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KevinV1990

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April 10, 2017 - 32 days without gaming

So I read this article on the New York Times today (the one Cam included in his mail), in which some "experts" state that you can't get addicted to games. This made me so angry, and I realized that there still is much more work to be done. How can gaming addicts get help, when people don't take a gaming addiction seriously? Of course Game Quitters is there for them, but you can't reach everyone. I wrote an article on my own (Dutch) site, in which I contradict everything that has been written in that article of the New York Times. You can read it here: https://www.kevinvoetelink.nl/blog/over-gameverslaving/kan-verslaafd-raken-aan-videogames/

I know that I shouldn't make myself angry over this kind of things, but it isn't just anger that I have. Again I felt that people weren't taking me serious, that they acted that something I felt doesn't exist, and they gave me the feeling that I don't exist. I've been taking that shit for almost all of my adolescence, and I am not willing to do that ever again. I just thought about sending my article to some Dutch newspapers, because I'm really fed up with these so called "experts".

Ok, let's be positive now. I've been searching for a new job this day, and have applied to some jobs. It feels like taking the next step in my life, like it could be the start of something new, something better. I know that these jobs aren't my dream jobs, but I need to have a job, until I have published a best selling book. Writing a book is my main goal, and I know that I will be reaching that goal in the near future. B|

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April 16, 2017 - 38 days without gaming

So I haven't been on this site recently. Why? I don't know, I guess I didn't feel the need to come here. I have been busy sorting out my life, read some self development books, and I am in the running for a new job. Everything is going great you might think. And it is going great.

Haven't even thought about playing video games the pas week. I still find that weird, as I played video games every day up until the day that I stopped playing. You would have thought that it would be hard to not think about gaming at all, but it isn't.

I didn't work much on my book about gaming addiction. I thought about it, but I didn't write. I need to find another angle which makes it easier to write. Maybe I need to be more selfish, and write the book for myself, make the story go about me. A whole different angle, but with kind of the same message. Let's see how that turns out.

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I didn't even think about games either. Gaming was a method of satisfaction and there are many others that amount to the same outcome.

You're writing a book? Nice! I'm not very proficient with writing factual stuff but you could write a bit about yourself for sure. Just don't personalize it too much. Intertwine your own experiences with main concepts of gaming. That way the reader has some sort of story to get a grip of but also a presentation of ideas.

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I didn't even think about games either. Gaming was a method of satisfaction and there are many others that amount to the same outcome.

You're writing a book? Nice! I'm not very proficient with writing factual stuff but you could write a bit about yourself for sure. Just don't personalize it too much. Intertwine your own experiences with main concepts of gaming. That way the reader has some sort of story to get a grip of but also a presentation of ideas.

Yeah, I am mostly inspired by Stephen Kings book, On Writing. In this book he writes about his personal life/experiences, but also gives some great tips on writing.

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Your going really well Kevin. Not returning to the forum for a while is normal. I had the same urges and didn't understand. I saw so many people post every day but it shows that you deal with this in another manner then journaling. Keep using this as a check is my tip however! 

 

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April 18, 2017 - 40 days without gaming

When I woke up today, I really didn't feel like going to work. I am just done with getting up at 5:00 for something which I don't even like to do. The new job that I applied for, has working times between 5:00 to 23:00, and this morning I really wondered if I could live with getting up at 4:00, when I need to start at 5:00. But then again, I am thinking about my mood at my current job. This mood will of course be totally different when I'm in a new environment. I really hope that I will get that new job. The best thing about that would be that I can tell my current (bitchy) boss that I quit B|:P. Nah, I just need a new challenge and a job where I can grow, that would be the best thing.

Something strange happened yesterday. For the first time since I started the 90-day detox, I wanted to play a video game. As I don't plan to quit gaming completely (yet), I would have been allowed to play a game. But I didn't, and that is because of the reason I wanted to play a video game. The reason that I wanted to play, was because I didn't had a good day. I don't know why it wasn't a good day, but it just wasn't. But hey, I survived the day :).

What I really want to do, is taking more steps towards the best version of myself, since I feel that my progression is going too slow. I just don't know how to progress at a higher rate, since I didn't really think about it before the start of this year. Well... A new job would help. When I get that job, I want to find an apartment (nothing too big), and from there I could make the next steps.

NOTE TO SELF: START WRITING THAT BOOK ALREADY!!!

