BooksandTrees

This is a lot of information and it shows how much you're dealing with at the moment. It's a lot of pressure to restructure your life, beliefs, friend circle, hobbies, etc. I was in your same position last year around this time probably around page 8 or 9 of my journal. I was filled with conflicting emotions of hatred, anger, deception, wanting better friends, wanting better hobbies, regret, feeling alone from my family, disappointed in people around me and disappointed with myself. It's chaotic to feel this way. My advice to you is allow yourself to blow off steam and then accept yourself and focus on your future. You are doing the right thing removing these friends from your life. I lost all of my friends from professional gaming and all of my friends from my discord communities. They all abandoned me after I quit gaming. I view them as vegetable people in a coma who can't understand anything I am saying. It's not worth spending any time whatsoever trying to be friends with them. You were a friend of theirs in their suffering and escapism (playing games) and now that you're gone from their world you're gone entirely. They're not real friends. It sounds like you were just their sounding board so they didn't feel alone and didn't care about what you had to say to them about yourself. You're going to meet friends along the way on your new journey. It's just going to take some time. Every few days or even a few hours during this rough patch of game recovery you're going to flare up with emotions such as sadness or loneliness. The human body reacts to these emotions with anger sometimes. Remember to allow yourself to blow off steam. One of my favorite ways to deal with these emotions is listening to songs like "Give 'Em Hell, Kid" by My Chemical Romance in the car and just scream the words. It could be any song. Headbang, smash your seats, go nuts and let yourself lose the pent up frustration. You might not even be angry, but just frustrated and tense with the situation. It's fine. You're reacting the right way so don't ever judge yourself. You made a strong realization. I mentioned in a previous post that you'll be seeing the world differently now and for the rest of your life as long as you are gone from video games. Don't just take the next year to work on you. Take the rest of your life to work on you. You deserve it and you're a fucking champion. Nobody gets in your way and nobody else matters until you're ready for that. You got this.

Need to talk?

Today I'm 58 weeks away from video games. I'm spending the day with my friend working on some hobbies. I think this is what I wanted for a little bit. I'm going to pack the rest of this week and just try to get through everything. I'm very frustrated that I have to move. It's one of those funny things when people ask me why I'm never happy with where I'm living or why don't I buy anything or decorate? Because I'm never in a permanent spot. Everything I do is always temporary. I'm ashamed that I even bought a couch for this fucking apartment. Now it has to be moved out in only 5 months. Moving so often is a burden because you don't enjoy the possessions you own. You feel like they're a burden to you. You start to hate everything around you. You know the moment you feel comfortable it will be all over and you have to start over again. It's not even worth feeling comfortable where you are in life. This kind of mindset has its repercussions obviously, like constantly pushing forward and never being in the present. This makes you feel like time is flying by and your life passes through you faster than normal. Time is constant, but your perception of time can make your life longer or shorter than others. I hope to one day make my days be longer and enjoy them. I already have the next 6 months locked away to settling back into my old apartment, studying on and off for my exam, taking the exam, and then either getting a roommate or moving again. There's no time in those 6 months to date because I don't want to be emotionally involved with someone during this crucial moment in my life. They're just going to distract me and be selfish. I don't have time. My exam preparation is an 8 hour class each weekend for 2 months straight. There's no way I find a woman who understands that and doesn't try to use it against me that I'm not spending time with her. I don't trust it at all. Even if she was fine, my own distrust towards other women makes me paranoid enough to worry about it when it's not even happening. For my own sanity, I need to remain single while I'm studying. I will make no attempt to find someone until summer. Let's see how this goes!

I'm going to move back to my old apartment. I miss it a lot. I'm tired of being motion sick here. It prevents me from doing any hobbies in my apartment. I just get dizzy and try to lay down on the couch. Then i just watch porn to clear my mind and relax until I sleep. I haven't been doing anything in my apartment because of this. I'm constantly tired, dizzy, nauseous, and frustrated. I'll have 5 months to find a roommate after this. If not, I know I'll find a new place and be a survivor. I always survive. I refuse to lose and will not. I'm also getting very interested in animation again. I realized I didn't enjoy doing the hockey content. I think I just want to animate and stop trying to do these crazy big projects until I'm skilled enough and know that I enjoy it. I was doing hockey content because it required less work and I was stressed. I just want to create funny things and be funny. Time to stop lying to myself. Goals for the upcoming year: Move back to my old apartment Study for the exam if my application gets accepted Pass the exam or apply again Stick to my exercise and hobbies Give animation a real chance Quit porn Continue to make friends and maybe it leads to a girlfriend Relax more and stop having to be on the move or change. This year is too difficult and it cannot be sustained. I'm losing my sanity For some reason this song comes to mind:

