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gargamel

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Everything posted by gargamel

  1. Entry 40 (day 72) Things I've done yesterday: written my journal entry and later the post about gamequitters-quitters ­čśä loved your responses washed the dishes in the morning and also after dinner made dinner (it was really tasty, I finally nailed the mash potatoes, one of the best I've ever eaten for sure) read Kant worked out in my room meditated before going to sleep For the last couple of weeks, I often ended up meditating in the afternoon or before going to sleep, which I should change. It should be one of the first things I do in the morning. Let's make this my goal for this week. Goals for this week (13th-18th of July): Meditate in the morning every day Finish two papers Read for exams at least 3 hours a day Go see my mother Contact some of my friends and colleagues, hang around Translate the first page of my assigned chapter Contact various Jujitsu and Judo places to inform myself about schedules, training programs and locations Daily gratitude: I am grateful that I don't need a lot of sleep lately. 6 hours a sleep is often enough for me, so my days are significantly longer than when i slept for 9 hours every day.
  2. @mks I agree with everything you said. Getting into new activity often requires additional mental effort and it is not as enjoyable until you get used to it a bit, analogous to a complex piece of music that gets better and better with each listen. Also, yes, I agree that job should be the basis. Me too! For so long I have been drawn to dark, disturbing material. I watched documentaries about serial killers, watched disturbing movies, listened to music about agony, pain and hate. I was drawn to it because I myself was suffering in various ways, and I wanted to also understand evil. But I left that behind and I only cultivate pleasant experiences. Hygiene of the mind, so to speak. Today I feel that one can easily understand evil simply by becoming good, hah :) I agree. I think that masturbation [for us singles] only makes us more conscious of the fact we don't have someone to experience this with. True. It is also a fact of life that sometimes people choose the worse path and sometimes you cannot help them change it. We are free beings, that's just how things go. Thank you for this! I didn't even notice I confuse the two :) I'll do my best to get rid of this. P.S. thank you for your compliment
  3. I am really sad to see people come to this forum, start a thread and end up deleting their accounts after a supposed relapse. It's incredible how our addiction starts speaking for us and we choose willful ignorance. At one point, all of us here were desperate to get away from games, because we couldn't deny to ourselves that we are wasting our lives, losing our time, disassociating form real life, getting depressed etc. And then a particular period passes and we start to have craves again, we had a bad week, some friend started talking about some new exciting title that's coming out, and we tell to ourselves things like - "maybe I should try moderate gaming"; "I could play games exclusively in social settings"; "I'll watch only a couple of twitch streams a month, there's nothing wrong with that", "mobile gaming is harmless", "online poker/chess is not a videogame", and in a few months we are back at it, ruining our lives again. I mean, seriously? If you had such a big problem with gaming that you joined a forum that helps you deal with quitting despite living in a culture that endorses gaming, please remain humble and honest with yourself - you are prone to gaming addiction, and you will likely never be able to be like some people who just play a game of call of duty once a month with friends and be done with it. There are million ways to have fun in life. Get a new hobby, join a book club, a sports club, start planting flowers in your garden, start cooking, learn a language, go on a trip, listen to a podcast, sleep more, do something nice for your close one's, push yourself harder on your job, apply for a better job, work for a charity, meet new people, watch a documentary, work on your hygiene, go to a part of the city you never been to, learn about history. At least some of those things you would surely enjoy if you stick with it long enough... If you just "quit gaming" and continue your life as it was, you'll likely relapse eventually because you feel bored and monotonous. because you left a vacuum in your life and this void is a daily reminder that you "lost something", and that moment will come, you will forget about all the negative consequences of gaming that made you quit in the first place and start wasting your life on some temporarily exciting fantasy. Don't let it happen, rise above.
  4. That's smart. Please listen to @BooksandTree´╗┐s. Twitch is a pseudo-community. If you feel lonely, go hang around with people in person.
