RB1

Keys to Success for this detox: Limit youtube to an hour a day and block it between 12am-12pm. Start skateboarding again So I have a physical activity that I want to do To use as an outlet for when I get cravings To reconnect with old friends and spend time with people who aren't gamers Work out the first thing in the morning at least three days a week Meditate for 5-10 minutes before going to bed and when waking up Morning meditation - clear my mind Nighttime meditation - remind myself why I'm doing this detox, what I'm going to do tomorrow, and to get out of bed immediately to meditate and exercise Plan out my next day in my iPhone calendar right my nighttime meditation ***NEVER plan to do any work or activities at home. ALWAYS plan work and activities somewhere outside of home. (I've proven to myself enough times that I don't have the capability of being productive or honest with myself when I am at home. Plus it is where I am most likely to experience cravings and where my brain begins to bargain with itself to take a quick and harmless, "gaming break." I think if I can successfully execute these the above, my detox will be much more successful than last. By successful, I mean both that I will stick to the detox, and the value of my detox will be greater.

Day 5: Decent day. Felt tired throughout, but got more independent studying done.

Day 4: Good day today! Got some studying in and saw my friends. If I topped that off with a good workout, I'd be much more proud of my day. Maybe tomorrow :)

Honestly, I agree with you, but I don't think I have it in me yet to cut youtube out 100% yet. I'm not sure, but it may cause more problems if I did so. For now, 1 hour is good and I'm hoping to cut it down to 45 minutes in the near future, and eventually down to 30 minute a day.

Day 3: Saw some friends, got some exercise, did some studying, did some life pondering. Good day, but could have been better. My restriction on youtube time I think is working. This application's features really work well for me. Although 1 hour a day seems a little long, I think it might be the sweet spot for me personally, at least right now. Gonna try to keep this all up.

Day 2: Just wrote a huge post so I can't be bothered to write more. Just will mention I'm limiting my time on youtube to 1 hour a day for now using the google chrome extension, "StayFocused." The hope is to reduce that time further, but I'll keep it there for now. I also need to learn to manage this for times that I actually need to use youtube for studies without losing focus of the goal. That's gonna be the eventual challenge. Other than that, had a decent day.

