Fagus

I've read your introduction and your journal and I love your story, it's really well written. I'm almost your age and have gone through a lot of what you've described. I know this is a bold step you are making now. Just be sure to know, that we've got your back. We are all on this journey together. I am currently on day 83 of my detox and since I'm also German, I kindly invite you to send me a message whenever you feel the need to talk to someone in German. I will follow your journal to accompany your progress. I've seen that you've already had some success in your first days. Congratulations!

It is Day 83, which means I did not relapse yet. Thank you SpiNips, Simon and Reno for the encouragement. Thanks Ed, I can see that your leadership training bears fruit. You are totally right, I still lack on the social part and I will not progress in the same way if I fall back into my old patterns. I've been thinking a lot about gaming lately. At the moment, I consider trying "moderate gaming" after my 90-day-detox. The last years before the detox, gaming has not been fun most of the time. I used it excessively to numb my sorrows like an alcoholic. But now, with a lot of distance, I see how much joy it has been while I still had played for fun instead of recognition. While I did not try to compensate shortcomings in my real life with achievements inside my virtual life. I'm absolutely clear in my mind, that excessive gaming is toxic and I don't want to fall back into these old patterns. On the other hand, I really miss all the fun I had while gaming. These "former friends" that you've mentioned are people I know since kindergarten and when we all left our parents for university or work, gaming has been the only possibility to stay in regular contact. It all boils down to the question if I am able to control the time I use for gaming and play only for fun with my friends. None of my friends is an excessive gamer. They all got their work and studies, so if I stop playing alone, the time I spend gaming will be limited by itself. I don't want to waste my time on mindless browsing and I don't like to watch TV (in fact I don't even own one), so I could as well spent some hours at the evenings gaming with my friends. I know that my argumentation may be flawed and this may only be my addiction talking in my head. I still got one week left until my detox finishes. Enough time to check everything rational and emotional. I am perfectly aware that there is a high risk involved in moderate gaming and that the progress I've made so far is worth a lot.

Day 78: Only 12 days left and I'm so close to relapsing :-( The only thing I can think about at the moment is to reinstall and play World of Warcraft. I know that my friends are playing and waiting for me. If it wasn't for this 90-day-detox I would have already done it. I'm at day 24 of my whole food plant based diet. I've quit eating anything animal based like meat, fish, eggs, dairy and any processed food too. It is sometimes hard to resist but the amount of plant based choices I've discovered is amazing. When I feel tempted to eat anything unhealthy, I immediately focus on something healthy and tasty instead. I eat an astonishing amount of fruits and vegetables and try something new every day. I've massively enriched my diet and I feel great! The problem is, I just can't transfer this into my gaming detox. I know that I have to focus on all the new things I could do, to turn my thoughts on something interesting instead of gaming. But I fail. I still do exact the same activities I've done before, except gaming. Now with a current wave of stress, I'm tempted to fall back into my old patterns with gaming as my go-to activity for temporary escape and stress relief.

I will definitively try yoga. I'm happy that you approve my plan. I made the mindmap with coggle. I understand your idea. The feeling when you look into a sky full of shining stars, your mind being completely silent, you feel humble and yet connected to this amazing beauty and thus feel empowered. I found that death is extremely important to find a meaning in life. I can easily sort out unnecessary stuff in my life when I remember that I will die and that death will end a lot of things I thought to be important. Another thing I feel attracted to is Taoism, though it is also no religion but more a philosophy.

I'm 186cm, so that explains the difference. What is your final goal in the matter of weight and how did you set this goal? Do you want to get really bulky or stay slim? I still have the dream of being slim with a lot of muscles, but maybe this is not in my nature. At least I seem resistant to getting overweight, no matter what I eat. Exercising 6 times a week is quite ambitious. Do you give your body enough time to recover? Do you switch between groups of muscles you train? What is your training anyway, cardio or weight? I remember you writing about running. I totally approve your denial of supplements, but isn't whey one? Do you not get enough protein? I've read that 0.8g / kg / day is sufficient for almost everyone and most of us exceed this amount resulting in more work for our kidneys. It's great to hear about your success with the pomodoro technique. This is something that has been on my mind for some time too, but I never tried.

Hey, Michał! Your story really impressed me. I've been addicted to WoW and LoL myself and know how hard it is to get rid of this. I'm currently at day 75 of my detox. I can also identify with your struggle with shyness. My problem is my low self-esteem. Deep inside I am certain, that I'm not worthy of connection. This is a big mistake, that I currently try to overcome. I bought the book "The Solution to Social Anxiety". I can give you a review when I've finished it. Have a warm welcome, Michał. Nice to have you here!

