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Today was day 4 of my 90 day detox. I'm probably not going to really return to gaming the way I did before with my 30 and then 60 day detoxes, which were just to reevaluate my relationship to gaming. I actually did learn to moderate, and all was well for a good long while. But I had a couple weeks of binging recently due to the loss of my first pregnancy, and that helped me get completely sick of video games and ready to "declutter" them from my life. They no longer *spark joy* haha. This time I'm just doing a detox to completely cleanse myself of anything that even resembles gaming. I want to re-learn how I used to live as a child before games took over my life. There's a few games out there I can use as creative tools, like the Sims for architecture and interior design for example, but that will also remain off limits until August just so I don't slip up. I want to focus on screen-free activities for a while, though I'm not setting any hard limits on that right now, I can focus more on that again later on. I recently started drawing and journaling again, and I also picked up the psaltery and kalimba (instruments). These have been really good for me! I haven't really been actively learning any songs or trying to relearn how to read music yet, I've mostly just been messing around, but it's awesome. There's something so sensory pleasing about the whole experience. I love how tactile it is. Really good replacement for gaming. I've also been reading and listening to audio books more frequently again, which has been good. My family set up a private NA meeting for my wife* and I to attend so we can have face-to-face meetings again, something I've been dying for. Zoom just doesn't do it for me in the same way. So yeah I'm also a recovering drug addict alcoholic etc, addiction is something I've known well since I started cutting myself at age 12. This is nothing new to me. Getting sober is actually the only reason I ever realized I had a problem with gaming, only reason I realized I was a hoarder, and a whole lot of other things. Best decision I've ever made! But anyway these face-to-face meetings are going to be really helpful for this too, we talk about all the aspects of life that addiction touches so they will support me 100%. I have found blogging to be quite helpful for me... I seem to like writing. So I'll probably keep doing this daily journal thing, if not necessarily daily. *(yes we're gay just to clarify, I was the pregnant one, don't want to confuse anyone lol.)
I quit games a couple weeks ago and my Steam accounts are in the process of being deleted. EGS account is already deleted. I am currently separated from my family and in the next few days I may end up having a lot of time on my hands. I hope to be back home in the next few weeks or months. Gaming could be a good escape to help destress and recoup, but im worried that if I start down that road that I'll be consumed for a while to numb the pain, as was my previous lifestyle. I started learning FL Studio but havent had much time to work on it lately and fear that the learning curve will deter me from continuing. I have been watching more senseless YT lately too that needs to be curbed. FL Studio tutorials have been helpful to keep me learning. I have been reading a lot more which is good- to an extent. It's also another form of escape and distraction for me, though it does encourage me to write- which I avoid at all costs cuz I'm terrified of writing and that what i will write will be no good. I know it doesnt matter and i need to just WRITE but I have difficulty moving past that. Im writing this journal entry so i dont look for some escape right now, or maybe it is a form of escape cuz i dont want to pray right now. I dont have my laptop atm so gaming isn't really an option, but i'll have it later today. I can go to an Anytime Fitness gym if i want to for the next couple days while i have the car, which i think i might do. Ive been going with a friend for a couple momths. I'll have to go by myself but i think i can manage that. I did that a couple weeks ago. Im staying at a friends for a couple days and gaming has always been a go-to for us. So im not sure if he will want to and/or if i should. I kind of need a distraction right now. Ive prayed for a bit but im losing strength presently and when my friend and I will be home together later today we might want to play something. Idk. I just kind of need a distraction... i know i should keep going to Jesus but Im feeling pretty worn out. Vors, signing off.
Any inspirational music recommendations?
