zeke365

I m on youtube and I came across this youtube video that says if video game makers were honset and it sort fits with this community and what we deal with and the real truth here even if they are making fun of it here's a link

You are correct fawn_xoxo I have been beating my head like being punched without realizing the positive but in this process, I found something that is causing it. You see I fear rejection and I have done is rejected myself in order to protect myself from other rejection so I don't get hurt. I get hurt much easier like glass so you know when you get hurt it hurts deeply with mine will go down even deeper and I m not sure how to fix that. Another thing I have noticed I do hide and this has been practiced unconsciously of course because I must have trained to reject everything in life. This has been the one cause of everything that I m beginning to figure out. Life could be going good but at a certain point, I can't pinpoint when it is that I end up rejecting myself, job, my life, and wish I could move to point a to point b and life moving so fast. So at the core is rejection and its something I need to overcome and accept and it kind it explains why if I get close to someone they leave because I reject them unconsciously that and I think I believe the TV life expectations you in the commercials, and movies and have taken that to much to heart, Now that I have told you that let me think of the positives here when I quit gaming I found a job a few months later, I started a youtube channel in July 2018 called Animated Christians, I did some reviews and series and original movies which I need to get back into its getting time to do it. That it for today have a wonderful day. Grateful: 1.God 2.Bible 3.Church 4.Family 5.Life 6.Food 7.Water 8.Home 9.Job 10.Car

Week 3 This week I messed up with Vr but was able to last 14 days so better than nothing so it means I m improving in that area but I m decreasing in another. You see I think I m coming to grips with the reality that I have rejected my whole life and I still don't know how to cope with it, I have tried in the past with videos, anime, etc. but at the core of I think I reject myself as well. This leads me to a weird situation. You see I have tried to eliminate as much of social media as possible, expect the email, and youtube analytics then eliminated video games in addition to it and eliminated anime and cartoons. I have tried to replace its positive faith music, audio, reading the bible every day, go to church, church events etc. To try to counteract it with something positive. The thing I have noticed and it maybe have to start doing is eliminate watching news at night because I think some negative feelings are coming from that, second is I m in no-win situation with my parents in which I mean if I don't hang out with them they think I obsession on the PC, but if I don't they say I should move on with my life so I get rejected both ways on that situation, thirdly I have never really dealt with rejection before and not sure how to accept things as is because I take everything to heart to seriously and I m not sure how others live without affecting them? For me it harder I want to know how now tell me to have a positive outlet on life because right now I have turned into a very negative machine and I need to reverse but not sure how or even what to do? I do something unconsciously to where If I go to events that I will hide and avoid making friends as fear of rejection as a way to protect myself. The second is the moment I get close to anyone they seem to leave or move somewhere else and this happened on one or more occasions. So when I had anime I had a way to cope with the situation though it was more addicting that lead to depression saying I m never gonna get anywhere, So if you have any suggestions on how to turn all my negative energy into positive one or how to deal with it and move one cause I think this hindering my growth, I d be grateful if you guys or gals have any idea. Grateful: 1.God 2.Family 3.Church 4.Bible 5.Life 6.Car 7.Job 8.Home 9.Food 10.Water

Week 2 I m doing much better this week and was going through a struggle last week with what do I do here. The based idea is that both of these communities helped a lot in the animation and stories and I wanted to watch some of their videos to give back to them because these are people like you and me who made this creation and are not done by Hollywood producers. When I really thought about why I took this fast more so it was it was because I wanted to get rid distractions that prevented me from doing what I wanted to do. I asked myself is this helpful?, Does get me where I want to go? Am I gonna make more excuses later on?, Am I relapsing?, Will I be in the same position before?. All these questions I asked myself before deciding no I m gonna continue with this because of it like walking out of a cave in the sun beautiful in the sky, the smell grass in the meadow, and the blue sky ready to explore the world you missed since all your life was in that cave. It's a freedom I m not willing to trade back because I would rather have this freedom than go back. The second thing is I will be still continuing the animation in movie theaters next one is Wonderpark. This way I m out of the house and not at home and its the closest thing I could get since I do animation myself. (a program designed for it not hand drawn though I did try a couple of times). The third thing is an idea of youtube channel with gaming (no I have not been watching gaming videos online) which kind seems strange and it's pop in more than once but basically, it looking for Faith based stuff in video games. This idea has been in my head back and forth but to be brutally honest I rather not but if I m lead to do it I will. Maybe to use video games as a tool instead of mindless zombies. That's just my thoughts tell me your thoughts. Could be my brain recalibrating back to normal. The fourth thing is I did volunteer at special needs ministry which was fun but I rather do that once a month at the church. As for I plan my week here a look 1.Mondays: Scripting 2.Tuesdays: Recording 3.Wednesday: Exporting 4.Thursdays: Editing 5.Friday: Release/ realx day 6.Saturday: Relax day 7.Sunday: Tutorials Of course, I have other things besides that like singles group I go to every Thursday, another bible study that meets on Mondays every other week and trying to plan more events as well. The final thing is I found Christian comedian and he is really funny named johnbcrist. Something I needed a good laugh. That it for today have a wonderful day. Grateful: 1.God 2.Bible 3.Church 4.Family 5.Food 6.Water 7.Job 8.Car 9.life 10.communities I m apart of.