  5. @Erik2.0 Watching reality competitions often inspires me to push myself towards my own goals because I see real, normal people doing the best they can. On the other hand, fiction shows me people who are often either godly-talented or superhuman or rich that they make me fantasize about an alternate life I might have. Movies like LotR are an exception because they offer me moral role-models I can aspire to become like. So I often rather watch LotR for a 40th time hahaha. @BooksandTree´╗┐s Good question! The thought went through my mind at one point, it made me slightly uncomfortable. But personally, I am not scared of coronavirus. I don't suffer from any chronic illness, I have regular sleep, I am young, fit, I don't smoke or drink, I eat healthy, I work out and ride my bike on sunny days, so most likely - if I get corona, I'll be completely asymptomatic and not even notice it. On the other hand, I am doing my best to follow every reasonable measure to avoid spreading it, either to my fellow countryman or my own family. If my grandma or dad would get corona, they could be in trouble. In the bar, I was sitting by my table alone, on a safe 3 meter distance from everybody else. Entry 39 (day 71): Yesterday was a special day because I joined a Hindu organization that I have been following for the last couple of years. Hopefully I can help them out in the following years. Other than that, I have: meditated washed the dishes written my journal entry studied/read for exams I haven't worked out in the gym. Actually, I have been slightly slacking in terms of my workouts for the last 2 weeks because I preoccupied myself with uni. Gotta go to the gym today and do some focused heavy lifting. Also, I should probably go hang around with people a bit, I am living a really solitary life (but I don't feel lonely at all). About Nofap: Yesterday I masturbated a couple of times after finishing my 2 week streak. And I have to say - I didn't like it. Masturbating just feels really cheap now. You enjoy it for a couple of minutes, you orgasm and - what? It's gone, back to square 1. When you are with a woman (especially if you love each other), not only does it feel better, but after the sex is done you both feel a strong connection with each other, you kiss and you cuddle and you joke with a smile on your face. Sex is supposed to be a union, a giving of yourself as much as taking of the other freely offered to you. Physical pleasure is only a fraction of the whole story, and on it's own, it's not even that satisfying after you manage to break out from being addicted to dopamine. I already started my third "2 week nofap" period, and I will likely push it to 3 weeks or a whole month. Daily gratitude: I am grateful I am mostly free from any overt instant gratification. Not having those strong urges really helps in my daily life.
  6. @Erik2.0 I am relieved, both because exam week has passed and because they fixed my administration issues. :) I am not a big fan of superhero genre, haven't watched a lot of them. For example, I like Black Panther and X-man: Days of the future past, but I really didn't like Guardians of the galaxy and Suicide squad. I've heard some really good things about couple of superhero shows, but I will keep away from them because they could trigger my binging mindset. I am satisfied with watching a movie once a week. Other than that, in the last 2 months, I have watched a season of Survivor and a season of Masterchef. Reality TV doesn't make me as disconnected from my own life as much as fiction does. Entry 38 (day 70): Lovely, simple day. I have: washed the dishes did laundry written journal researched a bit more into Taoist texts. Zhuangzi is on my reading list now. helped with making dinner read for my exams* cleaned my room and vacuumed the house meditated * I went to a local rock bar where I used to hang around a lot to read, just to check will I prefer it over reading in my room. And I didn't. I stayed there for about an hour, reading and making notes, but I didn't like it. (I am reading Kant's famous Critique of Practical Reason, read it in my freshman year. Now I completely understand it's contents, which shows me I progressed over the years). Studying in my room is vastly superior. P.S. I haven't mentioned this, but I also have a plan of starting an educational youtube channel focused on philosophy. Around 7 months ago, before I started playing WoW, I have made some serious effort to create an idea behind a channel, I also made a list of over 30 topics that could be developed into interesting videos or video series, I also started writing scripts for a couple of them, gathering quotes and necessary auxiliary material. I started learning about video editing and youtube search engine, and I bought myself a pretty decent microphone. But as of now, I don't have time to invest in it. This will have to wait another couple of months. P.S.S. Another 2 weeks of nofap done. Eaaaasy :) I maybe even consider going for a 3 weeks. Daily gratitude: I am grateful for having so much time to focus on myself and my own character. Edit: It seems this was my 100th post on this forum :) I have a title "veteran" already ahahaha ­čśä I like it.
  7. My sincere condolences to your grandma. I live with mine and her health is deteriorating, so I understand how you feel. Props to making a documentary, you are doing our world a service, good luck with your interview!
