NEW VIDEO: I Quit MMOs and THIS Happened
Ikar
-
Posts
1,692 -
Joined
-
Last visited
Posts posted by Ikar
-
-
4 hours ago, BooksandTrees said:
I know that the correct thing to do is go out and socialize and maybe meet someone similar to her. I clearly have no issues talking to women so if I inserted myself into correct situations I'd inevitably meet someone of her caliber attractiveness or more.
Great! I recently met a guy who enjoys being in and studying social situations to the core and we seem to agree on the fundamentals of approaching women and psychology of dating. It's been inspiring to hang out with him so far, because I always felt a bit anxious/lazy to get myself more involved in social situations around women.
-
2
-
-
Day 271:
I had a slow and lazy day, although I worked out, visited my grandma and tried to sort some things out regarding my car. I also posted a new blog article.
-
2
-
-
9 hours ago, Amphibian220 said:
Does employment offer better pay conditions than freelance work Ikar? Wish you luck in getting the job.
Is teaching english your main practice area or is this temporary?
I think the only comparable alternative to what I am doing is being an English teacher on state schools, but I'd need a uni diploma for that and I'm at least 3 years away from that. It would probably pay around the same, plus I'd have to deal with other things besides teaching. Since I study already, I don't even want a "normal" job. It's a hobby for me at this point and my university studies are unrelated to it.
Thanks for the wishes!
-
Day 270:
Day 3/3 of the interviews. I had a Skype interview in the morning that went well, although I prefer personal ones.
The afternoon one was very interesting. I certainly proved my English is great and they mentioned that. But at one point, I got (at that point unconsciously) crept out at the implied level of cooperation they seemed to have with other language schools in the area. They said they wanted references from the schools themselves (not from me or people I actually taught?). I dug in afterwards and didn't tell them anything else regarding the topic, they likely took it as if I am untrustworthy (or not a "player") and rejected me.
I feel that as a freelancer, I am not obliged to give detailed info about my other ongoing employments, be it references from the "middle man" (what they said they wanted) or pay (what I thought they wanted). Could there be some kind of an oligopoly going on in the area, to keep the non-organized masses of lecturers on low pay? Or am I just paranoid? Maybe a bit of both. I'd like to escape the mire of language schools, but I have to make a name for myself first... What a war.
I finished reading Gulag Archipelago. What a book it was. I think Chapter IV from volume I and the whole second part from volume II were the ones that impressed me the most. I also went for a jog.
-
1
-
-
9 hours ago, seriousjay said:
Reading that was really challenging for me. For the last year or so I've been constantly told that I need to be the confident, aggressive man that pushes things along. I need to touch her confidently. I need to just go for it. None of it ever sounded or felt right to me. It just wasn't me. That isn't to say I'm not confident, but I never identified with the typical role of a male in a courtship. I've mostly just been telling myself that I guess I just need to suck it up and do the uncomfortable until it becomes comfortable.
I don't know you, but it's better if you know yourself instead! As for confidence/anxiety (extroversion/neuroticism), it's decided even before any touch takes place; if you are in a place with new women, do you walk up to them to talk to them or vice versa? How often do you meet new women? Grabbing a woman by her hand and dragging her somewhere within an hour of meeting her doesn't necessarily mean success, as they make it out to be in the articles you are reading. As long as you do your actions to get the results you want, it's fine.
9 hours ago, ceponatia said:"Am I going to be alone forever?" etc. Sadly, as I've gotten older the "Am I going to be alone forever" bit is starting to have some truth to it... mainly because single women my age aren't exactly prizes. Again, sounds mean, but I'm just being honest. Funny enough I've even had that "maybe I should just become one of those 'alpha males'" thought but it's not really something we can just decide to be, unfortunately.
9 hours ago, seriousjay said:I refuse to subscribe to the belief however that single women my age aren't prizes. I mean, I know I'm a really awesome person and I'm single, so there's bound to be women who have gone through a similar path in life. Or they've moved on from a bad relationship themselves. Etc.
I agree with Jay on this one, just because if "women of my age aren't exactly prizes", you blame the women and absolve yourself of the responsibility to ever date one again. I would even argue it is easier for a man in his 40s to land a date than for a man in his 20s, assuming they have the same skill-set/personality/competence level, just because the age is a indicator of maturity, even if only a physical one.
-
On 1/14/2020 at 4:04 AM, BooksandTrees said:
Sounds like me and my parents. A lot of people on this forum struggle with their parents a bit.
