Hitaru

Do you really believe that? If the world makes no sense by definition and nihilism is the norm, you can assign it any value you want. You say you don't want to fall into the constructed scope of Good-Evil morality since it looks simplistic to you, yet assign yourself a place in that same scope by self-talking trash. You've arbitrarily decided to be the bad guy, the one who needs to be removed and stay under the radar. You don't need to be judged by someone else, you're doing it on your own. My opinion amounts to whatever you want to give it, but I think you are lashing out a villain complex, and that is a coping mechanism. Look, it feels good to think you're some sort of mastermind of the void, doing a favor to the lesser beings by getting rid of your own nuisance and knowing better. I know. You feel in control that way because a chaotic universe not determined by the certainty of either your long-term success or failure is scary as the fuckest fuck. The literal definition of fear: uncertainty. You just don't know anymore what to do to find yourself yet at the same time being left alone. So if my guess is right and you feel that way it's absolutely normal because man, it's a real mess. You're basically saying "Oh no boy, I have Nietzsche'd all the way down the rabbit hole, I'm beyond this, I am in charge here" and my word to you is, I don't think you'll be able to sustain that for long. You're hurting yourself. I'm not saying you should immediately go outside and give free hugs to everyone and by the gods that you can take this as patronizing if you want, but anyway never talk shit to yourself again. There are people in this world who end up doing real evil, but never any of them did it to screw the world over for villainous fun, they did it because they thought they had a higher purpose, no matter how twisted. The same goes for anyone else who ever did anything in any way, good, bad, grey, we're not even talking about that anymore. Self-deprecating yourself to justify your actions serves no higher purpose. It only leads to your own destruction and believe me, you're not doing anyone a favor with that. No one is going to pat your back for that, not even yourself in the end. You're nourishing a part of you that wants you to be unhappy and unsuccessful not because that would be what you really want but because that would somehow close the circle and therefore make sense. Success or happiness is a more open thing, right? You have to define it, then pursue it, then you die and you lose it. But everyone knows what failure stands for. It is absolute and in the event of death, it's relieving you from pain. Somehow, it looks more straightforward. Your brain, not you, is looking for the easy way out. That's why it makes more sense to be the villain. The villain of your own life. Don't fall for that bullshit. There's no endgame so don't waste the time you have trying to be a catalyst of negativity. It's useless, and even usefulness is a blanket term for anything you want. Negativity and emptiness are artificial constructs. Enjoy your selfishness, your uniqueness. Create your own values, discard what it hurts you no matter who you have to confront. Delegate the prosecution in the millions of assholes out there and focus on giving your best in what you like for the silliest of reasons. It's your game.

I'll try, so I won't do any further comment until I do. No brain rewards. 90 days of no Internet distractions today! - Game detox: done - Distraction detox: done - Sugar drinks detox: done - Porn detox: Halfway through - Couch/Bed/Idleness detox: not done So that will be next step. I've tried several times before but it's a radical change. It's going to be physically painful and despair-inducing. Meh. It can be done.

I'm determined to do the exam. It will be a disaster, but I don't mind. Going is already a victory. I'll update about it soon. My phone's screen broke for the first time ever and my cat got something in the eye that needs a ton of eyedrops to cure, but it will be fine. The unused energy stored turns into anxiety residue, just like unused nutrients turn into fat. I have to remember this the next time I feel distressed.

Something that's been happening in the background is I'm about to reach 90 days without mindless browsing social media and YouTube. There's been a video here and there, but nothing like the old days, the time blocker made sure of that. If anything, there are so many things blocked that I'm having a hard time deciding where to invest the assigned daily hour! About the military entrance exam, I don't feel there's much more to do, not much room to improve. The question now is if I'll go. I launched plan B before closing A and I might get my fingers stuck, but we'll see.

18 wtf, that means I met a 16 yo Rem or something. I was taking you for much older lol. Well, old man advice in that case, don't get too worked up with the "I'm a grown up now" mindset, it's a lie. You're legally responsible, which is different. Maturity is a fluid thing, just keep walking your path and you'll get there. Miss ya boy, I don't get in the discord that often as you may have noticed. Hope life's treating you well!

Thanks again for the kindness guys! My friends hosted an improvised birthday meeting and it was great, some unknown people showed up and a new group was formed. The presents were awesome, specially a world map where you can scratch the places you've been (perfect for both my wanderlust and little OCD tendencies) and a reservation for a romantic date next week. Can't wait! People I've met through my life wrote me, but I've been hiding. I don't know what to say to them, I don't have anything to tell them since last year, and for some others, even more. I'm afraid to disappoint them in some way so they won't write again. Shit, I feel I've took a step back since I came back from Africa, or at least from Greece. Makes me want to cry but I won't be a victim.