  8. @Erik2.0 No problem! :) Thank you for being an active part of my journey. Entry 37 (day 69) - certainly on the right track Ever since I've started writing on this forum I tried to remain positive, constructive and motivated. Mostly I managed to do it. When I couldn't, you guys helped me get back to it. Over those 60ish days on this forum, I managed to embrace and instill a couple of important good habits and get rid of serious vices. What can better demonstrate this than the fact that I woke up in 6 am this morning even though I don't have any extrinsic reason to do so, other than my own will that wants to have a healthy and consistent biorhythm and wants to actually do some positive progress towards my own goals asap? Only a few months back -- sleeping was one of my favorite things to do -- days were spent, not lived. And the thing is - I don't feel like a different person, I feel like I can finally start being me. That I can do what I want to do, to follow my higher, long term aspirations and be free of a kid inside me that wants instant gratification. I finally don't feel like a hypocrite, like an impostor. I can talk about all the subtle ways in which this is evident, which are many. But the biggest difference is my inner calm, my ability to be, at moments, surrounded by negativity but be totally untouched from it. Not get angry with angry people, not get sad with sad people, not get lazy with lazy people, but remain internally driven and composed. This is result of meditation and prayer. I really don't want to sound preachy, I just cannot deny that God through prayer and meditation was my main source of strength, inspiration, calm and drive. I am scared to think where would I be now if I didn't turn to him and finally started a daily meditation practice (I meditated for years already, but without consistence and determination. I was more into reading the holy texts). I would probably be waiting to see my psychotherapist, hoping that a drug might help me fight my anxiety and enable me to study. I don't want to think about it. A new day is ahead of me. I decided I will send a couple of e-mails to professors, go to the gym, clean my room a bit, and work on finishing a paper thats almost done. I don't have a lot to say about yesterday that I already didn't mention in my previous entry. Biggest thing that happened was that the people fixed my administration issues. So basically, yesterday I: worked on one of my papers for around 2 hours sent e-mails to administration and to one professor went on a bike ride watched Ghostbusters (2016), a baad, 3/10 movie IMO (no offense if some1 likes it) contacted the delivery service I wanted to work for again. It seems they aren't looking for new employees atm. I'll try to find a job somewhere else then. Daily gratitude: I am grateful for feeling energetic. I'll try to honor that with using it for productive things today.
  9. @Erik2.0 Technical philosophical knowledge is valuable, but not necessary for a person to live well. A lot of times people use their philosophical knowledge and intellect only to dig themselves deeper in unhealthy, destructive opinions and attitudes. So, I am usually hesitant to even recommend getting into philosophy to some people. Being that you love reading the Bible, maybe you can read about lives of famous saints? St. Francis of Assisi and St. Augustine of Hippo might interest you, there are thousands of books written about them. Of course, search for those that where written by pious people, published by christian publishing houses. Entry 36 (day 68): Yesterday was more or less the same as the day before: done dishes went to the gym made dinner meditated did laundry I planned to send a couple of e-mails, but I postponed it out of anxiety. Gladly, I've done it today in the morning. I still cannot believe but - my main administration problem is fixed; which means I'll be able to enter all needed exams in the fall. I finally mustered up some strength and sent it, and it was done in less than an hour. I cannot believe, I am so happy. This problem is a couple of years old, and finally its fixed. This was my main source of anxiety, because it could've ended up costing me "everything", I could've ended up being rejected from university. This would be life-altering in a really negative way. Gladly, I can study for my fall exams, maaaybe even finish my 4th year if my other e-mails (about over-due papers*) are not rejected. If I end up finishing my 4th year this September, I'll be in cloud nine. * I still didn't sent e-mails to professors regarding papers. I will do it later today or tomorrow, at least those that I don't have to first prepare for by reading a book not to sound completely clueless about the subject. Daily gratitude: Obviously, I am beyond grateful that my administration problem is fixed. I was on the verge of tears a couple of times already. Probably gonna "break down in joy" in a couple of days when it sets in, lool.
  10. @ceponatia @Amphibian220 Loved reading your replies. I totally agree with both of you!
