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GoodJob journal


GoodJob
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hi everyone. I intend to keep this journal for 90 days at least to track my own progress. and i know it will be very hard, but i will do it

 

starting it on january 19, its my 7 th day of detox, and i feel hopeless pretty much, went to sleep yesterday in  good hopeful mood, and woke up with a devastating feeling of hopelessness/ emptiness. im used to waking up in the morning and run to the computer and play games/browse videos all day. i now i need to change. and while writing this some thought came through my mind. maybe its not about gaming in my case, maybe its the necessity to make change, to get that job, to start doing practices, to sign up for a gym all the things i HAVE to do and im weak, i feel like i cant im not used to work and i have to and this is exactly what makes me sick wen i think about it. i put myself in position when im broke, alone and have no job and im not playing games and with so much time i must do something , but everything is overwhelmingly hard. maybe im just one of those losers. i didnt have that a month before, and i had power to stop annd do at least something, i used to go to the gym. Whats happening to me , anyone experienced anything like this? i feel like i need to do something, but at the same time i will throw up if i do...

 

edit: i ve been running in the morning since i started detox, but yesterday and today i had to force myself out pretty much. i felt decent, but once i came home this feeling of doom just came back, maybe i should relax and play a game, what if im just torturing myself nor no reason?

Edited by GoodJob
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You're not torturing yourself for no reason. Make baby steps, just aim at the 90 days for now - or 20, if that seems too much. At the end, you can decide if it was torture for no reason, but hang in there for now.

Psychosomatic symptoms, such as an unsettled stomach, are quite severe. Consider seeing a doctor and ensure not having a full fledged depression (I'm not BSing, rather safe than sorry - besides... going to the doc when feeling shitty is normal and should be a part of your new self!).

Whatever you do, hang in there!!

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Welcome GoodJob!

Your brain is used to the high level of stimulation that you get from games and it will trick you by any means to get you back to that level.

Everyone reacts differently on their detox. For me, the first week wasn't hard, but things started to get tough at sometime between the 40th day and the 60th day.

It's one of the reasons you have to prepare yourself for this journey if you wish to be successful. Check the resources available and build up a strong plan for yourself.

Good luck, mate! I'll be following along!

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yesterday i felt especially bad, like the worst day so far.

i pushed myself to run in the morning, but it didnt help much  and i actually went to a mental clinic, people really wanted to help me, but it seems like they didnt know how. But even just doing something, and being there helped me alot. seing that people are willing to help and im not alone is alot. i will be receiving a call later this week for some kind of follow up. rest of the day i got hopeful. I saw that im not stuck forever in that vegetative state and it made me happy for the 1st time in 7 days. Was making alot of plans for future, visualizing my recovery success. I can see that i need to things outside of the comfort of the house/computer environment, as when im around it triggers my old memory of gaming times.

came back home late, browsed a few motivational videos, meditated and went to sleep.

 

what i did well : walked ALOt, more than  i did in the past month, went to a clinic, run in the morning, meditation

plan for today : sign up for gym.

Edited by GoodJob
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It might help you to successfully live day by day. Like, try to focus on the actual day. If you remember times from a month ago, it might make you sad, because in your memory, everything seems like it has been a great time. You most likely had some issues there as well, but your mind keeps fooling you by showing only the things that have been "better". On the other hand, if make your mind move to the future by visualizing a dark, hopeless time, you will feel hopeless right now, because your image of your future is dark and hopeless. That leaves you on your current day with the feeling that things have been better and that your future does not look too bright. So the solution is to try and focus on what you do right now.

If you feel bad right now, try to find an activity that will put you in a different mood. If you feel like a loser tell yourself that this is day X on your journey and that you already managed to withstand from gaming for a while. 

Also, when I remember the beginning of my detox, it was like this: First week, I felt uber-awesome. I had a new goal, a new mindset and I thought that I am working on something big. Second week, I felt like crap and wanted to throw the towel. Just like Reno said, your brain is used to hyper-stimulation and it takes time to find a balance.

Try to focus on the current day. Set goals that you can actually achieve. Small, daily goals. Make clear goals to see clear progress and reward yourself for what you accomplish.

A last thing: Do not overburden yourself in the beginning. You might feel bad right now, but putting a huge load of goals on your shoulders will not change your feeling. Rather try to minimize your goals and cut them into tiny goals. I am just saying this because if you do not achieve a goal you have set, you might feel bad about. So, if you really sign up for the gym, set tiny goals. Every step you take is good. Just don't try to make a huge leap in the beginning.

Lastly, you are not a loser and you know that. Otherwise, you would not even try to make a change in your life. ;) So, try to see yourself as a valuable being. You got this under control!

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A last thing: Do not overburden yourself in the beginning. You might feel bad right now, but putting a huge load of goals on your shoulders will not change your feeling. Rather try to minimize your goals and cut them into tiny goals. I am just saying this because if you do not achieve a goal you have set, you might feel bad about. So, if you really sign up for the gym, set tiny goals. Every step you take is good. Just don't try to make a huge leap in the beginning.

Lastly, you are not a loser and you know that. Otherwise, you would not even try to make a change in your life. ;) So, try to see yourself as a valuable being. You got this under control!

thanks, regular robert. thats exactly what im doing now.  im thinking that i could have had everything right now and i should do everything but end up doing pretty much nothing. plus im stil fighting this feeling of meaninglessness every morning

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i pushed myself to run in the morning, but it didnt help much  and i actually went to a mental clinic, people really wanted to help me, but it seems like they didnt know how. But even just doing something, and being there helped me alot.

Yea!! This is the shit! You're awesome. Keep on punchin' back!!

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