NEW VIDEO: I Quit MMOs and THIS Happened
Vera
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Everything posted by Vera
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@Average_Guy I like how l smoothly they write and I like how line looks on paper. Ballpoint pens, especially cheap, skip all the time and require a lot of force to simply write. But that might not be the case with Japanese pens. I want to get a fountain pen from Japan in the future.
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I think bullet journal is very flexible so modify it however you like. I don't see a point in using the layout that's not comfortable for you. :)
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Hey, I know what you're going through. I deleted my Tinder profile and decided that I will not search for a mate in such a way. It's useless and frustrating.
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I missed yesterday's post. That's sad. I've been busy coding (I missed it a lot and was happy to tinker with my little project). I admit I spent quite a long time without touching it and I ended up reading my own code with genuine curiosity. I came to a point where I need to think about how to implement very important things. It's funny that I have almost no idea about how to do that. I also checked Panda3d site, it's a 3d game engine and I'd like to learn how to use it. I guess the first step is to find a tutorial. I also ordered the fountain pen from Aliexpress. I love fountain pens, they turned my world upside down when I started to use my first one several years ago. I must admit that I couldn't find any good pen for a reasonable price in my city and I had to look online. My first Chinese fountain pen was a tiny white Hero with a pretty blue floral pattern, and it was really cheap, less than 2$. It lasted around a year and a half and I don't really remember what happened to it. I have to move to Libre Office, because I can’t use the editor on the site properly, kinda strange… I also need to start knitting again. I decided to try and find another pattern I’d like because I really plan to wear what I’ll make. I figured out that I have two weeks to knit leg warmers while it is still cold outside. I want to wear warm dresses and ditch pants for good, I’m tired of wearing them throughout the long Russian winter. I guess I’ll go and look for a pattern right now and start knitting today!
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@BooksandTrees I enjoy the gym and I don't mind half an hour more. I'm doing it for myself. I know I'll become much faster in the upcoming weeks. I have a whole community to hold me accountable! The good thing about journals is that I see new posts every day and I want to add something to my journal to let people know I'm alive. ?
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Today was reasonably good. Nothing really special happened during the day, I went to the gym after work and had a great time. I hate certain exercises, but I became stronger and it's not that much of a pain (next time I'll make it harder). I listened to Jordan Peterson while doing cardio. I really picked the wrong video, but it was useful anyway. I'm proud of my choice to listen to some motivational speech/serious talks, not some random music. Hope I will have time to study tomorrow. I am falling behind on my own project, and even if there's no one except me who can hold me accountable, I choose to be responsible for my own words and try my best to finish it. Quitting will get me nowhere. Thank you for your support and kindness. I truly appreciate it.
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My short depression turned out to be pms. Being a woman sucks. :( I'm so sorry for being noisy, I feel much better now, just a bit tired and bored. I'll go to the gym today and probably tomorrow.
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Well, yes, I agree. I got over it, but it still stings sometimes. Thanks for the suggestion, I'll check it out!
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@BooksandTrees I'm afraid to take action I should take because I feel like I will not make it or screw it up. I was told pretty much my whole life that I'm worthless and stupid and ungrateful and no one will like me as I am. I believed it. And it backfires sometimes, just like now. It's like a deep wound that never heals. There's no cure except doing what I'm afraid to do. If I fail, well, at least I tried. I prefer failure to being in this horrible gray zone of depression.
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I was in a bad mood today. Went to the cinema, watched How to train your dragon 3 and didn't like it at all. Came out disappointed and empty. I was patiently sitting there waiting for the movie to become really exciting, but it was meh. Questionable decisions, stupid jokes many times in a row, weak plot. Of course, it was artistically perfect but boring and not nearly as good as previous movies. I can feel depression lurking in the corners of my mind, but I'm fighting with it. I found things to do, kept myself busy. It's hard to get up from the warm bed, I want to curl up under a blanket and forget everything.
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So far, the day was great. I spent some time with my family, made very pretty pastry, went to the gym. Found out that my Endlers keep giving birth, managed to catch 6 fry and now I have a lot of small fish to take care of. I like it when they are small, they are so adorable and curious and some of them have very bright yellow eyes. It's very interesting. I have some plans for tomorrow. Not a lot, but better than nothing.
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@WuqingDi thank you! I am going hard on myself but I think I need it to keep going. I tend to dwell on sad things and I have to constantly keep it under control.
