Schwing

The Silmarillion by JRR Tolkien! Good book for LOTR nerds like me.

156 days journalling Days porn free: 11 today didn't feel like the most productive day. But i still got shit done. I hate typing on my fucking phone! GAH!!! So today I had a bit of reflection on my decision to quit gaming. I don't see any reason to return. Gaming was like an all inclusive holiday and what i am doing now is like hitchhiking across the globe. Because i quit i was able to do other things. Cultivate neglected skills. I am grateful for the opportunity to do that. I don't need games anymore. In games i wanted to be that guy. That awesome guy that can do all kinds of cool shit. But i can do that in real life. The thing is though i have still developed escapist habits in other mediums. But i am content with them. Reading fiction and making comics is new. It's different. I have gamed enough. Time has come to close the chapter and begin a new volume! The problem is though. I think my head my be too in the clouds still. With games i fantasised about all the cool shit i could do. And now i do that in real life. The question is: is this healthy? Am i just kidding myself? I want to start doing fucking martial arts all of a sudden now. Sometimes i think i am expanding my repertoire too much. Like it's just an image for me. A tool to keep my ego in check. I'm afraid if i drop anything i lose what defines me. I'm looking at my life just like i was looking at those cartoon characters.

Thinking about trying some sort of martial arts. Any advice?

154 days journalling Days porn free: 9 Awesome day! Got up at 6:30 and studied a fuck ton. Watched a bit of ghost in the shell 2. Went out for a run. Moved further down the stream in the forest to meditate. I like to try and cover my tracks as a much as possible. Just for fun! There these weird worm things all over the rocks! Yuck! I wonder if they're edible? Headed back home and my left hamstring started to hurt. My feet just felt weird - like they didn't belong in my shoes. Everything felt wrong! So i kicked off my shoes and socks and ran the last mile back barefoot on the asphalt. FELT SO GOOD!!!!! My speed picked up and running felt easier. Much more spring in my step. Landing on my toes with legs beneath me. Then came back and took a cold shower going brbrghghhbrvvbhvbrghghgbrbhghgrbrb in the stream. The way forward is backwards! Hail the glorious ape man! He is by nature's design and lives as nature intended! And then i studied some more. So much for ape man. Read some of the physics book. Was marginally more understandable this time. Still fucking boring!

Haha. Who even uses that shit anyway? Never mind posting pictures of your balls.

My friends were the same when I quit. And now I don't have any outside of the internet! The thing is though- your path is your own. Wherever they are going doesn't matter because that's their choice. This is about YOU and YOUR choice. Always trust your gut and don't listen to the hyenas and parrots!

Never heard of muay thai so I googled it. Found out there are about 4 clubs in a neighbouring town! Sick! I have been thinking about martial arts actually. This looks like my sort of thing- nice. Perhaps it's the teamwork element. Or perhaps it's the sense of being a creator. I loved making builds and characters and trying them out. Perhaps you want to do something more creative?

154 days journalling Days porn free: 9 Nailed down 2 more maths papers today! Some good old fashioned death metal got me through. Worked out and took a cold shower. Noticed my muscles have gotten bigger. I can also do more reps and longer times on exercises. Nice to see some results. Last night i couldn't sleep for shit! I think my underwear was too tight on my balls or something. No idea. Managed to get some shit done on the comic page. Slaying those nofap urges. Not masturbating either

+ to my problems list: Feeling like I'm missing out on awesome virtual worlds and stories.

This is my way of seeing things. I understand it might not be for you. But I would rather bombard you with shit than stand idly by or spew empty sentiments!

