TheNewMe2.0

Positive: I Got off meds and feel okay reasonably so BTW I'm writing positive things because it's been shown people who write more positive in their journals have a longer life expectancy. So yall can enjoy reading these posts for a long time because I might be around for a while as long as I stay positive. Anyways. I dropped the last 1.5mg risperdal and 75mg bupropion all at once yesterday. I'm feeling alright today. Maybe a little jittery and a little chills but that could be from eating a bad burrito. I think I might make it through the detox okay. I really hope my skin clears up now that I've done this. I never had problems with my skin and working before. I don't understand why now it's come to pass that work is causing me acne. I can't stop working though even if I do get acne from it. A man who will not work will not eat. I'll see about interviewing at the christian place. Maybe they pay more. I'd like a place that can offer at least a certain amount once I'm an LPC that way I could do my residency there and stay there after for the long haul. I'm probably going to give socializing through meetup another try soon and dating apps. Although I'm gonna take at least a month off just to recover from medications before trying to socialize. Dating apps I was thinking I'd wait until I finish my first quarterly and I'm doing well in getting my hours towards licensure. I smiled at dentist appt today I accomplished setting up appt for night guard I am grateful for dentist, night guard, batman, robin, joker, batwoman, catwoman, batgirl, sweater and red God bless

I see. I'm kind of a solitary person and live with my mom so I guess I have a more agreeable home life for isolating. Good luck socializing it's a mission.

Positive: I may be interviewing at a new place So I found this Christian counseling place that offered me an interview. I said no because I just got a new job but I decided I'm gonna ask if they still want to interview. My supervisor at my new job is not being nice to me. So I'm now willing to roll the dice and see if the sup at the new place is any better to me. I have to deal with them constantly they email me 7 days a week. So it's imperative that they be nice to me and we get along well enough. Right now it's not good enough. It's kind of bad. So, no more. I'm still getting acne from the job. But I'm holding onto my last hopes which are getting off meds and getting another skin cream from the derm. If those two things don't clear my skin then I'm screwed. And I'll have to have bad acne ridden face for pretty much the rest of my life or at least my working career which would be like 30 years. So that really sucks if I have to deal with that. Last night I Felt like I didn't want to live anymore if I have to go through life covered in hideous acne. I had clear skin before I started this job too. I smiled at bible I accomplished Sunday I am grateful for bible, sunday, kims, shows, one punch man, guy, alerts, time, space, floor and wood God bless

Those all sound like good ideas. Yeah the virus is more present in those crowded places. Photography would be cool too. I like getting out in nature too. Going for a hike is always nice. When I'm feeling depressed or anxious I try to exercise and or meditate. That usually helps me feel better. So even if I am anxious at least I'm healthy too.

@Jason70Thanks. It does suck but I'll try to stay calm. I do have a difficult time not freaking out when things get real. I haven't heard of noxzema maybe it could help. I generally don't pick my face skin but have some trouble with my body. If I'm up I'll try to use the neosporin on it. Positive: Last day of the work week I'm working Saturdays for a few weeks as I finish my last two weeks of my old job. It's okay. I'll get through this. The new job is more difficult but I don't have to work as often and I get paid like 67% more. So it's kind of nice in some ways. I get more time off to decompress. I might ask them to hand me only 18+ clients as I prefer not to work with children. They're too much trouble sometimes. I smiled at trouble children I accomplished yoga I am grateful for children, yoga, love, friendship, namaste, flags, chakras, beads, stones, and colors God bless

Totally. In CBT they say the goal isn't positive thinking is rational or realistic thinking. The truth is maybe it'll happen and maybe it won't and accepting that can give you a good source of inner peace. How come you go to work if you can work from home>? It's good to hear you're meditating so consistently. I like to do it too. I've been doing a little more lately even. Sleep is good don't forget that now.

Woah. Eating a lot of iron sounds like some special consideratoins have to be taken. I have a messed up stomach I think from all the years I spent being an alcoholic. So I can't eat spicy food or like almost all food except food I and my mom cook basically. Almost all places I eat out at or eat at friends houses gives me bad stomach aches. You and Realworlder are both working on the sleep schedule I see. What will you replace games and phone with>? I ended up watching Netflix exercise and meditate.

