Wildermyth

Gaming triggers a powerful dopamine release, but something that we often misunderstand with dopamine is that it's being released as we're planning to do or anticipate an activity. This is why you're feeling re-energized and happy at the end of work on fridays, because your mind is beginning to picture a scenario that involves a great dopamine release. This is also why we feel a rush when we see commmercials for fast food, new tech stuff etc. We can totally picture the steps that will enable us to have those things in our lives and the ability to imagine that process is very powerful within itself. So with that in mind it is very triggering to watch gaming videos as you are building anticipation for something that gets no release, and your mind will try to wrestle you into giving into that release, at all times. Watching gaming videos only serve the purpose of those who are gaming and can get that release, because for them the entire circle of addiction is completed. The cycle of dopamine don't start with them gaming, it starts with them imagining themselves gaming.

I encourage you to pursue at least one hobby that is difficult to learn and feels somewhat exhausting to do. You need to reinforce behaviours that release serotonine, as you've been so used to depleting your dopamine reserves to only feel pleasure. True happiness and contentment comes from the inside and specific activities can help pave the way for this transformation. It can be anything from studying, exercising, playing an instrument or being creative in various ways. And it sounds like you might want to engage with something outside of your home that might take up more of your time than playing the piano for a few hours. Maybe try hiking, skiing, strength training or something of that sort? Finding friends to do an activity together is of course also great. 🙂

This reminds me of when I tried to quit porn. My primary device for watching porn was my desktop PC, and I thought I would get rid of the behaviour more easily just by excluding that particular device. But of course I found other ways of watching porn, like on my phone for instance. So I set up a lot of blockers on my phone and thought that would do the trick... but then I found out you could find porn on Instagram, and I was back at it again. When I finally got some control over that I also discovered you could use private tabs on any device to override certain safety measures, and for some crazy reason this made it feel more OK to watch porn again. I searched for some plug-in to remove private surf all-together and that's where I'm at currently. As with any addiction we have to go to the root causes that makes us want a coping mechanism in the first place. Because that's what is usually is at the end of the day - a comfort blanket that we use to us deal with the hardships of reality. Lots of modern therapy focus on cognitive factors in the present but neglect past traumas as a means to deal with the underlying stress that's causing the behaviour. It's like doing a gastric bypass on an obese person and then think that it will be enough to keep them fit in the future. But many of these people end up becoming obese again because they never treated the root causes of their problams, which are psycological rather than physical. So right now you have to be honest with yourself and really put yourself under the looking glass. Addiction cannot be beaten with willpower, it rather comes from true transformation of the mind and the realization that games offer nothing of value. When you reach such a state there is no real struggle anymore, because it becomes your natural way of life. It's hard to explain, but the human mind really has an incredible ability to reshape itself if we give it enough time to do so. Initially I would just recommend you to try and sit with your emotions and your urges and try to be comfortable with the lack of a release. The brain has a way of balancing things out when it's cut from its usual dopamine sources and the baseline will eventually reset itself. Slowly you will start to feel more motivated in your daily tasks and even find joy in smaller things you took for granted before. Just give it time, brace yourself and stay focused - I know you can do it!

Yeah, I once listened to a lecture about sugar that explained that it's not the sugar per se that's causing the craving. Place a big bowl of refined sugar in front of someone who calls themselves a sugar addict and it's likely they won't even touch it. But as soon as you introduce a cocktail of various ingredients that are all designed to work in beautiful harmony the sugar is suddenly brought to life and becomes SO much more appealing. Flaming hot cheetos for instance have been labeled as the most addictive snack on the planet and they are pure artifical madness; even the physical shape of them are designed to make you crave more and more. Many video games of course also follow this design philosophy, especially online and mobile games that are meant to grab your attention at all times. You can barely open up the app without the feeling of a reward coming your way and there's always room for one next game, dungeon, level etc. I totally understand why I fell victim to MMORPG's because they have all the ingredients I like in real life, like exploring new environments, learning new skills, overcoming challenges and chatting with friends at the same time. And If I didn't like the path I was on I could just restart everything and become someone else, somewhere else doing something else. It's the perfect artificial representation of life without the actual benefits of true happiness.