Recently, I completed 37 days for my detox. I relapsed on day 38. Here're the big things I learned: Gaming is not the source of my problems. The source of my problems is that there's an empty void in my life, specifically, a lack of purpose and passion. With all my addictions, I fill that empty void with mind numbing nonsense, gaming being at the top of that list. During my detox, I cleared that void of all the garbage I filled it with, which gave me the mental capacity to contemplate my issues, but I never filled it with fulfilling activities. Both are necessary. A little bit of truth can take you a long way. Once you begin to be honest with yourself, the gates open and you're led to a world of self discovery. Until you stop lying to yourself, you can't begin to fix your problems since you probably don't even know they exist. In my experience, a single truth uncovered another, which uncovered another, and another... This allowed me to dig deep. My addiction wont go away after 90 days, but it will get easier. The first two weeks were the most rough, then the cravings slowly declined from there. Sudden and unexpected spikes in my cravings always came until the surge was too much on day 38 for me to handle. I really thought about what I could've done and my conclusion was as @Deku said, nothing. At that time... I think the only thing I can do is continue with these detoxes so the intensity of those spikes diminish as I progress. As I become more familiar with spikes in cravings, I think I can reach a point where I can deal with them no matter how stressful of a situation I come across. Communication is vital. I've done numerous detoxes in the past, but always journaling privately and without telling anybody what I was going through. I almost always relapsed within the first 3-4 days, getting to days 10-20 on only two occasions. I didn't have anybody to talk about my gaming problems with in person, so writing in this forum was a game changer for me. I have no problem letting myself down (which is a problem I'd like to address during this detox), but I have a huge problem with letting others down. Many people liked and commented on my posts, which meant a huge deal to me. It was the main driving force for me to continue with the detox. I didn't want to let those people down by giving up, especially after reading the struggles they were going through. Here's a quick thank you to everyone who has read, liked, and commented on my journal! Special thanks to @fawn_xoxo and @NannerZ since they were the first two to actively make comments in my journal. I think it's absolutely insane (awesome) that people who I've never met were willing to take time out of their day to write such encouraging words for me. It really made all the difference during the tough early stage of my last detox to continue through. It really means a lot and I truly think that communication is the driving force of this community. I always read, but didn't comment on others journals early on since I didn't feel like I had any useful feedback as someone who hasn't completed a full detox. But I learned that something simple like, "keep it up!" or, "you're doing great!" can make all the difference. I still don't comment on others journals as much as I'd wish to, and if anyone felt the way I did, I encourage everyone to do so as well :) I don't always need to be happy. Ups and downs are inevitable and the best thing to do is just to understand that fact. In the past, I'd always numb myself with gaming during my lows, so I never recognized when I was down in the dumps, nor could I face my demons. Learning to recognize when you're at your lows can be unbelievably powerful since those are the moments you can make the most impactful decisions. The greatest moments in my last detox weren't when I went through long periods without cravings, but they were when my cravings were their worst and I consciously decided not to game. Here're some other things I learned that specifically cater to me: I get nothing productive done at home. I get tons of productive things done outside of home. For now, I should stop trying to learn to be productive at home, but just spend more time away from home. I'll work on being productive at home later. Youtube is by far my greatest problem. I banned myself from twitch, following gamers on twitter, and youtube gaming channels, but not from youtube itself. I thought this would do the trick, but I defaulted to other garbage on youtube as a supplement to all of that. I went from obsessively following gamers on youtube to talk show hosts, celebrities, comedians, political commentators, and some other things as well. Not that all that is bad stuff, but its not the point of my detox. I also convinced myself that I need youtube as a source to study since videos help me a great deal, but I grossly over-exaggerated how much I needed it. This is not the case and I need to limit or outright ban its usage at various times of the day. I need to begin skateboarding again. I quit a little less than two years ago due to a severe injury, and my life has steadily gotten worse since then. It's the only outdoor activity that I'd willingly do consistently. Also its a great opportunity to socialize. I need to find a group of friends that I can consistently rely on who aren't gamers. I was back in my hometown (far from my current home) when doing my last detox, where a lot of my childhood friends were. I have friends there who aren't gamers and I could consistently hit up to do non-gaming activities. I do not have this where I live now. This made my detox much easier. I am bad at starting an activity. I am good at sustaining an activity that I've started. I need to put myself into positions to make starting an activity the easiest it can possibly be. This means scheduling my activities ahead of time and preparing my environment for success. If I want to work out after school or work, I should put that in my calendar and bring my gym clothes with me to school or work so I can go to the gym without stopping by home where I could easily be distracted or even change my mind. I need to plan specific projects rather than vague activities. Instead of telling myself to, "workout more" or, "cook consistently" I need to begin saying to myself, "I will workout chest and triceps today by doing bench presses, pushups, and tricep extensions at 6pm tomorrow after I get off of work" or, "I will cook lasagna this Thursday and buy the materials I need for it on Wednesday." My relationships are astronomically better when I'm not gaming. I never mentioned my girlfriend in the past since I want to keep that part of my life private, but I want to remind myself of this in my post this one time. When I wasn't doing the detox I hid my gaming habits from her. I gamed when she wasn't around and thought about gaming when she was around. The detox ameliorated both of these things. I forgot I used to do this, but when actively gaming (meaning not doing a detox), I would wait for her to go to sleep so I can watch gaming videos. Not only is this embarrassing in itself, but I lost a lot of sleep doing that. Even when we were spending time together, I'd spend the little moments she was away watching gaming content like if she was in the shower, eating a meal, or just in another room doing something. The worst thing is, deep down I always wished she'd spend a little bit longer in the shower, cooking, or eating etc. so I can spend a little bit more time on twitch or whatever. Just thinking about this makes me cringe. Also, I meant all relationships are better with not gaming, not just with my girlfriend. So that's what I learned from my last detox. There's even more, but I'll cut it there. This was mainly a rant for myself, but thanks for reading if you did!