Our emotions go in waves. I think you did the right thing by complaining about the pay. Jobs can be wonderful, but if you don't see a reward for your efforts then it's time to fight back. If it continues further then it's time to move on. You're putting so much effort into work and enjoying it. When something goes wrong at work it is natural to detach yourself from it due to anger as a self-defense mechanism. When you detach you feel more lonely, especially if work is the biggest part of your life (no wife, kids, etc.). I think going to the seminar was smart because it reinforced things you already found to be true (confidence builder) and you got things out of it that you were specifically looking for with asking questions. The sex thing is tough. I'm going to write a scenario below. If I say the word "you" or "we" it's more of a noun to categorize the general population of men in our situation: If you look at it strictly with biology glasses, males are meant to search for females to mate with to reproduce. We search for certain features because they're indicators that the baby will have better chances of survival. Then you'll want to hunt and gather for food and resources and then protect them. My point with this reference is in today's society sometimes the women at those clubs wear clothes which highlight those features you're looking for and internally you want to interact with them. The issue is that you can be rejected by them or see that maybe that crowd of women from the clubs aren't the ones who want to settle down and start a long term, committed relationship immediately. You're not looking for a fling either. So you meet someone in a non-club setting and they surprise you with their kindness, dialogue, intellect, and sense of person. You get the feeling they'd want something long term, then they wear something that you've coveted, but associated with something you've built hostility towards. It can be conflicting. It's unfair to label groups of people in human society, no matter the situation, but all animals group other animals into dangerous, neutral, or friendly. It's a survival instinct. Even with non-animate objects "I ate bad broccoli and now I hate all vegetables". I wouldn't beat yourself up over judging that group of club goers. Everyone on this forum does it with different groups and situations. If I were you I would think about what brings the negative connotations to the club girls from you? Why are they highlighted as different than other women? Is it something where you are very attracted to them, but unhappy with them as well? I'd think about that because it might actually help you better understand what kinds of women you're actually attracted to and if there are women out there like that. I'm not saying go after looks either, but I'm just asking yourself to combine positive and negative traits from different kinds of women both physically, mentally, and emotionally. Sorry for being long-winded and if my example does not apply don't worry about it. It was just some sort of brainstorm I had from the quote and previous stories you had told.

Happy Thanksgiving everyone! I'm very thankful to have the support of this forum and that I've been able to make connections with people online to help me grow as a person. I visited this apartment and it was terrible. Very disgusting on the inside and needed lots of work. It's kind of frustrating to deal with. Here's an interesting twist, though: I asked my former landlord for her permission to use her as a reference because I might be moving again. She told me that she'd let me live alone in my former apartment from December to May because of how difficult it is to rent out in the winter and she trusts me as a tenant. This is huge. I absolutely loved that apartment. I found that apartment in 2016 and messaged her multiple times and somehow got the lease. It is a 3 bedroom house on a lake in a beautiful town. It's 10 minutes from my office. I love the community and loved living there more than any place I've ever lived. The only reason I moved out was my two roommates. I was having issues living with them that I've noted in previous posts. I thought maybe I could move home and save money to buy a house, but living at home drove me insane as noted in previous pages as well. I could live here alone and potentially find another roommate to split the rent in April. I'd love to live here for another couple years if possible. I miss it so much. The dilemma is do I really want to leave this apartment I'm in now? I don't hate it here. It's absolutely beautiful with new amenities, a great management staff, it's quiet *so far*, and utilities are not expensive at all as it's extremely efficient. The negatives to living here is that I'm in a city that's extremely dangerous. I don't leave my apartment unless I go shopping in another town or go to work. There's lots of gangs here, drug addicts, homeless, etc. It's not safe to walk around as you get mugged easily. Not to mention the biggest issue: building vibrations. The building vibrates sometimes when the heat or air conditioning turns on. It makes me motion sick. If I'm even slightly stressed out I can't phase out the vibrations and start to freak out and get dizzy. Others have complained about it and it's difficult to live with. It doesn't happen every night. It's just maybe 1/3 to 1/2 the month that it happens. Cost Comparison: Current Apartment: $1700 rent $300 in utilities/cable/renter's insurance/bills 30 miles from work = gas every 5 days at $30 per tank Former Apartment: $1500 rent $300 in utilities and bills 5 miles from work = gas every 15 or so days, sometimes 20 days at $30 per tank need to find a roommate in May as rent will increase to $2500 or more I'm enjoying living alone, but I miss living with a friend as well. I don't think I'd want 2 people living with me, but maybe 1 works. Any thoughts from you all? It seems obvious to choose my old one. My question is, am I being hasty?

