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Phoenix

Greetings!

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Hello people! My name is Thomas, I am 23 years old and from the Netherlands.
I have played video games for as long as I can remember. It all started off once I got a nintendo 64 present for my birthday. Playing Super Mario 64 and Ocarina of Time was a part of my childhood, I absolutely loved it (and I do not regret it). As time progressed, I got to play more and more games. During my childhood and teenage years I played online games such as Habbo hotel, Runescape, World of Warcraft, League of Legends, Diablo 3 and many more. The amount of time invested in these games account for over thousands of hours. My whole teenage years are wasted because of this. Looking back, it was a dark period of my life, mindlessly filling a void by gaming. But... I have to move forward and leave the past. I have to learn communication skills in order to function in my future work field. But that's not the main reason, I want to live life to its fullest and make new friends.

Today is the day I quit gaming. I have quit video gaming cold turkey twice: in 2011 and in 2013 (do you feel a pattern? ;)). But eventually I came back to gaming. I didn't understand it, wouldn't deleting my games and accounts be the end of my gaming addiction? But this is different. I have deleted all my characters and games. This was probably the hardest part for me. The amount of hours I've put in my characters... gone. What pushed me was the 'sunk cost fallacy' theory. It means the amount of hours I've put in the game are lost. The decisions I made were not based on future results, but on emotional value attached to my characters. I learned through Respawn that just deleting games isn't enough. I have to find a new hobby or activities to do in my spare time. As a fanatic runner, which I've been for over 12 years despite gaming, I have my portion of mental engagement. So I need to find a resting and social activity. Sure I could run more, but there will still be a big void of time in my day. I have to find new hobbies. The problem is becoming more socialable. I honestly don't know where to start. My sport club alone isn't enough to make new friends since it are always the same faces. The problem is that most people tend to go with friends to go to other places, like parties, bars, concerts and events to meet more people and make new friends. But those that don't have somebody to go with are left behind. This is a vicious circle I'm in for years. I don't want to be alone anymore.

Anyway, today I started off pretty well if I say so myself. Deleting my games was a big step. Now I'm figuring out what to do next...

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Hello Phoenix!

Thank you for sharing you story with us. Most if not all of us went through a similar path to yours and it's okay! I keep thinking that if maybe I didn't play anything at all would let me being here trying to improve myself and learning a lot! I think that's a good perspective to have :)

Leaving games cold turkey works, but not if you can't find anything to fill "the void". But I find that even if we relapse, some of the reasons to stop gaming or some of the things we learned stays with us! As Marcus Aurelius wrote "When circumstances force you to some sort of distress, quickly return to yourself. Do not stay out of rhythm for longer than you must: you will master the harmony the more by constantly going back to it." (6.11). I'm finding some of his quotes to ressonate with me a lot!

Personally, I'm not a fan of making friends at parties/bars, etc... Only because of the people there, I don't want to meet people who enjoy staying until late hours, getting drunk, almost wasting their time. But I can see why people like to make friends there. At the moment I can't give you any tips on how to go to parties without a friend, besides just chatting to random groups...

One thing you could do is join groups. Is there any running club near you? If not, why not make one? :D

Congratulations for returning back to this path!

Take care

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Hey Thomas! Great to have you join us here! I love the Netherlands. I hope to come back this spring. We'll see!

First, thank you for purchasing Respawn, it means a lot to me.

Next, I'm proud of you for taking the step to delete your games and characters - it's a BIG one so make sure you take a second to acknowledge yourself for it.

If you haven't seen these videos, they will help on the social side. SpiNips is also working on the social stuff in this thread and this thread. One of the keys is to start organizing things, even if it's just with one person (or even just yourself.) That way you become a leader and give other people a reason to come hang out, instead of sitting around (playing victim) and waiting for others to do it for you.

Excited to follow your journey!

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This may be your third quitting attempt, but I think it will be your first successful one!

