Jon's Journal

[Jon]

Hello everyone, old-new member here. Day 1 again. I couldn't tell you how many day 1's I've had.

Day 1:

Watched Cam's latest YouTube video. I've probably watched most of them, if not all of them, over the years. He mentioned journaling on the forum again and I thought maybe I'd try it finally. Turns out, I had tried it years ago. It was really interesting to look back at what I had written, but at the same time quite demoralizing. Over 5 years later - my journey started even before then - and I'm still struggling with the same exact issues. 

I'm not even sure if I would call gaming THE problem anymore. In comparison to the past I rarely game, but I still fill my time with dopamine projects. I recently watched 5 year old GameQuitters video and Cam mentions that he would consider it a failure of himself or his program if someone were to quit video games and replace it with another dopamine trap Netflix/YouTube/social media. That's what I did, but I never followed Cam's programs or implemented his advice long term so there is no blame laid on him. It just made me think of yeah, gaming is "under control", but did it accomplish anything?

Gaming still takes priority over other tasks I want to accomplish. I've tried to tackle my discipline by cutting out things until I get to something I want to do. Some people may say my wants are actually "shoulds", but I do truly want to be a new person. If I say no games, then I may watch more porn. If I say no porn and games then I may eat more sugar and watch YouTube. If I say no more sugar or YouTube I may scroll reddit. I don't think this method works for me because all I'm telling my mind is to get rid of everything that it enjoys and replace it with the next activity on the list. I probably need to tackle my activities from the other direction of making things I want to do that are more difficult more palatable.

As I approach 30 I don't want the next 20 years to be like the last 20 years. I'm not even sure what I want them to look like, but something different is in order.

I'd appreciate comments with advice or support because reading my old forum post and seeing the replies really helped even all these years later

Thank you for reading,
- Jonathan

Old Post

 

[Paul A.]

Welcome back! You may have had some setbacks, but the important thing is that you’re trying again. Like the Japanese proverb says: Fall down seven times, get up eight. You’ve made mistakes and learned a lot about yourself in the process. I believe you can make a lasting change this time around. We’re here to support you along the way!

[Jon]

On 10/8/2022 at 2:41 PM, Paul A. said:

Welcome back! You may have had some setbacks, but the important thing is that you’re trying again. Like the Japanese proverb says: Fall down seven times, get up eight. You’ve made mistakes and learned a lot about yourself in the process. I believe you can make a lasting change this time around. We’re here to support you along the way!

Thanks Paul!
 

Day 3:

Had a busy day yesterday with lots of driving so didn’t end up journaling. I’m hoping my focus working this week is better since I’m not playing PC games. I will continue to play games with my wife on the switch a couple times a week since that has been a complete non-issue. I’ll make sure to stay aware of if it leads me back to PC gaming, but I think YouTube is much more likely to do that. 

[Jon]

Day 4:

I do pretty well in the mornings when it comes to focusing and getting things done. As the early afternoon arrives though things don't quite go my way. Still haven't played any games, but I definitely need to make improvements on how I spend my time. Hopefully I've made my todo list short enough today that I can get through all of the items.

Cheers!

[Yan]

On 10/10/2022 at 6:51 PM, Jon said:

Thanks Paul!
 

Day 3:

Had a busy day yesterday with lots of driving so didn’t end up journaling. I’m hoping my focus working this week is better since I’m not playing PC games. I will continue to play games with my wife on the switch a couple times a week since that has been a complete non-issue. I’ll make sure to stay aware of if it leads me back to PC gaming, but I think YouTube is much more likely to do that. 

No skipping days mate. Even one line is better than nothing.... You could even write something the next day looking back... Put the excuses to rest 🙂

[Yan]

You could also record yourself speaking while driving and later just transform it into text. The options are endless...

[Yan]

On 10/12/2022 at 12:56 AM, Jon said:

Day 4:

I do pretty well in the mornings when it comes to focusing and getting things done. As the early afternoon arrives though things don't quite go my way. Still haven't played any games, but I definitely need to make improvements on how I spend my time. Hopefully I've made my todo list short enough today that I can get through all of the items.

Cheers!

How does a typical day look right now?

[Jon]

Thanks @Yan for checking in on me. I can't believe I missed 8 days. I relapsed for about an hour after this busy past weekend, and skipping my journal probably contributed to that.

Day 1:

My typical day is to wake up around 7-8. Make breakfast, feed the cats, and then start working. Most days I work from home, but even though the commute isn't fun I should probably go into the office to better motivate me. I typically work pretty well for the first 3-4 hours and then the afternoon is me trying to do as little work as possible. I spend time on my phone and do other less desirable activities. It's not really the slacking off at my job that bothers me, but more the activities I replace my time with.

I have some side projects I'd like to continue working on, clean up my computer room, exercise, and other various activities, but they do not stimulate me like my phone or games can unfortunately.