I read, that the sun rays at sunrise and sunset are especially important for a normal biological rhythm. So, well done on this one. I'm currently at 66 kg and my goal is 70 kg, but I'm probably taller than you. I heard, that the concept of calorie density can be used to gain weight. So I try to eat more foods that are more calorie-dense, like nuts, nut butter, dried fruits, tofu, avocados, and whole grain bread. Eating more cooked food than raw apparently also helps with calorie intake, but I prefer some foods raw rather than cooked. On the other hand, I want to gain muscle and not fat and I assume that your goal is the same. So the calorie intake should not exceed the needs by too much. I'm doing body weight training on a regular basis now since muscle growth needs a stimulus. But without steroids and heavy gym training, this results in somehow slower growth. Let's see where it takes me.

Day 76: There are only two weeks left until I'll finish my detox. The chance of relapsing in this time is zero, but what I fear instead, is a relapse after the detox. I've set this goal of 90 days for me and I'm really committed to doing it. But I'm tempted to restart with "moderate" gaming after that. Well, let's see what's going to happen in the meantime. So far, I've got a new goal: I want to reach an age of 100 years. I'm certain it is possible under the right circumstances so I gave it a thought. There are mainly three factors that contribute to long-lasting health: Body: Nutrition: The convergence of scientific evidence has shown, that a whole food plant-based diet with Vitamin B12 and D supplementation is the most healthy way to go. I'm doing so for over 3 weeks now. It's sometimes rough, but as long as you focus on the abundance of healthy foods you can actually eat, it is easier to abandon those unhealthy choices.It is important to keep the body hydrated. I still have to switch to green tea, which is apparently one of the biggest health promoter.Exercise: Strength training to fight muscle atrophy which occurs at a higher age. I'm doing body weight training regularly.Endurance training for the cardiovascular system. Here I focus on running and cycling with some swimming in the summer.Flexibility training like gymnastics or yoga, to maintain mobility and protect the joints. On of my least preferred subjects, but this habit could prove to be overly useful at higher age to keep mobile. I really don't want to use one of those walkers when im elderly.Relaxation: Sleep and regular practice of meditation for recovery. So far, 7-8 hours a day of sleep seem to suffice. I have still trouble with meditation. Maybe I search for something else. Mind: Mindset: Maybe the single most important factor overall is a positive mindset. Optimism is a life saver, health promoter and can prevent depression. This has to be practiced everyday. I still like the auto-affirmation "I love myself", but I know as well, that I still have to do a lot of work in this field.Growth and challenge: Exercise for the body can be compared with growth and challenge for the mind. In order to prevent degenerative diseases, one has to constantly make use of and improve one's mental capabilities. I find this the easiest one, since I'm and avid reader and really like to discuss and learn something new.Recovery: As the body needs recovery, so does the brain. This can be done by sleeping or meditating. Soul Spirituality Spirituality, belief, faith or religion, whatever you may call it, it is an important factor, since it can give you a meaning in life and hope in dark times. Since I'm an atheist, this is a problem for me. At the moment, I read a lot about philosophy and think about pantheism. That's no deism, but at least some theism. After all, one has to believe in something and apparently, people live longer who are religious and attend church regularly.Social This is the most important factor for a long life, next to a positive mindset. I've seen huge studies, which are showing, that neither money nor a good health is important, but good relationships. Obviously, everyone needs love. An intact family, good friends and a friendly community are also a major contributor to long-lasting happiness. I'm in a stable relationship and want to marry in the next year or so, so love is fine. But my main concern is friendship and community. My social anxiety is a hughe blocker here, but I'm aware of the problem and am already working on it. Those are my thoughts, so far. What's your opinion on this matter? Is there anything missing in my theory?

I like the article. I have read a lot of selfhelp books lately and share your opinion. I don't know why everyone has to lead a special life these days. Nobody wants to be normal anymore. Though I find a normal life to be more favourable. In the end, happiness does not come from success, but from good relationships.

Congratulations! This is AWESOME ! Kudos to you for completing this challenge. Now there is nothing left that can stop you from becoming that best version of yourself!

Day 72: I just watched an ad for a game on my smartphone. And it essentially said: Play this game, it's really addictive. Leave your everday problems behind you, forever. Unless you quit. Thanks for the honesty, but that's exactly what I don't need. Yes, I got a lot of problems.Yes, I'd like to leave them behind.Yes, I know that I will get addicted to anything that let's me escape from my problems.But if it only works until I quit, it's nothing else than a temporary escape, while all I need is a final solution. And I have been working on that solution lately. I started the next book The Solution To Social Anxiety and it's great! It perfectly describes my situation and offers a plan for a real solution. The core of my anxiety is my belief that I'm not worthy of anything. But this is something I already tackled with the previous book Love Yourself Like Your Life Depends On It, something I really implement into my life. At every challenging situation I tell myself "I love myself" instead of "You gonna fail anyway" and this is an amazing shift.

