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NEW VIDEO: Psychologist's WARNING About VIDEO GAMES

I’m always focused on the wrong things in life.


CoolMan29
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I’ve been focusing on the wrong things all the time in my life. I’m always worried about having fun, gaming, and friends. I’m 20 now and I literally missed college classes due to this. As soon as classes were about to start, I realized that I never got my financial aid or I never payed for them. But now it’s too late. The classes have waitlists and they have just begun. I’ve had fun all my life and now I can’t focus on doing things to keep me busy. Even my job, I’m barely focusing there and I’ve been on training for a while now. I keep worrying about not having friends or anyone to talk to which makes it hard to focus on work and school. Even my mom is getting tired of this. She’s been feeling upset and emotional because it really makes her sad to see me this way, and I don’t blame her. I can’t take this anymore either. What should I do to stop worrying about gaming, not having friends, and having fun, and start focusing on things that will benefit me in my life?

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  • 4 months later...

Hey @CoolMan29, you touch on very important issues in your introductory post! 

Welcome to game quitters.

It reminds me of Jocko Willink’s explanation of the saying “You are your own general”. This is only part of the statement, “You are your own general , but you are the troops also” is the complete statement.

Now you can command yourself to do something like go out and attend the lectures, but another contradictory order is diverting your troops! You said in your statement that you give preference to friends over your responsibilities. 

Why do you put friends against your education? You can have great friendships in something meaningful like education and sports. Friends never really interfere with your responsibilities unless you make the choices to cause interference.

According to your experience, Are you living an urgent life or an important one?

Edited by Amphibian220
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  • 4 weeks later...

Hey there @CoolMan29!  I have kids your age so I can relate to your concerns, especially in the social aspect.  We all have a plan for our lives we were given before birth.  Sometimes we find out and sometimes we don’t.  There is a plan for your life, you are needed and you are loved!  Friends will come and go, in my opinion, we are fortunate if we find 1 or 2 true friends in our lifetime that stay thru it all.  Reach out fir resources that will help with your concerns and surround yourself if possible with people who love and support your willingness to reach out and get any type of help!  This seems to be a great place to start…I just joined myself!  My boyfriend has an addictive personality, so I wanted to reach out to see how I can hopefully help to be a support if/when he is ready.  School might be a great place for you to make some new friends…try to find some friends who have other interests besides gaming that you might get yourself involved in!  I’m always here as a listening ear if you need someone to reach out to.  Also wondering if you’ve ever been tested for ADD?  One of my kids has ADD and another ADHD.  If so, there are meds to help with that to help you with staying on task and focusing!  Keep your chin up and realize we ALL have struggles and journeys.  It’s part of life and just because yours is different than somebody else’s doesn’t make you any more or any thing less than anyone else!  Good luck to you!!!!

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  • 3 weeks later...
On 12/29/2021 at 8:08 PM, Amphibian220 said:

Hey @CoolMan29, you touch on very important issues in your introductory post! 

Welcome to game quitters.

It reminds me of Jocko Willink’s explanation of the saying “You are your own general”. This is only part of the statement, “You are your own general , but you are the troops also” is the complete statement.

Now you can command yourself to do something like go out and attend the lectures, but another contradictory order is diverting your troops! You said in your statement that you give preference to friends over your responsibilities. 

Why do you put friends against your education? You can have great friendships in something meaningful like education and sports. Friends never really interfere with your responsibilities unless you make the choices to cause interference.

According to your experience, Are you living an urgent life or an important one?

well said am gonna add something in it like you should have to set stimulus .stimulus enables you to focus on certain things and gives you encouragement to achieve that particular aim

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Hey @CoolMan29,

First of all, welcome to the Game Quitters forum!

A while ago, I made a post in my personal journal about the "5 stages of change" that my Addiction Recovery Program uses to give us a better idea of where we are at.  Just seeing you here, acknowledging that your behavior is causing you problems is a good sign; you're at least on the second step ("Contemplation") on your path of progress.  Improving one's understanding of the problems we face, instead of instinctively grasping at straws*, is a critical step forward; as G.I. Joe would say, "Knowing* is half the battle".

One of the things that really slows me down sometimes can be found in the language that I use to describe my own behavior.  If there's one thing that I learned (in theory at least) in therapy is that introspection should be done without judgement.  That's not to say that not holding ourselves accountable for our actions would be beneficial.  Au contraire, analysing our own behavior and the outcome of which is part of that "Contemplation" step I mentioned above.  However, when we use vague blanket labels like "good" or "bad" tends to leave us feeling like there's little room for progress.  For example, I try to refrain from calling myself an "addict" because, as with many social constructs, there's a lot of negative connotations associated with that I'm just better off not identifying with.  Even if the there weren't any negative connotations, I am so much more than an "addict"; I am a "survivor", a "mentor" to some, and a "friend" to many, and a "human being" (I swear! beep-boop).

Anyways, my point is: try not to be so hard on yourself buddy.  Statements like...

Quote

I’ve been focusing on the wrong things all the time in my life.

Might be wearing you down.  I think it would be fairer towards yourself to simply say "I don't feel satisfied with some of my cognitive-behavioral tendencies, such as prioritizing the short-term gratification I get from games over the long-term benefits I could get from further education."  I know it's a mouthful but it is more accurate and objective.  You have a hypothesis there at least, if not a theory that you've proven to yourself by now, something that you can work with.  If you can afford consulting a psychiatrist or psychotherapist and haven't done so yet, it would give them something more concrete to work with too.  I'm not an expert but what you are describing sounds a lot like executive dysfunction, a group of symptoms which can be caused by a lot of different things (depression, ADHD, brain injuries, etc.)  It would probably beneficial to at least confirm whether this is the case or not and where it comes from if it is.  I'm starting to wonder if I should go for an ADHD test myself (it was proposed a few times by my psychologist but it's not free).

Maybe I'm projecting myself on you too much here.  I recently relapsed for like... well too many times to count... I am getting back up, it's been 6 days now. I think I am getting better at getting back up and preventing from falling again at least.  Still, I tend to feel a lot of shame and the language that I often use probably doesn't help.  Maybe one day I will have cultivated enough self-value to more easily brush off this change but right now I, like you perhaps, seem to depend on external factors a lot.  Anyways, good luck on your path buddy, give yourself a hug for me.

* I should point out that grasping at straws isn't inherently bad and there are limits to how much knowledge we need to proceed, if it's even possible to acquire.  Sometimes, "grasping at straws" is our only option given the circumstances.  However, if, like me, you find yourself grasping at the same straws over and over again despite being left mostly empty handed, it's probably a good occasion to take a step back and contemplate "What's going on?" (queu the He-Man meme animation of the Four Non Blonds song).

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