I like what Cam regarding the topic of parents. He took extreme ownership of the fact that he was addicted to games and said that your parents want you to succeed (similarly to their level, but preferably a bit better, though it's hard for them to help us achieve better than they did, if they don't have the tools for it) and survive (live). I agree it's the best thing to do consciously, because actively blaming someone else for not having the life you want is pathetic.
The unconscious does not like that at all though, because if I started gaming excessively when I was 12, I think most people would agree it was my parents' responsibility to spot that and remedy the situation. When I started taking more responsibility for myself, I eventually got my act together (as far as gaming goes) when I was 21. It took almost a decade and I think the time I spent away from home up until that point helped me get the experience to kick gaming.
-
1
-
-
Day 269:
Day 2/3 of the interviews. The one in the morning was strange. It seemed like the woman interviewing was afraid to talk with me in English directly and unless I misunderstood, the price they offered me was almost a half of what I wanted. It seemed like a firm for low-cost tutoring though, rather than a language school. The one in the afternoon was a bit different, as I am negotiating a pay raise and my contract with them ended at the end of the last year. Since they wanted feedback from the companies I taught at, to see if I deserved the raise, I told them I am OK waiting for now until they investigate this. What a war this is!
Other than that, I managed to work out and meet up in a café in the evening with one of the guys I met yesterday. I'm looking forward towards having more free time tomorrow.
-
3
-
-
Day 268:
Day 1/3 of the interviews. The one in the morning was fairly short and perhaps because of that lukewarm. The other one around noon was way better, perhaps because I had to show a short illustrative lesson and my interviewer seemed quite excited by encountering me. We'll see.
I ate and read a bit afterwards. There's two more chapters of Gulag Archipelago volume III remaining, so I should be done with it this week.
I went to the English Scrabble tournament afterwards. There were four of us in the end and I won, probably because I am the biggest nerd and I played a lot at home with mom! Three of us hung around afterwards, went for a beer and chatted throughout the evening.
-
3
-
-
I use social media as a phone book for the most part. In the (unlikely) case I need to get in touch with someone, I can do so and so can they, generally in order to meet up in person. I actually think most people use it this way. Myself, I've also been using FB to scan for local events I might be interested in and to search for places I might be interested in visiting with others.
I agree on the points made by all three of you, if I got them correctly - nobody is overly interested in me on social media, writing me every day (and I think that's good), it's a hub for the minority of attention seekers that decide to use SM as their platform (that I don't care about) and a place of adverts (which is useless, if you are not using SM to actively search for something in particular like I am).
-
8 hours ago, ElectroNugget said:
Good luck with the job interviews! What kinds of jobs are you looking for? 🙂
Thanks! I am looking for English classes I could lead as a lecturer.
-
1
-
-
Day 267:
I read in the morning, wrote here on GQ and put a few hours into both my blog article that I will finalize and post tomorrow, as well as the illustrative English lesson, as I have scheduled a couple of job interviews this week. Together with a workout, that took up my whole day.
-
1
-
-
Good luck on Monday!
I understand the fact that if your only social outlet is your job/school, then it gets old fast. Even if it doesn't and you manage to be passionate about all of it, then you are extremely vulnerable if it for whatever reason goes sideways. The other thing is that they are voluntarily compulsory - either you want the degree or the money and you can't get either if you don't perform anything in that particular direction. Social hobbies do not have that compulsory element. You go and do something you want with people who want to do the same. I have a couple of social hobbies and it's great.
-
1
-
-
5 hours ago, BooksandTrees said:
I thought this was an interesting approach to recovering from a binge session. People on here have been trying to recover from a dopamine binge like I have from porn and I think this is reasonable.
I just did day 1 which was grocery shopping and laundry.
It's a nice video. I do not think I am conscious of rewarding myself on a regular basis, although when I feel like it, I have no issue just sitting or lying on my bed, relaxing, thinking and recharging. It's okay to sometimes do nothing without the feeling of guilt.
-
1
-
-
Day 266:
I read, visited my parents and wrote a lot, both in my blog and on another forum. I decided to skip the workout today.
-
1
-
-
Day 265:
I studied, took a nap, took the exam, read, wrote a big of my next article for the blog and worked out in the evening.
-
1
-
-
8 minutes ago, Erik2.0 said:
Sounds interesting. Is it like a history of money in an area?
I guess it could be described as such, since there is a lot of modern history as context for understanding today's situation. I like the overlap between geography and history.
-
9 hours ago, Erik2.0 said:
I’m glad to hear your class made you feel better. What level of school and major are you?
I'm currently an undergraduate in economic geography.
-
1
-
-
Day 264:
I read, worked out, got through mails and studied. I have several job interviews lined up the next week and (if I end up passing the test tomorrow) no tests, so that works out well. I also went outside to an English conversation class, because I feel out of whack both English-wise and socially. It recharged me and it felt great.