  11. @Ikar Awesome :) I suggest you to make notes in Word or Notepad, it's way more convenient than pen and paper. That way you can use its search engine. @Erik2.0 Philosophy is such a vast venue that I will certainly have enough to read and think about as long as I am alive. Especially now that we are finally intellectually connecting East and West. Thousands of years of culture, arts, spirituality and thinking :) As for Jiujitsu - was it an injury that stopped you from continuing? Entry 36 (day 67): Again not much to talk about! Simple day. I have: Written my journal entry Washed the dishes Went grocery shopping Listened to hours of talks from a master yogi Made dinner (Curry with chicken and mushrooms, it was phenomenal, my brother and father devoured it) meditated for an hour Highlight has to be the dinner, but all in all - it was a feel-good, relaxing day. Peaceful and positive. Some musings and self-observations: I am amazed how much better I am in handling my emotions and thoughts in general than I was a year ago. I still have good days and bad days, but good days are better then they where before, and bad days are not as bad as they where before. Even when I end up dwelling on some problem too much and notice my inadequacies and insecurities, I never feel completely hopeless like I sometimes was in the past. Oscillations between confidence and doubt, between hope and hopelessness are less extreme and smoother. Also, my ability to divert attention from negativity has vastly improved. Worst days where definitely those that I skipped writing my entries because I wasn't satisfied with myself, but even there I know I made a big improvement - in the past, such "downward-spirals" would last for at least a week or two, while I mostly managed to break them after a couple of days now. Incremental positive change is starting to become really noticeable. Daily gratitude: I am grateful that my own room has became my favorite place to be. For years I have hated it, always wanted to get out as quick as possible, studied in coffee shops and libraries. I only liked staying in it with my GF, because of sex and cuddles, of course.
  12. People shouldn't be concerned with having unique ideas*, but rather - getting closer to truth. We should be humble and start with learning the great intellectual heritage of the world. That way, we will save ourselves a lot of wasted time spent on musings over "our" ideas that where already thought through, sometimes even thousands of years ago. Learning doesn't mean just accepting at face value, of course. True learning is understanding, and understanding is an individual effort. So we shouldn't be passive. Yet, we shouldn't isolate ourselves neither. ... *This obsession over "unique" ideas started historically with Romanticism (18th century), and it is based upon an idea** that genius is a source of true knowledge. By genius, romantics think of someone who is in some special way - more connected emotionally, spiritually and/or intellectually - to the world/nature/god. He sees while other merely try to watch, hears while other merely try to listen, contemplates while others merely try to reason. People like Schopenhauer, Rousseau, Wagner, Goethe and Nietzsche come to mind. ** so, ironically, your attitude towards independent thinking is culturally inherited and learned, both from Romanticism and from the Enlightenment.
  13. @Erik2.0 Gladly, that's behind me. Anxieties that I struggle with for the last few months are coupled with shame. Exams are in my head "walks of shame" even though they are the opposite. I bet all of my professors see me as either really mentally unstable or totally "out of it"/immature. I guess the first part cannot be denied, I was really mentally unstable for years. @BooksandTree´╗┐s I remember! That was difficult moment for me, I am so glad you came with some good common sense! Entry 35 (day 66) Not much to say. I already talked about the important things that happened. The rest of the day I spent resting. Listened to some music, meditated, chatted a bit with my father, my older sister and her boyfriend, and went to bed. I feel pretty good today, I am well rested and energized. I count this to be my "first day of summer", and this summer I have a lot of important goals: First and foremost - send emails to administration and send e-mails regarding my papers. This should be done in the course of the next week. Study for exams and finish/write the papers. I'll organize my summer studying by making detailed and structured book notes, and then only study from the notes for a few days before exams. Work in bike-delivery service around 3-4 hours a day, 5-6 days a week, its a brainless job, incredible cardio - perfect for a student. (I already worked this job a year ago) With that money, pay for getting my driving licence. My father said he will help me financially if needed. Enroll in Judo or Jujitsu class - I still didn't decide which, next week I'll go for a tryout workout and see how it goes. Go on a 5 to 10 day trip to Mediterranean seaside, my father was born there and we have a house. I plan to relax there, meditate and swim a lot. There's some chance I'll ask out some tourist girl for a date there. When I come back, intensify my studying and eventually spent the whole September going from exam to exam. This will be exciting if I prepare adequately!! Edit: I almost forgot to mention - I'll be translating a chapter of the book from a catholic philosopher Edward Feser for guys that have recently established a new institute for philosophy and religious studies. This is more than enough to keep me occupied for the next 3 months. Sadly, it seems I won't be able to read a lot outside of my curriculum -- Ideally, I wanted to read Milton's Paradise Lost, Homer's Iliad (didn't read it since high school, Odyssey I read in uni, it is one of my favorite books), finish Lord of the Rings (still didn't read the whole thing, cannot wait), Valmiki's Ramayana (holy hindu epic, started reading it a few weeks ago), and Dante's Purgatorio and Paradiso (I wanted to read them as soon as i finished his Inferno 5 years ago, cannot believe I still didn't read them). But as it seems, i'll be glad if I manage to read one of them. Daily gratitude: I am grateful for every second that I am alive on this planet. Also, I just noticed - my intellectual curiosity* is back in full swing, I am grateful for that as well. * I read a lot and thought a lot in the past 5 years, but it was an obsession and a distraction, I wasn't excitedly curious for a long time, depression and anxiety took it away.