Day 1 Still got a lot to say, but I'm tired right now so I'll make a big meaningful post tomorrow or the day after when I've got more time. No games or gaming content today (just gonna say gaming to refer to both things again). My hearts still not in the detox, so discipline is gonna have to carry me. Hopefully I'll feel like I want to do the detox soon, like I felt during my first one. I'm finally home and back to my regular life. Had work all day today. Got home and chilled out for an hour, then went on a bike ride. I've gone to the gym maybe 9 or 10 time in the last two busy months, but never really did cardio. Rode up and down a couple of big hills, so I got that feeling where your chest gets tight and heart feels cold. It hurts, but the, 'runners high' afterwards is so rewarding. I needa get out on my bike more while it's still warm out. I downloaded the kindle app on my phone about two weeks ago, and have really enjoyed reading on it! This is the first time in a very long time I've been able to enjoy reading. I think it's the fact that I can just tap on a word and the definition comes up. It's such a nice perk to tablet reading. I hate having to pick up a dictionary or go on my computer to look up a word. Something about it irks me. Now I can bypass that hectic process. So far I've read, "What the Internet is Doing to Our Brains" which I still would like to make a post about in the future, "Animal Farm", and I'm currently working on, "Brief Answers to the Big Questions" by Stephen Hawking. I've enjoyed every book I've read so far. Stephen Hawkings book is so interesting and I always love reading a book on physics and space. Sometimes I feel like it's pointless for me to read into complex scientific topics since I can't actually understand what's being explained at like a mathematical level or anything, but it's always interesting to hear brilliant people illustrate the most insane theories and try to explain how they were conceived. Today, I thought it'd be a great outdoor activity if I combined biking with reading by biking far out to some park or nature-filled area, parking out there, reading for a while and biking back. That's an activity I can get on board with. Maybe I'll do something like that this weekend.

Day 0 I'm back. Not ready for the next take of my 90 day detox, but I'm never going to 'feel' ready. Might as well make a post and try and start again. I think I relapsed exactly a week ago. I'm very disappointed in myself for relapsing, especially when I think how if I stuck with it, I would be on 44. That's just about half way through the 90 day detox... Well, I'm disappointed, but I learned a lot from my first round, which is progress. In fact, I probably learned more about my self in that 5 week period than I ever have in my life. I'll go into the details in another post since I'm feeling tired right now, but the big thing I learned is not my underlying problem. My underlying problem is that there's a dark void in my life that I am afraid to face, and I'll do anything to ignore it. All my addictions whether it's gaming, the internet, gaming content on twitch, twitter, and especially youtube, reclusive behavior... all of that crap fogs my brain, allowing me to forget about that dark void. It allows me to go into auto pilot so I never have to face myself. Watching gaming content is just my main method of avoidance. I've learned a whole lot more about myself, but I'll talk about that tomorrow, or some other time. I think I've learned from my first detox what I'm going to need to do to get through this next detox as well as what I need to do to have a more effective detox. I'll post again tomorrow night. Quick thanks to @Deku and @Adminiculum for the responses after my relapse. I saw them the a three or four days ago, but didn't feel like responding right then. It reminded me I needed to get back to this. Thank you!

Day 38: RELAPSED. Unfortunately I relapsed today... I actually got through the entire day yesterday after making my post about the cravings I was having. I got out of the house, refreshed myself, and got into a great mind set. Got through day 37 feeling very good and accomplished. I wasn't feeling very good about the detox for the past three days, but I woke up this morning feeling great about it after dealing with my cravings. I was willing and ready to continue with my detox. I opened my e-mails and got an e-mail from my boss and co-workers saying that my hours at work would be cut in half once I got back from my vacation. I was expecting to work 40 hours a week, and now I'll be working 20 or maybe even a little less a week. This immediately put me in a very stressful situation since I went on this break expecting to have 40 hours of week, which would keep me in a comfortable position. The fact that I'll only be working 20 doesn't immediately put me in a bad spot, but definitely not a good one or the one I expected and planned for. This stress caused to to relapse instantly. I didn't even think about it. I just went from this state of bliss from being on vacation, a proud feeling of accomplishment for pushing past heavy cravings for a few days in a row, to this instant state of stress, frustration, and panic. That gave me the need for instant gratification. Anything to take the edge off immediately. I closed my e-mail and ended up binging youtube gaming content from about 10:30am to 5pm, then again from 6pm to 8pm. That's 8.5 hours of youtube gaming videos in a day... Well, I'm extremely disappointed in myself now... I feel like 37 days of hard work instantly went down the drain. I don't feel as hooked right now as I did in the past. I feel like it's gonna take a good amount of effort to put down the games and gaming content again, but not as bad as what it took 38 days ago. I'm feeling that brain fog that gaming gives you along with a lack of control over myself. Very, very disappointed in myself... I have a lot more to say, but I'm gonna leave that for another post. I don't feel like I can immediately start my detox over right now. I need a few days to collect my thoughts. I'll be back to it again in a few days, week, or maybe two, but I'll definitely be back. I'm trying to stay positive since I know relapses happen. Once I get over how upset I am, I'll really take the time to reflect on the last 37 days and what I'll do next to make sure this doesn't happen again. I wanna say I'm proud for how far I got. I broke my record. I thought my record was 31 days, but I went through my old journals I wrote privately and realized my longest record was actually 21 days... Beat it by 16 days, which I guess is nice... I honestly don't feel very proud at all though. Just extremely disappointed in myself. I'll be back, hopefully sooner than later. But I need some time like I said to recollect. To anybody reading this, please let me know how I could've gotten past a moment like this. I've gotten past multiple instances where something stressed me out, I got heavy cravings, and I got past it, but this time I feel like I just got stressed, skipped the need for cravings, and my brain just said, "I'm gaming fuck it" without giving me a chance to let my self calm down or think. At the moment, I can't really think of what I could've done to prevent this.