Your going really well Kevin. Not returning to the forum for a while is normal. I had the same urges and didn't understand. I saw so many people post every day but it shows that you deal with this in another manner then journaling. Keep using this as a check is my tip however! 

 

Thanks! I guess that I felt kinda guilty for not coming to the forum. But I will always return someday, and will keep journaling.

Edited by KevinV1990

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April 20, 2017 - Six weeks without gaming

Kaboom! Just got the call that I have a new job, so I'm f***ing happy right now. I really have a good feeling about this job. I will start to work part-time, which I don't mind, but the best thing about the job is that there are many possibilities to grow. The sky is the limit, but I am planning to go even further. Have to go to my current job tomorrow to ask when I can leave. I hope that they won't give me a hard time. But hey, better times are coming.

You know what's a weird thing? After I finished the call, I received so much energy, almost like I can run a whole marathon right now. I like the feeling. Jeezz... I don't even know what to write now, for everything a first time :P. I am full of energy, and I'm god damn happy. That is what's important.

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April 22, 2017 - 44 days without gaming

So, I am getting into self development more and more. I'm reading a lot of books about the subject, and now I also want to do more research, and I want to write articles about it. And that is why I have decided to completely change my site. I chose another theme, I deleted articles which are not about self development and self knowledge, and am planning to commit myself to writing articles about the subject. Of course, getting rid of a gaming addiction also belongs on the site.

What I also did, was thinking about what kind of books I want to write. First I thought about writing fantasy, sci-fi and maybe some historical fiction. I will still write short fictional stories, but the books I'm planning to write will also be about self development, with the first book being about my struggles with a gaming addiction. It feels good to have some kind of direction now.

If you want to check out the site, here is the link (articles are written in Dutch): https://www.kevinvoetelink.nl/

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April 25, 2017 - 47 days without gaming

I had a bad day yesterday. Didn't want to play video games, but I just had an off-day and didn't want to do anything. So what did I do yesterday? Absolutely nothing. At first I felt bad about that, but now not so much anymore. Why should I be productive every single day? Because society says so? Well, f*** society then, it's not like they did such a great job anyway. Nah, I'm doing my own thing and if that means that I will have an off-day every now and then, then so be it. In the past few weeks, I have learned that you need to rest too, something which they forget to tell in (almost) all those motivational speeches. Having an off-day yesterday also inspired me to write an article about it on my site, so eventually something good came out of it.

I am really struggling with writing my book. I just don't seem to find the right style in which I want to write the book. It is starting to get frustrating, but I will keep on trying.

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You don't have to work every day for sure! Just do something meaningful every day. I find every action snowballs: good or bad.

Yeah, but what is meaningful? And why should everything that I do be meaningful? Meaningful is abstract and almost everyone will have their own opinion about what is meaningful to do. I think that it was a good thing for me to just listen to my body and mind, and not do anything that day. Many people don't think that that is meaningful, and that I'm just being lazy (which also isn't a bad thing). I think that the pressure from society, of us needing to do something meaningful/good/important everyday, is one of the main reasons that people start to feel overwhelmed, miserable when they don't live up to society standards, and stressed out (burn-out) when they just can't keep up. That is the point where possible addictions will arise. People will start drinking much more, using drugs, or will get addicted to playing video games, because they feel that that is the only way to relax and empty their minds.

I think that it is an important thing that people must learn to listen to their body, and not only physically but also mentally. Learn that will not be the end of the world when you will be lazy for one day. What is the worst thing that could happen?

Sometimes the most "productive" thing you can do is to not do anything! 

Yeah! That is something which I've learned the past few weeks.

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April 26, 2017 - 48 days without gaming

And suddenly my mind gives me the perfect idea on how I have to write my book. Doing nothing last Monday really helped me to recharge, and I'm ready to take some steps toward my best self again.

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Yup! that's what I mean by meaningful. You didn't just sit there and drool out the window did you? Trust your gut! Don't study your dick of just because they told ya! You got it! Fuck the system!

You're right about this body mind thing. I've been having serious problems with daydreaming lately. I haven't been meditating properly lately either. Been too much on the yang side of things lately. Gotta get me some of that sweet sweet yin!

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April 27, 2017 - 49 days without gaming

I will reach a new milestone tomorrow, 50 days without playing video games. Two days ago, I talked about the pressure that society gives you about being productive every day. While I don't agree with that you will have to be productive every day, I still feel the pressure. I have the feeling that I didn't do enough with all the time I received in the past fifty days. Maybe I put the bar too high, but that is just how I am. That is why I am going to write down the things I did the past weeks, of which I'm proud off.