WillDonisthorpe posted a topic in General DiscussionI listen to ALOT of music. It helps me push through most days. I'm not running out but I'm happy for suggestions and for people to drop stuff here for others to listen to. I'll start(I won't use links as I know some people don't like clicking on links, you can just search them up 🙂 ) This music varies in Genre from Metal, Alternative Rock to Orchestral or Classical Instrumental and Anime theme songs. Post anything, I'll try to check all of them as I listen to just about anything. (I've deliberately avoided game soundtracks) Back For More - Five Finger Death Punch Get Lost, Find Yourself - Chunk! No Captain Chunk! Vice Grip - Parkway Drive Number One - Manowar Chaos - I Prevail Bow Down - I Prevail Crossing Field - AmaLee Odds Are - Barenaked Ladies Best Day of my Life - American Authors Crimson Bow & Arrow - Jonathan Young Don't Stop Believing - Journey Why Worry - Set It Off Undefeated - Skillet In Too Deep - Sum41 Now or Never - Madina Lake Master of the Tides - Lindsey Stirling Back To Me - Of Mice And Men How To Survive - Of Mice And Men (This one is very aggressive so only listen if your into that sort of thing) You Say Run - My Hero Academia 2016 Day of Fate ~Spirit vs Spirit~ - Team Four Star Anything by Ludovico Einaudi I've got alot more but I think this post should end at some point. Lemme know what you've got 😉
We Now Rejoin Real Life, Already in Progress
Zeno posted a topic in Daily Journals(The first post to this journal is actually in the Introduction forum, under the same title.) So, I took a week off from gaming, ending last Wednesday, and seemed to find a little balance in my approach to electronic entertainment thereafter. That balance proved temporary, if not simply illusory, but I still think I learned something from it. It's not just the games themselves that keep pulling me back, but all the various expressions and apparatuses of game culture. I'm not on any kind of social media, except that I do have an account on YouTube that generates recommendations based on what I've watched before . . . and my homepage there was generally always full of gaming-related videos: gaming news, tech news, endless (and pointless) lists, angry rants against developers, serious gameplay videos, goofy gameplay videos, and on and on. Even during my short break, I realized that I would have to get rid of it all. The secret is to click the three-dot symbol next to the name of a video and select "do not recommend channel" from the drop-down menu. I've done that again and again: Goodbye WhatCulture Gaming! Goodbye Gameranx! Goodbye Let's Game It Out! I thought of it then as a kind of electronic hygiene, clearing away everything that might draw my attention back to gaming so that, even if I were to start playing again, I could compartmentalize it more effectively. I thought I might be able to manage to play games without being so sucked in to the world of gaming. Well, that didn't work very well, and I just had another lost weekend. Now that I'm attempting to quit for a longer period of time - at least a year - I already have that hygiene protocol in place, which is to my advantage. It also helps that I've already set up a more comfortable place to sit and read a book . . . though I have to vie with my cat for dibs on the best chair.
Band_to_the_Bone posted a topic in Daily JournalsHello, I am new to game quitters and this is my first time going through the respawn modules. Throughout high school and college I could get away with doing my school work and playing games in all of the free time that I had when I was done. I saw friends during classes or when they called me to hang out and I played games after homework was done. The problem with that is I was only gaming in my available free time and I never reached out to my friends. After college I found myself playing games for hours at a time after work since I had no homework and was not making any new friends. I moved back home with my parents and got some therapy, but never got to the point where I understood what my therapist meant by "down time". I thought down time was video games, but she meant taking time to sharpen the saw and let the brain be creative. Fast forward 5 years and I'm married to the love of my life and we've moved to a new city. Due to Covid, I am unemployed and instead of job searching I'm playing Overwatch. My wife came in and calmly talked me through why it was that I wasn't taking this time to look for work. It's to better myself, our union, and a future family that I am beginning the respawn process. My goal is to change the meaning of "free time". Just because I do not have a deadline that is coming up does not meant that I should jump straight onto a video game. In the words of my wife, "You've told me you wanted to do yoga, meditate, work out, play music, and read more. You did none of those things today, and those are things that you love". As module one spoke to, games fulfill human needs. I would like to rework my own thinking so that I choose activities that will lead to me being a better person. Day 1 - After a pretty okay day with my wife, she asked if she could have some time to herself for 30 minutes. In the past, that would be a prime time for me to boot up a game of Overwatch. Instead I am taking the time now to plan out a nice date for us tomorrow. It feels a bit weird clicking on the "About to Relapse" link on day 1, but I guess anything is fair game. As I stated in my introduction, this is about reshaping free time. This 30 minutes that I have now is not time to throw away, but time to invest in myself and my relationship. I look forward to scheduling time tomorrow to work on some of my hobbies and finding work again.
