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NEW VIDEO: A Wasted Time (The Truth About Gaming)

My Journal - Doug S - Heroic Growth


Irishrican950
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Day 47, 

Just got an update from my recruiter on a couple jobs I applied for... Feeling the sting of being passed on a job at the moment for something that I really couldn't control.  I still got a few other job prospects in play.  So we'll see how it goes.  I just didn't have something technical for this role but I interviewed well.  Still I feel this discomfort of being skipped over that brings me back to times in my childhood where I just felt not cool for being picked last/not picked at all.  Noticing that I am hard on myself at times and I think in the past that has contributed to my gaming addiction... to escape and just be someone else for a while numbs the pain.  I just grew with such a hyper critical dad and was a target in school of bullying... sometimes it feels like I am never going to be enough.  

Breathing through it and coming back to the part of me that knows I am whole... am a man... and am worthy of whatever I dedicate myself to has been helpful here.  Letting go of the story... letting go of the victim mentality... embracing the discomfort as something that is benefitial... and now writing about it... this is the medicine.  

Happy to report that while there is a draw to escape in moments like these - picking up a game is not really all that strong of an addiction at the moment.  I'm excited to get to 90 and hopefully 365 days from there!  

Regards 

-D 

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Yoooo Day 48, 

Love that Cam put a new video out.  So good.  Stoked he's talking the multidimensional nature of addiction. Another day of no gaming for me.  Got a great contract offer today so stoked for more money and structure.  Been listening to David Goggins new book on audible... so potent... going on a super long hike tomorrow.   

Onward and upward,  

-D

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Day 49 + 50, 

Spent Saturday doing a 16 mile hike down a bike trail that had me cross 4 towns and 1 state line.  It was fun... like an RPG game but for real.  I found it very adventurous and enjoyed the process of walking and seeing how far I could go with daylight.  Listening to David Coggins audiobook in my headphones and having fun phone conversations with friends along the way was cool.  In a way I think for me life is a game.  I'm just wired that way.  I can't quit games as the game is all up in me.  

As I walked I thought of what values I want to continue to cultivate this year... discipline came up... in keeping a schedule and a journal... and in having a boundaries with the toxic habits like gaming that I am dropping... precision came up... staying focused on the goal when working... often seeing if I can stay focused on a certain boring work related task for the time I've scheduled for myself.  And dynamism... the part of me that loves to be free and flow in creative ways... allowing myself to channel that in what I commit to doing... 

Today I slept in to recover from the big hike and watched a lot of football with family.  My dad reminded me that it's important to be back home and around my brother.  He wants me to stick around the area and I can sense that he can't say that exactly so he's saying things like... being around for my brother makes him happy and he believes it's a wise thing to do.  Overall I continue to see just how hard it is for me to hold strong boundaries for myself.  I'm glad to be 50 days game free... that's a great start.  

Regards, 

-D

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Day 51, 

Stayed up too late and got up too late again - do you guys find that sometimes you just have extra energy at night and it's hard to sleep?  That's been a problem for me as of late.  

Making up for lost time this week as I get going.  Hoping I can have a productive afternoon and evening.  

Regards, 

D

 

UPDATE - had a solid afternoon and evening... it's about midnight and I can say that I've managed to turn things around from a slow start to the morning.  Hoping to have an even better Tuesday! #bettereveryday

Edited by Irishrican950
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Day 52,

Working on getting up a little earlier each day... still a work in progress... but yeah.  Start a new job in 2 weeks.  Working hard on my contracts like it already started.  Feels good.  Doing the best I can to stay off my phone too... today was a good day.  

Regards, 

D
 

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Day 53, 

Another slow start to the day but improving slightly in terms of getting up earlier.  Went to a coffee shop near by and made a warm impression on a few people who took my number.  That felt good.  I've got to handle alot of paperwork today for a new job contract and I am sweating that... I feel the part of me that wants to procrastinate stuff that is difficult/unknown to do... I'm glad the gaming impulse to escape is somewhat gone.  Now I just need to stay on task and not try and get too sidetracked by other distractions.  Onward!

-D

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Day 54, 

Getting up a little earlier each day.  That's helping me.  Did some not so fun things today like submit a bunch of paperwork for a BG check for a job.  Noticing just how distracted I am when I don't exercise first and do really boring complicated tasks.  That said - the gaming addiction has subsided so I am happy about that.  Have my first DJ gig tonight for a weekly salsa night I am doing down in CT.  Excited about that - will be a good outlet for my creativity and pays decent.  

Hope all is well fam!

-D 

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Day 55, 

Stressed out today as I am dealing with various paperwork for my job.  I think my avoidant tendencies get me into trouble emotionally when there's a lot of scrutiny on me.  

Day 56, 

Took the day off to just venture around town, walk around and watch a movie.  Overall - I'm stuggling to stay on task with my commitments... the urge to game as a means to escape is gone but other ways seems to love to replace it.  The fight is real.  

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Yea its a pretty common follow-up problem after quitting games that you still lack of disciplin/routine to actually do what you are supposed to do eg paperwork. That kind of proves to me that the games were never the real problem, but a booster. That was a thubg I learnt after many detox/tries to do things your actually supposed to do right now, no postponing. Because that is the part I think is crucial but its also the hardest one. We can always postpone everything because the alternative feels better, even if its not games or internet related. For me I can just sit together with friends and its much more fun, therefore I dont do my actual work. -> its important to cut off all extrem good-feeling-alternatives like gaming, netflix etc. but that still will not make you chasing your goals. You cant block everything, but anything could lead to avoidance. This is why you have to cut the biggest triggers(like games) and then only focus on doing your tasks as the main object.

You probably should not count game detox anymore(definitely NEVER restart tho, because its a crazy booster), rather count the days which you actually did what you were supposed to do(highest priority as the very first task of the day)

Edited by Lobares2
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On 1/29/2023 at 10:43 AM, Lobares2 said:

 

You probably should not count game detox anymore(definitely NEVER restart tho, because its a crazy booster), rather count the days which you actually did what you were supposed to do(highest priority as the very first task of the day)

Day 56 + 57,

This is smart.  I do want to continue to get to 90 days but I agree... it would be valuable to actually count the days that I actually do what I commit to doing.  I like that.  I'm going to incorporate this and journal in the mornings (like I have been) ti plan my day and then make updates on here towards the end of the day to say if I did the thing that I committed to doing.  

Love it.  It's time to really focus on deconditioning the rebel in me who wants to do whatever I can against authority.... including my own. 

-D 

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Day 58, 

Getting sloppy on not getting on here everyday.  The past couple days I've completed about 50% of what I have set out for myself to do.  Yesterday I found that I got up early... crashed by the late morning but was productive most of the day.  I let myself go in the evening and ended up talking on the phone with a friend for a few hours in stead of staying on task.   Will report back on how today progresses in a separate post towards the end of the day.  

Regards, 

- D

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Day 59, 

Overall it was an ok day.  I notice that I procrastinate the most after dinner in the evenings.  I get easily distracted by my phone, the news and social media.  I am really struggling to stay on schedule.   I've got my day planned for tomorrow.  Going to keep at it.  It seems to be a really important practice for me to try and harness... scheduling... and then actually staying on task.  I accomplished about half the things I wanted to get to and not in the order I planned them.  I did the second most important thing on my list but failed to complete the first.  Tomorrow is another day.  

Edited by Irishrican950
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