I just want welcome you to the forums. The second thing I suggest get the 90 day detox a try rather than ask questions it could be experiment with your family to see life without video games. You wont know till you try.

Thanks for your help after your right I m trying to resist things that distract me. This why anime and regular cartoons I took a break from because all I was doing was wasting my time. I chose to keep animation movies in theaters so I would have to go somewhere instead of wasting my time on pc. Since most of these people are creating movies and not famous cartoons and anime then I think it will be okay because it it’s helps build that community and helps inspire my own creation. Like leaving comments or criticism on wether good or bad and they probably have less than 100 subscribers for the most part. The faith based animation does help inspire me as well. I m trying my best to balance between the to and I have so much free time to do what I want to do I just don’t want it to be come a distraction. I have no social media breaking here in which I resist social media upto Friday. And tutorial Sunday’s which I need to learn what i need to do. So I gave some idea and hopefully gives a clearer picture and doing this will hopefully grow my YouTube channel because I will need to since that what I have been learning. I do animation myself using the software I use and that one community and the other one is the one that got me into it. Thanks again for responding.

I m sort in another deimilama but a little bit different, you see I started a no animated detox while back where I said I would avoid cartoons and anime which I still plan to. The problem is I do animation and in order to grow my youtube channel I would need to venture out within the niche of faith based animations, the second is I m apart of two communities that are also into animations and I would like to be more active in them. This could be me rationzaiting things but when I elemiated everything I realzied It emliamted the interaction between these communities that helped inspire my own animation and I would still like to help them out just as they have helped me out as well fufuill a promise to one of them. The problem lies is this good idea make an expection to this or not because not sure what to do, am I rationzatling things because when I think cartoons I like cartoon network, nick, disney ect. and anime would all still be elemiated expect when I go to the movies theaters movies but I m wondering if its okay in the communities to do this?

I m sort in another deimilama but a little bit different, you see I started a no animated detox while back where I said I would avoid cartoons and anime which I still plan to. The problem is I do animation and in order to grow my youtube channel I would need to venture out within the niche of faith based animations, the second is I m apart of two communities that are also into animations and I would like to be more active in them. This could be me rationzaiting things but when I elemiated everything I realzied It emliamted the interaction between these communities that helped inspire my own animation and I would still like to help them out just as they have helped me out as well fufuill a promise to one of them. The problem lies is this good idea make an expection to this or not because not sure what to do, am I rationzatling things because when I think cartoons I like cartoon network, nick, disney ect. and anime would all still be elemiated expect when I go to the movies theaters movies but I m wondering if its okay in the communities to do this?