  14. Welcome @Christine!! Good luck in you journey to stay away from games. I encourage you to quit entirely and pursue other venues of entertainment, comfort and fun. Gaming is an unhealthy quick fix for a lot of us, so we quit. Don't let games keep you away from what is important :)
  15. Your brain will adjust if you stay away from high dopamine-inducing activities like smoking, porn, drinking, brainless-but-exciting movies and you put that energy into something productive. Slowly it will adjust. A couple of years ago while i was still smoking, drinking, masturbating regularly despite having great sex with my GF 2 days a week, as well as suffering from depression - some days I would be in such a big brain fog that I couldn't do anything that wasn't out-right exciting and gratifying. For example, I would struggle to keep awake when commuting in public transport, even though I was completely rested. It was terrible.
  16. I am glad for Peterson, I hope he will completely recover. Your day 440 sounds really fun :) I should try planning my week in advance as well! I'll try it tomorrow morning. I also was on a party a week ago, my brother and his 2 friends invited around 35 people to a countryside house with a pool. Girls where really hot, all of them in bikinis, around 6 of them in thongs, damn son. But I resolved in advance that i won't drink and later I decided I won't go for any of the girls (one of them was obviously interested in me), so I went home early, got some sleep and got back to studying.
  17. Hey @Ikar, thanks for the advice. I know it in theory, but I have to constantly remind myself to fight the inner voice that wants to bring me down. Only time it is completely mute is when I meditate and a couple of hours after meditation. I created my problems, I take full responsibility. I also know what to do to try to fix them, and I want to fix them real bad. So all i have to do is give continuous effort and all those problems will be a thing of the past eventually. This summer is promising. First summer of my life that I have a strong sense it will be productive and healthy.
  18. Ok, finally back to daily journaling! I missed you guys, and I missed writing here. @BooksandTree´╗┐s @Erik2.0 thank you for your well wishes, you'll hear bellow how things are going Entry 34 (day 65): summary of studying for uni Ok, so, the first efforts of fixing my university issues are behind me. When I consider how little I have done in the span of over 30 days (result-wise) - I shouldn't be content, but I sort of am. So, here's the deal. I had a lot of screw-ups. First, I spent a lot of time on detailed reading of Aristotle's Metaphysics and Categories, thinking I'll prepare for my exam on Greek philosophy, and then my administration issues disabled me to even enter the exam (it's still in the process, hopefully in a week administration will be fixed, hopefully!) Furthermore, when I was around 10 days away from the exam in advanced modern logic, I decided I cannot risk it because I have only 1 more try (I wasted my limited amount of entries when I was depressed, didn't even show up for the exam), and I had 2 more exams that I need to focus on in those 10 days. I decided on Ethics and Neoclassicism (I have a minor in literature). I studied for both, more so for Neoclassicism because I had to read 12 books for it. (managed to read 11) Also, I already read most of the required literature for Ethics over the years (5 out of 6 books). Anyways, I have to say that I managed to prepare those 2 exams pretty well, considering the scope and depth of knowledge required to master it coupled with my limited time and disconnect from university. And than the day of the exams came (which is today, NC was in 8 am, Ethics in the noon). Professor from NC remembered me, she was glad that I finally started studying again, and was glad that I am still enrolled. After 25 minutes of questioning, she gave me a B (which I am happy with*), and encouraged me - She said kind words, that I'll soon be back on track and will have