Excuses my brain has tried to make today to forgive a relapse... "It's been 36 days. You've gained enough control to watch a few videos and stop by now. For sure. I've heard it only takes 30 days to overcome a bad habit. You deserve this." "You're on vacation right now! You're gonna be home in a couple of days, then you're gonna be working full time again. If you don't relax now, you'll probably relapse when you're back home and stressed out. Just get it out of the way now, and you get get back with the detox when it really matters." "It's almost day 40. Hold off till the 40th, but then you deserve a quick break. Just watch a few gaming videos and get back to your detox. Well... If you're gonna watch some videos on the 40th, might as well just watch a few now. No difference really. Get caught up with all the content you've missed out on in the last 36 days and leave it all behind again and continue with your detox." "What's this detox really about anyways? Once you get to day 90 you're just gonna go back to your old self anyways? Just enjoy yourself!" "This is a gaming detox, so watching gaming content doesn't really count. If you just watch a couple of gaming videos, it's not like it counts as a relapse or anything. (My detox is literally centered around avoiding watching gaming content more than gaming itself) "Fuck it" Gonna get out of the house and avoid this catastrophe altogether.

Insane cravings today... Thought this would get easier and easier, but it looks like week 5 is the worst of it all... :(

Day 36: Limited Youtube - day 0 Very important moment for me. I've got to cut this Youtube shit out. I've always known I've had to deep deep (deep deep deep) down, but I've never admitted it. I've always used it as a source to study since I learn way better and faster watching a video than from reading, but I've got to be honest with myself with the way I use it. Calculating all the time I spend on youtube, it's probably like 10% studying and 90% just dicking around. And that's when I'm active in school! I'm not taking classes at the moment, so it's been 1% studying, 99% dicking around. I convinced myself when beginning this detox that I just had to stop watching gaming content on youtube, but I've just gotta stop using this website period. I've cut out gaming and gaming content in the last 36 days, but I've still spent a tremendous amount of time on youtube. It's just shifted from gaming content to video podcasts, clips from TV shows, political content, celebrity content, and all this other crap that isn't important to me. The politics and the podcasts could be educational, but I'm not watching those videos with the intent to learn anything right now. I'm just trying to kill time. Its sad how quickly I went from watching youtube gaming content of my favorite gamers to my favorite celebrities since it illustrates how much I'd rather watch others enjoy and improve their lives than my own. I've been afraid to admit it since it's really the last big layer of my heavy video game, internet, screen, etc. addiction. Once I toss this out of the list of things I can do, I've really got nothing left to hide behind. Youtube has been always this zone of comfort for me, especially since beginning this detox. I took one giant step out of my comfort zone by banning gaming and gaming content, but I never took the full leap. Cutting out youtube would be that leap. I didn't think this 5 weeks ago, but this might actually be scarier for me than giving up gaming and watching gaming content itself. I feel like a turtle without its shell just thinking about it. When beginning the detox, I had all this extra time that I didn't know what to do with. I put a lot of it into being more socially active (good), some into exercising (good), some into reading and studying (good), but I put the majority of it into watching other content on youtube (horrible). Once I cut out youtube, I'm really gonna have to get out of my comfort zone and figure out what to do with whatever free time I have. It's crazy to think how afraid I am of having free time. I should be so grateful for whatever free time I have left and should want to use it in a way that's good for me, but I'm actually afraid of it. I know the boredom it's going to make me face, which I know will lead to some depression, which I know will lead to further cravings. I don't know how I could be so afraid of giving this up when the gain from it is more free time. It's like I don't know what to do with myself since maybe I don't actually know myself. God, why am I afraid of this? I think it's because now I'm REALLY going to have to face myself, and I'm afraid of what I'll see. Someone more boring than I thought, weaker than I thought, not as smart, not as interesting, someone lacking character, someone much, much lazier than I thought... God just so many negative things come to mind when trying to be honest with myself. With that being said, I've got to take this step and officially take the real leap in my detox. I think it's gonna be like the first two painful weeks all over again. With this though, I'll officially have nothing left to hide behind. I hope I get through this. I hope it doesn't throw me into some immediate relapse, because I think that's possible. Here's how I'm gonna deal with this new addition of my detox I will start by making a 120 minute timer per day on youtube using the chrome extension, "StayFocused." Once I feel like the addiction gets easier, I'll cut it down to 60 minutes, then maybe 45 or even 30 minutes Based on how I feel, I might just make it so I can't use youtube at home, since that's where I always procrastinate on the site. When I'm at school or at a library is when I really use it practically. I'll make a, "limited youtube" counter below the day entree of each post. I'll see how long this lasts Once I relapse, I'll set a certain number of days that I can't use youtube, where if I relapse in that time period, I relapse for the entire detox and have to start back at day 0 I don't know how this is going to go, but cheers to big change.

