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Ikar

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Everything posted by Ikar

  1. Ikar

    Ikar's Diary

    Day 9: In the morning, I watched ep. 6 of the WWII documentary while I was eating breakfast (I noticed I've watched ep. 3 twice according to the diary!). I had two job interviews, both involved English and I think I left a good impression on both of them. However I felt a bit anxious on the second one, because I literally set it up an hour before it happened, because I happened to be nearby. I became more anxious as I was going home, so my main objective was to not crash the car! I came home fine, became self-aware, watched Cam's video on Escapism, acknowledged my anxiety and got over it. It's sometimes funny how a bit of uncertainty about youself (like if the interviewer was happy with my English, as if I didn't know already that I'm good at it!) can spiral out further (I wasn't sure if I could get down to work on project 3, because I had to teach later on and I had "only" three hours until then). I managed to sit down on it and get some progress in in the end. After that, I taught beginners and worked on project 3, as per the rule, "Due tomorrow? Do tomorrow!" ?
  2. Hi Sapuverell! Welcome to the club ?
  3. Ikar

    Ikar's Diary

    Day 8: In the morning, I watched ep. 4 of the documentary while I was eating breakfast. I like doing that, as I eat slowly and I don't need to pay 100% attention to the documentary. Afterwards I finished school project number 2, which took longer than expected but it's done and gone! Brother came for lunch and then we hanged out on the playground with basketball, had a good time even though it was dreary outside. After that, I got my hair cut, read up something more on addiction, conflict avoidance and went on working on school project number 3. I got some decent progress in and I'm happy with it. Feeling worn out, but again, another good day down for the count. Turns out life is busy even without playing games and watching streams for 12 hours a day ?
  4. I agree that the negative spiral of regret doesn't really lead you anywhere. Accepting the past as it was, something that's over, can be difficult sometimes, especially when there's other people involved. As for myself, I've never thought of all the time I "lost". Right now, I rather worry about my relationships with others, as my digital escapism had to leave a mark on them. I let them know that I'm entering a new and better phase of my life and that they, too, have something to look forward from my side! ?
  5. Ikar

    Ikar's Diary

    So that'd be my first week. I feel that my initial hype from quitting is over. However, I am feeling steady with my decision and I know it was a good one. I notice I sometimes escape into YouTube, chat or something else, but I rather spend 3-4 hours into them than 13-14 hours into gaming. Those activities still give me at least some feedback, as I mostly watch some GQ-related stuff. I can supervise them a lot better as well, because I'm very aware of this idea in myself and in others, so I generally just slack for half an hour and get back to work. Overall, I am very content with my progress so far and I am not afraid to tackle anything that needs tackling.
  6. Ikar

    Ikar's Diary

    Day 7: In the morning, I watched ep. 3 of the documentary while I was eating breakfast. After that, I reacted to some emails regarding jobs again and searched a bit myself. I started out on one of the projects slowly. Afternoon I spent socializing, holding a conversation in English IRL. Later on, I had my mom help me out on the project (as she's an expert in the field), watched Simpsons and right now I'm discussing my Iceland venture with another friend. A day well spent. I wanted to work out, but it was raining outside! I think I'll have to step up on the project, I will get both of them done tomorrow, as it should be calmer!
  7. Hey everyone! I was wondering about this for a while. I'm on day 7 and breaking out of gaming and watching streams was a very liberating experience and freed up nearly 90% of my time that I can shift somewhere else in my life. I think I'll be still running around for a few days like a headless chicken just repairing the structures of goals that I've neglected, but I'm confident none of them will come crashing down. I'm seeing a little bit of the ancient "fight or flight" reaction in this. Imagine you have a close friend/family member who indulges in gaming, social media, alcohol, you name it, quitting on them would feel horrible and obviously you don't want to lose them. I feel like the two common "answers" to this issue is either patronizing "Just look at me dumbo, I don't game, so why should you!" or just giving up on doing anything actively, leaving it up to a chance. I think leading by example works nicely, but inspiring an alcoholic by a former gamer might feel too distant to the addict. How would you help them out? How to help others "internalize"? Feel free to link videos and resources regarding this. Thanks for all the comments and insights!
  8. Ikar

