Jess's Journal

[albrechtjess]

Day 1 was pretty easy though I had one craving at work with the xbox's reminding me that I had just bought Black Ops 2. Made me want to play which I want to but I also know it's time to move forward and get some things done. Especially with my goal of getting a new job by the end of the summer. My 90 days would put me at the 27th of September which is just a week after the end of summer I believe so it's lined up nicely.

Really tired and notice I battle with food cravings a lot. I was reading Cam's email today at lunch about triggers and I seem to have a trigger of getting home and opening the fridge to make me feel good. I already feel good from being off work, I don't want to eat more food and make me feel bad from eating too much. It's an interesting balance but I"m doing well tonight by just getting this journal done, drinking some water and then brushing my teeth and hitting the bed for another long day tomorrow.

The weekdays should be super easy to control myself and my gaming urges but a lot more challenging when I'm not working a full 12 hour shift at work. 

Until tomorrow, later 

- Jess

[Mettermrck]

The best way I battle food cravings is to schedule my food, when I eat and what I eat so that I don't overeat. If I break down, I have something harmless around like sugar free popsicles for me.

[Tom2]

You should find other activities that make you interested, in order to beat cravings during your free time.

Keep it up! I look forward to reading your next story.

[albrechtjess]

Day 2

Made it through pretty easy, I had to work all day. I slept in longer than I had wanted but I'll fix that tomorrow. I tried this morning to figure out what to do with YouTube. Youtube has been such a curse on my productivity. I've been gaming a lot less since I found GameQuitters 2 years ago, but watching Gaming videos on youtube has more or less become my primary issue and destroyer of productivity.

I recognize that it is ultimately how I choose to handle stress and boredom so that's a big part of what I need to work on. I have two YouTube accounts with one free of gaming content so I'll primarily use that for consuming YouTube such as Cam's Videos and a few other Channels I actually enjoy. I feel like I would enjoy Vlogging a bit so maybe I'll pick something like that up but right now I really enjoy the interaction I'm getting here on the forums with the daily journals. If the YouTube gets out of hand I may have to block it. Is there a way to use the apps Cam recommended to block YouTube except for Cam's Channel? 

Twitter and my career direction are another thing I need to figure out. I've been a lot more active on twitter this year but unfortunately a big part of my twitter is my gaming identity so I follow a lot of gamers and game developers. I've graduated college with a Bachelors in Computer Science and I think I'd still like to work at Microsoft and I always wanted to work either on Halo or on the Xbox team. I think I'll figure things out during my Respawn but I'm still open to that being my career direction and also not being my career direction. Regardless of my social networking on twitter I uninstalled the app as it's not important for me right now.

What is important to me right now is solving my stress habits and getting back into software engineering so I can get a job in the field. I didn't go through 6 years of school to not make it into the tech industry in some fashion. I know I need to start reading, programming, and applying for jobs so I can meet my goals by the end of the summer. 

That's ultimately my goal with respawn. To get on the track I want to be. To be doing the things I always say I want to do but never do because I'm playing games or watching YouTube more than I'm developing them or engineering. 

I'm really enjoying the forums here, it gives me a place to vent to positive people that are struggling with a lot of the same issues I am and it feels very inclusive.

Thank you Cam for creating such a place for us <3 

The best way I battle food cravings is to schedule my food, when I eat and what I eat so that I don't overeat. If I break down, I have something harmless around like sugar free popsicles for me.

I like this idea. I plan on going to costco tomorrow for some more food that I can make some good scheduled meals. I do a good job at work but not so much when I'm not at work. 

You should find other activities that make you interested, in order to beat cravings during your free time.

Keep it up! I look forward to reading your next story.

Thank you Tom <3 I plan on doing a lot of programming and job searching but I recognize I should make time for some other enjoyable activities as well like skateboarding, swimming, and reading. My cravings come a lot from my stress response but I also need to work on my stress perception as well. Some things I perceive as really stressful when really they are not and I think that comes from anxiety and fear of wasted time that I could spend on gaming so hopefully things will get better in time <3  

 

 

[Onlysoul]

Its interesting that i always hated watching gaming videos on youtube. Rather i will play these game not watch other people playing. I am the 90s generation.