Week 1 I have decided to go back to week 1 of no tap detox its to confusing otherwise. So I will baisis it on every week not everyday and the reason for that is to keep my social media doown and balanced while still maintaining a rest day then during that time I can work on new projects. So I did mess up this week but I m okay now and ready to start over and learned what I need to do. So my trick worked when I had christain music playing off my phone when I worked on my projects. It did not distract me like I thought it would have and I have offically listened to Amazing grace, Oliver Twist, and Screwtape letters in their dramitzed form next is chronicals of naria. The second thing you should know I offically on my new PC with everything transfered and its quite nice, windows 10, blutooth and wifi. The headphones have a slight delay in video noticbe but not by much so I will still have to work on with the cord on if I want the audio right but watching videos with it on is nice cause I can deal with the delay then. Some may not understand why I did what I did well simply it was basicly saying buy to my old life and starting new one, the reason for gaming pc though that not my attention is I kind had been wanting this processor for years and gpu but prices were to high and building pc would have cost me ou $2000 and would have taken me forever to build though a good learning process yes, I m just not that techinal. So that why. Reflection time: Plus I was looking through through my facebook looking for something I wrote and found that I had posted on of cam articles or video not sure what was back 2014. This means I was fully aware of my gaming addiction back then. That amzaes me and I can say I went the slow root out when I did. So I had made the decison not to touch console games back then I will amdit able to relaglate myself for about 3 months but then went downhill but it was not bad cause I was able to control it for a little bit the biggest downfall is steam because before I hated steam cause I did not like playing online, I wanted to be alone on single player games (single players can still get you addicted even if their not a game) and took on visual novels which is basicly imersever interaction story where you are the main character and you are interacting with these characters mostly anime but still it was immersive enough. I always played games that were sort of outside the more neither casual nor hard core I kind fell in the middle more on the casual side. I use to gog games and every game in the series I owned and after the mutiplayer game I played I started making friends on facebook so I m still in contact with some of them even one of the creators of the game. So when a happy birthday comes around I will at least wish them a happy birthday. I thought I share that and I think that all for today I will be working on more projects this week and hope to gets things strighted out. Grateful: 1.God 2.Family 3.Church 4.Bible 5.House 6.Food 7.Water 8.Home 9.Car 10.Job

Look at this way you gave it up for a reason, so what are some your dreams that you like you like to do, would like to take a trip, a cruise, ect? Would like to learn to write stories, do animations, make movies, do art, learn a new langaunge ect? Your world is free to do with it you want to. Here tool list gamequitters has that might help you https://gamequitters.com/hobby-tool/ Its should give you some ideas to do and trying to make friends. You have to try new things (a lesson I need to learn myself as well.)

I have noticed something in all journals I have read about video game addiction. People explaining where they came from and how they got to the point they are today and it all seems to stem from the same thing. Let me know in the comments below if you think this Observation is correct. It seems the root seems to go back to console games like Mario, Zelda etc. (Now I m not talking about the emotional aspects of it here) All I m saying it all seems to start with the gaming console and that social interaction. It does not matter with it be ps4 to Nintendo switch or even nes most of the journal I have read seems to stems from consoles, so the next step we take is buying pc to play games on and we play maybe simple games then we realized we want to play more intense games so we customize or build our own pc and discover the world of MMORPG games where that social interaction takes even deeper until a spark happens in us saying is their more to life than this and we end up here. Now I know each stories is different with own probleems but why right this you may ask? Well simply because console gaming is just as bad as pc gaming your just trading one for the other but the weird thing is it all seemed to start with console game of some kind that leads us to our pc addiction which I can testify this has been true in my life. I started out as console gamer then pc then nongamer. This applies to mobile games as well. Just thought I share this cause it is quite interesting.

Week 3 18-22 minus 2 20 days I m doing much better this week and first time I in my life I forgave myself of the sins I have done, you know it has helped me trumendsely, I don't feel the addiction as strong but I still know it there so each time I hear a temptation to do one thing I say "I m forgiven" or "I have forgiven in Christ" or "My sins have been washed away." This approach really does help and maybe I can finally attack all 4 addictions at once. It still amazed me how each one is connected to each. Refection time: So when I quit gaming according to the chart I cut off a leg of that addiction which leads me to be unstable for awhile like trying to find your balance on log without falling over, then anime became my balance in other words I replaced gaming with anime but thing is anime and gaming are both related in some sense, therefore, I never gave up anything, now I give up anime my body only know the internet and porn which it wants because there nothing else holding balenace. It's quite fascinating to me at how everything works. I m beginning to know what it truly means to die to the flesh. The idea is not to replace one addictive behavior to another its to find a balance between multi things that can move you forward. Plus I have been reading a book again and listening to my audio series as well. Some good news is I make my final video on my old pc next week and I finally move on to my new pc. The second thing I have been focused on is presentation so I started cleaning and organizing my closets, ironing out my closes so they're close to wrinkle free as possible (still need to learn how to take them off properly and wear properly). I m room or main attraction is next followed by my bathroom. Plus I working on my edict how I eat and stuff like that. Because if I ever wanted anyone to get know me first I must be presentable and that something I have lacked over the years. Now, tomorrow I may be breaking the fast but you decide if I am or not because I will be doing escape the rooms with a church group which I m really excited about and been wanting to go for a very long time. That's it for today have a wonderful day. Grateful: 1.God 2.family 3.Church 4.Life 5.food 6.water 7.Job 8.home 9.Car 10.communities I m apart of.