Therapy has been the staple of my recovery. I'm glad you're enjoying it and growing.

What are you ordering?

Thank you for the replies. I am having a much better day and appreciate the well wishes. So I have some interesting news to update everyone with regarding my living situation. It turns out that multiple people are now complaining about this issue. I was given the following options: $500 credit towards my rent (I pay $1,680) so it's not even a third of my rent for 5 months of disturbance off and on. $500 towards movers who can move me into a new apartment unit within my building. Break my lease without penalty ($6,720 fee typically) and move to a new apartment. I was given 3 apartment options to view. I viewed all 3 and they all vibrated. Not happening. I have a tour of a 3 floor condo tomorrow that is 1,300 square feet and only $1475 per month. I'd save almost $2,500 in rent each year and have a shorter commute so I'd save $3,000 and have more space with nobody living above or below me. Only one neighbor in the end unit. I'm going to try and get this apartment. It's 2 bedrooms and has a basement and a washer and dryer in it. There's also 3 decks and a yard with the woods nearby. In other news, I woke up at 5:45 AM and did a full workout. I had a much better day. I'm still "behind" on work, but at this point I am almost done with this last project so I'm confident and also not super stressed about that.

You got this. One obstacle at a time until the marathon ends. Sometimes it's a long marathon and other times it's not. You have good references and a good mindset.

"Good Will Hunting" was filmed 30 minutes from where I live! Great movie. I also randomly listened to that podcast. I listened to episode 14 about porn. I found it helpful.

Today I overcame some disappointment and made the day better. A strong improvement from yesterday. I couldn't sleep due to vibrations and wanted to watch porn to clear my mind and feel better from the stress of being tired. I didn't. I got out of bed, walked around, and read some stuff for a while until I fell back asleep. I then was about to get angry after waking up late and "wasting" my day off again, but I didn't. I made breakfast/lunch, cleaned my apartment, started my laundry, and drank water. I then spent 2 hours creating a weekly exercise routine. I make many excuses for not exercising, but most of them are just from poor self confidence, embarrassment from being in the public and potentially messing up, and being alone in public with anxiety. I am going to stick to routines which take no longer than 45 minutes per day. I attempted this in the past back in February, but failed because I was going there to meet women and my commute was so terrible that I didn't find any improvement in my life. I also got pissed off that the routines kept changing on a daily basis due to the program I was subscribed to. I don't like change. Changing my daily life is tough enough let alone every workout as well. I need something structured and consistent until I feel more comfortable with exercise. I spent a few hours going through old mail, shredding it, sorting it into things I need or don't need, meal prepping, and cleaning more of my apartment. While doing this I listened to @James Good's podcast where he interviewed Gabe Deem about porn addiction. It was very helpful and I'm going to keep trying with quitting porn. I don't feel as overwhelmed now. I think I just want to slowly do hobbies and adjust my schedule over time. My life is not as bad or disastrous as I make it seem when I panic. I think porn and gaming make you want to get instant gratification and seek fast change. This leads to anxiety. I don't have bad issues and want to enjoy my time. Quitting games has helped with this and brain fog, but right now porn is another major detractor for me in that regard.

This is 5 months late, but I never really go in this part of the forums. Sorry to hear about this. What kind of progress and changes have you made since June?

