1 hour ago, Talby said:

The problem I have with the tone and nature of it is that the more I get out and about again, the more I see gaming less as a hobby and more like watching TV, just a way of passing time without actually learning anything. So when somebody recommends people use their free time... It's like our national broadcaster just asked some kid to write an article which ended up being "Omg all the time to gamezzz..." and then stuck it on their home page. Grr. Made me angry. 

The reason I never liked watching series or even YT videos was that it was too passive, compared to gaming or Twitch. The latter two can have a surprising amount of social interaction tied to them. Tied to that, a self-sufficient and relatively famous streamer actually has a life outside of streaming with a healthy social circle around him.

Just now, BooksandTrees said:

The one in your bio.

Oh, that's just my blog. I didn't post anything for quite a while now, but I have an article half-way there. I was writing about a different website 🙂

3 hours ago, BooksandTrees said:

Website looks more easy to read than last time. What are your plans for its design in the future?

I'm a bit confused, because I am not sure if I mentioned my website here and it's not in English. Which one are you referring to?

Day 335:

I commented on here a bit, read, went for a walk and did shopping, got Duolingo done, got my website up in a way I can present it already and cleaned my room. I'm gonna play chess in the evening.

6 hours ago, ceponatia said:

The Expanse is my jam. Best sci-fi in a loooong time. 

 

5 hours ago, Phoenixking said:

Thought the exact same thing as soon as he mentioned it. 

Having just finished the first series, I actually did get a bit paranoid after coming back to the real world...

This thread should be in the "Troll the Community" section, not the "Ask the Community" 🙂

19 hours ago, Talby said:

I'm worried that people who do have control and aren't addicted might just end up gaming for hours because they have nothing to stop them, then struggle to make the transition back to everyday life after weeks at home used to not having any routines.

Honestly, I am not sure if most people actually have this kind of control over their lives. I think that if they had, what you are describing wouldn't happen. I'd even argue the weakness of the whole system as it is is that once we turn 6, we are forced to spend an increasing time at school and later on at work. But except for a few people, nobody makes that decision consciously. I think part of being a true adult is being able to redirect those 40, 50 or even 60 hours of extra waking time towards something meaningful, but also reasonably fun, even if you didn't ask for them. Survive and adapt!

Day 334:

I did Duolingo, worked out, worked on my web, read, watched "The Expanse" and played a 2v2 football. Good day.

9 hours ago, ceponatia said:

I have a pretty horrifying memory from the last year I was still actively drinking. My garage had become infested with mice and one day while drunk I killed a couple of them rather brutally. I won't go into detail. I'm not that kind of person though, so now thinking about what I'd done just haunts my memories. I'm like you, I don't think we should just arbitrarily kill something just because it's near our home but on the other hand you're right... wild mice are not healthy to have in your home so I think in that situation humanely exterminating them is the right thing to do. But I'm the kind of person who doesn't kill house spiders, too. Lol.

Morality is just words. It's just a set of standards we've all decided is the right way to live... but these days none of us can even agree what those are anymore. Do what you have to do but treat other people and creatures with dignity when you can, I say. 🙂 If I do have to kill something, I can at least do it quickly.

I think a well-thrown object might do the trick with mice as well. Although I never did it on my own and until the end, I have experience with terminating pigs. It doesn't haunt me, I think have a nature to withstand these things. I actually think spiders are cool 😄

Agreed on the second paragraph, just try to do our best!

9 hours ago, ceponatia said:

Lockdowns are kind of insane to me. From what I've read, the only way this virus is "going away" is once we develop herd immunity. But doesn't it delay herd immunity if we're only catching it in small bursts? IDK... I'm not a doctor and I try not to speculate. The way it's being handled in my community is waaay different from the rest of the world, it seems. The only thing that's really happened here is restaurants can only serve carry out food for the time being. For the most part it's still life as usual. A lot of people are being given the option to work from home but that's not going to happen for me... I suppose it makes sense that if the government employees stop working, there's nobody left to tell everybody else what they need to be doing. Lol.