Yeah my set up is legit now. If only I didn't have injuries I could get more jacked but I'll be able to work whole body still no problem. I'm guessing you don't have like a set schedule at work. If I don't get up then I won't make it to work on time is my motivation. And I like to keep a schedule so I just do it I guess. Yeah that supervisor seems to have calmed down for now. I still dread reading his emails. We'll see how it goes. Thank you. Positive: Still fighting My acne has been getting worse each time I have therapy. Everytime I see someone it seems to get worse just about. So I'm taking a desperate measure to just completely get off meds starting today. I was supposed to take another month to wean down off them. But the acne's getting worse and worse. And getting off the meds is one of my only hopes for combating the acne and still holding my job. So I'm just dropping down to zero from 1.5 mg risperdal 75mg bupropion. It's not medically advisable but I'm kind of just going to do it. I'm desperate to do something to stop this acne from spreading. God help me. I smiled at the holy spirit I accomplished posting I am grateful for meds, skin, gjs, posting, GQ, water, bottle, snow, ice, fire, rain, raindrops, God bless

Hey I'm trying to fix my diet to. I'm just trying to eat sandwiches instead of microwaveable food. I think the frozen food is not doing my body good. It just doesn't feel good. I hope vegetarianism goes well for you. I couldn't give up meat all the times I tried. It just made me too tired.

Positive: Nofapping was not too difficult the past two days Well. I totally relapsed on nofap. But after that it was almost like a habit to just not do it. I didn't have to struggle all that much because I was used to trying to resist. I might be relapsing weekly but that does mean I'm making it a week without. I'll keep trying to stay off it for good though of course. Today's a snow day. It sucks because I was looking forward to working with and seeing my clients. Oh well. I guess I'll just enjoy like 10 episodes of The Flash. I'm still stuck on re runs because of my TV disorder. Oh well. At least at my new job no one expects me to watch TV and play video games with them. Although I miss getting paid to just watch TV. I might try to stay friends with one of my clients. His political leanings don't match mine and he swears a lot which I don't do. But he has a chill vibe, he's funny and reasonably nice. We watch Supergirl and go for walks together. And help motivate eachother to get good jobs. Yeah I might see if he wants to stay in touch. We do live only 10 minutes away from each other. My other client probably not. He won't stop repeating what the people say while watching TV. It's like every 1-2 minutes he's repeating the lines after they say them. It's bothersome. He also pokes me and refuses to stop doing that because 'it's fun for him'. So he kind of isn't that chill I guess. It's too bad because he was the first person I've met that was down to watch my re runs with me. My supervisor at the new job is being a tool to me. He's like always pissed off at me in emails. And he doesn't train me on things then gets mad that I don't know how to do what he didn't train me on. It's ridiculous. I've been thinking of asking my boss if I can get a new supervisor. Nip it in the bud you know. I already asked her for a replacement on an HR person who was yelling at me over the phone. So it'll look like I'm kind of a picky worker with whom I work with if I ask for a second time for a replacement in two weeks. My mom doesn't support me asking ever. She just loves to tell me to grin and bear it. EVen if I have to get yelled at 5 days a week for two years while earning my hours here. I think I'll tell them I want to get a new supervisor. I don't want to deal with this guy being a jerk to me. Maybe I'll see him tuesday for a video meet, but I'm kind of dreading that because he's been so mean over email I feel like it's going to be an hour of him being a jerk to me. God help me I smiled at the cross I accomplished using weighted blanket to sleep I am grateful for good sleep, blanket, cross, necklace, essential oils, pad, blue, urns, pots, chinese God bless

@Jason70 Hey thanks Jason. I'll see if I can find some healthy choice ones that have more than 200 calories. The healthy ones tend not to have as many calories for some reason. But yeah they're better for you I think. I make breakfast everyday. I mean I guess I could make it for dinner too but I'd rather just make stir fry and pasta. I just need the extra time which I'll be getting soon from working less then I'll be able to cook. Positive: got a weighted blanket Okay it's not that soft which is too bad. But it's weighted like 20 lbs for kind of cheap so that's good. I now own a weighted blanket. It's very comfortable to have one of these to chill and watch tv or to go to sleep with. I got it because I was having trouble sleeping at night and I'm hopeful that this will help me a little bit to sleep better. So far it feels like that weighted thing they put on you at the dentist for x rays. But when I put it on I instantly felt a little sleepier like I could fall asleep easier. That's why I got it. I have 3 clients today. The intakes are going a little slower this week so that's too bad. I hope they keep coming in though. It would suck to take this job only to get no hours and sit around not making any darn money. I'm going through the challenges of being a new therapist at a company. There are lots of things I need to learn to do my job properly. And I guess they're trying to teach me which is good. Also some of the clients don't get along with me right away so that's a challenge. I've kind of got to talk to one about discharging because I don't think we're gonna workout. I smiled at fish I accomplished cooking the egg I dropped and cracked a little so I had an extra egg todsay I am grateful for fish, jesus, wine, crackers, cheese, egg, cracks, no eggshell in egg, weighted blanket, peace God bless