I've been thinking a lot about gaming lately and even looked up the current price for some gaming consoles. But I withstood the urges and started to watch some videos about addiction instead. It gave me a lot of inspiration and determination; especially watching the video below. It's a great explanation of the balance of dopamine and serotonine and how pleasure seeking activities make us unhappy in the end if we don't respect this balance. It's so fascinating that the brain can have such strong urges to do a certain activity, that in the end most likely only leads to a feeling of hollowness and loneliness. And even if you manage to strike that balance it's still an act of playing with fire as you don't know if your impulses will take over in response to even the slightest setback in life. The human brain is so frustrating sometimes! 😅

I'm going through some rough times concerning my job and the possibility to maybe resign and move somepleace else. It's been building up inside me the last couple of years; the constant feeling of unease and slight disappointment. I've never been too sure if I want to live in this city in the foreseeable future. I've never been too fond of the people or the activities here and even though the nature is very nice it's also a bit too far from my family. There's also the hassle of living far away from a large airport which makes international travel expensive, and right now in my life I love to travel. Then there's work which is somewhat of a nightmare at the moment. My collegues are complaining a lot and getting into arguments as there's a lack of structure or clear goals at the moment. New management, new collegues, new methods and so on put a lot of strain on everybody. Overall my motivation is so low that I almost forget about my daily tasks, and I can't help to dift away in my thoughts thinking about a new life. Of course I don't have gaming to escape to and ever since I decided to quit I have to face reality in a new way. There is no way of escaping - I either have to make the best of the current situation or try to find a more promising future elsewhere. But it's hard... I'm at the same time tired of moving around and starting over a with a low income, unstable living conditions and so on. I just want a stable and smooth life that moves on without much trouble and pain. But maybe that's too much to ask for right now, I'm not sure. I have a lead to go on where I've been curious about a city in the middle of the country. I'm gonna go there and stay a couple of nights and just explore around. Hopefully this will lead to some more insights. The greatest thing about this new place is that they have a large ski resort close by so I know for sure that the winters will be awesome. And it's also closer to my family and some better traveling options which is great for my economy. I'll be sure to post some impressions when I've been there. 🙂

Haven't thought about video games in any significant way lately. I reckoned there was a new WoW expansion coming out by all the commercials on Youtube, and also some new open world Star Wars game. But all I could think was that they both looked like a giant waste of my precious time. I don't have to play them to understand that most of my time with them would've been spent repeating mundane tasks over empty maps with the only goal to increase a number on my screen; as if that number somehow mattered and made me grow in any meaningful way as a person. Anyone with a sound mind understands that such an experience should only hold your attention for a couple of minutes at most, yet here we are - where people are wasting their entire lives chasing that artificial dream of virtual greatness. When you start to look at it as a bystander the picture really becomes clear and depressing. No matter how beautiful and creative these digital worlds can become they still ask too much by giving so little in return. It really is an awful tradeoff that we should never invite into our lives.

So here are some of my favourite photos from my Iceland trip. I hope this can bring some inspiration to those who are thinking of traveling, or taking up the art of photography. These two interests have been enough to completely keep my mind off of gaming as they never get completely satisfied and there's always a new and interesting thing on the horizon. Exploring life is the best way to convince yourself that sitting comfortably at home is nothing more than a temporary distraction. Get out, get busy and soak yourself in that wonderful experience. The Earth is possiblythe single most beautiful thing in the universe and we are all so privileged for being born here. 💚