    Ikar's Diary

    Day 6: In the morning, I took too long to on the project and didn't actually finish it, however there's still enough time during the weekend to pick up the slack. The school today went alright and I returned home in the evening, a bit later than expected too. I tried to shoot a video for my (ex)girl, as I was ready to have a presentation about my addiction at school, however I was only partly successful making it. I watched ep. 3 of the documentary. I'm feeling rather bewildered about the day as a whole, but I can laugh at it! I plan on staying home tomorrow and getting stuff done during the weekend, so that should work out fine for me!
  9. Ikar

    Ikar's Diary

    Thanks! Truth to be told, plans have been on my mind for months, maybe even years. If something was a REALLY good idea, I wrote it down somewhere for future reference. Future is now! Go ahead ?
  10. Ikar

    Ikar's Diary

    To start off, I have to admit my productivity on my priorities is through the roof. Boredom or feeling burnt-out are a thing of the past. I also find I am more actionable on spontaneous ideas or ideas I get from other people. Less of them get done "later" (read never). Now I am almost afraid of running out of things to do! Day 5: In the morning, I got up, checked around the forums, took a bath. I mostly just fooled around, but I did send out some emails regarding job applications. In the afternoon, I cycled to my grandma and stayed there for a few hours, confiding myself about my addiction. After that, I proceeded with job applications both locally and to Iceland. I sent out. A lot. I think the total might be around 60. In the evening, I just watched some Simpsons, mostly just relaxing. I watered the plants and sent some pictures of them to my (ex)girl. Right now, I'm just winding down preparing to watch ep. 2 of the documentary while eating. Oddly enough, I did hardly anything towards my school projects. I'll get one of them done in the morning, it shouldn't take more than an hour, but I feel I need to chill somehow for the day. Feeling content with how this day went!
  11. Ikar

    Ikar's Diary

    I missed reporting in the evening, because for basically the whole day I had a headache. I'm not a fan of painkillers, because then I'm not "sharp". Day 4: In the morning, I worked on the basic outline on school project 1 (building). I made a short school project 2 (presentation). I also prepared for English teaching. My filler activity would be watching YT videos, either TED or GQ. In the afternoon, I went to a job fair and I was able to get two or three interesting propositions and separately got more offers to teach English, I'll look into these today. Then I went to teach English. In the evening, I still had a headache, so I just watched some Simpsons, talked to mom and called it night at about 2000. Despite the fact I had a headache the whole day, I still got all I wanted done, 8/10.
  12. Hi Person! Good work for stepping up ?
  13. Hi ElectroNugget! Keep up the good work. As a future businessman (that's what I plan to do on Sunday) who wants to teach English on his own rather than as an employee, I can spot a big rift between my knowledge and "Average Joe's" one in the language and even then, I think my English is ways from flawless. So I guess it might sometimes come down to selling my "product" to someone who doesn't yet know they need it! As for art, I have no idea what the business model looks like. Surely enough, there are successful artists in the field, as there are successful English teachers. Keep trying!
  14. Oddly enough, my English is where it's at thanks to gaming and related activities. Probably one of the very few good things about it. As for slacking on other activities, depends on how you prioritize. Better prioritization comes with time, as you plan your days more and more, you make better assessment on how much time you spend doing things. I prefer not to overwhelm myself, so I don't end up lying in bed, paralyzed by stress. Airsoft was actually one of the things I thought in the past as well and I think I even did it once, great suggestion! Good idea with the dollar for masturbating too often! I think my wardrobe could use some new clothes too...
  15. Hi Dahankus! Talking to people well will come naturally, all that's needed is a hobby, passion and a community! Myself, as I consider my English pretty damn good, I teach English. Having that base confidence in my skill, it helps me stand up, present the topic and engage my students in a conversation! I'm introverted by nature, but when I teach, I HAVE TO be extroverted and be the first one to initiate and be the first one to help out if a student is lost.
  16. Ikar