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I didn't go to the gym. I think I should change a couple of exercises to easier ones to be able to recover in just one day. I gave some more rest to myself and I hope to be able to do cardio tomorrow. I can't even walk as fast as I usually do today, small muscles in my legs are painful and giving me lots of trouble. I found perfect todo app - Blitz. I feel like I'm going to buy a lifetime premium because it's cheap and the app is really great. I've been looking for one for a very long time. I seem to be lost. I need a goal and a good amount of discipline to get through this moment of stagnation and go on. I doubt myself so much it's unbelievable. I should believe in myself but I don't really do that.
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@BooksandTrees I think it's dropsy. Very bad thing, sick fish should be euthanized. :(
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Spent my evening doing some chores and figuring out what's going on with my fish. At least 4 of celestial pearl danios are not looking very healthy. I don't know what to do, it's the first time I deal with such symptoms. Everything else is going well. I'm waiting for tomorrow's workout, I seem to recover fast enough to go to the gym every other day.
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@BooksandTrees nobody cares what you're doing at the gym, so just have fun! I've gone through the same realisation and it changed my attitude a lot. It's just you and your program so no need to care about how you look. You will be sweaty, tired and happy at the end anyway! :) You improved a lot! It's a pleasure to know you're doing so well.
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And here I am, tired and happy after working out. I guess today was more of a leg day and I enjoyed how challenging it was. I've listened to a long motivational speech while doing cardio (hit 5k today, ellipsoid is so comfortable, I can push myself and not cause any damage to my knees) and there was a passage which I automatically connected to Stoicism. It says we are doing hard and uncomfortable things in order to build resilience, to be ready to push through whatever life throws at us, to be calm and mentally invincible when needed. I should write more about it, but I don't have enough time right now... Another thing worth mentioning is that I cancelled the date with my ex. I gave up because he was insisting for weeks, but realized that a) he's boring and not interested in my hobbies/interests/thoughts, and b) I will not sacrifice my workout or strain myself trying to do it faster than I am able to just to eat out. Well, here's my lesson: don't be afraid to say no to a man and respect yourself more. Another good thing is I'm excited to try out new Panda3d engine. I can't believe it's being actively developed again. I need to learn a lot of stuff before I can understand how to use it. But I still consider myself lucky - I have one more interesting thing to try out. Time to go to sleep!
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Oh, I had my tooth repaired and it's better than it was. My dentist did a perfect job. I recommended her to my colleague. I have no pain in my body except for the teeth pain, but it will go away soon. I'm doing a lot of writing. I have 4 penpals and I'm writing a lot every evening. I REALLY must learn blind typing or I'll spend eternity just typing all these long letters. I also have a good reason to study English even more. I feel restricted because I lack fluidity and freedom when I'm trying to express something more complicated. I'm also trying to determine if I should continue learning and developing in Python or I need to eat the frog and invest myself into something like C++ (and probably math). Since I'm resting today, I will go to sleep earlier.
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@TwoSidedLife don't worry... Learn from it and move on. Seek real social interaction. Keep improving and don't stop! :)
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I came home at 21. Really late for me. I was doing my gym routine for around 2 hours and every minute of it was worth it. I had some time all by myself. I forgot everything and just concentrated on technique. I was a bit surprised when I found out I have 40 minutes of cardio before strength training, but I used it to try and run for a short time. Since my knees are weaker than I'd like them to be, I was a bit afraid, but it was okay. I guess I won't stress myself and just use other cardio machines. I wonder what parts of my body will be sore tomorrow... I visited my dentist, and one tooth needs to be fixed, so I have another appointment scheduled for tomorrow. I'll entertain myself with doing some mental work tomorrow, I'll have a rest day and plenty of time in the evening. I started dreaming again. I have pretty interesting dreams, but I forget them as soon as I wake up and start to move around.
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My weekend ended pretty well. I found some peace and calmness, I'm kind of detached most of the time and it is what I need. I'm sleepy, quite tired from doing absolutely nothing last two days and I miss gym. No sedatives needed so far, and I think the hardest part of all this mess is over. I was able to write in my diary today. All of you who are still thinking 'how a journal can help me get through my detox/quitting', you are underestimating the simple truth of it: getting something out of your head and making it into a structured sentences is an excellent way to understand yourself more and act based on what you've learned. I missed my diary like an old friend. In fact, it is my oldest and most faithful friend. It is me. Good night.
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@BooksandTrees good luck! I believe you will do everything you want today.
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Your story is so interesting! I think you can make a prototype of your board game out of paper, for example, I'm sure you have loads of colored paper, so why not?
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@Lea you are doing well! That's okay if you make mistakes, you learn from them. The ability to think straight under pressure is a skill and you will learn how to do that with practice. Keep going! :)
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Hey, I think you should not count this as a failure. You managed to realize what you need and stop. Count this as a win!