The Road to happiness and satisfaction

[Ace92]

Damn today i just felt numb

i felt like i ruined a different friendship that there were faults on both sides with and now i don't know if it's the right move to leave or continue because it's always been kind of a rocky friendship 

one of my good friends got cancer, they're only a couple years younger than me and they've already had cancer twice 

I just wish I was able to do more to help them than just supportive words or small gifts

I wish I made decisions that wouldn't have fucked up the friendship i mentioned in the first paragraph. I don't even know if it's alright to apologize at this point because I've apologized before and he only gives second chances. then again idk if i should continue in the friendship 

 

Games aren't even a concern at this point, Im so numb I can't decipher the distinctions between different emotions 

 

I wish i did things differently, done better

[Ikar]

4 hours ago, Ace92 said:

one of my good friends got cancer, they're only a couple years younger than me and they've already had cancer twice 

I just wish I was able to do more to help them than just supportive words or small gifts

It's OK to just "be" there for a friend with an illness such as this. You're right there's nothing more to be done in such a situation.

4 hours ago, Ace92 said:

i felt like i ruined a different friendship that there were faults on both sides with and now i don't know if it's the right move to leave or continue because it's always been kind of a rocky friendship 

I wish I made decisions that wouldn't have fucked up the friendship i mentioned in the first paragraph. I don't even know if it's alright to apologize at this point because I've apologized before and he only gives second chances. then again idk if i should continue in the friendship 

As for the rocky friendship, if it's just supplying you with problems week in and week out, it might be best to just let it be. Friendships come and go. Except my family, I don't meet the people I met when I was gaming 5 years ago. My oldest relationship/contact (I see a few times a year now) is about 4 years old. But there were many people who just made an appearance or two in my life that I've never seen again...

5 hours ago, Ace92 said:

Games aren't even a concern at this point, Im so numb I can't decipher the distinctions between different emotions 

It's sometimes hard for me even now. It'll take some time to decipher them, but it gets better over time.

[Ace92]

Thank you for your words Ikar. 
 

You're right as long as I am there for that friend, that can show i care and my support. Illnesses at that level just suck though.

As for the rocky friendship, my roommate is like somehow an expert on friendships so i discussed it with them and they said that the person in question was trying to be more social and stuff but i think it's better just to give space because without a solid base you can't really have a strong friendship. And that's what we've experienced

 

Drawing is one of my favorite hobbies to do, helps me forget about issues around me and just create. It's my first time drawing in 5 years, so I'm a bit rusty but I grow and learn 

 

I'm really grateful for my roommate, they are wonderful and so supportive and like the first real friend I've had, so I'm so thankful I met them. 
 

Worry still lingers in the back of my mind, idk what's going on with that.

 

Best

Ace

[Ace92]

I need to remember how important sleep is. If i don't get a consistent amount it can lead to serious health problems later in life. Need to set a routine 

 

sleep is also a time to rejuvenate from the day and relax. I'm going to set my morning, evening routines as other times to rest along with sleep itself.

 

[Ace92]

Never Going Back 

Hello everyone,

 

I am back once more after being severely screwed over. The internet in my opinion is desolate of encouraging, kind people. When I refer to the internet, I am talking about social media. I won't go into many details about the glaring issues the platforms our youth is addicted to have, as I have ranted about it enough. In summary, people on there love toxicity, and the people there, aren't even real friends. They are just text with the blanks filled out by images to give the mirage that you're having a genuine connection, yet those people could be a 50 year old man from anywhere in the world, online to pray against younger people. They are designed to give you that dopamine, that instant gratification that is so dangerous. 

 

This entry is to say good riddance. I am done, officially done. I am not going to sit around and take anymore of the pain. I will fix my sleep schedule, succeed in all my classes, pick up new hobbies, and make new friends, actually getting my life back on track. 

 

I have high hopes for myself because I am also tired of being depressed, not confident and not believing in myself or my dreams. I can do anything I set my mind to that I put effort into. On top of that my YouTube, Twitter, Instagram, TikTok, and Discord addictions have all kind of fallen off the radar. I'd say the only social media I really use the most is Instagram, yet I am good at controlling that too. 

 

I will update here daily in terms of my thoughts and progress. 