Well if you want to try a CBT thing here's one. here's an example just do the same thing as if it were blank: Concern: I won't ever be able to stop masturbating Evidence for: I relapse pretty consistently no long streaks lately Evidence against: I did have a 6 month streak one time New thought (balanced rational): It's really difficult but maybe it's possible I'll nofap successfully someday Being present is difficult. Keep meditating. How much do you do a day?

@RealworlderMaybe I can get some more acne meds too that might help. Thanks for encouraging me. I hope it does get less stressful with time. That's good you're working out. I just got a dip bar set up in my little home office room. In addition to that I have a deadlifting setup in the basement so I have two areas with workout equipment in the house. It's kind of ridiculous but I'm glad my mom is putting up with it. Yeah sleep scheduling can be a struggle. I'm pretty consistent at going to bed on time and getting up too. But I'm thinking maybe once I'm completely off meds I'll finally stop sleeping 13 hours a night and be able to have more time in the day to like chill and exist in awake mode. Good luck with your sleep. Positive: working from home today Well. I'm working from home today. So I guess that's nice. It's gonna be stressful and I won't sleep that good. But at least I get to work from home and get off at 5. A whole hour earlier than usual. I'm gonna workout and maybe watch tv with the time. Eat some healthier food than banquet tv dinners. If I get enough free time I could even cook regularly. That would be amazing. I have extra time this morning too which is cool. I hope the day goes well enough and I don't get upset or triggered too much. Also that if I do then I meditate to calm down before I talk to anyone because I'm at risk for blowing up on people if I get too stressed out. I smiled at rosewood chairs I accompilshed doing yoga I am grateful for chairs, rosewood, yoga, manduka mats, walking, 10k steps, dip bars, L sits, knee raise and push ups God bless

I'm glad to hear that you have a good support group and are mentoring people too. Sounds like the kind of things that feed your soul and make you feel better. I'm really happy that you made it through and you're doing okay.

@RealworlderI'm glad it's getting better. My new job is so stressful it's causing me acne. But I'm somewhat hopeful that once I get off meds in about 6 weeks my skin will improve. God help me. Thanks, I hope the clients keep rolling in. I had like amazing record numbers my first week. They had more clients than I could schedule. My mom tells me the new jobs good too. I hope I'm able to adjust to it like you said. These next few weeks are my getting up to speed weeks. Things are going well enough. The people are okay. Yeah it's 67% more money per hour so it's a lot better pay. I want to try to get 10k more often it felt really good, thanks. Hope your workouts are going well too friend. Positive: I'm memorizing quotes form the bible. I've been able to recite like 40 lines from the bible. A lot is paraphrasing of course but it's all from that book. So that's pretty cool. I just recite lines when I hit the bed at night beause it takes a while to fall asleep anyways. My mom's happy with her business where she flips chinese furnishing for money. She's doing well. Not like that much money but it's a decent amount. I smiled at pots I accomplished making sandwich for lunch to save money ya I am grateful for pots, sandwich, japanese lamp, chinese pot, korean pot, rug, blue and white furnishings, socks, wool, and me God bless

Hey maybe you could also try doing a CBT exercise for your irrational thoughts. I meditate and do that to help with mine and of course exercise is a big help too. I'm glad what you're doing is working. Good for you. When I'm feeling bad I'll go for a walk. I'll even do it just inside the house because we have a bit of space to walk in here.

Happy love day. For some reason I don't see it usually when you post in the daily journals thread. I'll have to just check up on your page each month or something. I was concerned about you. I'm glad you're still here and posting with us. Happy love day. Hope you get a good job soon. Keep trying they're out there somewhere. Congrats on being cancer free. What's PNW? Sending you love back.

