Stripping Away the Storms of Evil

[BlueIced 5]

Hello,

My name is Blue.

In my story, I discuss how gaming and music has been a big part of my life, how it has helped my brain create this fantasy world that I have been trapped in for the past 14 years. Because of this fantasy world, I have been pissed off at the world with the idea that I'm the only one who knows what they're talking about. However, that is not the case, and now I am trying to break free from its grasp and destroy it for good. 

With this journal, I hope I will achieve that. Besides some smaller goals such as finally obtaining my drivers license, which I am currently working towards, my main goal is to train my mind to enjoy working hard. Working hard towards achievements in REAL LIFE, not in a game. In this fantasy world of mine, the character who plays me can do anything. So why can't I do that in real life too. 

The bulk of this journal will be detailing goals I have for each month and see if I complete them or not. 

I think by labeling each month with a specific goal, I will be able to layer goals in secession instead of trying to force myself to do a million new things in one day. Speaking of which, in order to quit, I think it would be easier for me as I layer these goals to decrease the hours I game each day, instead of trying to quit cold turkey and try to figure out what to do with the rest of the time. This was a problem with my last detox. Though I succeeded in 90 days and I walked and hiked, afterwards I would just watch youtube all day. Instead of doing something like reading. I think if I gradually decrease my playtime with each new habit, I won't be scrambling for something to fill the space with. Which I think will just be easier on my brain.

For this month I hope to achieve basic hygiene and mind rituals.

This includes:

Getting to bed at a good time (10:00 PM at the latest)

Waking up early (9:00 AM at the latest)

Praying to God and noting things I am grateful for 

Making my bed

Brushing my teeth WITH mouthwash (twice daily)

Exercising

Showering

Getting Dressed

Reading (Newspaper or Book)

Breakfast

 

Evening:

Meditating

Journaling

Reading

----------------------------------------------------------

With this, I hope to stay off electronics after I finish breakfast and 2 hours before bed. If I manage to keep this up for a month I will consider myself successful.

Edited Tuesday at 02:06 AM by BlueIced

[BlueIced 5]

For years I have always wondered why I am so intrigued with social media sites like Instagram or YouTube. I have often found that OBSERVING what my life could be is a lot more interesting than actually living it. Even if someone is just sitting, taking in nature, if that action presents itself in an image, I will be more fascinated by it than actually doing it myself. And I haven't the faintest idea why. Why are other peoples actions more interesting to me, than my own actions? 

I'm wondering if it could be linked to the fact that our society deems posts on instagram as having a "good life". There's a lot of idolization. No matter what someone posts I feel like there's this hyper-reality, that everything is perfect, even if something bad happens. I'm thinking because we put so much emphasis on images now, for it to happen off of instagram I guess it feels "less worthy" to me. Almost like it didn't happen. 

But how do I break free from this thinking? How do I escape the hyper-reality?

[DanielG 29]

1 hour ago, BlueIced said:

Why are other peoples actions more interesting to me, than my own actions? 

Well, if I were to hazard a guess, it's because you get to experience the 'accomplishment' or see the end result of a lot of hard work in the span of seconds on social media. It's much easier to watch a video of someone who has mastered a skill than to spend the thousands of hours to become skillful at it. Also, in my own experience, there's a safety in participating as an observer. Like, because it's 'detached' from me, it's safer to emotionally invest in what's going on, if that makes any sense. My sense of identity isn't threatened or in danger. As a tangent, that's one of the interesting things about a book that Cam recommended to me. Part of what the author speaks on is recognizing that the deeper question of 'who you are', is more the role of an observer. Awareness. Like, the essence of who you are isn't the amalgamation of what you've experienced or even your thoughts and feelings, that it's much more fundamental than that.

As to how you get out of that kind of thinking, I feel like mindfulness might help. Enriching your current experiences, and being more aware of your thoughts/feelings might help you figure out why you are invested in social media as opposed to your immediate/felt experiences.

I feel that I need to make clear that I am not an authority on how you work, and what might help, though. Your the chief authority on how you work; you have direct access to your thoughts and feelings, whereas I can only really give you my guesses as to what might be going on, and my own experiences and things I've tried.

[BlueIced 5]

instead of my original plan of gradually decreasing the amount i listen to music. I have decided to quit cold turkey. This is to prevent hearing loss when im older since i usually listened on loud volumes. I'm also quitting social media. Shit is problematic. just a bunch of people posting cause they feel the need to externally validate themselves and with the issue of comparing your life to others its too overwhelming. 

[BlueIced 5]

On 5/24/2023 at 5:52 PM, DanielG said:

Also, in my own experience, there's a safety in participating as an observer. Like, because it's 'detached' from me, it's safer to emotionally invest in what's going on, if that makes any sense

Yeah that does make sense. One of the reasons why i want to destroy this world of fantasy i live in. Observing too long becomes dangerous. I need to break out of my comfort zone. I think one of the ways I can do that right now is say "yes" to events/things im not that interested in more. And push myself harder in the good hobbies I've already picked up.