Day 70: I love myself. In my head, I said these words a hundred times today. It still feels awkward. I yearn for appreciation, I always did. That made me dependent on the approval of others. It corrupted my behaviour. If I love myself truely and deeply, I don't need the approval of anyone else anymore. I think, not loving myself is the worst mistake I could make. Self-hatred led to all the problems I am facing now. Self-compassion and simply loving myself will pave the way to this best version of myself. I love myself. I need this love. I deserve this love and I am the only one who can give this love. I like the question: What would I do if I truely and deeply love myself? This is so powerful. It makes decisions easy. There is a lot I'd do for someone that I love, why not show the same compassion and care for myself? I love myself, therefor I will take care of myself. I will protect myself from any harm and do anything necessary to help myself. You can't love others, if you don't know how to love yourself. The worst critic has lived in my head. Not anymore. I love myself.

Well done with your recording!

@Reno F: I started with Love Yourself Like Your Life Depends On It. @Yellow: Blinkist seems interesting, though I enjoy reading an actual book a bit more than staring on a screen and you don't get something to fill your shelf with. Another point is, that I assume you need some time to let the information sink into your brain. Maybe 20 minutes is too fast for so much information? What is your experience?

Day 68: I am really grateful that I've started this detox. I've read in my old journal and realized that I tried to change my life so many times, but gaming kept me from taking action. Not that everything is sunshine and rainbows now, but there is actual change happening and this is worth way more than gaming ever has been. I ordered three new books to tackle some of my most important problems: Love yourself like your life depends on itThe Solution to Social AnxietyThe Confidence GapI'm quite thrilled to see where this leads to.

Day 66: I just went through everything that has been written in my journal so far and want to make a small interim report. Interim report: What has changed so far: I’ve bought respawn and quit gaming on 4th of august, so 66 days of not gaming till now. Books I’ve read: Daring Greatly and How Not To Die. New activities: Colin inspired me to start freeletics. I now use both the bodyweight and running app on a regular basis. This improved not only my fitness, but my mood as well. I tried autogenic training and meditation (calm, headspace). I made only a little progress, but I realize the immense value of this practice. Nutrition: I’ve started a whole food plant based nutrition based on the book “How Not To Die” and the videos on nutritionfacts.org. Dealing with cravings: At the beginning, I used my fear of ruining my life with games to quit gaming and resist my cravings. So far I could keep at it, but this will not work in the long term. The fear gets less with every successful day. By now I catch myself making plans for moderate gaming, which will lead to a massive relapse. As of late, I discovered a different approach: I can simply decide to resist my cravings. Cravings are just an emotion like every other emotion. There is no need to give in to emotions. I try not to give in to fear and anger as well. There is no need to play my fear off against my cravings. When the desire for gaming emerges, I recognize it and let it fall. If I ever want to lead a self-reliant life, I need to become responsible for myself as well as for my emotions. Insights: I found Cam’s videos extremely helpful and can only recommend them to everyone on this journey. I still try to watch them frequently. There is a lot of valuable information in these videos, not only on the subject of gaming, but also about self-improvement and motivation. Here are some insights I collected: Perseverance is the key to success, since only a long-term commitment leads to progress. You will face a lot of struggle and failure, but progress means to overcome resistance and fear in order to learn, grow and improve. And given that you’re waking up every single day, you could as well just go for it since courage is not the absence of fear, but the determination to go for it anyway. You will always lack the energy to make the change you need until you make a decision that you are committed to changing no matter what - "lack of energy" be damned. Do this for yourself and be proud of yourself. You don't need the approval of anyone else. In fact, no one else can measure what you are going through as well as you do. Goals: I want to slow my life down a bit, by doing everything more slowly and thoughtfully, like reading, eating, listening to people and let them finish speaking. Gaming made me quite hectic and I don’t need this anymore. I’m not missing out on anything. I need to socialize. It is easy to get connected if you stay calm and open. Everyone has some story or some personality trait that you will find interesting. Finding out what it is, is half of the fun. I want to stop devaluating others to get them down on the level of the thoughts I have about myself. I rather should accept my own imperfection and the one of others. Honest imperfection, vulnerability and daring greatly, is what makes me amiable. Smiling at people, being polite and wishing them nothing but the best does not hurt and goes a long way. Getting rid of my negativity and focusing more on the bright sides of life could improve my life considerably. I want to try to love myself thoroughly and take responsibility for me and my life. I want to continue establishing the healthy habits I’ve started: enjoying nature eating healthy exercise regularlymeditatewrite a gratitude journalpersonal improvement

I really like how you separate good and bad with colours. Makes it very structured. I also started to meditate and having a straight back is a helpful advice. The old lotus position is with crossed legs?