The idea is that nobody has immunity for it yet and letting everyone have the virus at the same would be destabilizing not only from the medical perspective, but from the economical too. Though I think you are right on that we will eventually have "herd immunity" as the end-goal of this.

Day 333:

Today I got into a series called "The Expanse", did Duolingo, got (back) on OKC and Tinder after approximately 6 month hiatus, worked on my web, played chess and chatted with one of the guys and took a walk in the evening.

---

I'm gonna try to reorganize myself for tomorrow. I think the mid-day workout was crucial for me, as I like to start my days off lazy (writing here, reading, eating, Duolingo etc.), then work out, eat (have lunch), take a shower and then I'm ready to roll by mid-day/early afternoon. There's quite a large sparsely forested area I will go to meditate/exercise/walk starting tomorrow that's largely devoid of people. I can also go shopping on my way back. Sitting on my ass all day makes me do nothing all day.

Day 332:

I watched a video about the climate change and its implications for my country, did the groceries, Duolingo, finished reading the article about "nuclear family", worked on my web, watched a lighthearted improvisation show with a philosophical overreach about the current situation, wrote on my blog and went outside for a walk. I didn't work out, since the gym at the dorms is closed since today. I'll start using my expander tomorrow and will try to seek some public workout playgrounds outside.

---

I have to admit that the current situation is difficult for me. Therefore, I'm convinced there is a lesson in it. Not because I could get ill, but because I can't be social as much as I would normally be. I'm gonna give my social life a thought.

My social life has transformed slowly. From the beginnings of confiding to my family members, through living together with my coworkers in Iceland, teaching English after my return and finally moving to the dorms in the city center. Each step brought me closer together with other people in the society. It even got to the point of me writing this earlier today:

21 hours ago, Ikar said:

I actually wanted to write some people yesterday, yet I felt weird as to why would I write them if I normally meet them. I actually got myself into a point where I do not want to write with people I meet regularly, because the interactions are so much better in person.

Currently, there are two guys I am aware of that I know at the dorms; the rest of the students went home, except some of the Erasmus ones. I could technically go home to live with my parents for a few weeks, but they already had flu/cold when I visited them over the weekend for lunch. I don't have my car since Friday either, because I put it into the pain shop and I'm not sure when is it going to be finished, otherwise I'd probably go a circle grandma-blood donation-brother and then headed back home with the notion of day well spent.

Quote

I also got the thought of getting back on the dating apps again, because I have to spend more time inside... but then I realized I'd need to go outside into the ghost city even if I managed to set-up a date :V

though I actually find that idea appealing, I like the atmosphere of some unconstrained danger being out there

it gives me stability and courage

I do not like being locked down because of it though :V

 

Quote

but really, my biggest worry in all this is that I want to go out and talk to people, but I can't do it as much as I'd want to :V

there are actually some quarantined villages in the country and I remember a fragment of a dream that I was actually in that area

I also thought I'd go to the army regional headquarters that I'd volunteer in case they needed me somehow

and while I think sowing respirators is admirable and all, it's just not dangerous/adventurous enough for me

I'm a wild breed I guess

I wrote the above quotes to my friend yesterday afternoon. I afterwards decided to sign up for volunteering in my area in case anyone in the higher-risk groups needs to get their shopping done or babysit their kids, just to make sure I channel my energy in a constructive way.

4 hours ago, DaBest said:

Fathers can be weird with stuff like doling out compliments and even simply saying "I love you" to their kids. My dad only ever really complimented me on my schoolwork and on how smart I was. I offhand mentioned something to my mother the other day about him and how I don't understand his general behavior, and then she began to tell me of how he apparently doesn't shut up about how wonderful I am when I'm not around. It's really strange. Your dad is probably proud of you, but too afraid (or something else) to say it. I feel like most people don't say stuff like that to people in general anyway, but maybe that's just because I'm a horrible person 🙂

Same. I think when I was about 10 and I was on a solo vacation with my dad for a week, at some point, he told me "I love you" and gave me a pat on the back. I was so bewildered by that I just gave him a scared/confused look and said "What the hell?". It just wasn't something I would've expected from him, maybe because I didn't get to see him that often back then.