The cravings finally gone from earlier... Realized how guilty and disappointed I would have been in myself if I relapsed. Made me realize how far I've come. Before I would've given in and felt guilty for a bit and told myself its ok and, "tomorrow will be the day I fix myself" and ended back in that self destructive loop I'm too familiar with. This also made me realize that it's time for me to take this detox to its next level. I've got to get rid of youtube. I've somehow convinced myself all this time I can still use youtube as long as I stay away from gaming, but I've spend a lotttttt of time on it in the last month without gaming channels. Once I'm back from my break on day 42, I've gotta cut that shit out... Gotta go right now, I'll continue this post later.

Day 35: Week 5/13. Nearly half way Holllly shit I almost relapsed today without even really noticing. I've just been bored and in bed today and haven't had much energy to go do anything. Without really thinking about it, I got on youtube and typed in the name of a gaming channel I used to go to all the time. I just sat there scrolling through the channel looking at what new videos were out without clicking on any of them. All of a sudden, I remembered I'm on a detox and can't watch any of them. I exited out of the screen and just sat there thinking about what happened. Just visiting that page for 20-30 seconds had me heavily consider if I should just say, "screw it" and relapse and deal with the consequences later. I literally spent two hours craving heavily until I fell asleep. Took a nap and just woke up. Feeling like shit and still kind of want to go back to the page, but I'm in a little bit more of control now. I'm so glad I didn't relapse. Honestly didn't do anything today. I'll take not relapsing as enough of an accomplishment for the day though. Edit: Made it to the gym for a workout! Was a quick one, but at least I went ?

Congratz on the record! Keep it goin :)

Hey! First of all, big props to being a med student. I respect that so much man! I'm with you and your problems. I haven't actually had a heavy gaming problem in the last few years. I used to play an insane amount of League and Smash Brothers Melee, but quit league like 4 years ago and cut melee out significantly. However, after quitting league I discovered the world of Twitch, youtube gaming channels, and gaming social media following on twitter. I quit gaming for the most part, but began to binge watch gaming content for insane amount of hours each day. I thought I was moving forward by cutting gaming and didn't draw the correlation between gaming itself and watching gaming content for a while. I think it's even possible to argue binge watching gaming content could be worse for you than gaming itself. I'm currently studying Computer Science, so I can relate to you when you say you spend 5-6 hours a day staring at a computer screen for school related purposes. I too didn't want to be in front of a computer screen after my studies due to eye and mental strain and what felt like isolation from the normal world. The crazy thing is that I got used to it after a while and when you're addicted to gaming and watching gaming content, it just becomes easy to go from studying on your computer straight to those activities. My life became being in front of a screen for 5-6 hours programming or studying, then spending the rest of my time in front of a screen again gaming or watching gaming content. I'm a month into my detox and the experience feels like it has really, 'refreshed my dopamine' substantially and feels like I've limited myself from that, 'information overload' you'd mentioned. You're not alone man and I hope we can keep it up! You're doing great man! Also, thanks for the comment you made in my journal the other day at a rough time for me. Meant a lot man.