Ok man looks like you're in some shit here: 1. Everybody wants that. Sure. But if you try and pursue that it will only be your undoing. The definition of confidence is the absence of fucks to give. It's the liberation of the mind; the casting out of self awareness. A change to you demeanour cannot begin as a rational thought. It's not about earning other people's respect; it's about earning your own respect. Only when you are comfortable in your own body can you respect yourself. And that is achieved by accepting it on an emotional level. This ME ME ME is the foundation of an unstable ego. It's looking at the images that people display. Your image is whatever your image is. It's subjective to whatever the person on the other end is receiving. The ego is a tool for social assertion. It asserts what the consciousness feels. As as long as you feel shit it won't do shit! Pure confidence is walking around with a smile on your face because you know that you're alive and this world is your playground. “there is nothing outside of yourself that can ever enable you to get better, stronger, richer, quicker, or smarter. Everything is within. Everything exists. Seek nothing outside of yourself.”― Miyamoto Musashi, The Book of Five Rings You need to take some time to find peace with yourself. You hate yourself because you don't understand yourself. To understand yourself you have to think and feel long and hard for what you want out of this life. To find your place in the universe. To do this: keep at your hobbies! Don't stop no matter what. I recall you quit some. That's fine but never do it because you "lose interest". Hobbies are something you have to commit to. Passion is a fleeting emotion and sometimes you just have to grind it out. Keep reading books. Keep thinking. Soon what you have gathered will converge on something and you will be enveloped by it! Another method I love is go full ape man. I made this post a while ago: Looks like you need to ground your emotions my boi! And I say ground because your emotions are like a static charge that accumulates in your head and you must earth it from time to time. People spend too much time cooped up in their head they don't realise they have this massive thing attached to their neck called a body! The body is a great way to channel your emotions- good or bad. You really have to break yourself down and feel free to act retarded sometimes. You see what monkeys do when they're angry? They poop in their hand and start throwing it at the object of their vice or beat the floor and go "OOOHAHAHAHAGAHAGAHHAOOOOHHO!!!!1!11!". Obviously us humans have this arbitrary crap called society and we need to behave ourselves though; but if you don't really mind getting really poopy hands and perhaps a restraining order then please be my guest! What I like to do is get plenty of physical exercise - on a daily basis at least with perhaps one day where I sit around and do nothing. Also, get lots of sunlight and fresh air. Cold showers are great too. Especially slamming your face into the stream and going "BRBRBrbrbRBBRbrbrBRhbhbRHbhGRhgGRHBhgh" with your cheeks. I also like to shake my body when I get up in the morning and stretch too. If you have ever had a dog you will notice they do this every morning. Breath deep too when you are doing this kind of shit. If you are out for a run; pant like a dog. If you are taking a cold shower; breath like a rapist in a children's hospital. This is the most difficult one but I like to do retarded shit around other people or just scream really really loudly when no one's looking. This will obliterate any self conscious behaviour. Try it and let me know! The universe is one. You are in the matrix. Accept pain as you accept pleasure. I can tell you all this shit but you won't truly understand until you feel it within yourself! 2. That sucks. I feel for you man. I have never been in a relationship because I'm just a 17 year old kid but this is an opportunity to learn. What do you want out of a relationship? To please a woman? To satisfy yourself? To act responsibly? To look into each other's souls? Everybody wants something in a relationship. And most importantly, YOU want something. So choose your women based on your own values. Check this out! Really helpful site! 3. Goal goal goals. We all need goals! But you can be happy without them! Have you seen old people? They cook, do gardening, listen to the radio- you know old people stuff! But they're happy! They stopped caring the moment their body started to wither. They live in the moment and they see past societal constructs. Ask yourself what you really want from your life. Then you will know what goals you want and what they mean to you. Everybody who want to do great things has to believe in something bigger than themselves: for some it's god; for others it's family; for others it's nature. Belief is feeling value in something. Your muse will kick in sooner or later! Stick to you path and find it! For now, I suggest you simplify the fuck out of your goals. If daily routines are you thing that's great but I don't like them at all. I think flexibility and a sense of autonomy is important. Frees your mind up. Look at your day like this, ok I will practice guitar, ok done now what?, ok lets go tidy my room, ok done now what? Edit: and stop watching porn! Porn sucks. Porn is another piece of fake bullshit modern civillisation has to offer.