Flex hours is short for flexible hours. It's a structure where you can work whatever time you want, sometimes from home, as long as you get 40 hours per week recorded and you're actually doing your job and getting stuff done. Lots of companies are switching to this instead of mandatory 9 to 5 or 8 to 4. Just make sure your boss knows the hours. Even if it's flexible they still want your general availability for emails and meetings. She got a home within a couple months and it's not part of a weird community. It's an individual home with 3 bedrooms and a small yard. I'd be careful not to get into a slum if you choose that route. I think there's only a select period to apply during the year. Physical therapy is 4 to 5 years of school plus a residency. Counseling requires a bachelor's degree and in most cases a master's degree plus certification for behavioral therapy I believe. Both routes are 4 to 6 years. That could be a long term goal while you're working again. You could find a small gig as an accountant or finance person for part time right now and start putting all of the money away in savings while you're fixing your current situation. Even if it's 10k made in 1 year after taxes you'd still have an extra 10k to fall back on. That could turn into a full time job with flex hours potentially. You could also train to be a yoga instructor part time. It won't be great money and could take your biggest stress reliever and turn it into a job. That might ruin its healing impact for you if not handled right. Sorry for the long post. Just brainstorming and i can't sleep because my floor is shaking from an hvac system error.

Thank you. It's hard times for all of us and hopefully we can overcome and succeed. I feel like my situation would improve if I could buy a home and get to a place where I'm undisturbed by others or structural flaws with my apartment or home. I'm not sleeping well. I think what people say is true about having 3 to 5 close friends for life tops. It's hard to find people in life who match with your style of life and personality. These past few years have really changed my concept of humanity and connection. Something has to work out sometime, right?

That's so cool!

Stay strong. It seems many people are also struggling right now so know you are not alone. The most difficult time for quitting is between 30 and 90 days in my opinion. Willpower only gets people so far. Where you're at is where most people quit and relapse. I can tell from the passion in your words that you're not a quitter this time around. This phase is when people start to realize things in their lives are difficult and they can't escape into gaming or other habits anymore. I think you're doing great getting this far and should be proud of it. Time to harness that passion for yourself. You mentioned letting people down and I sense some regret and shame in your writing. I think you're at the stage of recovery now where it might be best to just sit there and explore these thoughts. Explore why you regret letting people down. Write a list out and read it back to yourself. Does it seem logical to you? This could be a good way to check and see if you're actually being fair to yourself. Sometimes we can only do so much as humans and you're putting a lot of pressure on yourself to not let people or yourself down with procrastination and keeping your word. One thing at a time. Tonight is your thing right now. It's right in front of you. You have a few hours before going to bed. Explore some thoughts, exercise, draw something, prepare a meal for tomorrow, or even singing a few songs and dancing around in your socks on the floor could be fun. Maybe just doing a simple exercise like going from cobra to downward dog in yoga for like 15 minutes. Change your mental environment and if you're feeling cabin fever go for a drive for 30 minutes and come back. I think you're doing great and I know you can get through these next few hours because tomorrow is a different day. Life is ever changing and so are you. 15 minutes from now could be a great time. You got this.

Do you have a picture of the fish you can share?

I also think you need a job of some sort. I think you have too much on your plate right now to learn a trade on your own online. You're going to get distracted by kids and family and it won't work. I think you need some direction from others and a familiar field you can succeed in. Do some research in the finance field on career sites. You can also call companies to ask what their needs are and just have a conversation. These open conversations happen all of the time and they might even ask for your resume. A random call with some planned questions won't hurt you ever. It's how I got my career back after not working. Do your current skills still match current job criteria that companies are looking for? How can you tailor your resume to meet those requirements? I know you can find companies with flex hours that allow you to include your kids in situations. Many of my friends and also my current company do this. Don't just go straight to a financial firm. Maybe you can be the finance/proposal worker for an engineering firm or something different. Don't limit yourself to certain fields. Finance can go anywhere. How many kids do you have and how old are they? Could you get government assistance? My aunt just did that. She works 40 hours a week but is a single mother of two. She applied for a section 8 program that lets her live in a home on her own. They pay half her rent for her. This is a temporary thing that could help you get back on your feet for a few years. After some time in finance again and you solve the issues with your husband and living situation, you could then have the option to explore a new field for a career change if you don't like what you're doing. I think financial independence (even if you get a government assistance) is very important. It's nothing to be ashamed of because you're not the kind of person who is just going to be a loser and sit on it your whole life while you're doing meth in your basement and beating your children. You have potential and having assistance for a few years is necessary sometimes. It's there for a reason so you can get back on your two feet again. There's a reason our taxes get collected. Sometimes you need the help from it and it could provide you with the assistance you need to start walking again so you can run.