 

[Yan]

21 hours ago, Jon said:

Thanks @Yan for checking in on me. I can't believe I missed 8 days. I relapsed for about an hour after this busy past weekend, and skipping my journal probably contributed to that.

Day 1:

My typical day is to wake up around 7-8. Make breakfast, feed the cats, and then start working. Most days I work from home, but even though the commute isn't fun I should probably go into the office to better motivate me. I typically work pretty well for the first 3-4 hours and then the afternoon is me trying to do as little work as possible. I spend time on my phone and do other less desirable activities. It's not really the slacking off at my job that bothers me, but more the activities I replace my time with.

I have some side projects I'd like to continue working on, clean up my computer room, exercise, and other various activities, but they do not stimulate me like my phone or games can unfortunately.

 

Of course they don't stimulate you like your phone or games can (At the moment). Most things that will enormously satisfy you in the long term from my experience, don't do that in the short term, that's why you're here. Jonathan, I suggest we put a goal of 21 days without games and 15 minutes of just checking all social networks in the evening every day(That's what I do), and that's it! No more touching social media unless it's directly needed for the task you're doing right now, and in that case just watch the information you need, nothing else. Think you can handle that? Just 21 days. After that you can break it or continue.

If you agree I'll be checking in on you, to see your daily progress, so you'd better keep your word, that's what men do! Let's Rock n' Roll!

By the way what does your job include? 

[Yan]

Where u at brother?

[Jon]

On 10/21/2022 at 11:11 PM, Yan said:

Where u at brother?

Thanks for checking in Yan even if I'm not doing a great job at journaling. I can do 21 days. That's Nov 14/15. From now on I will journal first thing in the morning since I keep waiting until the afternoon and then just forgetting about it. I'll uninstall reddit as well since that's one of the worst time sinks, maybe even more so than gaming. I work as a software developer.

[Yan]

22 hours ago, Jon said:

Thanks for checking in Yan even if I'm not doing a great job at journaling. I can do 21 days. That's Nov 14/15. From now on I will journal first thing in the morning since I keep waiting until the afternoon and then just forgetting about it. I'll uninstall reddit as well since that's one of the worst time sinks, maybe even more so than gaming. I work as a software developer.

Super glad to hear that, sounds like a plan!
Give 'em hell

[Jon]

Day 1 out of 21 (no reddit or games)

I've caught some sort of illness so the energy/willpower levels are quite lower. I'm just going to focus on getting my work done, getting one to two chores done, and then taking it easy.

I'd like to use some of this momentum though to take on some other beneficial activities like waking up at a consistent time and having better meal plans. I'm not going to stress about them, but I think I'll gravitate towards them since I do have a bit more free time.

[Jon]

Day 2 out of 21 (no reddit or games)

Feeling a bit better. I was able to wake up a bit earlier and get started on things (like journaling). I need to stop looking at any mail (personal or work) before sitting down and planning my day out. Sometimes I'll look at a notification within like 2 minutes of waking up while I'm still in bed and my whole morning mood can be soured depending on what it is. I always feel permanently behind when I let my notifications start my morning.

[Yan]

11 hours ago, Jon said:

Day 2 out of 21 (no reddit or games)

Feeling a bit better. I was able to wake up a bit earlier and get started on things (like journaling). I need to stop looking at any mail (personal or work) before sitting down and planning my day out. Sometimes I'll look at a notification within like 2 minutes of waking up while I'm still in bed and my whole morning mood can be soured depending on what it is. I always feel permanently behind when I let my notifications start my morning.

Definitely a great practice to plan your day out.
I have almost all notifications disabled on my phone. I have no whatsapp message noises, no news, surely no social media.
As far as I'm aware I only get notified from Duolingo, calendar and alarm clocks. That's what works for me now. Feel free to use this method too 🙂

 

23 hours ago, Jon said:

Day 1 out of 21 (no reddit or games)

I've caught some sort of illness so the energy/willpower levels are quite lower. I'm just going to focus on getting my work done, getting one to two chores done, and then taking it easy.

I'd like to use some of this momentum though to take on some other beneficial activities like waking up at a consistent time and having better meal plans. I'm not going to stress about them, but I think I'll gravitate towards them since I do have a bit more free time.

I've also had a challenging day today. But let's be thankful that we do. The hard days are the ones that shape us. Stay strong, stay in touch 🙂
 

[Yan]

Mr. Jon? I see you've missed two days. Here's a suggestion: Write about these two looking backwards 🙂 If you're not writing because you broke the streak, it's okay. Start again today. Not tomorrow, and let's go on with it! LESSSSS GOOOOOO

[Yan]

Three days. Still fixable. One line for each day and you're back on track

[Yan]

Come on Jon. You either grow or you die.