Positive: Stress free Sunday Well I'm removing and doing nothing that stressed me out this Sunday and hopefully every Sunday forever. I want to make Saturday stress free too. Where I just won't do anything stressful so I can recover to the max on the weekend. I still get texts and email notifications from work which I wish I could turn off but I don't know how to use outlook right now. But I'm just ignoring those words until Monday. They can sit and rot in the inbox for a day I don't care it's my stress free Sunday yeah. I'm gonna workout legs shower. Then walk for like 5000 steps or more and do some yoga too. It's gonna be great. Maybe I'll do the yoga before the steps. Yesterday I was feeling really depressed and anxious becase I didn't think I'd make it at work (still don't know but that's a different story). So I said to myself, if I can walk 4000 steps inside the house then I'll make it at work. And I got going and it was difficult to walk. But then I started to try and push myself a little. Once I got going it was actually difficult to stop until my joints got tired. I ended up doing 10,000 steps. It was great and I felt much better mentally. Then I meditated and finally calmed down from the week. I'm scared that I'm going to just become so overwhelmed with anxiety that I won't sleep at all at night and that'll prevent me from doing my job because I'll be too tired. So I'm moving the schedule ahead on my medication reduction. I'm dropping half a pill a week instead of every 2 weeks. It's twice as fast but my Dr. originally said to drop 1 pill every two weeks. So this is in line with that it's just doing half once a week instead of one every 2 weeks. So in a way it's more gradual I suppose. It's the same amount to decrease per two week period though. I'm doing it because there's a good chance that reducing my risperdal will eventually allow me to sleep less. So the faster I can decrease it the better chance I have of being able to deal with the insomnia that I'm encountering from work stress. It's kind of a desperate move. But I'm in a tight spot and I couldn't think of anyting else to do to increase my chance of surviving this next week. I changed my schedule so it's 1030-130 and 2-5. Instead of 3-6. I didn't want to work later. I want to get to recovering from work as soon as possible so I have a better chance at actually getting some sleep after I wind down. Plus I can meditate and exercise more which might help sleep too. I'm really giving this job my all. I hope and pray to God that it works out and I make it to full time without falling apart. Since I'm not doing anything stressful I have so much chill time today. My mom's working so I don't have much to do with her either. I might drive 40 minutes to a Ramen shop that I like. I'd order the chicken ramen with extra chicken. Yum. I'd also like to go to Walmart and buy some cheese. My mom got a special deal on vases. She got two big ones for 35. She says they're worth like 200-300 each. So she's really happy about it. She talks a lot about her vases. It's kind of a struggle for me to stay nice and respectful of her crap. But I'm doing my best to be supportive of her hobby. I mean it is great that she's able to make hundreds of dollars on some of these items. It's just difficult for me to care about fancy pots sometimes though. I like having them around I just tire of being like, 'yeah that's a good deal you got there. The pots are nice.' Oh well, she'll probably stop talking about it soon enough or sell them. I wonder if I'll go to get ramen today. Driving is a little stressful but it'd be nice to get ramen you know. I smiled at @Icandothis I accomplished eating avocado I am grateful for Icandothis, avocado, vornado, fan, plastic, gray, white, red, blue, green, yellow, purple, God bless

Yeah I just gotta ask him to set up our first session now and get a contract going. I just like to sit in the AC during summer. Swimming sounds nice though especially with friends. Good food can affect your skin that's good to know. It's totally a stress thing for me. I get acne and can't sleep well. Ya what we're stressed about shows up in our dreams often times. I just hope both our stress stays manageable and we can get done with what we've set out to do. I am getting a lot of clients though. I got like 8 people interested last week and it's considered good to get like 2-5. Positive: Finishing out the week I'm working my old job shift this morning. I just put in my two weeks notice with them. The old job is so much less stressful it feels like nothing compared to the new job. But the new job pays 67% more an hour and it's better for my resume. Also it's proving grounds because if I can manage to work this job and be reasonably okay then I'll be looking at a well paid successful career as a therapist. Instead of a poorly paid dead end career as a community based counselor. We'll see what happens. I had 3 clients yesterday and got some acne and not great sleep. I have to do 6 hours 4 days a week and a 7 hour day on Friday but that will be mostly supervision and seeing my own therapist with 2 clients in the morning so. It's about 26 sessions a week with 3 hours supervision and I'm looking to find a therapist for me totaling 30 hours of doing stuff per week. It's not too bad a schedule I've cooked up. If it goes off without a hitch I'll be looking at my license in about 1.5 years. Which would be 'quick' to get it if you didn't count my miserable 1.5 years I worked without any hours counting due to management at work not liking me or helping me. I smiled at MHA I accomplished drawing deku I am grateful for MHA, deku, midoriya, bakugo, all might, uraraka, toad girl, grape boy, hardening guys, tape guy God bless

Yeah I am masturbating less when I relapse. And resisting a bit more when I'm trying to not relapse. So yeah I guess I am winning then.