153 days journalling Days porn free: 8 Studied a fuck ton today! I have been neglecting it quite a bit. I hate studying. "Here kid, learn this crap you will forget immediately after you leave school that is unapplicable to whatever job you're going to do anyway later in life. But you need it for these little arbitrary symbols called grades so you can slap it on a piece of paper and get into a good university! Trust me, you need to learn how to integrate y to infinity and find the half life of a protactinium sample. It's those symbols! You need them! Regurgitation is salvation!". There's a world of difference between being academic and skillful. Academic is the being able to compute. Skillful is being able to create. Read some spawn. Went out for a run. Ran through a field and screamed: "YEAAAAAAAGGGHHHHH!!!!! WOOT!!!!" as loudly as possibly. Went to the same old stream and meditated for a while. Forest has a different vibe when it's been raining. More earthy; darker with deeper greens. Going to read a book and go to bed now. Byeeeeeeee.

152 days journalling Days porn free: 7 Got up late today! Shit I keep doing that for some reason! Cooked a HUGE lunch today. There's a guy in my village who keeps sheep and one hung itself on a kiddies rope swing so he butchered it and gave us some meat! Made a nice roast dinner. Smelt like poop though. Maybe it shat itself when it was dying? Spoooookkyy! Listened to some warhammer 40k audio book. Fucking hard to follow when you don't know shit about warhammer! But intriguing! Then I did rowing machine and watched the original ghost in the shell movie. Again, REALLY FUCKING HARD TO FOLLOW. But I enjoyed it the same. Addresses many aspects of life in the same movie. What do we define as identity when we ourselves are organisms constantly changing cell by cell, thought by thought every single day? Isn't this our sole purpose: to evolve and survive? So why do we cling to what we perceive to be our own individuality when we are simply a component in a great seething mass of a greater the mechanism of our species, and that this uniqueness we exhibit is a mere variation for the sake of survival of the species as a whole. Aren't we humans simple constructs made to evolve as is technology is? Perhaps the essence of humanity is the denial of this machine like behaviour. Drew a bit, and now I'm going to bed. Nothing like a good takeaway whilst deflaking a mech suit! Better wash your hands first though. Don't want motor oil in your noodles.

Nice idea! What quitting gaming essentially does is it opens you up to a new world; a new perspective with a wider breadth than the monitor and a brighter glare than any LCD display. It plunges you down a rabbit hole in the warren of life and which tunnels you traverse are defined by who you are as a person! Quitting gaming is essentially an action that leads to many others and the outcome is never definite. Advantages: more masculineless fear of expressionmore emotional stabilitymore maturemore desire for explorationin touch with purpose in life/ knowing myself and my identitymore physical activityaccepting of pain and discomfortmore responsibleunderstanding more about life/ philosophy/ psychology/ religion/ societybeing able to explore my hobbies more and develop skills- art, readingProblems: More realist/ aware view of life has me angry and feeling nihilistic sometimesFeeling lonely in real life. The internet (these forums, nofap etc.) is my only bastion of friendship.

So I didn't post yesterday because I went to see a movie and got back late. Ghost in the shell! I enjoyed it! Scarlet johansson has a nice arse! But in all seriousness I think they managed to translate the essence of the original movie into a hollywood action style viewer friendly format quite well. Stunning visuals throughout too. Very interesting to look at. So yesterday I studied, got bored, worked out and made a comic page. That's about it really.

In the gloomy smog filled gamma sector 3C, our hero enters a takeaway. But noodles and prawn crackers aren't the only thing they have in the back! Stay tuned for more action!