-
1 hour ago, BooksandTrees said:
Oh! For everyone struggling with waking up in the mornings and hitting snooze or sleeping in, I found a solution this week.
I've been sleeping in later and later and using that as my "me time", but it stresses me out because then I'm showing up later for work and staying late, etc. My solution is that I set my alarm later than the initial alarm, but not as late as the amount of snoozes I've been doing. I then sit up instead of laying down, wrap up in blankets, get cozy, and either read, look around my room, or watch a funny video for 15 minutes and relax. It's made my mornings much better.
I was waking up at 7 and snoozing til 8:30. Now I wake up at 8, sit down for 15 minutes, and get breakfast at 8:15 and leave for work.
Interesting solution! How do you deal with getting up on weekends/days off? Do you do the same?
-
@BooksandTrees I actually had a morning with clear vision today. It was pretty great!
Day 263:
I feel I need to give myself credit for how diverse and well-rounded my days have become. I read for an hour here, work out for another hour there, give my blog a thought for half an hour... honestly, it's great. The downside is I am unable to cram in enough hours of studying for exams during the day, because I have all these other useful activities I don't want to give up. Considering I got myself from 0 to 3 hours of studying for exams a day within a week is impressive. I just need to strike the right balance and feel good about it.
-
1
-
-
29 minutes ago, Amphibian220 said:
Ikar, after my fifth meeting and a number of telephone conversations, I started feeling my potential spouses values and cultural background. I actually asked my sister to propose to her on my behalf and she accepted immediately.
. I think anybody that gets anxiety issues with the secular way, should try out this conventional approach because it works bery well and removes pressure a lot.
Some pre-requisites: the trusted friend must be good socially, ethically and you must feel at home in his presence. He can be older or younger than you. He must be proactive and engaging. You can talk about all of your concerns with him beforehand.
I went with my sister once and she was very good at this. I went with a male friend at another time but found him to be less proactive.
Great! I'd have never thought of this approach. I am 22 but I am not as anxious as I thought I was when I was gaming. As long as the event I am attending has some agenda I'm into, I don't have troubles socializing. It can be a gym, a punk concert, an English evening, whatever. Demographics are important when it comes to dating. Walking into a course of Japanese language without any interest in it would make me feel like an idiot and rightly so.
I understand one needs a good friend to do this with, because he literally represents a part of you and what you value. Personally, I found out that improving my relationship with men and improving my relationship with women go hand in hand.
-
@seriousjay From what you wrote, it does seem you have anxiety well entrenched in your life and it just happened to manifest in this scenario. I don't know what you've been through in life, but it seems like you indeed have severe anxiety. Spiraling from "a girl didn't write me back" -> "I won't have a partner in my life" is pretty brutal. Your feelings might not be your fault, but they are your responsibility. If you think you need a psychologist/dating coach to help you out in these areas, then by all means do it.
@Amphibian220 What a quirky way to meet women! How did that work out for you?
-
Day 262:
I did my Duolingo, worked on the weekly/monthly reports, cleared my email, scanned for local events, visited my grandma, read and worked out.
It'd all be perfect, only if I didn't I get up about 2 hours later than I set my alarm for. I did all these tasks above and decided I'd rather get caught up in them than to study for the exam on Friday. The mornings are the roughest part of the day.
-
2
-
-
4 minutes ago, Amphibian220 said:
Its very funny and peculiar to me that a person from the western hemesphere chose to learn Russian and then read Архипелаг Гулаг by Solzhenytzin.
What the heck, have you got a Russian connection Ikar?
Haha, I got this idea 2,5 years ago and decided to stick with it, but I am at the point where I would just blurt out some basic sentences. I got to read Solzhenitsyn way later. I like Slavic women though, it just so happened all the Slavic nations got a taste of socialism and the mentality of it for long years after. It's difficult.
-
2
-
TheNewMe2.0's Journal - A Better Life
in Daily Journals
Posted
@Alexanderle Great post! I'm glad I got to remind myself the some of the basics of self-care and attitude towards failure after reading your post.
@Erik2.0 If you can, try to find other like-minded individuals who share your interest, in order to ease your anxiety in that particular area, even if you are both just starting out. It can be drawing, working out or going out, whatever, but once you team up with somebody else, you gain extra incentive to do these things again and not back down. I find this especially effective if you already have some kind of a foothold in the area on your own (i.e. working out, but irregularly or reading about social skills, but not going out enough), rather than conjuring up a plan to be great in something you have never done before.