Thanks for the responses. I'm just in a very stressed out period for myself and I just need to get through it. There's just a lot on my mind. Today has been a very stressful and depressing day. Nothing is really going right for me. I'm also getting frustrated that my apartment keeps shaking from faulty HVAC stuff. Tired of feeling nauseous for something out of my control. I just want to buy a house somewhere with few neighbors and close to work. I went to drive and meet with friends and got stuck in 3.5 hours of traffic. It made me so angry I just yelled for two hours about my problems until I could barely speak from the voice being weak from yelling. I am very exhausted now. I got a lot out of my system. I took a shower and ate food. I need a plan. Tomorrow I'm going to devise a plan for living life the way I want. I'm good dependent on others for happiness. I need to get back to my old schedule of waking up early. Some things I'm going to experiment with: Sleeping from 10 PM to 6 AM or 9:30 to 5:30 Gym or exercise for 30 minutes each morning Get food allergy tested (I almost died on Tuesday from my throat closing on food I ate and had to go to the hospital) Switch my diet to plant-based only as a vegan and meal prep with new meals Get back into rock climbing Only work 8 hours a day 30 minutes of yoga or stretching or walking after work to clear my mind Try to be more patient with exploring hobbies. I am just getting frustrated with the learning curves so fast into the hobby Only seeing people when I want to see them. I'm tired of doing things I don't like. I'm done with it. Learn about skin moisturizers and taking better care of my skin and hair Take showers after exercising to keep hygiene better Clean my apartment more often Maybe find some sort of goal for myself to achieve physically These are things I'm going to stop doing: watching porn before bed masturbation before bed fixating on things I hate depending on others for my only happiness. I must take pride in my life and appreciate it attempting to date. I can't handle that right now speaking with my family pleasing others instead of pleasing myself worrying about what other people think and my social image in their eyes seen through my thoughts (fake things since they don't care) Using self deprecating humor Going into the city. I need to stand firm with avoiding situations in the city with people and just remain firm when friends want to hang out in the city. They're losers if they like the city in my eyes. That's not my life I can't think of anything else at the moment.

Good job with the no ejaculation. It's very tough to deal with. What happens after? Club scenes can be fun. It's good to put yourself out there. I did this last year and had fun except I didn't enjoy staying up til 4 am to be in that scene so I left. It reminded me of gaming only 300 times more expensive.

Today I'm 57 weeks free from gaming. I've grown very frustrated over the past few weeks. My weekends have been stolen from me and my nights squashed. My life has revolved around work. Not because of work putting too much pressure on me, but because all of my time has been vanquished from my control. I don't eat 3 meals a day anymore. I don't cook anymore. I haven't cooked in 5 weeks. I barely bathe more than once per week. I at least brush my teeth each day. I dislike many people and it festers within me on a minutely basis. People tell me to be more selfish. I hate selfish people. I don't want to become that person who only helps themselves, talks about themselves, cares about themselves, only speaks to you when it's convenient to them. It's funny that I'm told to do this in response to depression and loneliness. I understand why. I try to help others and just get a thank you. I get very little in return. I constantly feel like a pedestrian in every social circle. I hosted a birthday party for myself with my friends last weekend. How depressing it was. I was barely the focal point of conversation. Everyone was awkward not just to me, but everyone at the table. I've noticed how detached all of my friends are. The typical conversation includes shows they watch and travel locations. Very weak for people who've been friends for almost 10 years. My family gets jaded when they reach out to me. I reach out to them and talk and it's just a boring conversation. They never reach out to me. I stop reaching out to them and they don't call or text. I complain to my mother about it after she tells me about drama in the family. I tell her I don't care about them because they don't care about me and never talk to me. A week later I get a phone call at work by my aunt. She leaves a voicemail saying she never knows which nights I'm free to talk because I'm so busy. Meanwhile, I'm at home doing nothing but watching porn and tv alone or trying to regroup for the next day. Even people on this website are frustrating to deal with. I write on like 10 to 30 people's pages. Only less than 5 talk back or post here. It pisses me off when I take 30 minutes to write a post and just get a "like". I just return the favor now. I feel like if you write something heartfelt and you're trying to solve a problem then I should help. So I write a post to help. It's funny when I just get a "like". There are only about 3 people who talk and are genuine that I've met here. But I shouldn't be angry. People are the same no matter where you go. I'm considering leaving this forum. I don't know if it's a waste to be on here anymore. I've actually quit gaming. I think I just post on here because it's an anonymous place to voice my opinions. I get hundreds of views each week on here and maybe 3 responses. Speak up. I also don't want some tough love response to this. I will belittle you more than you've ever been belittled in your life. Any person with common sense knows that I just feel lonely, empty, and a failure. I'm let down and don't love myself. I don't love anything. I hate people, myself, my family, everything. I don't care about hobbies. I don't leave my bed in the morning unless it's for work. I greatly appreciate work now that I know how important it is to me, society, and my colleagues. I cherish it. That's it.