a mastery over the material. I got an A+ on a previous course of hers so she remembers me from those "good ol' days". And then I came home and prepared for my online exam in Ethics I should have had. And than I realized I made an another screw-up. Professor asked a month ago, in a document I didn't read in detail until today, that we should also e-mail him with additional information such as our phone number a week before the exam. I realized he won't accept my incomplete application and I sent him an e-mail of apology, saying that I will apply for the exam in September. He replied and thanked me for my apology. So, after all 30 days of, first trying to study, then actually studying, all I managed to do was pass a single exam. I still haven't sent some important e-mails to professors regarding my long-over-dued papers, I ain't even sure they will accept**. Furthermore, I still haven't been able to solve administration issues, mostly because every e-mail i had to send required me a lot of inner energy to overcome my shame and anxiety and frustration, so when I got a reply I postponed making the next step for at least a day, if not a week. Not out of laziness, but anxiety. I haven't been lazy in quite some time. But despite all of this, I am happy. Mostly because I applied continuous effort as much as I realistically could. I didn't give 100%, but it was a strong effort. Also, I am happy because I didn't collapse from anxiety attacks in the last couple of days. It seems I can deal with it better and better. * I am happy with the B, which I wouldn't be few years ago. One of the worst parts of my self-sabotage was my perfectionist ego and ridiculous idea that I should have straight A's, or at least have a feeling "I've given it my all", which is an even worse perfectionist category. It's sad for me to think about, but I probably would have my masters degree already if I was able to crush my ridiculous ego and accept lower grades in the past. I paired my depression with my senseless ambition. I self-sabotaged and didn't go to the exam even though I would certainly pass it, because I probably wouldn't get an A. ** If they don't, I'm kind of screwed. And because of that fear, I am reluctant to send e-mails, similar to a sick guy who fears he has cancer so he doesn't go to the doctor. I'll send them over the course of the next week, wish me luck. I'm 90% certain I they will accept me, but 100% anxious they won't xD Daily gratitude: I am grateful for the encouraging words of my professor, and for all the energy I managed to channel into something constructive
  19. I've done similar things in the past ­čśä I know the feeling.
  20. @BooksandTree´╗┐s Hey man, sending love your way. I think you should really risk changing your profession. I don't see any way how this state you are in will better itself if you don't. 60+ hours a week on a job you hate? I think only way someone could make it worthwhile if it pays reaaally a lot and they save money so they can eventually leave and live more comfortably. I really don't like it when someone suggests finding a psychotherapist in a situation like yours. Because I am a firm believer a lot of depressions are a natural reaction to an unhealthy environment and a signal to seek big change. We shouldn't try making ourselves internally stoic and content if we still have a chance to get away from a terrible situation. Life is beautiful and your soul is pure underneath it all. I wish you best of luck and please don't let this anger you have turn internally, don't abuse yourself in any way please.
  21. Just keep on doing chores with love*, try not to consciously frustrate yourself over how slow or tiring they are and I am positive it will become easy for you as well. Incremental progress is everything. :) * honestly, when i am doing chores, I try to think about how this is helping the ones I love. Also, i sort of personalize the things I am cleaning, lol. I sort of imagine myself helping a sad dirty plate get clean and happy, hahahahha. It's fun and feel-good.
