Ashley's Journal

[Ashley K.]

Day 1:

I was contemplating whether or not I should create a new journal here or create one on Medium--So I decided to try again here. 

I looked over some of the journaling templates to see which one I wanted to use the most. Right now I'm not so sure which one I'd like to use. I'm surprised I'm able to write this since my thoughts are a bit clouded if I think of anything else and all I can think about is when I can start playing. 

It sucks that an overload of dopamine can do this to the brain. I can't wait until it levels out and I find things that are boring now, enjoyable. 

 

 

 

[Ashley K.]

Day 2-3:

Yesterday was a bit tough. Since my husband and I homeschool our two kids and they're on Christmas break, my 6-year-old son wanted my undivided attention. As you know, being a gaming addict, your attention span can be lacking--especially when you focus so much on the screen. Showing him more attention was a bit hard to do because I was starting to get stressed since I'm detoxing and he wanted to do a lot of things together that I just wasn't ready to do. It felt shitty of me and it made me feel like a failure as a mom. I should be able to enjoy these moments with my kids, but instead its the opposite. I pushed through it and I had a little fun but not as much as I'd liked. 

I know it takes 2 weeks up to a month for the dopamine levels to be baseline, but it feels like it's so far away. Even this morning I was craving to play Lost Ark, even though I haven't played in months. But I wasn't allowing that to get in my way and instead decided to journal about how I've felt these past couple of days. 

[Paul A.]

Keep fighting! You’re not a failure by any means; in fact, I think that you’re a hero by fighting your addiction so that you can be more present and available for your children. You made a good decision by deciding to journal about your feelings and your struggles, I’d advise you to keep doing it. It’s a powerful tool and asset for working the process. Keep up the good fight!

[Ashley K.]

Day 4-6:

These past few days have been a little busy for me. Prepping to cook desserts. My husband is cooking dinner tomorrow and we have to wrap the gifts later tonight. 

I noticed something going on with me these past few days. I've been sleepier, getting dull headaches, and sleeping a little harder. I'm not sure if that's from my body catching up on sleep because I've been sleep deprived or what. I still have cravings to play The Sims 4. On Wednesday, I was rationalizing why I should play video games and that it's okay for me to play a little bit when the kids are asleep. But what stopped me is the feeling I would get after playing for long hours. The grogginess, brain fog, and lack of focus on anything. Just feeling so empty. I don't want to feel that way again. 

[Pochatok]

If you have the time, I'd encourage to attempt to develop additional hobbies or at least interest in doing things to replace gaming. It might feel like developing a new addiction, and yet it was incredibly helpful for me in keeping urges for playing video games at bay. I did things like playing with legos, reading comics, making art, and learning new software- not easily addictive, but certainly rewarding with some effort. 

Good luck on making it through the holidays 🙂

[Ashley K.]

Day 0:

I had to start all over again. I didn't make it through two weeks like I wanted, but I'm not giving up as easily as I used to. 

My insurance exam is tomorrow, going to wake up and study for a bit before I take it. 

[Paul A.]

Good luck on your exam!