Work has started again after a 5 month long vacation. My first two weeks were spent in Iceland which was absolutely magical. We managed to travel around the entire island and in total I took over 5,000 pictures. As I very much anticipated this felt both as a recreational journey as well as a learning experience. There's so much interesting stuff that caught my attention during the travel; like the formation of volcanoes, the agricultural life or the vast glaciers with their spectacular ice caves. I have so many highlights about the trip that I'll share along with some pictures at a later date, but I can strongly recommend anyone with even the slightest interest in nature to go to Iceland. It's very much a standout when it comes to spectacular places on Earth. I will be going back at least two more times to explore more of the highlands and see more volcanic activity ("hopefully" a new eruption is on its way). After Iceland I visited my family in the south of Sweden. This was mostly a pleasant experience, but I've recognized the struggles that many of my family members are having and these have started to affect me. I think I can see their obstacles more clearly now that I've been put through so many challenges myself. And it hurts to see people who are just starting to realize that their strategies are not working. I can both relate and be a bit brought down by the constant pessimism their inability to truly change. I ended up leaving with a feeling of dissatisfaction and regret, as I felt I could've done more or perhaps prepared myself better. I also recognized that my healthy goals went completely down the drain right at the start of my vacation, and they kind of climaxed into binge eating almost every day at my mothers house. I made up an excuse that I was going to start eating better when I finally got home, so that I could "reward" myself with some bad behaviour leading up to that date. I've succeeded with keeping up my healthy lifestyle now but it was a silly and unnecessary thing to do. I remember having the same behaviour with games and porn as well where I was allowing myself to have one "grand finale" where I just binged the addictions for several hours straight. It might've worked as some way of "getting it out of my system" but at the same time it just made me more sensitive to a relapse and it didn't really help my underlying issues. Hopefully I won't have this struggle anymore as I feel confident on my path now.

This perspective has been in my mind my entire vacation. I think I'm starting to actually feel what it means to make a substantial life change, instead of creating these endless goals that I may or may not pass over time. Discipline alone can only take you so far, especially when you view everything as some sort of obstacle to overcome (or worse yet - a punishment that you have to endure). Video games become less interesting when other things become more interesting. And daring to grow a new life style will inevitably change you to your core and lead to a new way of approaching life. Even though I relapsed right before summer I haven't thought about games much at all these recent months. And it's not because I try to avoid or surpress those thoughts, but because my mind is starting to get occupied with things that I find more meaningful. I don't find it hard to think about video games because I simply don't think about them all that much anymore. They are a mostly small fantasy or a memory that just passes me by. I reckon it works similar to trying to start eating healthy (which is something I struggled with previously as well). Most people force themselves through new "miracle" diets, constantly battling cravings and binge eating whenever they fail. They focus on the things that they will lose rather than the things that they will be gaining. But when you start eating healthy for a long period of time your mind eventually transforms and starts to understand the true meaning of physical balance. And with this change you will automatically lean more towards healthy stuff because this becomes the new exciting food, thus eliminating the exhausting feeling of trying to resist bad food. I'm at a point now where I can feel a lot of strength and confidence living this lifestyle, and I'm happy with making it my new persona. I just hope it carries on enough for me to look back on it someday and say "yeah, I had a good run with those old decisions, but these new ones have made my life so much better and this is who I want to be now".

My collegue has ADHD and while she doesn't game all the time she REALLY gets into it when she does. She even brings her portable gaming device to work so she can play whenever she has a break. Sometimes she even games during work time, if we don't have a lot of customers. I'm autistic and this has played a big role in my addcition as well. I have lots of compulsive behaviours and I get very stressed out by certain routines not performing the way I want. This behaviour made me restart games almost endlessly in order to reach some form of perfection and the ultimate feeling of fulfillment. As soon as I thought about a game I instantly thought about how to organize things in it or make the "perfect run". It was very exhausting and time consuming to say the least and just like you gaming is what brought me to investigate if I had some sort of diagnose. Turns out I did and with this knowledge the step to quit became even more crucial. I've also looked back on many instances in the past where I've felt defeated by games and they have mostly all been related to my compulsive behaviours. It's just so fascinating that it took SO long for me to realize this and finally reach the core of my issue. But hey, better late than never, right?

It's nice to have you here Peter! And it's a great thing that you've come to this realization so early in your life. 🙂 When you realize how gaming just starts to suck the life from every other hobby you have is when you know something is completely off. Trying to beat a superficial level to increase a number on a digital screen can never be as fulfilling as playing an instrument for instance, yet that's how the brain wants to prioritize when we start to slide into addiction. A virtual version of real life can never be as meaninful as actual real life, and we need to remind ourself of this constantly.