Positive: made it through the night with some sleep I was stressed out last night over my new job. Hopefully I don't have anymore nights like that. It only took a few emails to get working on the problems. But I was getting spotty sleep thinking about all the emails I'd have to write the next day. Oh well. Gonna do some stuff to get the ball rolling at my job today. Then I'll possibly see a client and get some chill time in finally. Still gotta work tomorrow because of some scheduling crap. But whatever it's a half day and the mom talked to the client about not poking me so maybe he'll stop. Honestly I'm so stressed out by my job that I think about quitting and just working my old job even though it's worse pay. I guess I'll wait till I find out if they approve me for hours anyways. I smiled at trees I accomplished getting up I am grateful for trees, good mornings, warm afternoons, sunny evenings, long walks, push ups, squats, pull ups, crunches and planks. God bless

@Realworlder Yeah I hope the supervision works out. I just met my new sup yesterday. He seemed okay. They took me off the parenting case thank God. I think I'm feeling better although the side effects don't seem to have completely worn off. It makes me wonder if they ever will. I like the cold too. I'm not looking forward to the summer when it's always hot. The mean coworker my boss said will stop talking to me once I'm onboarded as she's in HR. Hopefully the acne resolves yeah. I'm supposedly getting new body acne gel. I might change health insurance because my current provider only does therapy once every 6 weeks so I kind of want someone more often maybe. Hope you're doing well friend. Positive: eating greek yogurt Yep I'm getting my probiotics in. Just bought an 18 pack of oikos triple zero yogurt from costco. It's legit. It's flavored and sugar free. The best of both worlds. So I can cheat and eat some sugar later muahah. I got to get to editing. Which sucks becuase I think it's bad for my skin. But it's great because I just work from home and get paid 25 an hour cash. Of course I kind of round up when it's like 0.5 hours to 1 hour so I'm getting a little more really. My mom said she might even give me a bonus once we're done with a lot of the work depending on how much she gets paid. That'd be cool. More money is always nice. I got 3 new clients by wednesday so that's really good for therapy referrals. Hopefully I get more today and tomorrow. I'm hoping to get 15 hours within 5 weeks. Averaging 3 clients a week that I actually retain. That would be clutch. Had my first session yesterday. It went okay. I got the anxiety that causes mild insomnia from it. But I get that from interactions with most people unfortunately. I'm hoping it might get better once I'm off meds. I'm not sure though, it could just be a life long ailment. That's gonna make it uncomfortable when I start trying to date. Well, wish me luck. Hope you're doing well. I smiled at frogs I accomplished eating yogurt I am grateful for frogs, kermit, piggy, bear, yogurt, polar bear, heater, heater remote, bookmark and socks. God bless

Grats on your new relationship. How did that come about? Work can be heck sometimes, it's a struggle for me too.

Yeah I'll keep trying with the nofap. Failing so much at it has kind of sapped my motivation a bit. I do seem to be getting a bit better at refraining though like oyou with the internet usage. Good luck finding a better escape. I think there can be healthy escapes if they're not gaming or like unhealthy....

Positive: feeling okay today despite acne Well yeah I'm feeling okay despite the acne. I think it might be because I'm lowering my meds. I feel a little bit more energetic or something. Hopefully it's not just that I'm so stressed out from the new jobs I'm hyperaroused. I think I got a new client today so that's good. My advertising seems to be going well. I really really hope and pray to God that this new job works out. Unlike the last one. I hope this job fills my schedule with hours and I make lots of hours towards my license. My job is causing acne when I talk to a certain person. I really hope that doesn't become a trend with my clients or I'm gonna have acne like 24/7. Maybe the acne will reduce when I'm off meds though I don't know. Also I'm getting acne from editing. Which sucks because other than that it's a decent side job. Oh well. Hope it all works out. I'm not gonna quit today because of acne anyways. My sister never quit despite having acne and neither did my mom's real estate agent who has pretty bad acne scarring. But is still successful. So they're my inspiration for not quitting despite getting some acne. It's still really tough to keep going btw. I smiled at bunnies I accomplished keeping my feets warm I am grateful for bunnies, feets, warm, lemons, lemonade, clear skin, God, love, light, warmth, kindness God bless