I m reading book called skin map where person travels to worlds in some sense but one those books that starts off strong then gets boring torwards the middle and try’s to pick up again. not enjoyable as I had hoped but I will still complete because I dislike having books half read.

I have cookbook I bought that some simple to do recipes called manga cookbook which based on. Japanese recipes. the picture is black forset ham fried with asparagus, string beans, and carrots wrapped up with teriyaki sause glazed on top and used truvia not suger expect the teriyaki sause which is gluten free. The apples are just rabbit apple or my attempt at it

I think the best thing is to learn how to make 3D models realistically and render them in video using blender, I think that would help push you to the limit but without gaming because your learning how to compare a photo of real photo and how to mimic to another, or you could try to learn animation like I do to help push the animation software to limit with your own stories by learning how to animate, write, direct, voice act, etc. The choice is up to you. Ask yourself this what do you want to learn?

Top Tap detox days 9-17 minus 4 =12 So this week has not been as successful as like it to be and I did not accomplish much may be due to weather but it seemed like my old habits resurfaced again this week. You may be wondering why I have minus 4 to the days well that because I m taking 4 days that were not successful this week off since I did not accomplish what I wanted to. I think when we mess up we constantly blame ourselves for messing up and then puts us in more shame and makes us relapse or we start over so many times because we feel we need to restart. It's not that we need to restart each and everytime, what we should be looking at what went wrong and how can we learn from it? Instead of saying "I messed up better start at day one again." Now if you have to do it do it but I just do it bit different. Reflection time: To help explain this I will say this, I m fighting 4 addictions, not just one addiction. Think of this way a wheel Internet Anime Gaming So what happened here is I have always relied on one for the other so if I fasted one, I replaced with the other never ending the cycle. Porn This wheel helps explain it a little better so you see when I took gaming away I replaced with anime so I never really changed only the content I consumed changed. So gaming addiction I freed myself from that and now I m dealing with anime addiction which seems to be much harder addiction that first I did not think I had but then realized I did. Anime and animation more on the anime side then animation but I think they're both improtant. So Anime and animation and gaming is taken out what there left porn and internet so when I fast I seem to try to find a replacement like it but that not what its about here (no this not about moderation in gaming) but what means it should be balanced between the activities we do never going overboard with an addiction but still have enough variety to satisfy your needs. There are times I almost do not want internet at all and be in rehab away from tech for awhile just so I could see life with a new lens. There one person I have never forgiven and it shocked me that I have never forgiven this person but have as others to forgive this person and the person I need to forgive the most is myself, yes you need to learn to forgive yourself for the wrongs you did and be healed from that and that is not easy. So I m thinking of buying a new journal that would do just that forgiving myself that won't be shared here but for my sake. Plus I noticed something odd there no support for anime addiction which kinda shocked me but if you know me to let me know. The good news is I will finally get everything transferred to the new Pc while finish one more review on my old pc of anime and then I start using the new Pc more often which I m really excited about. Plus I created a new rule called Tutorial sundays this means on Sundays while I m allowed youtube I can learn some tutorials about my animation software, PowerDirector, audacity, etc. to help improve my content on youtube. The second thing I m not why it works this way but does is I have my phone play faith-based music as I worked on a project but if I did directly through the Pc I would not pay attention to it but neat trick yes I could stop and stuff but the phone seems harder to stop than say inside the pc. So that neat little trick I will still have rest days like Friday and Saturday and I did subscribe to a youtube channel and the reason is I got so involved with it that I need to support them and commenting on their videos and stuff. The youtube channel is called Glove and boots, plus they make they make me laugh so hard and sometimes we just need a good laugh once in awhile. I hope this does not break my animation fast or anything oh, by the way, I did see Lego movie 2 and really liked it I m still planning on getting to see few more movie this year but that about it. That it for today have a wonderful day Grateful: 1.God 2.Family 3.Church 4.Bible 5.Life 6.Food 7.water 8.job 9.Car 10.communites I m part of