Thanks Reno! I know that you are in living in Japan. So I am interested in the food you eat there. I heard that the traditional japanese diet is really healthy, with lots of different vegetables, algae and many soy products, with the worlds best diet originating from Okinawa. There is a lot of food that you can't buy in Europe and I've been told, that people in Japan spend a lot more money on their food than people in Europe.

Day 64: So I really did it. Not only have I quit playing video games for more than 9 weeks now, I also quit eating unhealthy food 9 days ago. Yes, you could call me a vegan now, but in fact it is way more than that! I put a lot of time into research about what is the healthiest way of nutrition. Vegans are indeed ahead of omnivores but only if done right. I did not substitute anything I ate before, so no fancy soy burger stuff, but instead I completely changed my menu. A healthy nutrition consists of: legumesberriesother fruitscruciferous vegetablesgreen leafy vegetablesother vegetablesflaxseedsnutsspiceswhole grainswaterand at last, daily exercice. Just trying to get all of this every day is quite a challenge and I wouldn't have so much motivation to do it, if not for the perspective of getting rid of my medicaments and their side effects. It is quite hard to walk past all the dairy and meat in the supermarket, but hey, I am used to the pull of a way stronger addiction. I came to the conclusion, that gaming is a mental poison, at least for me. The first thing you need to do to cure yourself, obviously is to stop taking poison. The rest happens on its own. Change needs time and detoxification doesn't happen over night. So my focus is on not gaming and beeing open for those changes to come. I realized, that I can't force anything. In fact, it is not necessary to be hyperactive. Just by setting the right conditions for change in your life, the very change will happen on its own. Patience and time are key. I will spent more time on examining my circumstances and check where I can make improvements and adjustments to nourish that consistent flow of positive change in my life.

Well, I found interesting non-gaming content I can watch: NutritionFacts, a site about evidence-based nutrition. So now I try to make up on all the years I've spent with the common unhealthy gaming diet ;-) Day 57 btw.

Day 55: Another time addiction has been repelled! Bodyweight trainings have been made, meditation apps have been used and the universe of clean eating has been entered. What lies ahead is going to be discovered!

Day 54: I wake up in the morning, I hear the crows cawing outside. The morning is cloudy and there is moisture on the street, the cars and the trees. All of this reminds me of happy days that lie behind me. Days of gaming. I am at day 54, but with every passing day, my addiction is getting worse. I make plans for a hidden relapse. I think about which games I am going to reinstall and how to hide my gaming from my girlfriend and this community. I check my old community sites, I analyze which class would be best to play now. I watch streams on twitch. I really need to get back to gaming. I need distraction, I desire an escape, I want to get rid of all this stress and trouble. I know gaming can give me all this. So why not relapse? What should I fight against my cravings? Yesterday I got my smartphone. My first one. I downloaded all of the interesting apps I had in mind for some time now, like freeletics bodyweightcoach.mehabiticaduolingocalmheadspaceand of course there is advertisement for games. Everywhere. But these games disgust me. It is not about random playing. This is about my life. My life is still in this one game I dare not to mention. It would not take longer than some minutes to completely get lost in this game again. Miraculously, I did not relapse so far and with every day I stand my ground, I get more and more insights. Insights about myself, my life, my surroundings. I need time to learn and understand, but this is such a strain. I understand that the main factor for me is connection. I have zero friends outside of gaming, but inside there are likeminded people waiting for me. People I know for 10 years of more, that I have seen only one or two times. The computer has been my gateway to social contacts. I need the safe distance that my screen provides and now I have to get rid of it. My craving for gaming is just an effigy of my craving for connection. I really like headspace and calm and I made some progress with my autogenic training. Deep breath in, deep breath out and a lot of stress immediately falls off. I am still learning to cope with intense emotions and cravings. I take a break, I focus on my breath, I focus on my body and my surroundings. I go for a walk, let my mind travel through the landscape. One fine day, I will find a solution for all these 'challenges'.

Day 52: Went through my expenses in the last months.

Thanks for the motivation, Mad Pharmacist. You are right, the nickname is latin. I took "Fagus sylvatica", the common beech, because I am forester and this is my favourite tree species. It has a very good capacity of reaction, even if held in the shadow for centuries.

Day 51: Had to go to hospital for some days because of a minor setback, but now I'm back and eager to go on. I had a lot of time to read "Daring Greatly". A great benefit. The cravings are strong at the moment, because I'm leached out. This seems to be one of my triggers. When I have a time of bad health, I immerse myself in games until I've recovered. But this keeps me from indentifying the cause of my setback so I am stuck in a vicious cycle. Let's break out this time.