess to being older haha. What is emo? I've seen the term around. I do remember watching early anime growing up..I'm talking Robotech and Voltron. ?

Special snowflake attitude, dark humor and clothes, girls wearing lingerie stockings, bangs dyed in purple, black eyeliner, red lines painted in your wrists with ketchup or ink, a morbid hate for your parents and society, bisexual experimentation ending in codependent straight relationships involving lots of bad quality picture slideshows with "My Immortal" as background made using Windows Movie Maker, high-pitched obnoxious screaming during group meetings in shady places of town made infamous among normies for aforementioned reason, anime character impersonations and threats to violence and self-harm were what being emo was about in my teens ^^

Disclaimer: I wasn't a true emo since I didn't dress up as one nor take pictures. God how I regret not doing it. "Adapt to society", said Mom, "It will be fun", said Mom. I hate you Mom, now I'm going to listen to some more Evanescence.

xDxDxD you should make a stand up about

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Day 17:  Slip of Memory

Yesterday our family went out for dinner and arrived home just in time for me to sleep. Forgot about journaling. Oops. 

Day 18: "Someday."

"Someday I'll be able to control myself, and that's when I'll be able to game in moderation again." 

"That's right; the problem was that I was gaming on my work computer. If I had a separate device just for this purpose, there wouldn't be any problems." 

"Heck, Nier: Automata's PC port was horrible. Why not just get a console and finish it?" 

"C'mon, it's harder to play competitive FPS on a console, so it'll be fine." 

"Just stick with indie games and 'walking simulator' games. They're the same thing as reading a novel." 

Fuck this voice inside my head, man. Just shut up already. I felt like cravings were gone after two weeks had passed. Then it comes again. Uggghhh. I gave in and watched a match of e-sports. I had to remind myself that going back to competitive online gaming would effectively delete hundreds of hours from my life. But other than that slight mishap, today was a pretty good day. Made a considerable progress on my essay, studied Chinese, worked out, read some books for English class next year, and got some time just to relax. 

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Oh that voice sounds very familiar. I try to have a counter-voice, the one that says "all this progress wouldn't have been possible if you still played games." In time, if you don't relapse, that tempting voice will starve and talk less. ?

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Day 19:  On Budgeting

When I slipped into compulsive gaming over a year ago, I let go of a bunch of habits I built over the years. One of them is budgeting. As my system disappeared, I lost the sense of money's worth. I would just be surprised at my empty WeChat Money - the dominant payment system in China - balance and wonder where it all went. 

Now, I may only have a meager monthly allowance to deal with now. However, in a year I'm going to college where incomes are not steady, meaning that budgeting will be crucial. 

Today I renewed my membership of YouNeedABudget.com for free - student benefits - and rebalanced the budgets that I didn't touch for a while. YNAB has an intuitive methodology that made budgeting fun which is darn impressive and deserves the user base IMO. 

Edited by Skaliq

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Budgeting is an excellent discipline. One thing I appreciate about letting go of bad habits (gaming, eating out) is the money I save. Now I actually have money set aside for things I actually need. Glad you're doing better with the money! ?

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Day 20: This RescueTime Thing

Hurray! I finished the first draft of the 4000-word statistics essay I was working on today. It's due a week later, so it's not the best time to be writing first drafts of a major assessment, but better late than never. I'm in the mood for some more excel spreadsheets, so I graphed my Productivity Pulse according to RescueTime. You can clearly see that my score increased about 20 days ago (right is recent and left is before by the way) but had a dip for 3 days, when I slacked off. You can also see that my score went below 5 at the very beginning, when I was still binging video games. That's only around 3% of my time on the computer spent on something productive on those days! 

Screen Shot 2017-08-08 at 8.58.28 PM.png

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It's due a week later, so it's not the best time to be writing first drafts of a major assessment, but better late than never.

Theres' a popular student joke. At least, it's popular in Russia:

- Today is the deadline. Why have you not finished your monthly report?

- Sorry, but I had severe headache yesterday.