I think you should look at this way technology is a tool and how we use it that makes addicted or not. There an old saying "You play the game, don't let the game play you." In other words, don't let tech control you, you control tech. You can't get rid of technology completely that's unrealistic and it's in our culture. The question is what do is distracting you the most, what taking most of your time. would you rather do other things? I ask these questions to myself all the time and if the one I really don't want to fast because I like it so much then that the one I fast the most because taking way my time, or detox from. Cause it about bettering yourself. One trick is you could do what I did is in sense called no social media so basically no reddit, youtube, or whatever you want to put in their then set time off only when you get on, for me its the weekends but during the week it none of them. Try this if you like cause helped me tremendously but start small maybe say you can't get social media past a certain time during the day and work your way up. Plus if you're just starting with the gaming detox focus on that first then add this in later if you must, you don't have to do everything at once, take it one step at a time. I hope this helps.

welcome to the forums, Splitstep nice to see you, brother, even I have relapsed once last year so you are not alone, its what can we learn from these relapses to help us do better next time so it does not happen again. There quote I made last year and sticks with me to this very day and I think it might help you. "Do you want to keep life on pause or do you want to press play on life?" The answer is yours to choose but it helps me along the way.

Days 2-8 NO Tap detox Week 1 So how have things gone so far very well and glad I m doing this detox? Now here a couple of things I have accomplished this week is I got 4 videos done with my youtube ready and 2 of them are up as well did some human Japanese language learning, plus I went to singles groups and met someone I may help them find a place around here to have a place for disabled people. That another dream coming true, plus I will be attending escape the room on Feb. 23. I also started listening to a the faith-based audio series on Sunday Feb. 3 every night and have plenty of audio to last for the 180 days. You know something that I m at peace like a calmness to me different from my last detox, it's more like my old real self. The best way I can describe it is like having the color return to your eyes with even more depth like when I m was a child when I use to play outside and play games like tag, or power wheels. I m glad of it but today I noticed something, so I wanted to keep this channel called glove and boots cause their hilarious puppets and I subscribed because it did not work with the detox since I missed the first round. I did not want to miss the second round but as soon as subscribed I noticed this aggression in my body and the first thought came to mind is video game. As strange as that is so I unsubscribed again and yet I have a peace and calmness about me now. Plus I m listening to some faith-based music right now as we speak. Now I have not got have reading down yet but I will hopefully have that down this week. Plus in the detox, I do allow email and analytics of youtube spread out so I can answer comments quickly but outside of that I did not much other than the optimized one my videos. You may be wondering if I have used my new pc, yes but right now I want to figure how to transfer my software to the new pc then I can use it better, as of now I m using my old pc and I want the first video I make on the new pc to be faith-based so that why I m trying to finish these videos once that done and everything transferred then I can I start working on the new pc. Plus it answers another dream is to have a home theater so this pc I have will be hooked to my TV and I will be able to use it as 5.1 surrounds sound something I always wanted to to do just need shelves for that. The second thing I think I should mention is this will be by week by week basis and you may ask why this because of its so much easier on me because I don't get rush of the notification here as much and makes a focus on where I want to go. So I will allow myself this weekend to all social media including here but during the week will not. That it's it for today Grateful: 1.God 2.Bible 3.Church 4.family 5.House 6.Car 7.Job 8.Food 9.Water 10. Communities I m apart of.

Day 1 of NO Tap detox I came up with name for this detox cause I like having names to detox I do and helps keep me organized as well. The reason I called it that is because were always tapping our phones for something and just stuck. Plus I m keeping me quote "Do you want to live life on pause or do you want to press play on life." This quote has stuck with me and it something I can hang on to. So far so good, I read a little news and trying to do some reviews of some channels to help them out. Plus I m trying to transfer files to my new pc as well so I can complete projects and I walked around shopping area today as well bought ingredients to make new recipes so I m excited about that. That it for today have wonderful day. Grateful: 1.God 2.Bible 3.Church 4.Family 5.food 6.water 7.House 8.Job 9.Car 10.communites I m apart of

