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Showing results for tags 'showerthoughts'.
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Hey guys, so I have been thinking a lot about self improvement recently. Since like a year or so I became very focussed on getting a very good grade for my bachelors degree. I have been planning a lot, I studied a lot and I also worked out a lot to achieve my fitness goals. But even though I have had great successes since then, I am not really sure if I am happier. Sometimes I even feel a little less happy than before because I am so focussed on achieving my goals that I find it hard to enjoy the small things in life like having a beer with a friend or something. I socialise a lot less in general because I want to get up early to study and in the evenings I usually work out. Has anyone else more experience with self improvement in the long run? I think I need to add that I am not depressed or anything but I am just not as happy as I want to be.
Hi everyone, this is going to be my journal of the 90 days detox. It is going to be extremely bad at worst and sarcastic at best. Here's my day 1, which hasn't even started yet, because it's 2:34 am. Well, let's call it day 0. Day 0 Today I decided to quit gaming forever. It would seem a hopeless cause to many, but, even though I'm a pessimist, I can feel this try is going to be different. I know I can do it. And that is what I'm grateful for. My cat is making loud meowy noises and wants to scratch the window through the curtain. Gotta give her some love.
Never in my life would I expect to find myself on a forum like this but. I guess life truly has no roadmap. I'd normally use an Alias but...seeing as how that usually ends up, I'll keep this personal and use my Real Name only and the names of those if permission if given and I apologize if it's hard to read. I tend awful when writing from the heart at times. With that out of the way, let me introduce myself. I'm Giancarlo. A Highschool Junior In the Big City who's trying to crawl his way out to freedom after realizing what gaming is doing, I started off on PS2 But slowly transitioned to other platforms and stuck as a multi-platformed gamer. I got into gaming at an early age since I lived in a bad neighborhood and my parents feared the worst. I was autistic and back then was often bullied and targeted...so I was kept in a small safe haven of the Nintendo Gamecube and PlayStation 2. The Nights of NSX and Simpsons Home And Run, happy memories of youth and killing time until My Uncle picked me up to visit my grandmother or playing against my cousins until dinner time! It was a time when gaming was that. A Simple game to kill time and then put down. But that's not where my story takes it dark turn. That happens sometime around middle school. This was when my hobby started to turn into the addiction it once was. It was when I was finally allowed to go online and interact with the world. This was the PS3 Era. When Bo1 and CoD MW2 Were the Games to have and own. I was this pudgy and F A T. Kid Growing up, so I was often bullied and left alone. at the time. My Parents finally decided to put the internet into the house for work purposes and by looking up videos online hooked my PS3 Online and Got a Headset from my cousin and soon I was on a fast track to talking and making friends. It felt...nice. Finally being able to hold an actual conversation with someone outside of my Special Ed Classes. Talking about common interests and having good laughs over the smallest and dumbest things...It helped my escape my brutal life in school. My Parents were naturally concerned but my father got into tech and supported it...from 5th Grade to 8th. It was Video Games Every Night and Day. Talking to the Same Peeps and finally feeling greatful. Then...I started to make them my priority. After All. It was just a simple algebra assignment. What's one little missing HW. Thing is. They tend to stack when you look at the long term. Little did I know the first stages were setting in. I became irritable when the internet was down, I stopped leaving the house and just scootering around in the park. I became a couch pillow and liked that way until high school started. I'll skip 9th and 10th Year as they were much of the same but worse...It nearly costed me to be held back and lose my position within my cohort. 11th Grade Year. I found what I thought was fucking impossible. A Girl who actually liked me...for me. I learned alot about putting up a front but...when I was with her. I didn't want to mask up and shield. I wanted to be a naked mind for her, just as she was for me but...gaming after so many years took its toll, I was socially recluse and often ghosted when we chatted on discord. Usually paying attention to a War Thunder Match or CS:GO Match, I was doing what had been done on to me...and little did I know at the time that I was hurting her. I let my internet persona take the lead and act like this giant Brochado, when she loved my sensitive and intelligent side that came and went in flashes. She eventually left me after I caused her "Stress" but we remain close friends. It wasn't until the last few months that I started to realize that I needed to lose the systems as I had bigger dreams. I found a school I wanted to go to (USNA!) but My grades after years of gaming, hold me back and after a heavy conversation with my Ex. I realized something... A Decade in my life was coming back to bite me with no punches pulled...My Safezone was really my Gas Chamber. I was poisoned and living in my own reality instead of being apart of the real world...the world with her, the world where we watched movies, the World where I left and explored New York City. I lived in a Virutal World. Devoid of Life. I need Help. I know what I want out of life...and I don't want to cross the Rubicon and become a shell... I want to fight this and finally be free.