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asquerade

16 months and my life is like a dream

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Hey,

I'll start with the important bit first: Gaming was just a manifestation of a way bigger problem in my life and facing that problem turned not playing video games into a non issue for me. That problem was not tackling my fears, not being courageous, not taking action. So with this post i'm hoping to help people who are living life similarly to me.

16 months back when I quit I was 26, virgin, living with my mom, financed by others, never had a girlfriend, never really accomplished anything apart from being good at (video) games. My whole life up to this point I was very fearful and lacking courage to act against fear. I fell back into a very passive lifestyle, not actively engaging anything, but withdrawing into safe spaces. My safe spaces were: Video games, boardgames, cardgames. In these games there was no real punishment for failing, nothing that would translate to the real world so my fears were under control.

As of writing this I am 5 days away from moving into my own apartment, I made a name for myself as a musician, I have a girlfriend that I love. On overall happiness i rate myself a 9.5/10 today compared to 3/10 the day I quit.

After quitting i was eager to tackle some of my problems, I made some 3 months and some 2 year goals, which gave me a lot of drive. I more and more realized that for fears to fade and to solve problems i needed to do only 1 thing: Face them
That is basically all I needed to turn my life completely upside down, when I encounter problems and situations that make me afraid I try to tackle them. And trying is an important word here, you dont have to go 100%, just give it your best, each day dare a bit more. Some fears, some problems seem so big they are just impossible to face at the moment and thats ok, just slowly wittle away and try being a bit more courageous each day. I still have some stuff that is too scary for me to tackle, but the list gets smaller and smaller every day, as I realize that as I actively engage with these uncomfortable situations my life gets better and better. Sometimes i even get excited now when i see opportunities where i can be afraid. For example I was talking with a client about a raise, i was tempted to bid low, so that i can be safe and be liked. I was thrilled to be presented with that opportunity, because I knew if i now choose the active part and say what i want, how much money i want then i can learn and grow this situation. Seeking out small challenges during the day was absolutely crucial for me and i developed a mindset that lets me see a lot of these situations in my daily life know so that i can then choose and feel great about actively engaging them.
I started casually gaming again without any problem ~7 months back, but then decided after a month that it feels too much like wasted time ( even though i was purposefully choosing it as a relaxation time) and that i would rather engage with the world during that time. I have 0 stresses about gaming, 0 urge to go back. I know i could play 2 hours a day for 14 days now and it wouldnt kick me back into my old habit as I have a better life plan now.

Hope that helps some of the fearful personas in here. Fears fade when you expose yourself to them, they grow when you turn away.

Cheers

Edited by asquerade
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Fears fade when you expose yourself to them, they grow when you turn away.

I thought I was reading the lord of the rings. Thank you for sharing your good story. It's helpful.

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Man you are awesome! I want to hug you because I'm in same position and 26 years old. I made some progress but I must keep pushing forward. If you want check my journal. Fear is my problem too. But I'm on my way to managed it.

Edited by Onlysoul
grammar, one day it will be perfect

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And trying is an important word here, you dont have to go 100%, just give it your best, each day dare a bit more. Some fears, some problems seem so big they are just impossible to face at the moment and thats ok, just slowly wittle away and try being a bit more courageous each day.

 100% agree. I think this is a gold nugget that everyone should look, when it comes to self discipline and self acceptance. When I played games a lot and watching movies a lot, I thought that to make huge changes in life, you should be like a super hero, just smash through all the problems, beat yourself to 100%, accomplish the impossible task in one day or so and get reward and finally live long and happy. Now, I think in most of the cases it is quite opposite. Sometimes as you said, you cannot beat or face the problem now, the real winning, the real "gold medal" is when you carefully and with patient go further and further, without unrealistic pressure, when you have space for failing and accepting those fails as a part of a winning process later on.

Christopher Sommer famous gymnastics coach, said: "If I told you to write a 365 page book for me; you’d immediately think it was not possible or start to stress about all the work it would take. But If I asked you to write 1 page per day for 1 whole year- it would seem a bit easier or at least more obtainable."

I think he wants to say that consistency gives better results (in some cases just GIVES results, because people gave up just on start) than overworking with impossible tasks.

I'm glad that you are doing a lot better than before, that only encourages me and probably others to leave far behind video games and start the real life and stay in that state as long as possible. Cheers.

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