So today I bought gaming PC and before you say anything like how why do this or that let me explain. One the reason is because it had the CPU and GPU I wanted and wanted it last 5 years at least. Yes it tempting to do vr but I'm still gonna do the detox I promised starting tomorrow. I m gonna fight the urges to play or do anything expect my detox. Now why am I doing 2nd detox well simply because when I first quit gaming, retreated to anime and cartoons and soon realized it was unhealty and is not getting me where I want to so I decided this year I m going doing another detox that eliminates this. Plus 80% of my research is dedicated to anime and the other 20% things. So I wanted to clarify something when I say tech I mean anything to do with build PC, gaming PC (though mine is it is not fancy), jaytwocents, linus tech tips that kind of tech even tvs. Now say something goes wrong like if hdd dies, or gpu not working or something that preventing form doing my work then it would be allowed. There is one exception to the rule which is I am allowed to watch tutorials online like how to use facebook, reddit, thumblr, ect. or courses I m taking to make my youtube channel better. I'm excited for no anime, no gaming, no manga (expect faith based), no cartoons (expect faith based), reading books faith based, as well audio faith based though I will be be focusing on some review projects first that needs to be done but it setups tomorrow and no social media detox should return as well. This should not get give me more productivity time and find ways to think outside the box. Plus I m allowed to movies in movie theaters but just not at home expect faith based at home. I need some type of reward system I want to see if I resist my urges and use this pc as workstation pc for 180 days. That it for today. Grateful: 1.God 2.Church 3.Family 4.Job 5.Food 6.Water 7.House 8.Bible 9.life 10.communities I m apart of.

I wanted to clarify a few things on this new fast. First of all, I m gonna aim for 180 days not because 90s days is enough but I think I m more addicted than I thought and need to extend this so I can do other things. I will also be using the guide to help me get out of gaming a lot more as well. Now when I said faith-based stuff I mean Christian stuff and I wanted to say during the week I will be allowed to read a book or listen to the audiobook but on the weekends is when I can watch movies (expect Tuesday at movies better deal) that I have. This has to be what I own and not bought so I can stop being jealous of other people and never getting anywhere in my life but first I need to deal with the emotional baggage that been on my life for so long before I can move on. That what I have been doing and realizing what I need to deal with then I can feel freer. detox 1.NO ANIME/MANGA for 180 days (expect faith-based ones for a little while) (exceptions will be manga cookbook so I can learn some recipes) 2.Monday-Thursday NO social media detox which means no facebook,reddit, youtube, Tumblr, etc. 3. Allowed to read books (actual books not kindle) every night and I am allowed audio books every night 4. Friday, Sat, Sunday I am allowed to watch youtube, facebook, Reddit, Tumblr etc. 5.No Cartoons will be allowed to expect faith-based cartoons as well. 6.No VR or tech or gaming of any kind will be allowed even on my own projects. 7. All youtube will have to be faith-based in some sense 8. The exception to the rule is animation movies in the theater I m allowed. 9. Dance class wed. night at the gym, bible study every other Monday singles every Thursday. 10. Attend more social events when I can using Eventbrite, meetup, and my other group I m apart of. 11. I m allowed to watch live action like news and stuff but that's about the limit Sometimes you have to restrict yourself before you will ever try sometime new and that what I m trying to do restrict to change as strange as sounds cause if I m comfortable where I am at why would I change but if their restrictions on me then how can I learn something new. I wanted to say this starts February 1 and its Friday and what really funny about this is when I first did the gaming detox in 2017 it was on Friday so it tells me I m doing the right thing. My goals will be 1.return to learning human Japanese 2.Return to improving grammar skills 3.Improve script writing 4.keep making video content and being consistent. The reason for this fast is simple both anime and gaming is not taking me anywhere but jealousy that I won't become one of them or just escape itself and the reason I chose 180 days is that I know its bigger addiction than my last one. I would like to hear your thoughts on this goal plan and hopefully, I can do one thing to move my life forward. Have a wonderful day. GratefuL: 1.God 2.Church 3.Bible 4.family 5.Job 6.Car 7.House 8.Food 9.water 10.communities I m apart of