Great to hear that man, acknowledge yourself for your victory. Even if the worst case scenario happens and you end playing later on today or in the future, you still took the action of walking and fight the urge. It won't happen though, right? Never think in big numbers to fight cravings, each little decision you make and each second doing the right thing has its worth and counts. Congrats on those two weeks! It gets easier, trust me (and trust yourself). And, if your family and close circles are being an issue, how about starting a journal here in the journal section? You wouldn't have to disclose anything you don't want, just have your own space to express freely how are you feeling.

@grengen Put a physical barrier between you and the game right now. Get out of where you are, take a walk, go do something or see something, no matter how uncommon for the normal you it may sound at first. Then, allow yourself to relax and stop thinking about the game. Don't try to force the thought out of you, acknowledge you're thinking about games, nothing wrong in that. It will pass. Reflect on this. You can go to game right now if you want. Nothing is holding you back. Nothing but an individual, intentional choice you made. You're hanging on that choice and that choice alone. Why did you stop playing in the first place? Remember the reasons. It's not beyond you, each moment you don't play, each day, hour or minute, you're taking and renewing a decision. You have the control of your life and what you decide to do. You could game and have fun in the moment, but then you'll probably feel bad and defeated. And if nothing else, you can at least wait and game after a month, 90 days or the goal you've set for yourself, and either have a massive blast of celebration or forget about it and keep going.

Heh, I can already see myself as "Private Clumsy" (the english translation for the spanish translation for the nickname "Gomer Pyle" from Full Metal Jacket). Today was a purposedly wasted day and I think I'm ready to focus myself again. Tomorrow is my 23rd birthday, as you know. How will I emotionally judge the last year? I'll tell you in some hours when I know.

No te preocupes Jay, lo importante es que estás de vuelta. Hemos estado preocupados por ti, y no como paternalismo o "¿Qué estará este pobre adicto haciendo ahora?". Hablo por mí, pero también apostaría a que todo el que te ha leído, ha conectado contigo de una forma especial. No se si es la franqueza que tienes con tus sentimientos o la forma en la que lo expresas pero nos tienes en vilo con tu historia! Mucha suerte con ese examen (que ya habrás terminado cuando leas esto) y enhorabuena por esos 11 días!

(It comes without saying but if any lurkers are reading they are still welcome to join as far as my opinion is concerned)

@Vlad mate, can you make it that date? I can adapt my schedule to whatever you both say.

How was it for you? Care to tell some war stories? (?) Don't feel forced in the slightest but it would be cool to know the perspective of an insider. No nuclear launch code, I'm much more interested in the daily life and miseries of the average grunt. Well, when i was stationed in South Korea back in 2012(i was 20 back then), It was brutal....i literally had to run around everywhere doing tasks and by the time i got done i was glad to get out 5:00 formation and get into bed. Other than that, the weekends are like paradise, most of the squad i was with had taken weekend leave and explored the inner cities while getting drunk of their butts. We usually get 4 day weekends from working unless we were doing PT and the holidays rolled around. The Korean citizens were alright as they admired us but hated the way we Americans would carry ourselves at the end of the day. Once we finished working from 9 to 5 and got a cut of our paychecks, every 2 weeks, we would also go out to the PX (or Post Exchange) and get high quality stuff with no tax, sometimes entertainment. Of course i was playing games at the time and bought over 30+ video games, i really didn't care i was actually having fun away from my parents for the first time. I don't know if I would fit, I don't drink, I don't smoke, peer pressure makes me silly and too polite, I talk weird and I'm every bit the "feminine" wallflower. Guess I'll have to watch old Arnold films one after another to get in the proper mindset.

How was it for you? Care to tell some war stories? (?) Don't feel forced in the slightest but it would be cool to know the perspective of an insider. No nuclear launch code, I'm much more interested in the daily life and miseries of the average grunt.

