BooksandTrees

I fell asleep around 5 and woke up just now. I'm very grateful to brave therapy tonight. I'm very surprised by how much anxiety I have right now. I'm proud that I haven't relapsed. It's crazy after almost 3 years the first thing my mind wanted to do during a panic attack is play runescape. Goes to show those neural pathways remain permanent regardless of my progress. I hope this shows anyone reading that you'll still have to make tough decisions in times of need and that I'm still alive and ok after not playing during hours of panic attacks. Stay strong. Don't fear failure. Love yourself.

I'm psyching myself out to the point of illness. Instead of sleeping I'm panicking over things I haven't studied yet. I'll never take this test again if I fail it. I've tortured myself for years over this. I am done. I've spent the past 4 hours trying to sleep. I've gone through tons of practice problems skimming them. Retaining nothing because it's 4 am. It's like I'm trying to calm myself down because I'm afraid to even look at the problems. I have less fear now. I just need to sleep and start tomorrow.

I'm honestly very annoyed that I could not study today. I still have 11 days til the exam. I just had nothing in me. I craved video games and porn very badly today. Some of my worst cravings in years. But fuck that. I have failed this exam twice and am still alive. Nothing bad happened to me. In fact, I got a new job with a huge raise instead. I'm allowed to fail and have done a good job. Instead of gaming or watching porn, I walked outside, slept inside when I got back, solved a puzzle, listened to music, and watched TV and talked to friends. I am now going to take a shower and just do my best tomorrow since I have the day off. I have 11 days to do these last remaining problems and practice exams. I can do this.

I was not able to study today. I was mentally exhausted and in pain. 11 days til the exam. I'm so tired of this. I really pray I pass. Mentally i wonder if I can ever do this again. But 1 day at a time.

I did another 4 hours today. I wanted to do more but I'm tired mentally. So I've been relaxing. 15 chapters left to go.

I studied 7 hours today. It was tough but I'm proud of myself. I'd like to do something similar tomorrow. 13 days away. About 18 chapters left so about 250 problems to solve and then a few practice exams. I got a week off before the exam too. Here's to praying for miracles.

Thank you! I'm glad I can give people a positive impact.

I'll be 154 weeks free from gaming this weekend. I'm about 2 weeks from my exam now. I haven't been posting as much just because I've been super busy. I love my new job and I've been enjoying the responsibility they've given me. I really see a bright future here. Hope you're all doing well. I haven't really wanted to post in a while since the website has been dying a little but I'm still going strong.

I forgot to mention I went 151 weeks. lol. I'll be 152 weeks tomorrow at least. New job is very fulfilling and exciting. Only problem is I'm exhausted again and having difficulty studying after work. I'm not burned out though. I just think new jobs add a little stress even if it's enjoyable. I might try studying in the morning or something. I just get tired after work.

Welcome to the community!

You might find this post helpful. I wrote it when I reached 500 days. It's how I quit gaming. It's a long read when you're bored.

Studying went really well today. I've done better without eating sugar and with exercise in the morning. I also am relaxing each night with some quiet time just zoning out and listening to music.

Welcome to the forums! I definitely stress the importance of patience on your journey here. Definitely be introspective and research how you crave games and how certain things make you feel. Good luck and don't quit everything at once is my best advice.

This week is 150 weeks free from gaming. I'm also 2 weeks free from porn and am going to commit very seriously to this. I never had a girlfriend before until this year and I'm noticing truths about how porn is bad for you with real life intimacy. It has made me ashamed. I'm committed to quitting now not just for me but for my partner too.

I had my first day off from work today and it was the first day I've had no anxiety in months. I studied and exercised and met a friend. It was a good day.

Be careful calling things failures. You have to be kind to yourself. Call it a slip up or accident or room for improvement. Sometimes a diagnosis helps but it only does so much. I got diagnosed with major depressive disorder and I'm on a 40 mg dosage of prozac. It helps me tremendously.

Today I'm 149 weeks free from gaming. I studied for 7 hours today and meal prepped. I rode the bike for only 10 minutes after exercising and feel a lot better and less burnt out. I think exercise and diet really improves my cognitive abilities. I'll relax tonight and do 8 more hours tomorrow of study and maybe 20 minutes of exercise. I'm down to 190 lbs from 196. It's sad that I was 160 last year but that's depression and stuff. Getting back on track though.

I think you have a good idea on how yo ask for a raise. As long as you're legitimately important and have truly warranted it. Do some research online on websites like glassdoor and indeed to see what people in your job field earn per year as well so you have back up. I think you're figuring out life. I honestly just want a job I enjoy, spend time with my girlfriend, exercise, do a few hobbies, and have some friends who care. You've trimmed the fat of things that deter you and now it's time to hone in on what you need to add. I'd also say be patient because we're always changing and life is long.

Before you quit social media I think you gotta study why it's so important to you. There might be 3 reasons or 5 or 7. Once you have these reasons write them down and figure out a plan to overcome the reasons. Loneliness, instant gratification, progression, reading, escapism, e.t.c.

Thank you. It's honestly a reminder to not give up and keep trying no matter how hard it is to get better. She's ok but won't listen to diet advice so her blood sugar keeps going up to almost 500 which is extremely dangerous. I honestly have to detach myself from the situation because she keeps eating junk and it's going to kill her. I don't have control of what she eats so I can't worry about it. I did my best to help and I can't commit to the unwilling. I will do my best to recover though and get through my depression and eat better to continue to lose weight.

Thanks. Yes, I see a psychiatrist, psychologist, and am on medication and spoke to them about it so I'm in good hands.

My mom almost died this past weekend. That, plus my friend committing suicide, studying, and working has just been exhausting. I'm very happy to have some time off soon. I just gotta get through tomorrow. I think I'm just going to simplify my life a bit. I'll do studying, exercise, animation, and nothing. I've given up on writing and other crap. I got too many ideas and alienated my original ideas.

I think it's just recognizing you're doing it and telling yourself to stop. It needs to be a simple process you believe in so you don't feel like it's work.

Today I'm 148 weeks free from gaming. Something I've decided as of last night is that I think too much. Whether it's rumination, day dreaming, or just planning ahead, I'm constantly thinking and it's causing me to stop doing things. I believe it's a greater form of escapism. This morning I decided to wake up and not think about being tired. I went downstairs and exercised, ate breakfast, cleaned, and sat outside to relax and just observe nature. I then went up and am writing this post. I'll study now and not think about fear of failing or excitement of passing. I will study because I have to study and there's nothing more and nothing less.

I had a slower start today but I'm treating myself a bit. I took today off, cleaned my house, ate fewer calories than yesterday morning, and am getting a massage soon. I plan on studying today after the massage and relaxing a bit afterwards. Important Note: I don't want any exercise of diet advice from anyone. I have lost weight before. This has strictly been due to depression.