Now I wanted to let you know what my plans are. I won't be able to do a full cold turkey like I want to but I kind of can wean myself off it sort of like how I did video games it sort stop playing less and less but there will be some major changes you will see in a moment, but first reflection time. Reflection time: I don't write this just tell how bad I am or how good I am, I write these because I keep finding pieces to the puzzles that caused me to go in the direction I have and I have a better understanding of why now. You my parents (original) before my mom remarried use to fight a lot and it reflected on me a lot and in 2nd grade I remember a student showing me a pokemon card of white fox and I think this where the addiction began and so and found out a series launched called pokemon (remember this in the 90s) I watched on kids wb and really liked a lot and so after watching saturating morning cartoons I asked for games red, blue and yellow. I had all 3 and I spent hours in those games collecting these creatures and battling them, it was so bad that my grades slipped and my mom had to take it away from me, to this day I would NOT be able to play them because of it high addiction rate. So for 4 years I was in this why new kids moved on. I had disability to which caused me to learn a tad slower but if you talk to me you would not even know it. Pokemon one day I got link cables to hook to my Gameboy color so I could trade pokemon with friends in a social setting then got in trouble for that but in remember my mom telling me we were moving and that my parents would divorce though at 8 or 9 years old your not sure what going on. In 2003 I tried to play pokemon games again but just could not handle myself and I had Digimon cards and accessories to go along with them and was in pokemon tournament once then in 2003 I decided to burn everything so I would never endure that again, I saw a show called cow and chicken which lead me to more porn and other things. This because I believed the longest my parents would get back together and never really let go of that thought so I ended up making up an excuse that cartoons and anime were clean and refused to grow up without realizing I was growing up, I even got a Wii so I could socialize with other people that were the purpose of it. I dived deep in gaming but luckily avoided most shooters and had fun and online was still in infancy before social media and high speed in 2006 and I remember playing games on them and having blast but everyone else was into dating or sports which in general never got me interested in any games like that. before long I desired a social community and myst online on hp laptop then started doing movie production work which in general I m storyteller (writing that is). So I go into that using game called the movies software and created a few movies with a community in 2012 called TMuunderground which helped me out a lot and how to do these things and since then moved to muvizu software. As for Myst online, I was able to have family in which I could unleash my creativity on by doing in-game tours which were extremely popular and I tried other things as and ended up turning into the game biggest avtertisment person I was the go-to person for avertisment. in 2014 I decided to put away my console for good because I had custom built pc that allowed me to much more stuff it with and since then have upgraded the CPU and GPU the way I planned it. In 2015 I was able to handle mystonline and no console games really well and remember I was making movies when I was not an online game and you maybe wondering where the downfall came. Well in December of 2015 and 2013 I had created 2 steam accounts and I was not big fan of steam at the time and preferred to play my games alone and not online but I got and started to play or read i m not sure how you would categorize it visual novels which immersed me further than I had ever gone before and the first one was Narcissu and Tokyo school life and remember really like them but the obsession lasted till June 2016 where I had to stop purchasing them and continue doing what I was doing. It was not until I did finally tour in 2016/2017 which marked 5 original I had planned for for my online game that I realized the season had ended and its was getting harder and harder to do so in 2017 I came here to do my no gaming detox and I was ready. So I think I have been holding on to grudge against my parents for so long that its something I did not realize and last year going healing for one them and this Tuesday to get healing for another to hopefully break the cycle and would like to game again someday but have no attachments or escapism to it then again I may never be able to return to gaming. In 2005 is when youtube and mega video started coming into play I started to watching old cartoons and anime again mostly kid anime until D.N Angel, I like the visuals and story that continued on watching anime ever since and at times I would have to fast anime if I thought I was going into echii and hentai territory. I used to do a 3 way fast where if I fasted anime I had video games if I fasted video games I had anime and if I fasted internet I had video games. I think anime is another escapism I need to give up but for now, I not going full could turkey but I m placing some restrictions that need to be done. Plus to this day I still want to date anime character yes I m that deep even looking at ai tech and how that impleneted and that ven frighting so that why I need to do this fast and maybe get back to reality. I reflected on this because I realized I escaped all because at one point I wanted my parents back together and me coming to realization that I may never have relationship with one of them not from me but from that person point view and had shown it though to their actions. So with that said what are some restrictions I placing in feb. 1.No Cartoons will be allowed expect faith based cartoons 2.No anime at all expect faith based manga 3.No social media detox will return feb. 4 4.I am not allowed to buy anthing new, you may ask why well simply this to teach me to be contect with what I have not want more all the time and to complete what I have. 5.Expeections are movie theather animation like lego movie 2, wonder park, blue sky movies I m allowing myself to go the movie theather to get out of the house and not be at pc all the time. 6.I will only all the anime reviews projects allowed and once there done then no anime will start which I have 3 more to do. 7.I will be allowed to only watch or read faith based manga on the weekends and it will not be allowed durning the week so I have some sort of reward system. 8.Everything will have to be faith based to an extent with that be tv, or online as well. 9.Expection will be manga cookbook (since that where all the recpeices are) Now why faith based you may ask well one it helps encorurge me and its something I have been wanting to do for awhile to watch all my faith based movies and why I have not done before well simply I watch anime and refused to change it up and I m stubburn mule sometimes so that why, this should help reduce the manga and anime escampism by termedouts amouts and allow me to focus on my own works like my youtube channel. Like I said its not perfect but it be whole lot better than what I m currently doing and have thought about learning blender agaian and mmd type of thing but for the anime detox to work those will be help off blender not so much but mmd yes. I m not sure if I return to learning human japanese yet but I might add in as well my grammer skills. Its just a matter wheter I have time for it but I should. Plus I have some good news in Feb. I will be taking a dance class at my new gym on Wed. nights and Monday will be my normal workout then every other Monday I will have small bible study and on Sunda,y I m starting to go to churches and found singles group (with more my age) on Thursdays as well another event I can attend though another single group so I m excited about those as well. So there you have it my plan for feb. 2019 and I hope you all understand where I m coming from and I want to thank you fall reading have wonderful day. Grateful 1.God 2.Bible 3.Church 4.Family 5.Car 6.job 7.house 8.food 9.water 10.communities I m apart of