  1. Found a new job
  2. Haven't been playing video games for the past weeks
  3. Started writing a book
  4. I have started drawing again
  5. Haven't bought video games for the past weeks
  6. Have been reading a lot of books about self-improvement
  7. I also implemented much of the information in my life

While I can be proud of these things, I still feel that I didn't do enough. I really want to make bigger steps in life, and while I know that it will take some time, I want it to go much faster. It's making me feel kinda depressed.

Since my site (I really need to write an article again) now is all about self-development and self-knowledge, I am thinking about creating a site on which I will share my stories and poems. I am also thinking about turning my current site into a story and poetry platform. Every day I want something different, and it is starting to get on my nerves. Make a f***ing choice already!

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50 days without games is a huge accomplishment. Great job! It's also a big step for you to recognize the need for you to take a step back and acknowledge yourself for the things you have done! 

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April 28, 2017 - 50 DAYS WITHOUT GAMING!

So today I have reached the 50-day milestone, and I'm proud of it. I'm always talking about celebrating these milestones, but I actually never do that. Thought about doing something special today, and I've decided to give you a little history lesson about the reasons which made me got addicted to games, but also how my past shaped me to who I am today.

  • When I was 12 years old I got severe acne problems, mostly on my face. I got bullied because of it, but the worst thing wasn't even the bullying. The worst thing was that people were even sometimes shunning me. That was the thing that hurt me the most. All of this made me very insecure about myself, and I lost my trust in people. This is something which I still take with me, and which I really need to learn to let go. That's only easier said than done.
  • In the summer of 2004 or 2005, I got a Playstation 2 for my birthday. From that day, all the pocket money that I received was spent by buying new games. Since there was a store in the mall which sold second hand games, I got to buy many games for less money. I started to use gaming as an escaping method, wanting to escape from the real world. I hated almost everything and everyone, and I started to isolate myself from that real world. The world in the Role Playing Games which I really liked to play were a much better place to be.
  • In 2007 I hoped to make a brand new start when I got to community college (I think that is how it's called) to learn about marketing. But nothing changed, and the people there were just as bad as they were on secondary school. I quit that school in 2008 and started to work.
  • I actually got a job from October 2008 to April 2009, and it paid much better than the jobs which many of the people in my age group did. Money almost seemed to be growing on trees. I bought myself new shoes/sneakers every month, got myself the latest games, and during that period I probably also bought my XBox 360. The thing I did with buying games for the PS2, I also did for the XBox 360. Buy many games, for less money.
  • After the summer of 2010, I went to community college again to study social work. Because I was about three years older than many of the other people in the class, I learned to let go of my insecurity a little bit. But I got bored with the lessons. Because we had to bring our laptop to class, I started to play games in class with a few other people. We had to do something. You might think that my grades weren't very good during that time, but you might want to reconsider those thoughts, since my grades were perfect. December 2010 was the month in which I got irritated about the childish behavior of about 95% of my fellow students, I really got bored with the lessons, and I heard that teachers were gossiping about students to other students and teachers. I roughly said that they could fuck themselves, and in February 2011, I quit again.
  • In January 2012 I got a new job. The work was kind of boring, but I really liked the team which I worked with. I got better at the job and in a short period of time, I was one off the best employees. The same month, I started to write again. I built my first website/blog on Wordpress, and I started to write. I still played video games, but somehow I played way less than before. As of today, I still don't know what slowly made my gaming addiction go away. It took some time before it really was gone, but every small step was one step closer. I think that it was in 2014 when I really had overcome my gaming addiction.
  • In 2016 and the start off 2017, I started to buy a lot of games again. I haven't been addicted to playing video games for some years now, but I got addicted to buying games again, and I got kinda scared that I would get a relapse. Because I wasn't really feeling good about myself, I thought that the relapse would probably win, and that I would be taken back to a gaming addiction again. That is why I decided to stop buying video games, and to sell that games which I didn't really play.
  • March 2017 I saw one off Cam's videos, and I decided to join this forum. I started writing this journal at the 15th of March, on which I already hadn't been playing video games for six days.
  • April 1st the New York Times wrote an article which stated that you can't get addicted to playing video games. This article made me very mad, and it felt like I got joked about. That is why I decided to write a book about gaming addiction, and how you can get rid off it.
  • April 20th I had an interview for a new job, and I got it. So at May 22nd I will start at my new job.