Day 34: Past one month! Been on vacation for a few days. Been having a great time, but it's a little hard to avoid the cravings during times where I'm just relaxing. Don't feel like posting much here while I'm on break. Been doing good though! I download the Kindle app on my phone and have been reading two books. The main one is, "How the Internet is Changing out Brains" by Nicholas Carr and the side one is, "Animal Farm" by George Orwell of course. I really need to make a post about Nicholas Carrs book when I'm done with it. It's been confirming many suspicions I've had in the past couple of years with how my mind is starting to feel regularly due to increased use of the internet and video games. It's absolutely worth a read, especially for people in our position. It's just another reminder for me to stay away from video games and to decrease my time on the internet as well as the way I utilize it. I'll talk about this soon when I'm through with the book. Went to the gym for the first time in I think a month yesterday. Damn I'm sore! It's the good kind of sore though! The kind that reminds you, you need to get back to work and want to get back to work. I'm going to go again tomorrow! Hopefully I keep this up. I can't believe it's been more than a month into my detox! I've only felt better since beginning this program and I know things will only continue to get better. A few of the things I've been trying to forcefully implement into my life have been coming a bit more naturally, which is my dream come true. This method of avoiding gaming and just letting the rest of my life be, is certainly working better for me as of now. Trying to force activities and exercise just wasn't working for me. I'm just gonna go with the flow till I hit a wall, then I'll start making changes. Loving life at the moment ? If you're reading this, please let me know what you think about the below!!! On day 1 or 2, when I decided to commit to the detox, I said that I'd stay away from gaming alone (including online gaming) and gaming content like youtube gaming channels, twitch, and twitter for 90 days. However, I also said once I get back to my normal life, (I've been away from home, staying with my family for about two months to do an internship. I'm currently on vacation before going back to my regular life next week.) on day 42, I'd allow myself to play video games with friends as long as I'm in the same room with them, side by side. I've been contemplating whether to actually allow myself to do this or not, and I've decided I would. I just miss hanging out with my friends back home and playing some games together when we do get to hang out. I've made it clear that my main issue is staying away from gaming content more than playing video games throughout my detox, so I think this is ok for me. HOWEVER, I've decided if this causes my cravings for binge watching gaming content to surge, I will explain to my friends what I've been going through with this gaming detox and avoid hanging out with them at least till the 90 days is up.

That's insane man! Great work! you deserve it man :)

Hope all is well. Best of luck man!

Day 31: 8.13.19 New personal record! After making that post, I surfed through GQ for a while, just reading random posts. I came across some inspiring posts, but nothing to alleviate the cravings. Then I saw a post of someone on day 60-70 saying he'd broken his personal record. I forgot then that in three days, I would reach my personal record. Afterwards, I ended up just sitting on my couch for a whole hour doing nothing. I just sat there drinking another beer while dealing with thoughts. I kept thinking about relapsing, but the time allowed me to evaluate the consequences of my actions. In the end, I knew I would be crushed to let myself down, especially since I was so close to my personal record. I'd come too far and worked to hard for this. It would have been detrimental to my new mentality. Regardless, I still felt like going upstairs to my room with my laptop and at least binge watching some gaming content. I was positive that I'd relapse if I went to my room with my laptop, so I decided to stay downstairs. So I drank a few more cans of beer and ended up passing out on the couch. It's not the best solution, but hey, I didn't relapse ? 1/3 of the way there! The experience has been life changing so far. Can't wait for what's to come.