    Ikar's Diary

    Day 3: In the morning I did groceries. Then I had to make a call regarding my school project and regarding my temporary post job. School call went fine. I've been basically fired from my temporary post job as I've made it possibly more temporary than they had planned. I decided to take it like a man and not make a big deal out of it, as I know precisely why it happened. I really couldn't give two damns about it. If I said I was gonna show up on Tuesday, I showed up on Tuesday. Main thing was that before, I felt bad because of stealing time from gaming to steal time from schoolwork/personal development. Didn't feel bad from stealing my jobtime however, as that kind of work didn't really interest me. My job as English teacher is still ongoing however and I enjoy it very much! After the call, I went on a little bit of a panic mode and sought jobs both at home and on Iceland, both to decent effect. Afterwards, I prepared for English teaching, one TED talk and a few notes. I also worked out after about 9 months, reading some 4HB beforehand and sent a few videos of me working out to my (ex)girl, as I knew she'd be happy for me (and also because INSTANT GRATIFICATION, there, I wrote it). After that, I went on teaching. In the evening, I talked with mom, showed her the "Game Over" documentary, so I could introduce her to my new situation. After that, I watched the documentary as planned. Feeling thoroughly tired from the workout; in my book, this day was a solid 8/10. I noticed myself trying to fret three times during the day. Before job call, after job call and before workout. Realizing there's no gaming to run back to helped me stay on track, losing a few minutes to pick myself up compared to giving up a few hours gaming/watching streams with uncertain effect. Overall, today went just as planned! I even did more than I had planned! ?
  17. Good! Hope it works out for you and you'll do something you like. You make a great point with this: Exactly this, I have the same objective.
  18. Ikar

    Journal

    Nice! Half a month without all this digital content is worth the admiration! Even the masturbation, if it was your addiction too!
  19. Ikar

    Ikar's Diary

    Thanks for sharing the experience! I can relate to that, so that's why I am keeping a schedule, or just a list of activities to do. I'm not really a fan of schedules, but to live my life as I want it, it seems necessary, as my ability to do anything else than gaming/watching streams was heavily paralyzed. After all, a regular person spends 8 hours a day at work - also according to schedule. So yes, gaming is the first challenge but turning computer time to something else goes hand-to-hand in my case!
  20. As a former memer who had his own FB page dedicated to making fun of his former university, I agree that this thread is so good and yet so bad at the same time! Already got a Morpheus in here, but who cares. I also saw a bit of Matrix yesterday before seeing this thread, coincidence? I think not!
  21. Hi TtWA! To start off, I read your story in Introduction, as well the whole diary and damn, some of the metaphors you use are powerful. Here are my thoughts: As for ghosting and not being "present"; there's a great book by Eckhart Tolle called "The Power of Now", I think Cam himself might've mentioned it in his videos. It's available online in pdf as well. Reason I am writing this is it was actually my (ex)girl who gave it to me, even though at that time she was already thinking my case was lost. I can't say I understood most the book, I can't say I understood even half the book, but it gets you thinking in the correct way. Working out is great, I'll do it tomorrow for the first time after a long hiatus too! My (ex)girl tried to get me into it after I quit the army, but I just spent too much time gaming and watching Twitch. I had the wrong mindset, took it personally as an attack on my manhood and justified it by the fact I'm not gonna do it just because SHE wants; more so, when she doesn't work out herself! Second flaw I had was with my mindset. I desperately struggled to get an hour or two outside of my computer, instead of questioning the fact I daily spent literally 16 hours on a day off there. Since I ask the better question now, gaming and Twitch is the first thing to go, but my second goal is to cut down on computer time itself. Today, after I started yesterday, I got enough enough courage to contact my (ex)girl way ahead of time since the ex-com we were having for a few weeks. She's been my single most important achievement in the past year. She showed me her support and I am grateful for that. I'm unsure if we'll get back together, but I'll be seeing her in June, so she'll be able to compare whether all this was just talking or acting. Talking (and writing) is one thing, doing a whole damn different other thing! You seem to be keen on joining the army, but as a former soldier myself (maybe a future one too, who knows, but not until I graduate from the university), I ask you one thing: do NOT underestimate the # of people serving solely for the paycheck (and paid gym time). Make sure you're not wasting your potential there, stuck in the 9-5. Put meaning into your work and try to make your passion do the work for you. Going into the army won't automatically make you a better person. This is my army experience from the CZ army, being an "ordinary" soldier. Feel free to PM me, if you wish to know more about my experience there. As a last point, here's a great TED talk I stumbled upon a few days ago. I tried to dodge it by the title, but after several dodges I gave it a go and it's great and his presentation screens are super easy to follow and apply.
  22. Ikar