 

THIS IS MY HEALING PROCESS
 

I am thankful for: 

My loving parents for endlessly supporting me even though I can get heated and snap at them sometimes

My education for giving me the opportunity to diversity in knowledge and connecting me with others

God for always watching over me and keeping me on the right path when I've gone astray 

Myself for quitting games and social media

 

Best

Ace

 

[Ace92]

02/01/2024

 

I am not counting today as day one because today and yesterday were tipping points for me to actually commit to getting my life back together 

 

Yesterday, I was consumed by Discord again, trying to win one of those stupid games with the bots Cam mentioned in his video. I spent all day on my phone to ensure that another member did not pass me, to maintain that power. When I ended up not winning, I flipped out, swearing, name calling, all of it. Demonstrating that I did not just lose the game, I lost myself, and I lost to Discord–the app had full control of me. 
 

That night I didn't get to sleep until 1am, really awful time. I woke up at 9:07, with my first class starting at 9:40, so I didn't get to even make breakfast or make my bed, my room was a disaster. Laundry was all over the floor and my trash bag was overflowing. Anyway I rushed out the door to class.

By this point my discord app was deleted, as I'm writing this now, I also cancelled my Spotify subscription because I cannot afford to lose more money than I already have.

The day was mundane, most of it was still virtual, though it was away for classes. I thought about how I could make my life less digital, which led me to delete the apps I was most addicted to. Additionally, reading a book, learning a language, and hiking are all activities I can do to stay off my phone. Especially during relaxation time, reading or meditating will be a big time saver.

For podcasts, I will listen to them when I'm doing something else, like laundry, cooking or washing dishes. I can also listen to them while walking between classes. Language learning will be kept to 30 minutes - 1hr per day.

 I say today was a continuation of the turning point in my commitment because I asked myself today if I really wanted to quit. The answer came to be "yes" when I realized how big of a problem my anger is. I was pushing blame on other people for losing the game, and I held hatred toward my classmates even though they had no contribution to the dumb, toxic environment of said Discord bot game. I just hated everyone, for no reason.

 I've struggled with anger my entire life. I'm not too sure how to improve on it, especially in situations where I lose or there's something I find unjust. Side note: my mother told me my anger stems from my dislike toward unfairness or inequality. She says I also think in a direct way, one single way, while ignoring all the other paths there are; not because I'm a bad person, but because it's easier for my brain to understand.

The brain doesn't enjoy hard or complicated tasks. So it makes sense why when something I find unfair happens, I get upset.
 

I am going to do more thinking about this as I pick up meditation, but I think currently, one of the ways I can help with anger is being friendly, genuinely listening to people (eye contact, not on phone, head nods, not interrupting etc.) and being friendly, helping others when needed. I think opening myself up to different perspectives instead of shaming someone for them, or ignoring it, and being open to a healthy discussion about our experiences and thoughts will help me be more appreciative of different thoughts. It will help me see the fact that there are other ways of doing the same task as well. Instead of closing myself off.

My friend and I made dinner together and watched Criminal Minds. This and class showed me that engagement in the real world and responding to each situation is much more exciting and enjoyable than texting fake friends that are just text with the sole purpose of getting you hooked. Talking about useless topics, not gaining any meaningful or informative knowledge that can be used to achieve goals. 
 

So that was one highlight of my day. I'm excited to start the actual healing process tomorrow. I'm going to schedule out the next few days, meditate and journal positive habits of successful people! 

Best

Ace

 

I am Thankful for: 

My friend and roommate for cooking dinner and having wonderful conversations with me. As well as being one of the most supportive, caring and kind friends I've had (my first one actually).

My professors for being so supportive when I'm lost on a subject and for giving me the opportunity to learn new information and ideas.

I'm thankful I deleted Discord, TikTok, Hulu, Netflix, Disney+ and Spotify so I can heal and actually live a fulfilling life—one that I am proud of. 
 

God for always watching over me and giving us this beautiful world we live in. 

[Ace92]

Here are the results of my journaling session today. I wrote down positive habits of successful people, what I personally had interest in doing, and what I should focus on in this current moment. 
 

 

[Ace92]

One thing I'm noticing about myself is I am all talk but little to no action.

 

If I want to accomplish the big goals and dreams I have in my life and get to the wondrous, crazy, miracles, I need to go through the slow, long, beginning, no experience stages of hobbies and life. However, I should try to appreciate them. 

[Ace92]

Hello everyone, 

The past few days have been awful. My impatience toward wanting to do some crazy activity with my life, but not being able to, made me relapse to mobile games, making me think I was doing something adrenaline boosting when in reality I wasn't.