When we get to talk nowadays, it's mostly about our progress in our lives, so we talk about what we did the past week. I know I can rely on him to get something done, because he's a man of action, and he can count on me in the same way. He has this primary way of showing affection.

7 hours ago, Erik2.0 said:

The 5 love languages is pretty good stuff for relationships. But it's not really going to help you that much with finding a date.

It's alright, NMMNG isn't explicitly about where to find a date either.

7 hours ago, Erik2.0 said:

Speaking of dating. I think I'm too depressed and otherwise neurotic to be dating. I am down to read books on the subject, but I don't think I'm ready to be putting myself out there much at all. Even if I did I wouldn't know where to go to try to meet people.

That's OK as well. I sometimes enjoy just watching people in groups or pairs interact with each other. Unless you start going to bars, you are probably meeting your future dates via work and hobbies. You have to choose the right venues for yourself, but you can obviously try new ones if you feel that something has sparked your interest.

@BooksandTrees It's alright. We are going to adjust for a couple of weeks. I actually wanted to write some people yesterday, yet I felt weird as to why would I write them if I normally meet them. I actually got myself into a point where I do not want to write with people I meet regularly, because the interactions are so much better in person.

@Alexanderle I can attest to that relationship situation. I didn't get it back then, but anything longer than ONS spent together needs space, because there is dozen other things that (should) make "you" besides the relationship. I'm going to enjoy it once I get one again, though I hope it won't be as obsessive and compulsive as the last one!

Day 331:

I went to a job interview to work on a summer camp, but halfway on my way there they called me that it's cancelled, because of the even more restrictive quarantine issued by the government. I was on my bike, so I took the opportunity to stay outside for a bit longer and cycled around a bit, as I just got my bike here and I do not know the bike routes here yet.

I then read and laid in bed in a state of vigilance. I did German in Russian on Duolingo and sorted out mails. I had a good arm workout and I also did squats for the first time, although it was fairly easy, since my legs were always strong. I read a part of a long article on family, messed around with my web and cooked dinner.

I also felt bored during the day. I think I need a bit of time to re-adjust to the newfound situation of being less social than before. I'll figure something out.

---

It is a year since my ex and I split up. While it sucked in the moment (or a few weeks), it led to a chain of events where I understood as to why the relationship ended in the way it did and where I reconsidered the very axioms of how I go about my life. That eventually brought me here about a month later. I'm grateful for that realization.

Spoiler

I'm gonna keep on working out even after I start having sex again!

 

13 hours ago, Alexanderle said:

Some time ago, I made a list of goals, with everything I wanted to do. The interesting thing is that after doing that, I was not more efficient or more motivated. I just realized minutes ago that ever since that moment I am struggling a bit. This is interesting, because I was expecting to function even better. I was hearing it in a video that I should make this list with all my goals, what I would like to do. I even set dates, when I wanted to have something achieved. I came to realize that this is bullshit. The only thing it creates, is tension, because you are really trying, not do fail and put pressure on yourself. When I look back at my diet, I never did something like that. I never did something like: "In three months I have lost x pounds of fat". Never! Instead, I just did good stuff and results came. I also never paid attention to something like: "I will not game for 30 days". It just happened, because I focused on something else instead. So why trying it right now for painting and language learning for example? That does not make sense; it actually took the fun away a bit. So, I deleted the list and started to do some research. This article in particular is really interesting regarding goal setting, having a different perspectives that most coaches that goal setting can hurt you. 

I think there are two good ideas that go with this. First one is to honestly watch yourself, just writing down what you did. Binged on a series for three hours? Good. Worked out really hard for an hour? Good. That way you know where you're at. The second one is that you are already doing what you want at any given moment. There is just the argument whether you are doing it in the best possible way known to you, because your e.g. need for accomplishment can be fulfilled in an infinity of ways.