 

I mean, I personally know people who started their diploma work 2-3 nights before it's assertion time, so it's not that bad in your case)

Edited by HappyCat
explanation

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@Happycat LOL, that joke is hilarious and realistic at the same time. 

Day 21: On Routine

I think I should talk about my current routine before school starts and my schedule changes completely. (Hint: Don't read it all! I'll explain everything!)

9 PM to 6:30 AM - I sleep 9 hours, assuming I take 30 minutes to fall asleep. 
6:30 AM - 30 minutes of the morning routine. (I shower, make the bed, and check social media.)
7:00 AM - 30 minutes of The Focus course. It’s a 2-month productivity class thing I’m just going through to kick the day off. 
7:30 AM - 4~5 hours of The 4000-word essay thing. 
9:00 AM - In the middle of the essay, I have a 30-minute breakfast break. 
12:30 PM - An hour of Lunch break. 
1:30 PM - 1~2 hours of workout & shower. Depends on whether it’s rest day or not. 
3 PM - 3 hours of Chinese. 

6:00 PM - 1 hour of reading for English. 

7:00 PM - 1.5 hours of entertainment time. I'm watching My Hero Academia right now. Hehe. 

8:30 PM - Journaling for 30 minutes. 

9:00 PM - Sleep. 

(Note that I take a short break every hour, and I didn't bother to include them.) 

The key thing to notice in this schedule is that all of the work blocks are LONG. 4~5 hours of continuous essay writing. 3 hours of continuous Chinese class and self-study. It accounts for a regular 8-hour work day, with morning entirely devoted to the essay and afternoon entirely dedicated to Chinese. And I LOVE this bimodal style of living more than I thought I would. I read somewhere that "the creator's schedule......works in units of half a day at least......creatives cannot work in chunks of an hour......to creatives, meetings are disastrous" or something of that sort. This "creator's schedule" really reminds me of some writers who go to a remote place every morning and don't come out until lunch. And it feels rewarding, too, when you get in the zone. 

This juxtaposes so much to a regular school day, when from the moment you wake up 'till 7 PM is devoted to school, transport to and fro from school, homework and extracurricular activities, with activities fractured into blocks of 1.5 hours. Now, I understand the practical reason for making one class 1.5 hour long, but I have a feeling that I'm going to miss this focused way of living when school starts again. 

Edited by Skaliq

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Day 22: Safety Net

Today was a slow day. I couldn't fall asleep again, so I woke up later than usual, couldn't focus on essay writing, mocked around for a while, procrastinated on the Chinese homework, and mindlessly browsed the web for a few hours. A Youtube music channel had a Nier:Automata illustration as the backdrop. It usually wouldn't bother me, but I got cravings and browsed around in the PlayStation Store for a while. 

Yikes. And it's these times that lifestyle practices work as the safety net to keep things from falling apart. In this case, my workout. I had a blast doing a full body weight training session for an hour and a half, which is honestly the only time I felt good today. 

It's quite late already, I just want to relax and watch something entertaining to lighten my mood and have a good night's sleep so that I can catch up tomorrow. 

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It's funny how some music can lure you into games again. I had a piece of music from Assassin's Creed II on my music mix yesterday and suddenly I wanted to play the game again, or at least watch a video of it.

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Day 23: On Insomnia (Again)

God, I hate retching way past midnight (my stomach is weak), unable to sleep. Insomnia was worse yesterday. The whole day I felt foggy, almost sleepwalking and I couldn't get much schoolwork done, let alone Chinese. Had to cancel Chinese class to get some essay edited in time. Uggghhh. That's it, I can't think nor write properly. 

Edited by Skaliq

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Day 24: Buffer

Today an emergency occurred. Our family cat ate detergent and was puking all over the place, requiring veterinarian care. So I had to abandon all morning plans. That's why I'm thankful that for some reason I decided to finish most of the essay done by yesterday, only leaving one day's worth of work behind. Geeze, a buffer in your schedule does come in handy. 

Btw, she received treatment and has now recovered some of her strength. She'll be able to eat something soon. 

Edited by Skaliq

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