The time for me doing something adrenaline boosting will come. I talked with my mom today and she told me to not bite of more than I can chew, which is something I have always struggled with. While it will be exciting to do something like skiing, biking, or surfing, now is not the time to do those hobbies, additionally those hobbies can get expensive. I was just looking at a local surf company near me that did lessons, lessons cost almost $1,000.00 in USD. I do not have the financial ability to invest in that yet. My mom and dad reccomended I start with the small tasks, for example, brushing my teeth every day, twice, making my bed every morning, exercising, going on a walk each day, getting out of the house. While these seem mundane to my brain at the moment, these are all necessary, important tasks that'll make me feel like I accomplished something rather than sitting in my bed all day. 

Overall though, I am tired of being depressed, unsatisfied with my life, brain fog, the feeling that I'm stupid because I've just sat playing video games, wasting time, instead of engaging in this wonderful world, learning and becoming a better person for it. 

My main issue was my phone, so I deleted all social media, the distracting apps, the apps I did not use, and set it to greyscale, to give me less interest in using it. I figure if I spend little to no time with any media (Television, music, movies, Reddit, Discord, Snapchat, TikTok, Twitter, YouTube, Instagram, Spotify, Facebook, podcasts), I will not just whip out my phone because I'm bored and unsure what to do. Instead I will be unsure what to do and remind myself of the healthy hobbies I have the ability to do at the moment. I hope this will get me out of my slump

Screw video games and all that virtual junk hardwiring my brain, I will conquer you and live my best life ever. 

 

Best,

Ace

[Ace92]

Day 1

 

Great day today.

 

 I woke up at a reasonable time (unfortunately not at 6:30, but around 8:00). I read the Bible, attended my hometown Curch's Sunday service (via Facebook livestream).

 

For breakfast, I made scrambled eggs and some tea. I made sure to leave my phone in my bedroom as I went to the library to get work done. I worked from 11:30 to 3:30 a solid 4 hours. 
 

I got back to my apartment and started a 60 day work out challenge online. This is the only time I used YouTube. 
 

Using social media is fine if there is a purpose as to why I'm using it, for example, the workout and my Church service. This is because I'm using them intentionally instead of just using them because I'm lazy or bored or need some instant gratification, which is useless. With a purpose, I can log on, get what I wanted to do then log off without any sort of addiction or problem, at least for me. 
 

Had a nice phone call chat with my mom,  and now I am cooking rice with a fried egg for dinner. 
 

Afterward, I am going to do some studying for my exam tomorrow, meditate, journal, and read. 
 

Best,

Ace

 

Gratitude:

Pans/rice cookers for allowing me to cook healthier, nutritious meals instead of just junk

Greyscale, for helping with my phone addiction 

God for creating this earth, (side note: the world is much more immersive and seems bigger and more beautiful without wearing headphones, listening to music. The atmospheric visuals and sounds are beautiful, and silence is amazing. 
 

Mom for teaching me how to cook and the wonderful conversation. 
 

 

[Ace92]

Side note 2: I think eggs are becoming one of my favorite foods 

[Ace92]

Day 2
 

Slower day today, got less done than I wanted to, but I didn't binge on any media so that's good.

 

I woke up at 7:00ish, read the Bible, started reading,The Power of Habit, as yesterday I finished reading Make Your Bed: Little Things That Can Change Your Life...And Maybe The World. Both have been interesting reads

From there I worked out again, and attended class. I also meditated and reached out to some old friends.

 

Here's to tomorrow 

Ace

 

Gratitude: 

Classes allowing me to access and learn knowledge 

Books allowing me to learn new information while also being fun and engaging 

God for keeping me on track. 

Edited February 6 by Ace92

[Ace92]

Day 3

Maintaining the streak

 

Day 4

Nothing in this world is achieved without effort, gotta wake up and do it even if I don't feel like it. Being in the zone, working hard, all that builds confidence and helps you become a more routine person. 
 

Gratitude:

eggs for protein and keeping healthy 

God for always watching over me and creating this world 

Friends for fun and great conversations 

[Ace92]

Day 5 

Something I'm still struggling with is learning how to be happy for other people. When I was gaming, people would tell me goals they had, aspirations, plans or things they accomplished. Later on I would always get mad at them for telling me that, thinking they were just saying that to flex on me or make me feel bad because I was just playing video games and I wasn't at that level. 
 

The reality is they are telling me that because they think I'd be interested in them and if they are my friends I should support them and we won't have the same goals, so I shouldn't try to compete against them in whatever it is they are discussing with me. I shouldn't be competing against them at all. However, some of the jealousy still lingers because I get into this mindset where I think I am not good enough because they have x and I don't have x, or that I am behind. Which is not the case.