Time to reflect, I think I know what went wrong is one is tech and vr (though I like new pc that not gaming). So before hand I never deleted my gaming related accounts (I did not realized I had some of these till recently.) So this is something new I need to do and when I think about the first half of last year and the start of this year there a total change between the two. So I m gonna be redoing this fast again (guess takes a few tries before you get it right) but I m adding anime in the mix. Why anime you may ask well since gaming and anime are directly related they both need to go in this detox, that and anime is just another form of escapism for me. So that is something I will be doing something fairly soon. This includes manga as well. The second thing I realized is when I returned to gaming to support a game I started running away (not literally) but in the sense I went church because I wanted to escape my problem and addiction to my pc. Though I see positional for gaming, I have to realize that life behind me and I m trying to cope with that to. Plus I have watch too many gaming streams of vr and other stuff. Plus I have figured out how to make pc not gaming rig, why is so hard to find pc not for gaming but still what you want it to be? There two options I have here and one is getting prebuilt system but replace the gpu with workstation card and since workstation cards are not designed for gaming on the hardware this seems the best solution to the problem and I serious need to stop lying here and to myself for never doing what I said I was going to do. With that I m very sorry everyone for that and I have officially deleted discord, and twitch tv. I do not think I have any others than that but I m not even sure. So it kind of weird relapse all because I thought watching and helping game development would be fun. Well it does not move me forward it forces be back. Now I what I going to do well in Feb. 2019 I m restarting the detox again and this with more focus on what I say and do and some of you may say why wait, why not do it now? Well that because I have few anime reviews I need to wrap of this month for my YouTube channel so that my reasoning on that. so what's the goal plan well I will still have my no social media detox expect here as of right now and I will be allowing cartoons and what do I mean by cartoons shows like steven unveirse, start vs evil, tiny toon adventures, amazing world of gumball. Those are cartoons in the since I do not get overly obsessed with or want to escape with as much though it does make me jealous from time to time but not as bad as anime. Anime is another form of escapism that I allowed when I quit gaming the first time and now I need to give that up and maybe just maybe I can a better handle on myself. Feb. 1 is when I will be starting all of this. I hope you have good day, 2019 is about moving forward not backwards.

I have an issue as of right now and I know about quitting all games in life and I should not do this but let me explain cause I kind feel guilty about doing this to them. So when I return to gaming and vr I knew of game called Virtual novel and started supporting them through pateron and my rational thinking is since its development I could help with the development in the game and see how game is being developed from the ground up. Its something I'm very interested in to but has not released yet but when when I thought about be worth it, I did the pledge then took the pledge away a month later thinking that not gonna take my life forward but now I feel guilty because I said I was pledge to them and then took away. I m not sure what to do but I m thinking of doing my pledge again because I do not like this guilt on me and since I was talking about features to add to their game. Tell your thoughts in the comments below.