 

I write you what i have done (inspiration):

- quit social media except linkedin

- unistall and delete my pc games, movies, music just everything

- start meditation (headspace.com  current status: 23 days in row)

- practice language on site called duolingo

- forgive myself and my parents, relatives, etc

- buy book Davil Allen Getting things done (I found that it is good have some system in your life)

- exercise, walk with dog, cycling etc.

- yes i'm watching youtube too but only interesting channels like ted.com, improvement pill, happify, English lessons...

- start with baby steps in everything you do! Bigger tasks split into smaller. Work 2 minutes than pause etc. It's very powerful!

Last advice: “If you always do what you’ve always done, you’ll always get what you’ve always got.” 

 

Be strong! 

Edited June 29, 2017 by Onlysoul

[albrechtjess]

Day 3

Woo! I passed out before I could begin writing. Yesterday was incredibly frustrating at work with a lot of employees frustrated with many things plus a little bit of drama. Being a manager of a private business is hard especially when there's not a lot of policies and procedures in place and the owners are just upstairs giving all the orders. Anyways I did pretty well in managing my food cravings yesterday at work. I was able to pass up ice cream and pizza. Mostly from not feeling good from the first ice cream haha luckily they were small. I could picture myself taking them all home but I didn't.

Just remembered I have a personal therapy appointment. I think quitting games will help me a lot with some of my problems. Curious to see what my therapist has to say. 

I started looking for meetup groups but I also need to list my activities. Making my way through the respawn process, I need to change my journal format too but will do that when I get done with therapy  

BRB 

- Jess Albrecht

 

[Mettermrck]

Sounds like you had a lot of positive things yesterday despite the frustration. Yes, we had a snack day yesterday and I had to resist the brownies and donuts! But I did have a few small meatballs and enjoyed those.

    And I have a counselor appt today. We're on the same wavelength haha. Keep going!

[giblets]

I am curious to see your new format! I am after a better one for mine since I had a massive anxiety relapse a few months ago, now it's not structured.

[albrechtjess]

Day 4

Time I woke up: 8am

Time I went to sleep yesterday:  2am

Gratitude journal:

All the yummy treats and my general manager talking to some employees and helping me out 

One amazing thing that happened/I did today:

I woke up early and before 10 though I was really tired afternoon and took a nap while thinking about my re spawn activities

Weekly Goal(s)

Daily Journal Each day and work a bit through respawn each day

Monthly Goal

Apply for 4 Jobs

3 Month Goal

Get a programming Job

What went well today:

Work went pretty well and I woke up early which was nice along with my therapist appointment. Also got my laundry all done. 

What I could have done to make my day better:

Ate a little less ice cream and slept a bit less so I could have got more work done on respawn

What I will do differently tomorrow:

Push through the napping by showering a bit earlier. Could also just be a bad time for me. Not sure. 

 

Thought Vent:

Thought I'd try this new format but not sure if I like it. I like the parts about my goals and when I woke up and some of the other questions. Maybe I'll keep it as a Header or footer but I like to vent and explore my thoughts in paragraphs. 

I felt a heavy craving to play Halo after watching my room mate when I Got home. It's definitely something I'll be missing. Halo has been a huge part of my life. I certainly plan on returning to the community after my detox, hopefully with a fresh outlook. I want to help the gaming community in some way. I enjoy what cam has done and I think there's a lot that people should apply in raising children and living your life. Games can certainly fit in but they need to remain just that: games. Nothing more and nothing less. It's strange they've sort of shifted into this lifestyle for a lot of people and it can certainly be unhealthy if one doesn't fix or focus on life issues like myself and others here on the forums. 

I don't know though, part of me feels like our capitalist economy is not going to do anything about games and addiction. Especially when people profit off addiction and it's only going to get worse, especially with the amount of children growing up with Ipads. The focus on endless consumption sort of frustrates me and I'm not sure if I want to be a part of it but certainly a lot of our economy is based on consumption. If I stick to services though at least it'd feel more ethical. 