Not sure how to get over this mindset though.

Other than that it was a pretty solid day. Wrote down a more detailed vision list of what I want to accomplish. 
 

Here's to tomorrow 

 

Best, 
Ace

 

Mother Nature for the warmer weather- technically it's only above 40°, but it's been warmer than before. 
 

God for creating this beautiful earth

My mom for comforting me and giving me advice 

 

[Ikar]

4 hours ago, Ace92 said:

Something I'm still struggling with is learning how to be happy for other people. When I was gaming, people would tell me goals they had, aspirations, plans or things they accomplished. Later on I would always get mad at them for telling me that, thinking they were just saying that to flex on me or make me feel bad because I was just playing video games and I wasn't at that level. 
 

The reality is they are telling me that because they think I'd be interested in them and if they are my friends I should support them and we won't have the same goals, so I shouldn't try to compete against them in whatever it is they are discussing with me. I shouldn't be competing against them at all. However, some of the jealousy still lingers because I get into this mindset where I think I am not good enough because they have x and I don't have x, or that I am behind. Which is not the case.

Not sure how to get over this mindset though.

It's OK. Progress in this is highly subjective and it's slow going through the ranks, but the results will come over time with some effort. There are enough good jobs or friends for everybody. To know what is good we also need to learn what is bad and what we don't want. Cutthroat competition is only present at the top echelons of business or politics, because it's a zero sum game there for the limited amount of votes or money. I think the last time I truly compared myself with somebody else was when I wanted to have a girlfriend 3-4 years ago. Since then, I've had two great relationships and I don't think I have envied anyone anything from that point on.

[Pochatok]

9 hours ago, Ace92 said:

However, some of the jealousy still lingers because I get into this mindset where I think I am not good enough because they have x and I don't have x, or that I am behind.

Hey! I'd say that this sense of jealousy can be quite productive- I get that from friends all the time. They share how AMAZING their day has been, and I'm over here, thinking about nothing but sleep. 

First thing, I share how I feel to those friends from a place of admiration: rather than saying "I'm jealous of...", I say "I admire that ___". Jealousy and admiration are quite close- imo, jealousy = admiration + insecurity. 

Second, I tend to look deeper into what exactly I'm feeling insecure about- knowing that they are having an AMAZING day, what is bothering me? Is it that my day isn't well, and I'm grieving? Or that I feel like my day cannot be as good, and I'm feeling "less than"? Or that something particular that happened for them today is quite desirable?

9 hours ago, Ace92 said:

I am not good enough

I would keep sitting with this? Where does your sense of worth comes from? Who assigns it to you? Where would you want your sense of self worth to come from?

many of those questions i was only able to answer once i accepted my uniqueness, that i'm weird and different and cannot (and don't really want to) fit 90% of societal expectations. i suggest working through that, too- there are many resources, from therapy to podcasts on self-acceptance/self-exploration. DM me if you want any suggestions!

❤️ 

[Ace92]

14 hours ago, Ikar said:

Cutthroat competition is only present at the top echelons of business or politics, because it's a zero sum game there for the limited amount of votes or money

Thank you for this clarification. I think a lot of my jealousy/anger, my need to prove myself or do better comes from the fact that media and top corporations love shoving competition in our faces, as if the only way to live is out preform everyone, become "top dog", and flex on them to push them down. 
 

This is something that is toxic and how no one should live. No one should enter into a career or hobby, or do a task simply to get the praise over someone else or make someone else feel bad. 
 

To put it simply, I think my mind was still controlled by the outlets that want to assault us with negativity and get us mad at each other. 
 

9 hours ago, Pochatok said:

Second, I tend to look deeper into what exactly I'm feeling insecure about- knowing that they are having an AMAZING day, what is bothering me? Is it that my day isn't well, and I'm grieving? Or that I feel like my day cannot be as good, and I'm feeling "less than"? Or that something particular that happened for them today is quite desirable

Yes, a bad day can definitely have an influence on this. Though I currently find myself to always be in a pessimistic mood. Guess I'll have to dig in deeper to find out why, but I think it's the great amount of unsatisfaction I have with my life currently. Which again, my perception of what's bad, what's good, what's successful, what's not, and priorities have all been corrupted by... 