13 hours ago, Alexanderle said:

Why am I doing it? Realistically, I want to learn to draw, because I like to show other people my skill with it. I am not really doing it for myself. I am also learning those languages in order to connect better with other people and try to impress them. So, while this is not a negative thing and quite comparable with my motivations for weight loss (impress women etc.) that particular motivation was way deeper. For instance, I lost weight to feel better, I did it to get confident, I did it to like myself, to look in the mirror and enjoy, what I see. I did it to get momentum, which turned out to be the best decision of my life. So even though I don't like to admit it: Doing something like painting or language learning just to impress people is not enough. Having goals and clear "how to do"-  plans are also not enough. A good "why" is the most important thing.

I think any motivation to get you started is a good one, whether you e.g. work out to genuinely try to improve your health or to "just" impress girls. It's hard to tell what your majority motivation is before you actually get to the point where it's no longer valid. So maybe you find a girl and you quit working out. The bad news is afterwards you played a trick on her, because a chunk of you she fell for is not there anymore. I'd argue the best way to avert that is to discipline oneself go to the gym every day regardless, but I understand if everybody doesn't have time to do that 😄

7 hours ago, Erik2.0 said:

@Ikar Hey, I just finished The Way of the superior man. It was actually pretty good. In hindsight I was on a ton of substances when I was trying to read it before. I was REALLY messed up on substances at the time. It's mostly just a book on how to love your woman and embrace your divine masculine self. It lays out all the facets of masculine and feminine sides of self. Then challenges you to embody them in your relationship. I like how he talks about trying to help your lover get into a better mood if they're in a bad mood. Honestly my favorite reading on relationships so far has been The 5 Love Languages. I use them all the time to love my mom better. She wants acts of service and I'll be like give me words of affirmation I'll move the boxes for your acts of service. It goes well.

I remember I did a test named "The 5 Love Languages" some 18 months ago, but I think the landscape shifted on me so radically afterwards that the results I got from it are not valid anymore, much like the MBTI testing. I guess there is a test inside the book as well?

7 hours ago, Erik2.0 said:

I'm probably going to give Models and Mr. Nice guy another try. They're so well renowned even @Cam Adair recommended that I read them for finding a girlfriend/friends. I know it's partially the schizoaffective disorder (shizophrenia/depression) messing with me when I feel unable to read them. It's like I feel like after I read them I become 'evil' or 'mean' and I'm not as able to be nice and patient with other people. It was kind of scary to see myself act like that so I didn't get past the second chapters. Still maybe I'll press on...again.

I can confirm both the books are not actively trying to pursue you to become mean or evil 😄 All they do is to remind you to put yourself first, however it's sometimes not obvious what is the best way to do that. I think Peterson once hypothesized that, if it was a choice, losing mom or losing an arm both take a part of "you", but it's hard to tell which loss is "bigger", so sacrificing your arm for your mom might be actually putting yourself first.

I also want to point out that @BooksandTrees posted a great reply, at least in my eyes.

Day 330:

I read, did Duolingo, worked out, planned events for the next week, took a walk and went to the groceries. I also got my website up, even if it took me a while to get a handle on the registration, FTP server and whatnot. I went to play chess and talked with one guy I know on the dorms in the evening.

7 hours ago, Erik2.0 said:

I'm trying to delve into the dating, marriage, love and relationships literature. If you guys have any resources to recommend for me they are much appreciated. I'm looks at the books Attached and Getting the love you want right now. I got the way of the superior man on my hoopla, but I think I already tried that book and didn't like it. I tend not to like a lot of books, but I keep trying new ones because eventually I find something I can read.

Why didn't you like the "Way of the Superior Man"? I didn't read it myself, so I can't comment on it.

I read "Models: Attract Women through Honestly" by Manson and "No More Mr Nice Guy" by Glover and I like both of them, because they are not books about dating but books about life change, even if I don't follow them to the letter. They're both online somewhere.