  22. Hey guys and girls, glad to be here and be able to talk about my success story. It's been over 60 days since I stopped gaming as well as watching porn. My life 2 months ago was in a pretty big mess, and I've been suffering from heavy anxiety, so i also put a lot of effort into channeling my time and energy I (usually) waste on gaming and porn into building up my character and getting my life in order. I've talked about my progress in the first 30 days here > ("Clean for a month") so I'll try to make a sequel to that report and talk about how I progressed in the last 30 days and what struggles I've encountered. First of all, progress I've made across the first 30 days just got strengthened further and I have to say this new way of life is becoming natural. Which means things like: daily meditation chores and work around the house scheduling my activities working out studying are becoming easier, smarter, more efficient. For example, I wash the dishes and do the laundry automatically in the morning and I don't even consider it a feat anymore, it's just a positive thing I naturally do. Also, I started cooking for my family around 2-3 times a week, learning some new recipes and learning about the basics, for example - today I'll be making mash potatoes the Gordon Ramsey way. My meditation practice is set in stone at this point and I honestly cannot imagine myself quitting it ever again. It's a crucial part of my success and I am enjoying it more and more. For the last couple of days I've been meditating for around 1 hour a day, which seemed impossible 2 months ago. I've gotten better with scheduling. I still have a lot of progress to make, but, for example - I started habitually using phone alarms for remainders, which has helped me a lot. Also, it is not uncommon for me to schedule a complete day in advance and for it to actually work out fine :) I've made progress with my studying. I hoped for a bigger progress to be honest, but studying is for me the greatest source of heavy anxiety so it will take more time for me to get through it. But it's definitely easier for me to study now than it was 3-4 weeks ago, that's for sure. Also, something which might interest people who have quit porn - I have effectively limited my masturbation. I consistently masturbate every 7 to 14 days, depending on what I decide in advance. At the moment I am at my 5th day of nofap, aiming for 14 days again. I have only positive things to say about this. I am not any more sexually frustrated than before -- actually, I would say I am less frustrated. I have more energy, and I don't miss my days of porn and daily masturbation, it was unhealthy, it made my sleepy, it made me lonely. Biggest issue I still fight with is my anxiety. But this is such a heavy flaw of mine that I cannot expect to be rid of it in such a short time. It's definitely getting better, and I can't wait for another month of progress :) With love, gargamel
  23. Hey guys, I am still doing fine, I haven't relapsed, I'm struggling with my university but its progressing forwards. I decided I will go for one more week without journaling, deal with the exams and administration and then come back here. Nothing special is going on in my life atm except uni, which is great. When I come back here a new important chapter will start. Basically, I'll need to organize my summer and deal with some character flaws I haven't mentioned yet, and journal will help me a great deal with that. Hope you are all doing well and I'll talk to you soon. P.S. It's been over 60 days without gaming and porn :) I'll write my summary of the last 30 days and put a link here > ("Clean for 60 days!") when I am done.
  24. @chiliflavor I'm reeaally glad you didn't relapse, keep it up bro. Also, thank you! Entry 33 (day 55): Yesterday went well. I struggled in the morning as you can see from my post, but after I finished my journal I got better and in an hour or so I was studying. I studied for around 4-5 hours with short breaks, I was focused and time flied by. I probably would've studied for at least 2-3 hours more if I didn't have a meeting with my friend (she is Veronika's best friend, I mentioned her once). We went to a bar, but I didn't drink alcohol (I'm trying to accustom myself to not drinking at all in the long run). I ordered green tea. We had a lot to talk about because we haven't spent 1 on 1 time in a really long time (almost 6 months). She is doing well, so we exclusively had positive topics to talk about, except we talked about games for half an hour. She is an avid gamer, and I didn't want to break her flow. She talked about many games she enjoyed in the last couple of months, and I talked to her about my WoW experience before I quit. It was fun to talk about, but I also said to her that my decision not to play games is final and life-long, same as cigarettes, so I don't want to dwell on them too much. She was understanding about it. Also, I went to see her with my bike, so I had around 1,5 hours of decently paced cardio workout. When I came home with my bike, I ate a bit and went straight to bed. And that's that. No mistakes to mention today. Goals for the next day - Study as much as I can (let's make it minimally 5 hours), make dinner (i already know what I am preparing), send an e-mail to 2 professors and to administration, go to gym, meditate, watch a movie before going to bed (if I have some time), and set the alarm for 5:45 in the morning (going to do this immediately) Daily gratitude - I am grateful for having a room to myself. I am also grateful that I don't crave women/relationship as much as I did a month ago, it was a distraction. I'll have time for women later.
  25. Do that man ÔŁĄ´ŞĆ There are 1000 ways to enjoy yourself in life, gaming is just one way you got accustomed to - but also remember how much gaming has also cost you and what it took away.