This is a rough timeline off my gaming addiction. I might have forgotten about something, but if I forgot about it, it wasn't important anyway ;). I still have to live with my insecurity and my distrust in people, but I'm taking steps in the right direction. Every small step is one step closer to becoming the best version of myself.

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April 29, 2017 - 51 days without gaming

So it was BookstoreDay today, which means that it was a happy day for me. I really was looking forward to visiting the bookstores and buy me some books, but I first had to go to work. Done at 12 P.M and rushed to my favorite bookstore. They had one of the limited BookstoreDay books, so I bought that one and another book which sounds promising. But I did want to buy another book which had a big discount today (from €35 to €20), so I went to the other bookstore in the same street. I found the book that I wanted and also found a book which I wanted to read for some time now. A great book haul if I say so myself.

I got a new idea for new stories today. I don't know if that idea will turn into a book, or that I will turn that idea into short stories. Both seem to fit the idea and I'm really looking forward to start writing again.

 

Bookstoreday Haul.jpg

Edited by KevinV1990

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May 2, 2017 - 54 days without gaming

I haven't been working on myself for the past two days because I decided that I wanted to relax for the weekend. But I went to a safety training at my new job, so I did something. The most important thing is that I'm relaxed. I don't feel any pressure anymore, which is a good thing.

Last Saturday I told about my new ideas for stories. I have been working on them that night, and I really like what I'm writing so far.

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May 4, 2017 - 56 days without gaming

Damn, I have a headache and I can't seem to get rid of it. Nevertheless, I'm in a great mood today. My favorite football (soccer) club Ajax played a great match yesterday (4-1 victory). Just one more semi-final leg, and we will be playing the final of the Europa League, the first one since 1996. I am also happy because I have the week off next week.

Haven't been doing very much with my goals lately, haven't written very much too, so I really need to step up my game. I'm sure that it will work out, but I need to do the work and no one else. Have to remember that.

Loved your 50 days update! 

Thanks!

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May 6, 2017 - 58 days without gaming

I'm so happy that I will quit my job in two weeks for another one. Almost didn't get my week off next week, because I supposedly didn't have enough vacation days. A bit weird, when I work way more hours than I'm supposed to. Apparently they screwed up the vacation hours of many other people so I'm not the only one, but I didn't give up my free week. Maybe they will charge me a little bit of money when my contract finishes over there, but I really don't care. They just get on my nerves over there, and I just really need this week. If I have to pay €50 to €100 to have that week, then so be it. I really don't care anymore and am looking forward to my new job.

Drew a Zentangle today (https://www.zentangle.com/zentangle-method), and thought that it was a fun thing to do, and also very relaxing. Maybe it will become a new hobby. Who knows? Haven't been working on my book lately, but I really like to write for my site again. And as long as I am writing, I'm feeling good.

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May 7, 2017 - 59 days without gaming

Tomorrow I haven't been playing video games for two months. It's really weird when I'm thinking about it, that it hasn't been very hard. I really have been shifting my attention to other activities, which most of the time are healthier and more useful. And the fun thing is, that I like these activities even more than I used to like gaming. Especially my writing has improved in the last two months. Recently I decided to clean up my site and to go a different way with it, and now I can't stop writing.

Maybe because of that, I just know that everything will work out with my book too. I haven't been working on writing it the last few days, have been working on another story though, but I did work on many other things that will improve my life. That is a good thing. So I will keep on doing what I am doing now, and will keep improving my life.

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May 8, 2017 - 60 days without gaming

I've reached the two-month mark, and have not been gaming for 60 days now. The biggest accomplishment regarding to gaming, is that I've sold many of my games. Last week I sold five PS4 games again and some PS2 games. Every time when I sell some of my games I decide to buy something else with a part of the money. That way I get to see the other things I can do with the money which I would usually spend on games. It is a good way to quickly feel better when you've just sold some of the games you like. See this as my two month anniversary tip.

So, I don't have to work for a whole week now, and it feels good. After that just one more week at my current job before I can start at my new job.

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May 10, 2017

Today should have been my 62nd day without gaming, but I decided to play some matches of FIFA again. You could say that I didn't reach my goal to not play video games anymore, but this has never been my goal. My goal was to set my priorities straight again, and I did that. I've sold many of my PS4 games, got a new job, and I started to write more again (I'm even writing a book now). It's a good thing that I've accomplished these things, and I do think that it will be refreshing to stop gaming for some weeks every ones in a while. So I will be doing that in the future.

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