 

9 hours ago, Pochatok said:

Where does your sense of worth comes from? Who assigns it to you? Where would you want your sense of self worth to come from

The media. Since I was on social media most of my life and listening to music, I slowly lost my own thoughts and my ideas and perceptions were controlled by other people. Almost creating this pessimistic view of the world. The whole "grind yourself to the bone, no breaks," or "Ignore what others are saying about your dreams," or "Everyone else doesn't know or understand your goals, only you do, focus on yourself and cut others off," are all things I started prioritizing years ago. 
 

The reality is, that's not healthy and not everyone is out to get you. Everyone is just living their own life man. This is not to say all media is bad because there is some genuinely good, insightful stuff out there, but the main 5 messages that are put out, along with the priority of money and owning diamond rings and expensive mansions and cars; materialism, essentially plagued my mind. 
 

When I wrote my last entry, I was and I still am working to escape this mindset, to form my own thoughts again. 
 

The reality is, unlike what the media portrays, there are so many people who care about you and want to see me succeed, and they want to help me by giving me advice they think might be useful. In turn though, I should also be happy for other people because now thinking about it, it's just cruel to cut people off who want to help you or put people down. Everyone struggles, so when something positive happens to them I shouldn't attempt to act like they're doing it to flex on me. 
 

Everyone is on a different path, going at different speeds, but hopefully everyone will reach their goals at some point. And again unlike media portrays, life isn't all about items or big cars or being rich, while those can be nice, life is about engagement and enrichment, learning, laughing, and enjoying the small, impactful moments in life that we often just gloss over. 
 

I am feeling much better. While I still have improvements, everyone does. Anyway, thank you again for your responses @Pochatok and @Ikar very insightful.

 

Day 6

 

Great day. Connected in different ways with some friends, I feel I'm becoming a better friend with both of them because I'm spending less time on screens. 
 

Beautiful day outside. Again even though it's been only 40 degrees, much warmer than other days, so I took a walk around campus. 
 

Going to read and probably take a shower tonight. 
 

Best,

Ace

 

Gratitude

Friends for good times

Mother Nature for this nice weather 

God for creating this earth

Game quitters for helping me along my journey and being so supportive.

[Pochatok]

58 minutes ago, Ace92 said:

advice they think might be useful. In turn though, I should also be happy for other people

I try to combine both- when I encounter someone I'm jealous of, if the situation is appropriate, I try to follow-up my admiration/celebration of their successes with a "can I ask a question"? And if they're up for sharing some of the wisdom that got them to where they are, that in itself helps me feel happier for them- because I see not only the result, but the work and luck that got them here.

[Ikar]

On 2/10/2024 at 12:22 AM, Ace92 said:

Thank you for this clarification. I think a lot of my jealousy/anger, my need to prove myself or do better comes from the fact that media and top corporations love shoving competition in our faces, as if the only way to live is out preform everyone, become "top dog", and flex on them to push them down. 
 

This is something that is toxic and how no one should live. No one should enter into a career or hobby, or do a task simply to get the praise over someone else or make someone else feel bad. 
 

To put it simply, I think my mind was still controlled by the outlets that want to assault us with negativity and get us mad at each other. 

Some people are driven by their pathological desire to be the top dog under any circumstances and to gobble up the most power they can. Thankfully, the power in democracies is divided enough to make sure the infringement of general civil liberties by any single person in power is fairly minimized. That makes it easier for us, "the people who just want to have a good life", to do our thing. Materialism and financial hustlers have nothing to offer to people who genuinely think their position is good and are happy with themselves.

I agree with you on the media. Now, I like to know what's going on in the world and I like history and geography. That however means educating myself through select sources and not 24/7 news/entertainment outlets. For example, I noticed one of the news websites I use for my English students became so negative or irrelevant that I hardly use it during lessons today. It's just war, disease and failing economy and other stuff that my students or I can't change. I just choose not to participate.

[Ace92]

On 2/9/2024 at 7:22 PM, Pochatok said:

And if they're up for sharing some of the wisdom that got them to where they are, that in itself helps me feel happier for them- because I see not only the result, but the work and luck that got them here

I see what you mean. That will probably help with feeling less jealous and more excited for them and appreciative because it will show how much effort goes into things.

 

23 hours ago, Ikar said:

For example, I noticed one of the news websites I use for my English students became so negative or irrelevant that I hardly use it during lessons today. It's just war, disease and failing economy and other stuff that my students or I can't change. I just choose not to participate

Yeah it will be a lot of trial and error for me I think trying to find outlets that I can learn and gain valuable insights from that aren't biased and focused on dividing people, just showing the wars or diseases as you mentioned. 
 