Make yourself a journal and post (even if it's a tiny post) every day. Many here will be able to help you along the way.

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?

?

Hello Phoenix!

Thank you for sharing you story with us. Most if not all of us went through a similar path to yours and it's okay! I keep thinking that if maybe I didn't play anything at all would let me being here trying to improve myself and learning a lot! I think that's a good perspective to have :)

Leaving games cold turkey works, but not if you can't find anything to fill "the void". But I find that even if we relapse, some of the reasons to stop gaming or some of the things we learned stays with us! As Marcus Aurelius wrote "When circumstances force you to some sort of distress, quickly return to yourself. Do not stay out of rhythm for longer than you must: you will master the harmony the more by constantly going back to it." (6.11). I'm finding some of his quotes to ressonate with me a lot!

Personally, I'm not a fan of making friends at parties/bars, etc... Only because of the people there, I don't want to meet people who enjoy staying until late hours, getting drunk, almost wasting their time. But I can see why people like to make friends there. At the moment I can't give you any tips on how to go to parties without a friend, besides just chatting to random groups...

One thing you could do is join groups. Is there any running club near you? If not, why not make one? :D

Congratulations for returning back to this path!

Take care

?Hi Rodrigo!

I am amazed how many people here share the same path as I do. I feel like we're all into this together, developing a better lifestyle.
You're absolutely right about filling the void. I love the quote you wrote there.
About meeting new people at parties/bars: I just feel like I need to go to parties etc. to improve my social skills. I wouldn't wan't to meet people either who have a negative impact on me. I want to meet likeminded indivuals who share the same values. You could be right about clubs etc, but it's an idea. Of course there are other places like school and the gym to make more friends.

I actually am part of a running club but I've known these guys for years and we never really do anything outside of it.

Hey Thomas! Great to have you join us here! I love the Netherlands. I hope to come back this spring. We'll see!

First, thank you for purchasing Respawn, it means a lot to me.

Next, I'm proud of you for taking the step to delete your games and characters - it's a BIG one so make sure you take a second to acknowledge yourself for it.

If you haven't seen these videos, they will help on the social side. SpiNips is also working on the social stuff in this thread and this thread. One of the keys is to start organizing things, even if it's just with one person (or even just yourself.) That way you become a leader and give other people a reason to come hang out, instead of sitting around (playing victim) and waiting for others to do it for you.

Excited to follow your journey!

Hi Cam!?

Thanks for your response. I learned about gaming addiction from your article back on kingpinsocial. I appreciate the fact you specialized into the subject to further understand why and how it develops, and how how to quit video games developing a better lifestyle. Understanding why we game made me realise more and more that I was wasting my time and really gain nothing out of it. I think learning from someone who's been through it all is the best way instead of certain professors who tell you 'just study more'. So thank you for that.
I've read some of SpiNips journal and the struggle that comes with quitting games. It's interesting to see how people's life change for the better. Definitely will be checking out more journals!
As for leadership, I think I have found the right task for me. In my running group we usually have an annual event like bowling with the group, or lasergaming and eating afterwards. This was always fun and left me with good memories. Now the thing is, we haven't done that in like two years. Nobody really bothered to organize it all. People have either no time to organize it or don't want to (I think it's the latter ;)). I have never organized anything at all in my life, so I think this should be the right moment to make an effort and develop leadership.

This may be your third quitting attempt, but I think it will be your first successful one!

Make yourself a journal and post (even if it's a tiny post) every day. Many here will be able to help you along the way.

?A journal seems like a good idea. Although I am busy with school I will just try and make a small post if possible.

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I have never organized anything at all in my life, so I think this should be the right moment to make an effort and develop leadership.

?Yes! Quitting games was certainly a catalyst for me in this as well.

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It makes me feel less alone in this journey and less like I am screwing up my life completely.

?We all feel alone in this in the beginning. All the millions of us (I bet there's millions of us) feel this way. That's why this place is great.

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