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About AlexC

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  1. Journal #8 Approaching new hobbies has revealed some things about myself. I was not able to study or practice my real interests when my daily goal was to surpass other players in games. This created emotions such as self-loathing, hopelessness, lust, and anxiety and depression. Being completely engrossed in gaming achievements I did not see how I could progress from starting new with other hobbies. I am learning from my own experiences, but I don't think sharing them with others will always influence in the same way. There's are reason why we experience first-hand. And while this defines us, I find we should stay open to our new selves. Just as we change our clothes when they are to small or unfit, what we do now will ever change. Alex
  2. Light can be seen as knowledge, and ignorance as darkness. Naturally light will illuminate a dark place. Find what you need to stay in the detox, try new things; your choices have impacts on not only yourself but also others. Open your heart and let it guide you as a lighthouse shows passage for ships which are blinded by the night. Our support is with you all the way.
  3. "To escape/ignore and not process the situation I feel at that moment", could you share your reason for why you try to escape from the present? My apologies if I misunderstood although it seems your problem was left unchecked. I agree with you, meditation does invoke mindfulness, also awareness.
  4. Journal #7 A steady recovery. A few bumps shook me, but it's just the road I'm on. I wonder to what it connects? Reading the Mahabharata. I try to make sense of my dreams, don't think to hard. Learning new things by exploring. Drinking lots of water. The present seems foggy. Will recollect my thoughts and reaccess the situation. Open arms. Balance. Alex
  5. Journal #6 I don't need to forget the past, rather use it to remind me how I am and where I am today. So many things have layers to them and cover the inside. I want to bring out the inside and let It guide me forward. I'm grateful for those who see past the layers and identify with what is pure. I'm grateful for this community and the founder Cam Adair. I am grateful for myself for staying honest and trying to help others, even when it seemed hopeless. I am grateful god is watching our journey back to him. Alex "And it can be as simple as it seems If you never doubt yourself and learn from everything you see" - Nipsey Hussle, Who Detached Us
  6. Journal Writings #5 Inspired from others in the forum. Easy to forget all things will pass on, especially struggle. Reading other journals clearly displayed emotion; despair, frustration and solitude appeared often. It is difficult to steer a clouded mind. The mind is a tool to utilize. Meditation greatly expanded my vision and brought me into the moment. Loss of willpower. Another symptom from withdrawal. I'll stay aloof, the itch will pass. Reminded often from my mistakes. Grateful for a constructive mindset. Peaceful. In the moment. Detach, Alex
  7. Journal Writings #4 I don't want to play games. There are things I want to do but somehow my hands are already full. Being constantly engaged is draining, although different than drained from gaming. Tired and little time to pursue my goals. May have taken more obligations than I can manage. Will I go back to gaming if I left this behind? I know I have in the past. Now what's keeping me going is faith I will become stronger and learn principles. I confess that my advancement in the program's lessons is declining. The desire to play games has switched, I am grateful for this. I will still continue. My doubts and contentment may just be another symptom of withdrawal. Continue reading the book. Don't stop now when you think its ok. There are reasons why the author added so many pages. Entering deeper water. The ground goes past my reach and I'm left with my head as a guide. Now I must use this freed body as a tool to take me across; where too? I don't know. Commit, Alex
  8. Journal Writings #3 I have realized no matter where you are there is a path to pursue. Sometimes It comes from within or someone/something else is bringing you in closer to theirs. Without pausing life I have to revaluate my position constantly and ask "who am I". I want to live my own path but where has it brought me? A tree and I am just a branch. I need to follow the other branches to absorb the sunlight and grow. What about the trunk? What are we all connected to that supplies us life? I need to question advice. I feel a current flow yet I'm pushing against it. I am tired, maybe I am stubborn. Today I struggled to put into words this condition I am escaping when a colleague asked my plans for the future. I told him frankly I have bad habits and they are being resolved. Then explained the details, and just so happened he shared a similar history. Truly I didn't expect this, real life words expressing failure which finally resonated with me. I had long thought problems were only seriously happening to me and everyone else had their own version. I will begin trying to realize what are the people, why are they here. Not just myself. Come together, Alex
  9. Journal Writings #2 Today was a success. I am grateful for the pull from the desire to play; once I made it through I had built confidence to continue the next steps in the program. While I was writing ideas for activities I remembered time spent in early years, having much fun and energy away from screens. I remember finding new friends and places to go. From my reminiscence a song came to mind and I've been learning how to perform on keyboard. Never have I learnt something so quickly while I was being entertained by video games. From this experience I recall a quote which went something like this: "Obstacles are a blessing when you can turn them around into boosts that aid your advancement". By providence I've been reminded of a lesson, I am happy. So happy. Once more, I am happy. Best regards to who ever may read this, Alex
  10. I have faith in this program so I will start a journal, writing down my thoughts as instructed in the beginning steps of the process (module 1). Note to the reader: I have little experience starting and maintaining journals so any feedback/ advice is warmly welcome. Time to grow up. I’m almost 18. Now is the time to take advantage of the change which will move my placement in life. I am going to aim for positive placements. I won’t let video games hold me from using my intelligence and intuition to make decisions. 3 days ago I took action and signed up a program which will help me with my struggles in gaming addiction. I know by sharing my feelings/thoughts/experiences I will gain new insights, and compassion for others in similar positions. I want to receive and give support. Determined, Alex