Day 7 

Yay I hit a week! This day I found writing everything out (responsibilities) on a schedule for the week, is very helpful for my brain, and allows me to focus on them easier. Not necessarily writing my whole schedule out, just what has to be done that day. Got a lot of college work done

Day 8 

This day was a fun social day. I was able to complete my laundry, clean up my room a little bit, then I went shopping with my friend and hung out with them a lot. Feeling good

 

Best,

Ace

 

Gratitude: 

Beds, allowing me to have a place to sleep

Cleaning, makes me feel more organized 

My body for taking care of me and doing everything it can to make me feel healthy 

[Ace92]

Day 9 

Keep going

 

Day 10

Valentines Day and I celebrated being single, while having and being in a relationship is nice, and something I seek, being able to do things by yourself without having to necessarily worry about another person fits perfect for me at the current moment

Day 11

Met with some friends and was social

 

Day 12 

I decided to give therapy another chance. Turns out there are some good therapists out there. The therapist I met with was great, he was understanding, made sense of what I was telling him and worked with me to put it into a fresher perspective and gave me advice or suggestions on what I could do. It wasn't just "yeah I understand that could be difficult." He was actually human, told some of his own stories I could relate to and he was funny sometimes. I look forward to seeing him again

 

Day 13

Watched a movie with a friend

 

Day 14

Realized getting up early is actually wonderful and that making my bed is something that's necessary for me if I want to be productive at all. So I will make my bed every morning. 

 

Sorry, I haven't been here in a while. Will keep you updated, but I am trying to diminish my online presence as much as possible so I don't get pulled back into distractions.

 

Best 

Ace

 

Gratitude

Friends for giving good times

Therapist for giving good suggestions and helping out

Reading for giving me engagement and entertainment at the same time.

[Ace92]

Been noticing that mental health has been declining. I haven't been able to place my finger on why that was. 

 

Today though I figured it out and it has to do with every aspect of life. 

 

Health: 

My health is terrible at the moment. What would be basic human actions for others, I've been pushing off. Brushing my teeth, washing my face, eating a well balanced diet of vegetables, fruits, grains and dairy, drinking enough water.

Meditating, exercising daily, showering, sleeping 7-10 hours per night, connecting with nature, all of these have gone down the drain. 

While I haven't been playing video games, I've gone to what I know, which is YouTube videos, streaming movies and TV shows on Hulu, Netflix, Max; streaming music on Spotify and Apple Music; wasting time on Instagram and TikTok, and feeding my body snacks and junk food. Also of course not getting a consistent amount of sleep. 

Along with not brushing my teeth and not washing my face, what I explained above is dangerous behavior. Not sleeping well can cause me to develop even worse mental health issues, insomnia, anxiety, depression, other chronic health conditions, and I could even die. Basing my diet around sugary snacks and drinks can lead to being overweight and chronic health conditions. Paying for all these streaming services wastes money and keeps me in bed, which makes me ignore what I have to do, and chances to meet new people. Which leads into...

 

Social: 

My social life is bad. Really bad. I only have one in real life friend and I'm not going out of my comfort zone to try and meet more people. I do value and enjoy my privacy, but human interaction is necessary for a stable life. Additionally I always end up getting upset knowing that my one friend is getting into romantic relationships and making new friends left and right. I need to stop taking the negative energy and actions of a few people and portraying that to all people because all people do not suck, we all have flaws, but that's what makes us who we are, and there are some genuinely good people out there. Time to take my therapist's advice and dedicate myself to one or two clubs to make new and strong connections.

As YouTube has shown me through the years, most people do not sit on their ass just watching shows on their phone, nor do they spend time listening to music for 12 hours a day like I do. Most people are putting hard work in / effort every day. Whether that's for their family, friends, colleagues, jobs, theirselves, or some hobby they're interested in. Some people don't see major results for years, but they still put the effort in because they know it will be beneficial for them. It's time for me to do the same. I can't sit on my ass anymore because that makes me depressed. I can't drink soda or junk anymore because that wastes money and makes me sad and unhealthy. The internet is not the center of the world, the world is much bigger than that, like much bigger. I won't be able to experience all of it, and there will be sadness and anger and frustration and uncertainty and worry, but there will also be good moments, and if I want to experience the good moments, I need to actually work on my life and living every day. I need to do that while actually facing the bad, rather than fleeing from it and the good moments can and will show themselves.

A new journey starts today.

 

Best,

Ace