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Daily Journal - Linds


Linds

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So this is technically day 2. Day one was yesterday, where I delayed my purchase of Respawn until I'd played SWTOR for a few hours. There was no denying I was addicted after that!

Last night I talked to my husband about what I was doing and he is joining in. We deleted all of our games together, and even had dinner at the dinner table, which hasn't happened for a long time. 

I also purchased Cold Turkey since a huge part of my problem is endless web surfing. I have huge amounts of time at home on my own whilst the kid is at school. I used to have an online business that fizzled out when my child went through a particularly challenging phase, so I'm hoping to start back up as my main activity. With an online business there's always that urge to just surf the web instead of working so I think Cold Turkey might be the key to keeping me focused on what I'm supposed to be doing. 

Having a special needs child means that sometimes you let your own needs fall by the wayside and I think gaming gave me an easy way to fill some of my needs without much effort. It's exhausting sometimes to be responsible for someone else's needs so much and I am finally having to face the fact that I have burnt out. 

So my main goals for the next 90 days are:

  • To restart my online business.
  • Weight training and healthy eating (so yes, learning to cook!) so that I can lose the 20lbs I have gained since I started gaming.
  • Finding some help so I can have 'date night' once a week with my husband (we now need to find out what we like as a couple that doesn't include gaming!)
  • Figuring out what I actually enjoy doing, so basically trying a bunch of stuff I've always thought about doing and seeing what sticks. 
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Hey! Awesome to have you start your journal. It's great that your husband is joining you in this. I bet it will be fantastic for your relationship too, especially a date night and using it as a way to find new things you enjoy together. Just use it as a giant experiment. Try new things, try a salsa class, try rock climbing, go for walks in new parks, etc.

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Day 10 (I think!)

I just wanted to post a quick update, since I haven't for over a week now. It's been a bit of a hectic week since it's Winter Break at school. I have had LOTS of thoughts of playing games I have to admit. But, I haven't done it, they remain uninstalled and I am determined to do this. As the week has gone on the thoughts of playing have been less and less though so that's a good thing.

Hubby is still going strong too. He's also joined me in my weight training, which I am definitely pleased about! I even managed a chin up this week, so that's going really well. 

Next week the kid is back at school, so I have made a schedule to keep me busy when I'm on my own. 

And I also wanted to say thank you Cam, without this program I would have spent this past week playing games and getting nothing done. Instead I spent it sorting out my sleep schedule, working out and eating healthily, spending time with my husband and child, and for the first time in a long time I actually feel kinda excited about the future :) 

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Ugh, had a terrible night last night. To cut a long story short I ended up having to make an emergency run to a department store for makeup (yeah I know, first world women's problem!) Well add the fact I'd used to last of my makeup to cover an angry red reaction on my face to the fact I have terrible social anxiety and I just wanted to do anything but make that emergency run. The women at the makeup counters always look so immaculate and I end up feeling totally inadequate. 

After getting home all I wanted to do was play games, any game, didn't matter. Anything to numb that feeling of inadequacy. If my husband hadn't joined me on this 90 day detox I'm pretty sure I would have caved and installed a game and spent the night playing. 

This morning I'm really happy I didn't cave and I'm glad for the insight that I need to work on my self esteem. 

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I agree, it definitely helps to be going through this with someone else. I know that if I start gaming again so will my husband and I don't want to feel responsible for triggering him back into this bad habit. That's actually more motivating to me than stopping gaming for myself!

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