Don't you ever notice you behave in a fake, fabricated, or undesirable way in a certain situation, but the habit of doing it keeps pushing you into that direction? For example, I've just greeted a new member in a cheerful way, and while I was writing I was positively feeling it. But then I'm confronted with some people, like my boyfriend or specific friends or this journal, and I feel "compelled" to dump shit on them. And I don't want that. But I do. The same shit, since nothing new under the sun. My journal in Spanish is more "positive", since it's aimed to be a summary of the whole story, victories and defeats completing each other without rambling. Sorry for the rambling. I might cut parts of this journal at some point, or put them under spoiler for all kinds of convenience. ---------------------- It was weird. Considering the circumstances, the panic mode, the lack of sleep in obscene amounts, the relapse in my NoFap streak with a lewd game (and my willingness to let it happen again) and the existential anguish attack that left me considering to spend the night on the streets after, I went to my first scheduled exam. Don't get me wrong, I failed and academically speaking, it was for nothing. But, I don't know. I do feel bad, but I'm fine in that discomfort right now. The exam was way better than expected in my strong points, and way worse in my weak points. Good news, I'm virtually handicapped with numbers, there's no way I'll ever understand the workings of a Swiss bank account; and there's also no way I'll ever sign something I don't understand, I'm a control freak like that. So vote for me. I'm also more proficient at improvising language skills than I thought, there was no way I'd have expected to be able to write a 100 word text in acceptably fluent French. These two things led me to a conclusion. 1. I'm naturally hyperspecialized in communication skills (regardless of my actual skill level, which is currently ok but with potential to improve). Politics, writing, acting... Wake up man, why don't you see the connection! You wrote this same shit a year ago, if I'm not just making it up in my memory. Why do I keep falling in the same hole? 2. Trying anything math-related for anything else than most basic survival or fun is a complete waste of time and effort in my super specific case. I should at least understand the logic of economics because of my calling, and maybe game theory because it's simply awesome, but nothing more. Therefore I will never ever concede to the self-esteem trap of automatically justifying myself in front of anyone of the "Sciences" branch. Or my mother. There's also a downside. I'm most probably not going anywhere in the military with so few 'fixed' points, unless I'm ridiculously lucky. Normal luck, I may enter in normal infantry, and it's a hellhole for high school dropouts. Wait a minute, isn't that exactly what... Anyway. If I've done this piece of shit exam till the end, I'm doing the army exam as well no matter my feelings about it. We're taking pride all the ride folks. I'm considering the option of reconnecting with my old party pals and spend time at the local HQ, reading relevant texts for my future career, hearing news first-hand, practicing political affairs with almost 0 risk of big screw-ups and studying languages and side skills (like my driving license which I didn't forget about). The coffee/chocolate machine they have there is a godsend. It may be getting too involved with a specific party but ask Churchill about that, the "jacket-changer" badass by definition.

Nearly, all the time, i once made a friend who keep stealing from me and i knew it was wrong but didn't say anything because i knew somewhere deep down he was a really good person. Just needed to stay out of trouble. Couldn't trust people after that. Wrong journal or I'm just dense?

Hi @Tigerzitu! Welcome to the forum. In the main page (gamequitters.com) we have a PDF list of 60+ hobby ideas you can download for free, check it out. They are divided in 4 main areas, socially engaging, mentally challenging, physically active and relaxing. You'll see some repeated because there are activities that cover several needs for you. It's a draft, but it may give you the spark you need. Ideally, you should keep a balance between those areas, not resting too much or overloading your brain or body, you get the idea. About videogames, depends on how you feel. If you notice they are harming you, keeping you from doing other things you like, grades dropping or relationships are being affected, then quitting cold turkey may be the answer for you.

A sugerencia de un miembro de la comunidad, abro este hilo para la discusión de Game Quitters en español. En un futuro se colocará aquí un índice de materiales didácticos e informativos. Aprovecho para decir (¡de nuevo...!) que tenemos una gran demanda de traductores, así que si te gustan los idiomas, quieres contribuir a la comunidad y tener un hobby, ponte en contacto con @Hitaru. Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/GameQuittersEsp/ Twitter: https://twitter.com/gamequittersES

None, never worked. My chances are sales, sales and... sales. It's a dead end, no one ever buys in my region, we're fairly poor, but then why are there so many job offers for that? Intriguing. I also don't have a car. Think I should try that field (despite I dislike it quite a bit)? ["Many" means around 20 at a specific time for a population of 120000+ people]

Another lazy summer day with an exam I both despise and still haven't studied for approaching, in hopes to earn points for another exam I pushed myself to do, to get into a desperate job I lack the skills and mindset for, because I'm too afraid to pursue my true self. Damn, if you say it like that... The option of getting out home I talked about before was officially discarded, hence my gloomy mood. I was suggested to find a job. I actually want to. Any job. But there's no future in Spain and shitty jobs abroad for high-school dropouts are not advertised anywhere. It's a trap. There's so much people, so much competition. I feel like drowning with no way out. I'm not that smart to figure this shit out by myself. But I can't give up either, not after coming this far. Currently, these are my options: 1. Stay at home, keep studying at a really sub-par level due to the oppressive atmosphere and most probably fail. 2. Find a job right now and fuck off asap from here, and either keep studying for military or use the economic freedom to reconsider my life options. What seems clear now is I need any kind of income and most ideally, enough of it to rent a room somewhere. I must focus wholeheartedly on this but the options are... very few. I am not giving up, but I don't know where to look at. Really guys. I am really sorry for bringing this up again, and again, and again, for two years straight. I must sound super fucking dumb and obnoxious. There must be a really simple answer out there I'm grossly missing out.