This sounds like something I can get on board with. I need to start doing this ASAP. I used to work out in the morning, but haven't been in the position to for the last month and have been saying I'd exercise in the afternoon instead. I think morning workouts are the only way for me to go. I never really take stretching seriously, but it's been on my mind as of late. I feel like this would be a therapeutic activity for me before going to sleep. Thank you for bringing this to my attention. Podcasts are next on the list. For years I've wanted to get into more podcasts, but I've neglected this as well. Reading, I'll get to eventually. This has been like a life time struggle for me to implement into my daily routine, but it needs to happen. If I can build that into my life, it would be such a game changer. I just can't figure out how really to enjoy it. When I try to before bed, it always feels too forced.

Day 28: Really hoping for some encouragement right now. Got through 8/10 days no computer in my room. It's past midnight and I feel like I'm gonna relapse with this, 'no computer in room' goal though. This week has been real weird. When I abstain or cut habits out of my life, I get depressed, have terrible negative self talk, and experience high levels of stress, but I'm experiencing something completely different now. For probably the last 3 or 4 days, I've just been incredibly angry at night. Just filled with total rage. I'm not an angry person either. Never have been. Even with gaming, I very rarely got upset. I've had a few minor phases of being an angry gamer, but for the majority I've had my anger under control. For all aspects of life too, not just gaming. I seriously don't know what it is. Probably a part of the detox. I've been drinking every night with people for the last 4 nights, which when saying out loud sounds like, "duhh, this is why you're feeling angry" but this has never been the case with drinking either. I'm either a friendly drunk, or a depressed drunk. Not even ONCE have I gotten angry while drinking. I don't know man... This is all just very new for me and I don't know how to deal with it. Today's been the worst day cravings wise in my detox by far. By far. It hit me out of nowhere. I've barely had any need to game for over two weeks, but this unexplainable anger just came out of nowhere and I just feel like giving in. I don't know what else would calm me down. Maybe I wont game, but this goal where I don't bring my computer to my room to control my internet addiction feels like its about to go out the window. I made a deal with myself 8 days ago saying I'd reset my entire gaming addiction if i brought my computer to my room at all. I really wish I could take that back now. Feel like going on a binge for the next 4 hours. This all sounds so pathetic, but that's just how it is right now. I don't know... I made a post less than 24 hours ago how we're molded by the decisions we make in difficult moments and how sometimes things go by so fast we don't realize when those difficult moments are so we give in without even realizing. Well, this is definitely one of those difficult moments for me and I feel like giving in. Its so worthless and hypocritical, but I just don't really give a fuck about what I was saying yesterday now that I'm in that moment. Guess I'll end my post, sit down for a few minutes and decide what to do then.

Day 27: No computer in room day 7/10 Great day today! Had a lot of awesome things happen today. Suddenly felt down in the afternoon. Spent the rest of the afternoon feeling pretty crappy, but that happens you know. This doesn't mean I had a bad afternoon though! I felt down and depressed, but I was able to take control of the emotion and the moment just by recognizing it. Ups and downs happen all the time and I'm going to face a million more of both. I've got to learn to be grateful for the sad and painful moments in life since they're the best opportunities to grow. Every time a moment like this came along in the past, I always had that moment of internal conflict where I'd chose either to give in a do a destructive activity like game, or really do something about it. I always lost these battles in the past, but I've been winning more lately. I've started to notice how impactful this exact moment always is in my life. It's really what molds us all as people. I know what I'm saying sounds stupid since all I'm really saying is, 'I need to make the right decision in tough moments.' Of course! Simply put, that really is all I'm saying, but I think it's important to say this out loud just to remind myself that it's the case every now and then. Sometimes these moments fly by so fast I don't recognize it's happening. All of a sudden I'm back home on my laptop wasting my afternoon again and I don't know how I got there again. Sometimes the rest of your life is happening so fast that you autopilot through these moments. It's hard to catch at times the smaller moments that lead to your smaller but deadly habits. I don't even know what I'm saying anymore haha. Just ramblin. I just wanted to remind myself to be grateful for the good and bad. I've got a great life and great people around me. This gaming detox has been painful for me, but it's a chance to really turn my life around. I think the end result will be more empowering than anything I've ever done for myself.

Welcome brother! Congratulations on your first post and step towards real change. I also never spoke about my addiction to anyone before writing my first post on these forums. I was always too ashamed to admit to my problem. I made an account just to get everything I've always wanted to say off my chest. Just admitting out loud that I have a gaming problem took so much weight off my back. I hope that first post did that same for you. What you did takes a lot of courage! Best of luck with your detox ?