    Ikar's Diary

    Day 1 addendum: I was mostly studying Cam's YT content, got on the forums and commented Cam's YT content. I was on Twitch a little bit too. After lunch, I went for a walk around the village with my dad. After that, grandma came in the afternoon for a barbecue. In the evening I watched some Simpsons. I thought of some activities to fill... uh, basically my whole day. Scheduling seems like a good idea, having already good experience from one of my exam terms on the university. Day 2: Studying some more of Cam's YT content, I decided to perma-block Twitch. I also decided to order a book from university's library he recommended in a reaction on my comment. I also removed all of my Discord servers, except mine, where I would get notified when a streamer went live on Twitch. Contacted several people on Discord regarding my Twitch absence to inform people, in case they ask if I died or what's wrong with me. Brother came over for lunch and I also played Scrabble with my mom. What a nerd I am! During the day, I noticed some anxiety and more sweating than usual. After a few weeks of no communication, I decided to inform my girl of my decision to drastically transform 95% of the free time I have. During the conversation (and after sending her my journal I wrote ever since we separated), I felt supremely anxious, I even wanted to cry and relapse... but in the end, she told me she still likes me and that she would support me and I could feel tears of joy immediately running down my face! 1 day at a time, 1-2 main objective(s) at a time, and a few optional ones. Rest of the day will be used to celebrate the achievements that truly matter and relaxation. Sometimes more of a thought-map rather than a schedule, I'll make sure to collect all the ideas I have scattered throughout my room, on desktop and in my head. Schedule: Tue: ICELAND JOBSEEKING + school project setup, basketball/workout, watch a WWII documentary world at war ep. 1 Wed: LOCAL JOBSEEKING (event) + school project finish, read some 4HB from Ferriss Thu: WORKDAY SCHOOL PROJECT 1&2 + visit grandma Fri: SCHOOLDAY (pick up books from library) + walk outside TBD: Sat: drum? get good morning/evening routines? Sun: find out more to start own ENG business?
  23. Hey goodbill! I empathize with you on a personal level, as my girl had to persist my gamer identity for quite some time. I told her (and myself, even before I got to know her) I would do things like working out, reading and educating myself more. Unsurprisingly, after several smaller red flags she gave me (that I failed to recognize as the beginning of the end, as my social IQ is probably horrible due to my gaming past), she snapped and said she wouldn't like to see me anymore. I failed to acknowledge even that fact for a while, but eventually this ongoing ex-com we're having really got me thinking about my time usage. I'm not doing this to impress her and to have her back (which would still be awesome), but to inspire myself to chase passions I'm after. Glad to have you on the same boat!
  24. Ikar

    Ikar's Diary

    Hi Taichi, welcome to my logs, thanks for the support! I might be a genius, but it's not gonna be any good if I don't use it! The "0/12" concept I came up with came to me after watching Cam's video on "mindlessly browsing the Internet"; I don't want to replace one devil with another and I need to fill this time with something sensible. Point is to use the computer as my servant, not my master. 100 days is awesome, great work! I'm already slightly nervous, as I know this isn't a week on holidays, when I knew I'd be coming home and continue living like before. By the way, are you OK with spending 8 hours a day on YT, or not? It's great you're feeling a lot better nowadays!
  25. Ikar

    Ikar's Diary

    Hello goodbill, thanks for your post! Indeed, those several attempts at breaking away from gaming during the years are a good proof to get away. In the past, I experienced this weird attitude, where if I had to travel or wait somewhere for a longer period of time, I was happy I could just take a book with me, as I knew that would be highly unlikely if I was just at home. I think that also points in the way of the addiction. To not make everything black and white however, I owe my English capabilities to the time spent on the Internet. I decided to block Twitch as well. My point is not instead of 6/6 hours gaming/watching to have a 0/12 scenario, start massively watching YT or see whole series in a few days. I think I'd like to make an IRL stream explaining what's going on, but I'll see about that. My attempts at moderation have not been as successful as I would've imagined. I have the resources to do without spending half my day on gaming and gaming related content.