7 hours ago, Erik2.0 said:

I think after going to Christian group I just sort of realized people weren't trying to be as 'holy' as I was so I kind of felt a need to develop real world wisdom on dating and relationships. I thought I could just find a girl who was into Jesus like me and raise a Christian family together. But it seems like there's more to dating than just a mutual interest in Christianity. There's like this whole game of being the attractive one to them somehow. I don't like games especially the romantic kind. I wish people could just be straightforward about this sort of thing. But, I dunno maybe some relationship advice could help me out. 

For whatever reason, this paragraph strikes me as written by someone who tries to be "too much in their head". We're animals too. We can get addicted, we want sex, food, water and sleep, regardless of what our conscious will wants. If you require your partner to be as "hardcore" into Christianity or "holy", you have to know it's a fairly exclusive condition and that it's going to take some time to find someone like that.

I think people are not intentionally trying to be confusing about dating, but it just takes a lot of time/effort to figure the compatibility out. You can have a good conversation with a girl and you might not see her again afterwards. There's just so many variables to dating and relationships that rationality or logic or memory (all that is based on the emotional core anyway) has limited usefulness and it's used in a different way; i.e. noticing a girl has a new haircut or picking up some branch of the conversation you got into the last time, but didn't have time to explore it as much as you wanted to. If you like a girl, you just "know" it - you don't need to write a paper as to why you like her.

Day 329:

I got up early, cooked, looked into some SEO, read, visited my family and had a jamming session with me on drums and two other guys on guitars. I also cycled about 20 kilometers.

Day 328:

Yesterday we had quite the party, as it was the last one that could be legally held for the next several weeks. Going out thrice in three days in such a passion was quite the feat. Cold approaches, connecting with people and having fun - I did all of that. Now I am going to work on myself again in the upcoming days.

I took a walk outside, took my car to the paint shop, had a light workout, read "The Red and the Black" and caught up with the GQ forum too. I did all that even though I felt hungover after yesterday and catching up on sleep during the day.

These days I am especially grateful for my stalwart mindset and my ability to detach and also that I do not take myself too seriously. I even saw some sensible-looking posts on FB with people expressing gratitude for this newfound situation, so they could find time to go out into the nature, work out or meet the people closest to them. Life's good after all.

14 hours ago, James Good said:

All flights were shut down to China, we have temperature checks and alcohol gel at the entrance of every mall and club, free masks were being given out everywhere almost instantly, testing kits were implemented incredibly fast, and people here are much more cautious in general when it comes to disease prevention. It's very much a collective hive mind way of thinking in Asian countries, everyone is part of the same system. Whereas in somewhere like America, it's very much a "'I only care about my family so f*** you".

 

11 hours ago, Alexanderle said:

Regarding the difference of mentalitiy of Asia and America that is not really a surprise, as western countries are said to be individualistic societies, while eastern countries have a collectivistic mentality. Learned this in my studies.

I guess another example that nicely demonstrates this was when there was Cold War, the socialist countries had their conscripts and supplies at the ready at all times, whereas the FGR's soldiers had their 40 hour workweeks and weekends off. Different worlds.

9 hours ago, Alexanderle said:

So, what is going on in my life. Not really much to say. Attending lectures is going alright. The more I do it, the less anxiety I feel. It really is like Jordan Peterson said in a lecture: It is not that the situation becomes less "dangerous" it is you becoming stronger.

Peterson's lectures were very important at the beginning of my detox. It's true that he "only" puts the ideas of great philosophers into modern language, but I am of the opinion that most of how should one go about their lives in a good way is out there anyway.

9 hours ago, Alexanderle said:

Just my image in the mirror in the evening is, what gives me my confidence. And I am continue to feed my mental strength with it. I am able to also use the power for other areas in my life, so I can be happy with that.

I started noticing this with myself as well. I am working out consistently for 10 weeks and I look better than before. I guess men can care about how they look as well! 😄

On 3/12/2020 at 7:52 PM, Empathy said:

Day 327 looks like more than 24 hours! How have you made it?

Eventually, there was just too much evidence piled up that gaming was hurting me in more ways than it was helping me. Once I understood that, it wasn't too difficult for me to stay away.