Jay's Journey of a Journal

[Jaydarian]

I wonder to myself, why do I want to play? I can feel the pull of being immersed in the story of a gaming world.

So it seems the need of temporary escape is satiated by video games. What did I need to escape from?

• Younger days:
  • Distant, authoritarian parents
  • Being an only child
  • Feeling bored at home
• In Uni:
  • stressing out because of homework, tests
  • extremely unsure what I was studying was what I loved to do
• Currently:
  • Uncertainty about my future

I definitely understand how I used video games for social connection. Most friendships were made through games (video, card, board). I felt that a person was cool depending on their knowledge of game history. I also used to read game magazines. Most notably though - I developed a social connection in college with friends through LoL, HoN, and DOTA2. I was usually on the forums when I was in class or on the road. I felt like my sense of humor was in full expression on the forums. I had friends on skype, IRC, and in game. I enjoyed the social aspect of teaming up with players - like it was basketball. I was also addicted to streams. I enjoyed the gamer's entertainment on a stream, and enjoyed the chat community. I feel like the most funniest moments of my life were in the chat when remarkable moments happened. I enjoyed watching competitive play and interacting with teams and/or spectators. I enjoyed reading Reddit posts - guides, AMAs, rants, dev updates. 

As for Constant Measurable Growth, it seems to me I felt like I had purpose other than what my parents wanted for me. I did not approach them much about my life other than basic needs (food, water, driving to school, etc.). I can see how having clear goals in video games made me feel like I was achieving something. I felt better by "winning" because I clearly achieved goals faster than my opponent(s). I was never into collecting or completing games 100%.

The need for Challenge was definitely met. I feel like I was so stimulated on all parts of my brain by building a team (in strategy games) and executing tactics. I also felt the challenge to improve a skill - and I could find online resources (through gaming communities) to get better. Some games contained many characters and I loved exploring what they were and how they fit into a team or how I could use the character - this is a challenge. Today, I still feel like games challenge some parts of my brain unlike anything else. Taking chess, for example, makes me think in a way no other hobby or profession has - especially in thinking steps ahead.

[dandielionous]

@Jaydarian Hooked: How To Make Habit-Forming Products

Hooked: How to Build Habit-Forming Products

 

Edited December 18, 2016 by dandielionous

[Cam Adair]

Good job starting your journal! 

[Reno F]

Acknowledging that I was using games to escape was a big step to me. Welcome, Jaydarian!

[Jaydarian]

@dandielionous thanks for sharing. I recall playing Flappy Bird - I don't recall me or my friends being particularly addicted  Anyhow, after reading the article I see how nearly every "hit" game is filled with aggressive tactics for the user to form habits (especially phone games)

@Cam Adair Thank you and hello!

Today I went to sleep at 9AM and woke up at 3pm.

I talked to two friends on the phone for 30 minutes each. I am living by my value of connection by reaching out to people often and talking about anything. I've noticed that I have had a difficult time keeping friendships.

I never thought about playing games until now, 2:16AM. I took a nap around 11pm - and now I'm unsure what to do.

I fulfilled a few desires today: to read a book, to watch a lecture, to play guitar.

I now feel at an impasse - do I deserve to play a game? Have I earned it because I completed my good habits? I'm going to put it off for now - I will watch some more youtube lectures. 

Actually, I will look into male psychology about being open (something like this forum). It seems to be a sign of weakness to be emotionally vulnerable - my experience.

Edited December 19, 2016 by Jaydarian

[dandielionous]

I slept through the night last night!  I guess my body decided it wasn't going to get rewarded with a game at 3:15 AM.

Eating, hygiene, sleeping, not playing games.  It gets better.

Oh and writing here in our journals

 

[Cam Adair]

I am living by my value of connection by reaching out to people often and talking about anything. I've noticed that I have had a difficult time keeping friendships.

Good job reaching out. One of the most important ways to develop better friendships. 

[Mad Pharmacist]

How are you doing right now?