Looks like you need to ground your emotions my boi! And I say ground because your emotions are like a static charge that accumulates in your head and you must earth it from time to time. People spend too much time cooped up in their head they don't realise they have this massive thing attached to their neck called a body! The body is a great way to channel your emotions- good or bad. You really have to break yourself down and feel free to act retarded sometimes. You see what monkeys do when they're angry? They poop in their hand and start throwing it at the object of their vice or beat the floor and go "OOOHAHAHAHAGAHAGAHHAOOOOHHO!!!!1!11!". Obviously us humans have this arbitrary crap called society and we need to behave ourselves though; but if you don't really mind getting really poopy hands and perhaps a restraining order then please be my guest! What I like to do is get plenty of physical exercise - on a daily basis at least with perhaps one day where I sit around and do nothing. Also, get lots of sunlight and fresh air. Cold showers are great too. Especially slamming your face into the stream and going "BRBRBrbrbRBBRbrbrBRhbhbRHbhGRhgGRHBhgh" with your cheeks. I also like to shake my body when I get up in the morning and stretch too. If you have ever had a dog you will notice they do this every morning. Breath deep too when you are doing this kind of shit. If you are out for a run; pant like a dog. If you are taking a cold shower; breath like a rapist in a children's hospital. This is the most difficult one but I like to do retarded shit around other people or just scream really really loudly when no one's looking. This will obliterate any self conscious behaviour. Try it and let me know!

I didn't even think about games either. Gaming was a method of satisfaction and there are many others that amount to the same outcome. You're writing a book? Nice! I'm not very proficient with writing factual stuff but you could write a bit about yourself for sure. Just don't personalize it too much. Intertwine your own experiences with main concepts of gaming. That way the reader has some sort of story to get a grip of but also a presentation of ideas.

Hi! Yes old journal me was a very different person. For me, I would say it's not giving a fuck! In life you have to accept there are some things you cannot change. That your suffering is intertwined with your pleasures. Life is handed to you on big platter so you better eat up and then lick it clean - gristle and all. At first I was always self conscious and weighed down by my past actions which resulted in low mood and self esteem. The trick is not to care. To live every moment with a smile on your face because you know you are alive and you can do awesome things! To free your soul and let it run free as a child would. And that is quite hard at first because we have been conditioned to shut up and act 'sophisticated' from the very start. But when you do you feel like a lion amongst sheep. A very crazy lion. I struggled with finding my purpose. But your purpose isn't something confined to discrete material things. It's something you feel. I think my purpose is to act as a channel for all the beauty of the universe to act through. Hence, I must liberate my mind from the arbitrary constructs that we create as humans.

Hi! That's not me! Shit! I just checked my name is actually Schwing3 It's the holidays so I don't have much opportunity to go out and expand it. But the other day I ran through a field screaming as loudly as I could.

150 days Days porn free: 5 Average day. Got up late and studied. read some spawn. taking a rest day today. Thinking about how my comic is going to work. I have a load of notes written down. Been battling through porn and masturbation urges like a beast. Going to work now. 'til next time! Here's a shitty poem I wrote some time ago: A Man thinks; He toils his mind to seek truth He looks to the heavens and sees Infiniteness He looks to the earth and sees Finiteness But when a Man looks to himself he sees He is twofold A Beast of the earth An Angel on the heavens It is this that is his Gift and Demise His truth is that of two kindreds The truth of Life

Next time on the dickless cyborg show-our robotic albino hero heads to the takeaway across the road searching for a lead on the sex trafficking ring in cyberpunk city! he won't get anywhere without a fight though.

Sounds just the kind of shit I was in when I was gaming! Pour yourself into your hobbies and don't stop no matter what.

149 days Days porn free: 4 Gud day. Got up late but I don't care. Studied a fuck ton! Worked out. Finished comic page and sketched the main character. Please with how my art is coming along getting better every day. Been getting into hiphop of all things. Check this shit out. Just a chill day with no worries. I like days like these. Like life is just flowing and I can accept it, lay back and float down the river. Been embracing pain a lot lately. Slamming my face into the stream of the cold shower right off the bat. Lifting til the end the set even though my arms felt like they were going to drop off! It's those cold showers! Boosts your pain tolerance! He will fuck you up! He looks asian for some reason...but that means he knows kung fu. So watch out!

148 days Days porn free: 3 Awesome day. Tried to go for a run but my leg went. I fucked it up yesterday somehow. So I went for a walk instead. Went through a field. No one in sight. And just like yesterday I screamed "fucking slayer!" as loudly as possible! Got shit done. Studied. Made new comic page. Read some spawn too. Damn I love comics. Takes me so long to make one panel though. Still got a lot to learn.