Happiness has kind of turned into a blurred line for me. I can't tell if I'm just tired. I started the week strong and got obliterated by work. I worked 50+ hours again and I've noticed it. I'm angry, getting resentful toward others, holding hate, not sleeping well, etc. I don't have fun at all. It's just been such a stressful year and I think the only month I've been happy has been September maybe. I feel very empty. There's tears coming out of my eyes but I'm not crying. I'm just struggling a bit. I just dislike everyone and everything.

I'm lonely tonight. People see my struggles with society. They know I'm different. I feel different from everyone else. I don't think I'll ever belong or find someone who understands me. I complained to my friends at the bar tonight about stuff and an older woman at the bar next to me said I'm one of the most intriguing people she'd ever met. Said my thoughts on life, people, and situations were unique, but I worry too much and am too negative about relationships both romantic and friendly. It's just another example of how different I feel. She said I think too much to try and understand everything and complemented my friend on not caring about stuff. Like, go fuck yourself, lady. I know I think a lot. I enjoy thinking. I enjoy breaking people down, studying them, analyzing them, and learning about them. It helps me help them and help myself. I've done it since a child when I was analyzing my family and wondering how the fuck I got into such a stupid life with them. I don't know anyone who is better at analyzing others because of it. I know my flaws. It doesn't make it easier to fix them. Just makes me more aware and more frustrated. I haven't met or talked to a single person who thinks as deeply as myself. It bothers me. I try to understand and help others and nobody returns that effort. It bothers me how self absorbed most people are. It makes me think it's not worth talking to people. Some people just repeat the same conversations around me like they totally forget or just want to hear themselves talk instead of talk to someone else. I feel that way about this website as well sometimes. I think I have 25,000 views on this topic and like 2 or 3 people talk to me on here. It's almost a waste writing on other people's forums since only a few actually respond. It's kind of like life. People just want to talk about themselves. I don't mean to be rude. I think I'm just looking for more. I don't like the way I look,I don't like my friends, family, hobbies, lifestyle, diet, sleep schedule, addiction to porn, most women my age I've been meeting, etc. There's nothing I do for fun besides watch hockey. I'm so fucking tired, bored, and empty. Video games gave me purpose and fun outside of work. Now I just watch porn like an asshole and then feel worse. My hobbies? Nothing. I do nothing. I just hate video games and most gamers so much now that I've been able to abstain. Gamers make me sick now. They make me angry. It's because I'm jealous they are playing and I'm not. They share qualities with me that I hate about myself so it angers me. I still feel just as pathetic as I did back then without the brain fog. It's been 58 weeks soon and I have no life still. I complain about the same shit as before and I'm still alone. What's the fucking point? Nothing in life excites me more than masturbation and video games. Tell me that's not pathetic and depressing. I've done a lot with my life professionally with my degrees, career, and intelligence. I don't question that or feel bad about it. It's the only thing I'm proud of and it makes me feel like a respected person. I'm just hollow behind that shell. I used to think people didn't ask how I was doing because I seemed to be in a good place. I think now it's either people don't care or people know I want real answers and problem solving sessions and know I'm a project and don't want to get involved. I thank the small few who speak to me on here. I don't understand how I get thousands of views and read nothing in response. Who is actually reading this? I guess it doesn't matter. I like to journal on here and process my thoughts. I do appreciate the perspective from my friends like @Ikar on here. You are consistent and thoughtful.

Great fucking post. I love to see this. I think you have shown great progress here and it shows. I think the relationship and anxiety changes have been the most interesting so far from your life. I think you've been changing so much about yourself that it's going to take some time to date again. I think we go through so many changes and need to take some time to get to know ourselves truly. Love ourselves truly and really find out what our essence to life is. Once that happens we'll find someone so easily. I just think right now we're changing so much it's too dynamic to sneak someone into this change. It's nice seeing your security and confidence grow and I've appreciated your perspective on your own issues and my issues as well. It's great and I'm proud of the journey you're on. Keep it up.