Don't do this to me man, I really need to have a normie life. Probably! You know what would be cool? Travelling Quitter. Remember that drawing in Algeria? How about doodling and planting stickers everywhere around the world? Politely of course, no contamination of patrimony. Oh boy, that would be the stuff. Dreams.

Bob, I-I'm not getting emotional, ok? Feels weird, right? After all that time, one day you reach 90 and it just... happens. I know that feeling! Damn right you are, this is the first step, but do me a favor my man, take today to celebrate and acknowledge this goal. Never forget where you're coming from. When the Bible says "Honor your father and mother", it's also a way of saying "Honor your past". I find myself falling in ridiculous amounts in point 1. Thank you for your insight and your experience. You're an inspiration, one of the very first people I met here. It's incredible to be witnessing this moment, you and I having finished the detox. I said I'm not getting emotional, right? You're one of the people I keep in mind in my daily life, I literally quote and mention you in front of people who don't know you. But you can tell the impact that you're making among us, in this community, with your dedication to yourself and the sincere support you provide to others, of course including myself. I can't wait to know about more and more of your victories. You've got this bro. Be proud!

Absolutely @BigPete247, friendship is not something to be forced on people. However how many times have we latched onto people we didn't like or weren't really in tune with us for the sake of company? (Or companionship, what's the difference?). Trigger Girl acted all adult and blocked me without reply. I gave details about the whole story in the spanish speaking thread of NoFap which I've been frequenting lately. I might throw a translation in "the other journal" at some point in the future. Without even realizing I've started to talk about my story and struggles in my native language, both in NoFap and here. It just came natural to me at some point. My testimony here is still in construction, I prefer to tell the full thing before allowing future comments and discussion if they happen (perks of being moderator) but I wish you could read spanish guys. It's turning out really nice, if I'm one to judge. I always believed the language barrier would be something much more traumatic. If anything, I'm mostly struggling with not going overboard with sidetracks, fancy words and other staples of my written communication. I want it to be on point, readable, and most importantly, impactful. This morning I had a great intimate time with my bf. I told him all the story with Trigger Girl which made him equal parts exasperated and understanding. I am a creep and technically a criminal, and if I was someone else and the girl a friend of his, he would have advised to denounce me. On the other hand, it's me. What kind of argument is that? But then he said something about me trying to exit the patriarchy matrix and bettering myself so I guess it makes sense. Also that I focus too much in highlighting my defects/shortcomings/weaknesses. I take virtues for granted. Spent topic, still relevant, until I change my ways. I also told him I was really sorry for being a downer lately (I'm also sorry for having being a downer here too, people). Spent some time at the beach, shared a lunch, then lovemaking ensued... simpler pleasures of life. Later this night (some hours ago) a friend invited me to watch a film at his place. There were more known faces there which I warmly welcomed. Another friend known for her existentialism was the one to suggest the movie, Into the Wild if I remember right. Based on a true story life of a young lad heavily influenced by the 90s who snaps from yuppie life and travels America alone. I'm turning 23 in 5 days, give my heart a break. The guy was an upper class Ivy League graduate, I have basic education, just fucking no. Just two more years buddy. Two years in military or a successful business in copywriting, whichever happens first. Then I travel. I want to go East. Russia. Kazakhstan. Iran. Mongolia. Russia. China perhaps. Corea, Japan, then jump to the Americas, perhaps going all the way south till Tierra del Fuego. That or Oceania but then I'd have to turn and go to India. Plans, plans.

much more than that Tsk tsk, lurkers.

I think you might be onto something @Vlad. Come to think about it, all of my friends are more or less stuck in life and unsure about the future. All of them. The most optimistic is my boyfriend and he was the latest addition. Does that mean I'm subtly improving the tier of my networking? I'm always struggling to keep in touch with these friends. Perhaps it's time to cut ties and start clean. They can always jump inside the train if I get my life moving, and then it would fall to me to allow them to join or not. That might be a smart mindset.