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NEW VIDEO: A Wasted Time (The Truth About Gaming)

My Journal - Doug S - Heroic Growth


Irishrican950
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Day 47, 

Just got an update from my recruiter on a couple jobs I applied for... Feeling the sting of being passed on a job at the moment for something that I really couldn't control.  I still got a few other job prospects in play.  So we'll see how it goes.  I just didn't have something technical for this role but I interviewed well.  Still I feel this discomfort of being skipped over that brings me back to times in my childhood where I just felt not cool for being picked last/not picked at all.  Noticing that I am hard on myself at times and I think in the past that has contributed to my gaming addiction... to escape and just be someone else for a while numbs the pain.  I just grew with such a hyper critical dad and was a target in school of bullying... sometimes it feels like I am never going to be enough.  

Breathing through it and coming back to the part of me that knows I am whole... am a man... and am worthy of whatever I dedicate myself to has been helpful here.  Letting go of the story... letting go of the victim mentality... embracing the discomfort as something that is benefitial... and now writing about it... this is the medicine.  

Happy to report that while there is a draw to escape in moments like these - picking up a game is not really all that strong of an addiction at the moment.  I'm excited to get to 90 and hopefully 365 days from there!  

Regards 

-D 

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Yoooo Day 48, 

Love that Cam put a new video out.  So good.  Stoked he's talking the multidimensional nature of addiction. Another day of no gaming for me.  Got a great contract offer today so stoked for more money and structure.  Been listening to David Goggins new book on audible... so potent... going on a super long hike tomorrow.   

Onward and upward,  

-D

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Day 49 + 50, 

Spent Saturday doing a 16 mile hike down a bike trail that had me cross 4 towns and 1 state line.  It was fun... like an RPG game but for real.  I found it very adventurous and enjoyed the process of walking and seeing how far I could go with daylight.  Listening to David Coggins audiobook in my headphones and having fun phone conversations with friends along the way was cool.  In a way I think for me life is a game.  I'm just wired that way.  I can't quit games as the game is all up in me.  

As I walked I thought of what values I want to continue to cultivate this year... discipline came up... in keeping a schedule and a journal... and in having a boundaries with the toxic habits like gaming that I am dropping... precision came up... staying focused on the goal when working... often seeing if I can stay focused on a certain boring work related task for the time I've scheduled for myself.  And dynamism... the part of me that loves to be free and flow in creative ways... allowing myself to channel that in what I commit to doing... 

Today I slept in to recover from the big hike and watched a lot of football with family.  My dad reminded me that it's important to be back home and around my brother.  He wants me to stick around the area and I can sense that he can't say that exactly so he's saying things like... being around for my brother makes him happy and he believes it's a wise thing to do.  Overall I continue to see just how hard it is for me to hold strong boundaries for myself.  I'm glad to be 50 days game free... that's a great start.  

Regards, 

-D

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Day 51, 

Stayed up too late and got up too late again - do you guys find that sometimes you just have extra energy at night and it's hard to sleep?  That's been a problem for me as of late.  

Making up for lost time this week as I get going.  Hoping I can have a productive afternoon and evening.  

Regards, 

D

 

UPDATE - had a solid afternoon and evening... it's about midnight and I can say that I've managed to turn things around from a slow start to the morning.  Hoping to have an even better Tuesday! #bettereveryday

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Day 52,

Working on getting up a little earlier each day... still a work in progress... but yeah.  Start a new job in 2 weeks.  Working hard on my contracts like it already started.  Feels good.  Doing the best I can to stay off my phone too... today was a good day.  

Regards, 

D
 

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Day 53, 

Another slow start to the day but improving slightly in terms of getting up earlier.  Went to a coffee shop near by and made a warm impression on a few people who took my number.  That felt good.  I've got to handle alot of paperwork today for a new job contract and I am sweating that... I feel the part of me that wants to procrastinate stuff that is difficult/unknown to do... I'm glad the gaming impulse to escape is somewhat gone.  Now I just need to stay on task and not try and get too sidetracked by other distractions.  Onward!

-D

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Day 54, 

Getting up a little earlier each day.  That's helping me.  Did some not so fun things today like submit a bunch of paperwork for a BG check for a job.  Noticing just how distracted I am when I don't exercise first and do really boring complicated tasks.  That said - the gaming addiction has subsided so I am happy about that.  Have my first DJ gig tonight for a weekly salsa night I am doing down in CT.  Excited about that - will be a good outlet for my creativity and pays decent.  

Hope all is well fam!

-D 

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