Anyways, found some activities I'll be doing. When I want to be mentally engaged my go-to activity will be programming projects. When I’m tired my go-to activity will be writing and reading. To make more friends my go-to activity will be meet ups or interacting on facebook groups. When I feel bored my go-to activity will be small programming problems and when I’m feeling stressed my go-to activity will be meditation. My backups will be learning about making a business, listening to podcasts, and hiking and exploring. Alternate environments include the library and mall down the street, the apartment offices, and a friends house.

Now I plan on reading a bit of respawn and hitting the bed, goodnight everyone <3 

- Jess 

[Mettermrck]

Yeah, what Cam warns about with the next generation, with ipads and VR is scary. You really have things, organized Jess and know what you're trying to achieve. That's awesome...

[albrechtjess]

Day 5

Time I woke up: 10am

Time I went to sleep yesterday:  2am

Gratitude journal:

Thankful for my fellow work employees that drove my drunk ass home today and my gm who stayed late to help us get through everything

One amazing thing that happened/I did today:

I gave a few employees a free session of lazer tag to end the night

Weekly Goal(s)

Daily Journal Each day and work a bit through respawn each day

Monthly Goal

Apply for 4 Jobs

3 Month Goal

Get a programming Job

What went well today:

Work went well, I got some respawn done, had a nice little workout and got some cleaning done

What I could have done to make my day better:

got a bit more programming done. Less lying around delaying things.

What I will do differently tomorrow:

Stay focused on spending my time wisely.

Thought Vent:

Today was wild. My employees drove me home after a big shot of vodka which I could not handle. It's been awhile since I had had vodka and it made me all sorts of loopy at the bar haha. I don't drink like ever but like to get one drink when I go out with friends. Well that one drink was one too much haha definitely so thankful for them driving me home. I was gonna just sleep in my car but I guess that's not okay. 

I had a few cravings with my room mate playing Halo all day. I got a workout in but it's hard to not talk games or be interested in them when my room mates play them all of the time. I will be having a good relaxing day tomorrow and will have the chance to meet some Halo Developers at a meetup which should be interesting. I plan on asking them about work, games, life balance because I imagine there's is a bit crazy when working on a passion project like Halo. It'll be good to get some background knowledge on it all especially when I'm trying to adjust my own balance. 

I found it hard to get started on my new routine but I eventually started on a programming problem. I think I know how to solve it too, I just need to write it up. 

Tomorrow should be amazing as I'll get to see a partner of mine and get ready for a few days of camping. I will try to journal while camping but I'm not sure how the cell service will be. We'll see when I get there. 

- Jess 

Edited July 2, 2017 by albrechtjess
Forgot to update the Day

[Mettermrck]

You're doing great, Jess. I like your journal, Jess, very well organized. Just keep focusing on getting through the next 24 hours without video games and the next and the next. It makes the task seem less daunting and pretty soon the cravings will decrease without you even knowing it.

[albrechtjess]

You're doing great, Jess. I like your journal, Jess, very well organized. Just keep focusing on getting through the next 24 hours without video games and the next and the next. It makes the task seem less daunting and pretty soon the cravings will decrease without you even knowing it.

I like that perspective. Just one day at a time day by day, hour after hour

[Onlysoul]

Be aware of alcohol. A good servant but a bad master! When you are drunk your willpower is affected and you are less in controll. Drunk= bigger chance to PMO, Gaming etc. 

[albrechtjess]

Indeed, I was actually a tad scared of that when I got home. I could feel my looseness and didn't want to jump on the games so I got right onto gamequitters and started writing  

[albrechtjess]

Had a pretty dope day, I really enjoyed hanging out with friends and seeing a lovely sexual partner of mine. I played a little bit of games at the Microsoft store with my friends because I was there socializing and helping out with testing for an event. It was certainly fun but I've still got to stick to my goal of no games at home. I don't think video games would be as bad if they didn't have online components and they required in person multiplayer. Like it would provide a medium for people to come together like a board or card game and prevent people from being lonely and obsessive. That's what I enjoyed a lot about the original Halo, I always played with friends and would read books and make cardboard Halo guns at home in my spare time. When I got online it's as if all my spare time disappeared because I wanted to be a pro Halo Player. 

