BlueIced

My mom and i have never had a strong relationship. I've always been closer to my dad. I want to be closer to my mom. In the past few years though almost every conversation has been an argument, her accusing me of something i didn't do, then forcing me to apologize for it, or advice. The advice however, is always useless. In our arguments I've tried calmly telling her my perspective but she doesn't listen and says "i think you don't understand perspective" I admit I have had some flaws too in the relationship. but how can we have a healthier relationship if she is unforgiving (in the fact she blames stuff on me that i didn't do) and unhelpful (in her advice). How do we move on from arguing all the time? Or should i just not try and detach myself from her.

Music is a resource which puts my brain into this fantasy world. and once im in said fantasy world, i never leave it. so basically when i listen to music, as it transports my brain, it causes my body to sit there, and do nothing. that's what's happened before i quit. i wouldn't get anything done, music would just be another road block in my goals. it was as addicting as games, and put me in my head a lot, which made me cranky and aggressive. the stage my brain is at now, its hard for me to control the amount of time i do something. So for screens, it's either no screens at all or screens all day, I'm unable to do 2 hours or so and call it quits. So if i want to be happier and live a more fulfilling life i need to quit music cold turkey

Thank you for this resource. Will take a look later. i just wanna say that despite it being only 4 days. it feels nice to not be under the control of these purposeless things. i feel so liberated. the thought of listening to music disgusts me now. with social media it feels great to not care about what everyone is posting. great to be away from the toxicity. i don't even feel left out cause i realize i can validate myself. and in terms of games i just don't care as much anymore. anyway this day is making me excited to see what the future holds.

After all the relapses I have had, I finally managed to make it to day 2 without relapsing. I think my fear of having panic attacks and them being indirectly related to adrenaline rushes, which are linked to too much usage of screens has something to do with it. Either way this past day and a half I have managed to cut my screen time massively. I also haven't played any games. Gone on any social media or listened to any music. It's been hard, and urges have been strong. I have done it though. I am struggling to find other hobbies to kill time that aren't screen related. I have been reading a lot more but that's been about it. The other use of my time has just been staring at walls. Which is better than playing video games but it doesn't accomplish anything. I'm planning on asking my mom to teach me how to play the ukulele but that only fulfills so much time. What other hobbies are easy to start that don't involve any screens? maybe if i find some answers my urges wont be as strong. My brain won't resort to my addictions. I have a loss of ideas though.

Have been trying your suggestions. They've been helpful. The first night I slept peacefully. Though last night there were several moments when my mind wanted to resort to panic mode, I didn't let it. I haven't been screaming. Thank you

recently been having nighttime panic attacks all of a sudden. i would say i have a lot of anxiety but its not usually expressed all that often, and I don't experience panic attacks during the day. in my life as a whole I never experienced anything close to this, and I don't know any family members who deal with it. has happened twice now. 2 weeks ago and about an hour ago. i cant predict when it will happen, it just comes out of nowhere. i will be sleeping peacefully. then all of a sudden i will become short of breath, lose an awareness of my surroundings, start sweating, and I will call out for help. the scary thing is, the first time this happened, my mom came to see what was up, since I remember screaming "help me" a bunch (to her it just sounded like random screams. This time I yelled "I'm dying, mom help me." and i didn't hear her coming. this for me is scary overall as I've never had them before and for someone wanting to sleep peacefully in the night and fix their sleep schedule, they're only making things worse. making me fear to go to sleep. that it might happen again. but what's even scarier is that the people within the same space as you may not even realize it's happening or hear something completely different. im only more stressed out

It has been hard I relapsed a few times. But today (day 1), as I was drawing and coloring, I noticed that its way more fun in the real world and to occupy my mind with those activities than a screen. Even today when i checked YouTube, none of it was interesting. None of it and watched a video I already had seen. I think this is a sign that my mind is starting to realize there is more to life than video games. But need to keep consistent.

How am I able to move on from grudges? There are people who I have hated for no real reason other than the fact I view them as "inferior" or label them "obnoxious". How do I let my anger towards them go and accept them for who they are? How do I start being more compassionate?

like with music. I have decided to quit games cold turkey. If i'm going to break this fantasy for good. I need to remove games and music for good. My issue is that games provided a community for me. In real life, I have no idea how to "properly" socialize with people, therefore all of the people who I thought were friends turned out to be shitty assholes who leave me to do all the work but never check in on me unless they want something. I never had a real friend. Even my family ignores me from time to time in conversation. I just don't know where to start or what to do in terms of the social aspect of my life. I want a SO, I want real friends but I don't know how to get them. I don't want to be a loner forever.

quitting social media today. i just cant stand all the toxicity and name calling people resort to. looking at it makes me feel dumber.

Yeah that does make sense. One of the reasons why i want to destroy this world of fantasy i live in. Observing too long becomes dangerous. I need to break out of my comfort zone. I think one of the ways I can do that right now is say "yes" to events/things im not that interested in more. And push myself harder in the good hobbies I've already picked up.

instead of my original plan of gradually decreasing the amount i listen to music. I have decided to quit cold turkey. This is to prevent hearing loss when im older since i usually listened on loud volumes. I'm also quitting social media. Shit is problematic. just a bunch of people posting cause they feel the need to externally validate themselves and with the issue of comparing your life to others its too overwhelming.

Congrats on 7 years of sobriety!

Good luck, I hope this works out for you!

For years I have always wondered why I am so intrigued with social media sites like Instagram or YouTube. I have often found that OBSERVING what my life could be is a lot more interesting than actually living it. Even if someone is just sitting, taking in nature, if that action presents itself in an image, I will be more fascinated by it than actually doing it myself. And I haven't the faintest idea why. Why are other peoples actions more interesting to me, than my own actions? I'm wondering if it could be linked to the fact that our society deems posts on instagram as having a "good life". There's a lot of idolization. No matter what someone posts I feel like there's this hyper-reality, that everything is perfect, even if something bad happens. I'm thinking because we put so much emphasis on images now, for it to happen off of instagram I guess it feels "less worthy" to me. Almost like it didn't happen. But how do I break free from this thinking? How do I escape the hyper-reality?