BlueIced 10 Posted May 23 Share Posted May 23 Hello, My name is Blue. Video games have been the center of my life for 14 years. If I remember correctly, my older brothers introduced me when I was 5 to the Nintendo DS. I have played ever since. My parents would often tell me that after playing games I would turn into a whiny brat. Though I didn't believe it as a child, as an adult I can clearly see what impact gaming has on me. I get cranky, I get tired, and I get angry. I am unable to describe how angry I get because it just takes over my entire mind, my entire body. As if I were merely a puppet and it was the puppeteer. I have tried quitting before. April of 2020, was when I first recognized gaming was a problem. Around that time, Animal Crossing: New Horizons came out. Since the world was in the middle of a pandemic, I used it as an excuse to game more because school was canceled. However, gaming every day became boring, and I became lonely and depressed. Every time I turned on my Switch I stopped to think about how many things I could be accomplishing in that time, even if there were no grades. So one day, I put the game down, and picked up walking, reading, and hiking. And though these hobbies were great they unfortunately didn't last, despite my 90 day detox. What caught my attention instead was music. Not learning to play an instrument or singing. Just listening. When I entered college, this is what I would do every day for the most part. In my Freshman and Sophomore year. I was always ALWAYS wearing my noise-canceling, over-the-ear, Sony headphones. At first, I didn't notice anything wrong with it. Music was fine. I still attended classes, completed my schoolwork on time, and attended events. There was no REAL issue. Eventually though, there was and I noticed it. I can still remember it so clearly. If I became angry after playing games, listening to music didn't just make me angry, it made me furious. I was filled with so much rage and hatred that you would think my heart was black. The smallest things pissed me off. If I was listening to music and someone walked passed me on the way to class, I would verbally attack them (in my head). If someone made fun of me I would verbally attack them (in my head). I essentially took no shit from anyone. I thought I was the only sane person on campus. What I came to realize though is that I wasn't. Music was making me think this way so I could block people of and keep listening to music, therefore staying within the fantasy my head created. During this time, music was and still is something that distracts me from the world. Locks me away from opportunities. The only good thing about this period of time is that games were put on pause, for the most part. Until this week. As I hinted to, I mostly play Nintendo games. In the past few months, I became a huge The Legend of Zelda fan, and the newest game came out just a week ago. As you can imagine I have been playing it non-stop. Again however, I noticed that I would become tired, angry, cranky and care about nothing else. While it is fun, it makes me sick. All the distracting media makes me sick. Because of the new Zelda, I have been staying up late, sleeping in late, and trapping myself in a fantasy world. Something that doesn't even exist. A world in which, none of my achievements will actually matter (to my life) in the long run. I am tired and I am lost. Games and music have made me lose focus, made me cheat on exams, bullshit homework, and despise work of any kind, despise achievements that aren't related to a screen. I want to change this. I want to change my habits. I want to destroy this fantasy land forever. If my mind is the creator, I can also be this dismantler. I just don't know where to start. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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