The topic of pornography and its affect on the human mind are not brought up enough in discussions. I myself have struggled with food, gaming and porn addiction. Whenever I've altered one of those three the remaining ones have been more exaggerated. I recently relapsed with my gaming addiction and not only did I game every day for several hours, but I was also hyper-sensitive to sexual stimulation and constantly eating sugary foods. It all boils down to a compulsive behaviour where your brain has been shaped over the years to act fast and direct whenever it wants to cope with some sort of obstacle. The brain knows that it has instant access to a powerful release of endorphines and dopamine and it cannot decide if it's truly healthy or not. The mind simply isn't build for the hyper-stimulation that is so common in modern society, which leads to use being hugely responsible for keeping track of the red flags ourselves. It's an exhausting process and probably the main cause for people who decide to move away from cities... there's just too many impressions to take in. The first step then is to admit that you have a problem so I believe you're on the right path now! I hope we guys can open up more about our porn use, not only on the web, but also in real life. So many of us suffer from this addiction and since it's still a bit shameful to talk about many sit and suffer in silence. Or worse yet, they don't understand that they have a problem since it's never brought up with the correct perspective. Hopefully this will change in the future and we can all deal with this more effectively together.

Congratulations on 6 years! That's a really strong effort! What has worked for me as well is to start with sports and strength training. It's a great way to experience progression in real life as your body becomes more agile and capable. For me skiing has been a lifechanger as it also makes for a great sense of adventure and occasional socializing. What I found out rather quickly in terms of finding new friendships is that most people are caught up in addictive loops where they are mostly passive outside of work. Everyone recharges their batteries differently and it's important to set aside some cooldown time, but many people stretch this and get constantly stuck in passive mode. This is especially painful to observe when you've started on the path of recovery and can see things more clearly. Suddenly you are the one trying to live life to the fullest but your surrounding people are mostly benched on the sideline. I think it's important to socialize with people who at least share some of your values regarding a healthy lifestyle; that way you always have access to great activities and important social contexts. People who like to hike for instance are very prone to spend time outdoors, even for the smallest amount of activities. They are used to be on the move constantly and being passive for too long might feel uncomfortable to them. I also feel like people with this kind of hobby have a strong disciplined mindset as physical activity is just a natural part of experiencing life for them, and the more you can tap into that yourself the better off you are in the long run.

Gaming has transformed your brain into thinking that other activities and social interactions are less worthy of your time. Gaming provides instant gratification and you are in complete control of the experience. They also make you feel very comfortable as you can just rest most of your body while engaging with them. The human mind puts us through all sorts of trickery throughout our lifetime since it acts out of survival and cannot really distinguish what is good for us in a modern soecity. That's why we have to actively tell it what is worthwhile and gradually shape it into something that will seek out truly benefitial activitites. Think of the impact of sugary items for example and how the brain always thinks that sugar is the best and most immediate energy resource whenever our cells are starving for glucose. But as an adult we know that sugar is bad for us and that it is best consumed in moderation. This is why we eat full plate meals with vegetables and what not, even though it will never really get us the same immediate satisfcation as a candy bar. It's a constant struggle but we always know what way the wind is supposed to be blowing. Gaming of course works the same way. Gaming is the sugar and the mind is starving for it whenever we feel exhausted, lonely, emotional or bored. But stay away from it and your brain will start to seek out others sources of energy. And what you will realize over time is that life provides a HUGE number of healthy activities that your brain will grow to love and constantly seek out; you just have to get going. Some specific thing that helped me steer clear of gaming: 1. Getting rid of anything at home that was associated with gaming. 2. Starting a new hobby (for me it was skiing). 3. Finding new friends that share your new healthy hobbies. 4. Write down your thought processes, good or bad, and post them here. 5. Inform your surroundings of your decision to quit and ask for constant support. 6. Start reaping the benefits as over time you will become more and more distanced from gaming. I also think that love helps a lot since it works both as a hobby, a friendship and support that is always close by. But love can be a slippery slope and it might not be great to get involved with someone when you've just quit something so addicting. It will lead to sudden mood changes, lack of focus and potential relapses. For a relationship to grow it needs two healthy minds and your partner deserves someone who at least has grown the confidence of experiencing life without video games and who has a hopeful view of the future.