I was able to find that book Cam recommended at the Amazon book store called "The $100 Startup" and am looking forward to reading it. I also got a little programming project to work on potentially for some tournaments at the Microsoft store so that'll be fun. 
 

Pretty tired and need to go to bed, might have service at the lake but might not. I'll do my best to get a Journal out tomorrow but if I can't I'll just take one on my phone and upload when I'm back in civilization haha  

Later -

Jess 

[albrechtjess]

Day 7

 

Today was pretty easy to avoid games. My roommate brought the switch but I had no desire to play. I think it's cool that you can bring it places and play but eh at the same time with battery life and such. Regardless it was a good day. Drive was nice, ate too much food at one point though when's I recognized I was just eating I stopped.

 

Been blowing through this startup book. I more or less started yesterday and I'm already 50 pages in or so. I keep thinking about my own skills and passions and what I could create as a product. My thoughts first focused on AR entertainment and software development but I also keep thinking about my communication and patience. Makes me curious if I could consult or help someone in some way socially or in relationships. I feel like I possibly could though it's not something I engage with in conversations too much but I feel like I'd like to give advice for. Just a desire of mine I suppose, to share my relationship ideas and thoughts. They certainly don't match up with everyone's but I think they're ethical and work out well for me. It'd certainly help craft the world in the image I'd like it to be.

 

Welp I think that'll do for now. Super tired and ready for some camping sleep Zzzz ?

-Jess 

[Mettermrck]

A good job staying away from games, Jess. It sounds like you were focused on activities that kept you engaged and away from games.

Edited July 4, 2017 by Mettermrck

[albrechtjess]

Day 8

Super tired but wanted to write something. I ate a lot today, happy to be home and looking forward to waking up in the morning and working on my new routine. 

Sweet dreams and goodnight everyone. Definitely been trying to focus on other activities. Thanks for your support Mettermrck ❤️

-Jess 

[Mettermrck]

You are awesome, Jess! You don't have much to write because you're busy and getting on with your life. I'm glad you still write in your journal each day, Jess!

[albrechtjess]

Day 9

Work on my routine took too long to get started. I ran into quite a few problems with stress eating as I was trying to work on some programs and problems. I also was escaping to YouTube Music Videos and dating apps. The dating apps are fun but I can tell they're a distraction that I use when I am bored and I need to work on resolving that habit. 

I made some work on my routine using my google calendar. Going to make the best of tomorrow so that it doesn't turn out like today. I need to remember that this is for the new me and finding a new job so I need to focus some of my energy on applications and cover letters as well as development. I have found a meetup group for next Sunday that I think i'm going to go to. I'm a tad torn between that and this Halo Tournament. Both are good networking opportunities for some of my long term goals but I think the Meetup group would possibly help me more though I'm unsure and it depends on whether I can finish this bracket making program for the tournament. We'll see how things go for me this week. 

- Jess 

[albrechtjess]

Day 10

1/9th of the way there. I still find myself in these unhealthy patterns of handling stress but I think I'm getting a little better with some of them. Still struggle to stop eating at work but it's so hard sometimes because I get so frustrated and tired of working there. Just need to make the best of it and everyday so that I can move on. I did good with waking up and following my routine. When I returned from my date I didn't follow my routine because I hadn't set one. Tomorrow I'll have to change that so I actually do something. Welp I'll keep on keeping on. 

- Jess

[Tom2]

I wasn't doing great for couple of days, but today is different. I'm sure you can make change too!

[Mettermrck]

You're doing great, Jess. You're very aware of where you still need to improve and work at it.

[albrechtjess]

Day 11

I felt frustrated from committing too much time to someone and now it's sort of ruined my attraction for them. I just need more time for myself at the moment and I think I'm going to take it. I wanted to spend more time on a project this week but prioritized her. I think I learned the even sexual connection can be used as an escape and I could feel myself doing that. Social and sexual connection is certainly important but I think I just need to chill.

Work was horrific, there were a lot of things that weren't communicated and it was long and frustrating. I'm hoping today and next week are better. I also feel like I need to write more. I feel on edge like my desire to escape is pulling me away. I still try to escape things through socializing and food because they pull me away from other things I find stressful.

- Jess