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How do I get a girlfriend?


hemonkey

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I hate to make this my first post but I need to chime in here. 

You don't. 

Pursuing girls is just as big of a waste of time as gaming and porn. Focus on self-improvement and stuff like that and your chances of the girls coming into your life will increase. Nothing good comes from going out of your way to get a girlfriend - trust me on that one. Modern dating is an absolute mess. If a unicorn falls into your lap, I'd be happy for you. Otherwise, disregard and work hard. 

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I know this is a very cliché and overused answer, but it's also true; you are in high school, you are still young, and you have plenty of time to find someone still. The lack of a partner does not define you, and should never define you.

So I agree that working on yourself is one of the most important things to do. To paraphrase Drag Queen RuPaul Charles, "you can't love anybody else if you can't love yourself." Things like integrity, fidelity, self-confidence, self-improvement, etcetera. People in general are naturally drawn to self-sufficient and confident individuals, than those battling their inner demons and feelings of insecurity.

But I do think that you need to allow yourself some leeway too; talking with other people too is still important to work on. Just don't make it your primary focus and identity; I think that's what WishINever means. And it's okay to fail too, it gives you a chance to learn. So give yourself a bit of leeway; self-improvement is a lifetime pursuit, not a one-time done thing.

Now I know dating has changed a lot, I have some single friends in their late 20s and early 30s at this point who are still at it. Personally I don't think there's truly a "best" way to meet other people; it really depends on you. Back when I was dating in high school, it was in-person or nothing. Then when I got to university, things got complicated with dating apps, clubbing and flings entering the equation. I tried all of them, and didn't like any of them. But that's just me; I can also point to my brother-in-law, who met his wife on Tinder, and they are happily married with two kids. So that's why I think it's really more about what works for you.

The few relationships that were solid for me? They started with exchanges that were in more quiet areas; meeting someone in my uni classes, at a coffee shop with someone asking about the book I was reading, someone on the bus who liked my shirt. My now-wife I met in my 3rd year of university, through a common interest group too; my unis video game club, believe it or not (this was before I had discovered and gotten addicted to mobile gaming). I wasn't even looking to meet anyone to date either; just joined as a way to spend Tuesday nights talking with others in-person about a common interest, while we had wings for dinner as a group. I still have some very good friends from that group that I speak with regularly, one which was my best man for my wedding and still is my best friend.

You'd be surprised how you can meet girls through just daily activities and mutual interests, specially when you are not actively looking to meet one; instead focus on your own skills and connecting with people in general. So basically, I do think working on yourself first matters, but let yourself also strike up conversations as well if the chance comes by; in my opinion, knowing how to talk with people and flirt with girls (or the gender+orientation you're attracted to more generally, and the latter assuming ofc you are single) is included in self-improvement. Just don't make that area the only focus.

Edited by D_Cozy
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  • 1 month later...
On 8/20/2023 at 1:17 AM, hemonkey said:

I'm now a high school sophomore and have never had a girlfriend. Anyone got tips?

It is about what works for you to build confidence and find a place you feel the most success meeting women you like.

 

that being said. You must tend to your appearance. Hygiene clothing fitness health are paramount in generating attraction. I’m fortunate to be 6” tall and pretty. However I had acne braces and was exceedingly thin in high school which wasn’t great for my confidence even though I still had girlfriends anyways. 
 

When I found what worked for me with girls I was like 33! My mantra is money muscle mindful. If my spiritual practice, career and fitness are all good. Then I feel like a very eligible catch. I took accutane for the acne. 
 

after going from 135 to 175 lbs at 10% bodyfat I was getting some attention on Hinge and I’ve been in a good relationship for over a year now.

 

so basically. 
1. appearance

2 a venue to meet ladies

3 do something that makes you feel good and kinder so you can have a relationship not just a fwb 

4 do something towards your career like getting good grades planning your major out 

 

good luck

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