BooksandTrees

I made a bumble account. I'm gonna try.

What are you doing instead?

I'm wondering if I'll fall into that scenario, but I know they don't really scale this exam so we will see. I don't want to build up hope and have it crushed. I've accepted I am retaking it.

I started watching season 4 of Rick and Morty. It's actually very good so far. I was annoyed by season 3. I'm gonna order that drum set this week. I'm also gonna start reading my book again. I'm going to avoid dating apps because I still think it's dangerous due to covid. Another issue I have is I continue to be desperate for love. I find that I still made simp decisions over the past week to do things for a woman who doesn't view me in the same way I view her. I'm tired of it and moving on. I just think people are manipulative.

I watched Borat 2 today. It was fantastic. I'm starting to feel better. I've drank lots of water and rested. I needed this I think.

I feel like trash today. I was supposed to hike with my friend from work but I had stomach issues all last night and my intestines are still sore now. I had to cancel. I'm sad that I had to cancel. I was really looking forward to this. I just haven't felt well and think I ate something bad.

This is great to hear. Good luck with the new job. I hope it gives you an easier life and better opportunities. Ask that girl out. My biggest regret leaving my old job was not asking a girl out I liked and it stings me to this day. Keep rising.

Today I'm 105 weeks free from gaming. I feel like I'm in sort of a strange place where I have all of this free time now and no motivation. I want to do some hobbies and not treat them like a job or project, but I feel like that's on my mind. I want to make cartoons and write but I don't want to do it several hours a day. I just want to do it here and there, maybe read a book, watch tv, hike, cook, e.t.c I considered online dating again but I had a family member get COVID19 from meeting a woman who was infected. I'm not feeling that. I'll be safe for now. This makes sense too. It's easy to be in a lull after completing a major goal. I'm still tired. I'm hiking with my friend tomorrow and ordering food so I'm looking forward to that. I might order a drum practice pad.

Thanks. I really appreciate it. Hopefully I pass but I doubt it. I just enjoy helping others improve their lives and I'm glad I can have a positive impact. I'm glad we met also.

Welcome back. It's ok to fail. You can thrive. New streaks start whenever we want them to start. You're already on a new one. Maybe the skins on the characters played into an identity thing where you relate to those characters and still feel connected to being a member of that community? Who knows. Take this one step at a time and get some rest. You're tired and it's late.

What a piece of shit. In reality he probably has no way to voice his frustrations in life and you're a safe person to release on because he gets bullied by others all day.

I think we reach a point during recovery where we don't care anymore. You ask yourself what's there even to gain from this fight? You're comfortable and it doesn't matter. You might be stuck in a loop until you realize that you feel better without playing and want to move on.

I was going to watch porn tonight but I got so annoyed by the typical fake orgasm faces in the thumbnails and the dumb recycled plots. I closed the browser and just listened to music instead. I think I just want to keep relaxing.

I haven't really had much to write about recently. My therapy session ended early because nothing was on my mind. I feel a little empty after the exam. I don't wanna jump into hobbies right away and work is still tiring. I think I will utilize this weekend to properly relax.

Hope you're ok after the accident.

I don't think you should feel bad or be so self critical during this process. You're not wrong for being negative. Think about how you would use video games as a crutch to hide from pain and negativity. Without video games you're now acknowledging these emotions for the first time in years and it's a lot to deal with. You have to be comfortable and accept the fact that you're going to be sad, angry, happy, depressed, excited, proud, and a lot more within a matter of weeks after quitting and it lasts a while. I have written some horrible things in my diary, especially during the beginning of 2019 and end of 2018 where it looked like I was a brooding, hate-filled, incel. It happens to all of us. We have to channel our emotions and sift through them in order to get it out of our system. If we don't do it in a healthy way through exercise, journaling, communication, rest, eating healthy, and balance, then we'll do something we regret in life out of pent up, uncontrollable anger. So my advice is to be patient. This seems like the first time you've really had a chance to put your emotions into structured words and paragraphs. You're finally giving yourself thought. You might not like who you are or where you are from, but you can always change who you will be and where you'll go. I advise you to stick through this and be brave enough to struggle for a while. Success is determined by how high we bounce after hitting rock bottom. We hit bottom many times in life. Never let it get you down. You've got goodness and hope inside of you. You're likeable and smart. Keep up the progress.

Thank you for the kind words! I'm really glad I could have a positive impact in your life. I appreciate it.

Good job with your tasks today! Keep it up. Sometimes it takes like 3 weeks to have a schedule change affect us and sometimes it's immediate. Keep it up.

Hooray for anxiety and stress.

I don't understand how nobody else in my apartment complex heard them. Am I that light of a sleeper? They were slamming doors loudly. And their stomping while running was loud enough through the fan in my room. I just don't get how nobody fucking heard anything. The police rang 4 doorbells to notify the people who had their vehicles robbed and only 1 responded. Are people that careless? Fucking morons I tell you. The one lady left her keys and wallet in her car over night unlocked. What the fuck were you thinking?

What a rush! I was trying to sleep and I heard like 5 doors close at like 2:30 in the morning and people running full speed. So I got up and looked out the window and saw two people going through cars in my parking lot and sprinting full blast towards a white car. They took off and drove away. I called the police and helped identify them. The neighboring town pulled them over and they asked if I could come identify them. I gave a positive identification and it allowed them to search the car. They found all of the stolen goods in the car! I helped them catch criminals! I feel very positive about this. I hope I remain safe but I don't think anything will happen in retaliation. I don't think they saw me. We will see. I was just doing what any good citizen would do.

I think this is a much better start to your journal! And you're not a loser. I think something you'll have to work on is appreciating yourself and recognizing how important and valuable you are to the world but to yourself also. At the end of the day we only have ourselves. Treat yourself well and with respect. Take slow strides on this journey and be patient. Do one thing at a time. I couldn't quit porn and gaming at the same time and had to focus on gaming first. Some can do both though. Just experiment and be fair to yourself. You got this.

What does the "days won" mean in our little bio on the left? I've been game free for 2 years and I don't know what 251 days won means. Is that just how many days I've posted? Also, what does the solved thing mean?

No problem. Focus on one thing at a time. I tried quitting like 5 things at once and it backfired. I quit social media and video games and now I have lowered the amount of porn I watch by over 80% and it gets better with time. Then I started eating better and lost 30 lbs over 3 months instead of trying to lose it in 1 month. Just enjoy the moment and slowly do one thing at a time. Over time you will appreciate it.

Thanks guys! I appreciate it and welcome to the community!