[Jon]

Day 1 out of 21 (no reddit or games)

On 10/28/2022 at 10:36 PM, Yan said:

Mr. Jon? I see you've missed two days. Here's a suggestion: Write about these two looking backwards 🙂 If you're not writing because you broke the streak, it's okay. Start again today. Not tomorrow, and let's go on with it! LESSSSS GOOOOOO

I definitely broke the streak. Not on the 3rd day, but on the fourth. I've been really busy (stressed) with work and sick, but I think at the end of the day it's because I don't have conviction about where my life should go. Growing just to grow unfortunately doesn't seem to drive me very well. My "Why" is very weak when i think about it. Why get in shape? Why eat healthier? When I do the "Why" exercise, where you keep asking Why until you get to a very powerful desire, always ends in a "meh" feeling.

I appreciate you Yan for continuing to check up on me. I probably would have stopped posting at all if it wasn't for you.

[Yan]

7 hours ago, Jon said:

Day 1 out of 21 (no reddit or games)

I definitely broke the streak. Not on the 3rd day, but on the fourth. I've been really busy (stressed) with work and sick, but I think at the end of the day it's because I don't have conviction about where my life should go. Growing just to grow unfortunately doesn't seem to drive me very well. My "Why" is very weak when i think about it. Why get in shape? Why eat healthier? When I do the "Why" exercise, where you keep asking Why until you get to a very powerful desire, always ends in a "meh" feeling.

I appreciate you Yan for continuing to check up on me. I probably would have stopped posting at all if it wasn't for you.

Super glad to see you posting here again, what an honor that I helped you even a bit!  Regarding your "Why". There's somethjing in you that made you buy the respawn book and join the forum. It's because you know that games are a time waster and that you can do something useful and great with your life. And a man doesn't need any more in his life than fulfill his potential, in fact, there is no more. Just think what greatness you could achieve if you follow through with one thing at a time. You could become the next Elon Musk, Bill Gates, Warren Buffet, Neil Armstrong. (Those are just examples which might not relate to you much, but the point is if you keep going in this direction you could become someone super awesome) Hope that makes sense, after all i didn't sleep for 24 hours and ate very little... See you tomorrow!!

[Lobares2]

I think your why is big enough, otherwise you would not be here. Truth is all this ‘if your why is big enough you will make it’ is bullshit. The ‘why’ for drug addicts is usually die or stop shooting H. They still continue. People have a lot of really strong desires/whys but they still dont do it. 

About the replacing one dopamin source to another -> happens to like 90% of everyone here after qutting gamings. 1) Put everything which leads to loads of dopamin on your blacklist 2) obviously you cant put everything on it, thats why stick to top 5/10 -> but the main goal must be to chase your goals. You can live like a monk, its better than the dopamin bs, but it still doesnt let you fulfill your goals. Thats why most important rule -> follow your goals, do what you are supposed to do. But never ever reward yourself at the end of a succesful day with addictive stuff because this leads to not doing productive stuff the next day
 

Good luck man, stay on track, write here everyday, we all have those 5mins

Edited November 2, 2022 by Lobares2

[Yan]

Jon, hoping to see you writing retro as always on yesterday 🙂 Stay strong!

[Yan]

Hey Jon, I think if you had any habit that you've managed to build, you should think of it. 
In the beginning It was a little hard and weird, but as days went by, it became a part of your Identity.

Take this success in mind, and know that this is exactly what it will be like. You just have to build the initial momentum (The beginning is usually the hardest) Just absorb pain for 21 days. I believe in you. If you broke the streak again, I'm still waiting to see you restart. No matter how many times you get knocked to day one, I hope to see you restart right away.

Because it is no shame to fall. But it is a real shame to stay down!

[Yan]

Jon, I will not keep writing forever unless you also put some effort.
Hope you find the strength. Give me something to work with here =/ Even if you write day 1 every day, at least write something. It's all good. As I said, it's no shame to fall. But it is a real shame to stay down.

[blu]

I think a big issue, when trying to let go of gaming, is that we focus too much on what we don't want. To illustrate, lets say you want to give up smoking, if you continuously say to yourself something like "don't smoke", "cigarettes are bad" or "I hate cigarettes", even thought we mean well, our brain still continuously receive the same negative input of the words "smoking" and "cigarettes". Instead, we can direct our focal point to something good like "eat healthy", "build a strong body" or something like that.

Anyways, Jon, we win some we lose some. You need not feel disheartened just because you lost a streak or things aren't going your way. The path to change wont be easy. We will feel like the issues we face are insurmountable, there are times when we will lose the streaks, times we will fail on the promises we made to ourselves, times where we will perceive ourselves to be rotten flesh with no purpose. Life will keep knocking us down cause that's what life does best, and the best we can do is refuse to stay down. Even though we strive for it everyday, non of us are perfect. So don't be self critical. Learn from the mistakes you made and form those made by other, overcome the anguish that comes with losing, and just stay relentless.