The Marvelous Misadventures
Xgamer posted a topic in Daily JournalsFIRST DAY Good things I have finally tidied up room. That took me 3 bloody hours. Who knew my room could accomodate so much dust, Jesus. More than that, I accidentally found the missing part from my MOTTO Racing gear ? That hit me hard. A sudden wave of playing urge almost overwhelmed me but ya boi stays strong. EDIT. Watching video of other people quitting gaming (HOBEDAGA`s story) helped me. especially this guy. He`s a legend Spent time with my father. That was endearing really. We talked, played chess. Too bad I`ve wasted so much time digging my head in sand. But look redemption is what matters here right? It was funny to stumble upon my urge to leave as soon as we talked. I understand why. My father was often asking about my grades, plans for future, thoughts, anything, hell, he really was trying. And me being a depressed junkie, hating that sense of guilt, so dense I could touch it, I would crudely end the convo and rush to my messy room playing computer games with lights switched off. Bad things I feel like shit already. Well it is an indication of me being an addict, right? And I don`t want that. I want to be free. Thoughts Does the fact I am quitting mean that I shall not play again anymore? Should it be as fawl and wrong as doing drugs or commiting crimes for me now? What about this time I have spent playing games? Should I blame myself for it? What if I turn to pro gamer? Like, isn`t it wonderful to be hooked on something and bring bacon home at the same time. But, from the other perspective, say I have managed to become pro, will I be agile? Active? Socially charismatic? Perhaps it`s my brain trying to find a way to play some more Well, here it is, folks! OH! one more thing.. Here it is my visual XP bar for not playing the game ? How do you like it
Exploring My Creative Side
DaveComo posted a topic in Start Here & IntroductionHi, I'm David Comeau, I'm 27 years old, I'm from Canada. I have been gaming since a very young age and I always had some issue with video game. I was born with a mental handicap, which touch my ability to express my-self and understanding other peoples, so I had a lot of trouble and anxiety with my social life. I was also diagnose with attention problem. So learning was very hard thing for me to do and I was always behind everyone else. When I start to game it now that create the bad habit to escape from the hard thing that is to learn. And I was isolating my-self because I was very shy. During the age 19, I started to developp a passion for the guitar, but I was still very much addicted to gaming. As I get older, there were other art skills that I wanted to developed, Art Skill like: Composing Song, Drawning, Creative Writing, Making Video but starting this were requiring time and dedication. So, thanks to Game Quitter video I manage for the first time in my life to stop playing for at least a month but than I restart to watch playthrough and videogame related stuff on Youtube so I think it wasn't any better than playing it So today I'm restarting from day 1!
Warm greetings from Russia
Xgamer posted a topic in Start Here & IntroductionHello everyone! I have been playing video games for as long as I can remember. TF2, L4D, CSGO bring me sweet memories when my friends and I were having fun together, I have even dated some girl online. Of course, all of that was fickle so I can`t even play those games anymore because I know I would never have the same fun I used to. That puts me off returning to those games. Rancours? I don`t know, maybe The thing that made me do a first step is being fed up with toxicity and my dissatisfaction with gaming routine. I have always considered myself getting the short end of the stick despite investing so much time into gaming. I just couldn`t be the best there. It really hit home. Recently, I have tried to make drastic changes in my life but always relapsed. The breaking point was dev of game (I have grinded 800h in) announcing that the game would be cancelled soon (it all turned out to be as a christmas joke, it was not the dev, but some other dude). Then I realised how fragile and how pointless that I am doing. I was offended by it deeply but it was like a wake up call. Yet I still relapsed, but bounced back. I understand now what I am lacking. Support and an example of others. So here I am 22, Russia, and I am fond of so many things guys, this is crazy:D front-end programming, game dev, harmonica, guitar, parkour, learning new languages. But most importantly, I am fond of people being nearby. Maybe, the main reason why I ve been playing hardcore is that I just couldn`t make friends and I hated being alone. A lot of going to change after New Year. But here are my goals for now 1. Find a hobby and replace my idle existence with it. Write about it here 2. Pass 90 day detox and comment about it here 3. Get a job and earn good money I ll start my challenge tomorrow because today was the day i relapsed once again.
Smooth McGroove and The Power of Weirdness
Hitaru posted a topic in General DiscussionHe has shown to be part of the squad. This video proves it. Check it out: Some thoughts: Many of you probably know the guy, his magnificent facial hair and (our) shared love for videogames, videogame OSTs to be precise. His videos pile up millions of views (and it wouldn't be strange if some of you have stopped watching them because of triggers, I did but it was more in an effort to stop browsing Youtube in general rather than gaming stuff in particular). I'm sharing this video with you guys, in this section, because many of us need that little push in order to develop our creativity (that's what the section is about, right?). Many of us spend a lot of time thinking: "Man, I wish I could do this or that, take up that instrument or that art, set up my own thing, be noticed and famous, boats and bitches", and so on. But we go to bed without daring, we just talk and daydream. Day after day. We consume, we never create. We are afraid to step forward, to take up the challenge. We fill our head with excuses: it's weird, it's not going to work, it sucks, I'm not ready, I don't have money, I need to get this or that done first. And at the end of the day, you get that nagging feeling in your chest, your neck or your stomach. It's the lie cramps. It's what you get when you know you're fooling yourself. It's your guilty conscience, saying: "Every day you are not doing what you love, or loving what you do, is a day wasted". Don't fall for this guys. Love yourselves. Love what you do, do what you love. Shame and failure are illusions, cognitive fallacies constructed to make us blend in among the rest, to expand and nurture our comfort zone. Think about your own reasons, what motivates you, what makes you passionate, what is restraining you. Stop consuming. Get to work. Get to have fun. Get to live.