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Rude

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About Rude

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  1. Rude

    It's time...

    Your story sounds very similar to mine. Like you, I'm happily married, and do well at my job, but my gaming life has been kept between me and the people I play with and it's a huge time sink. What has been working for me is replacing games with something else. I'm working on building my social skills, so I've been working on my storytelling techniques, being more engaged with my friends and family by texting and calling more often, being more present on social media, and learning to enjoy the challenge of breaking out of my shell and initiating conversations with strangers.
  2. Rude

    Social skill "achievements"

    Making some good progress. Generally feeling more engaged with people. I'm finding it really fun to strike conversations with people. I like the challenge of seeing someone who doesn't look like they want to be bothered and making them feel good about themselves. It's become a game in itself -- the game of being quick with words, changing the energy of the room, and making everyone feel included. There's some achievements on this list that I don't feel a lot of motivation to pursue. It would be cool if I did them but I'm having trouble deciding if these were just filler or if doing them will really make me feel better about myself. Hard #1, Offering to buy someone lunch is cool and all but right now, im living in a single-income household and were having trouble getting by as it is. I don't even buy myself lunch. Hard #4, I can't even think of a secret about myself. Hard #5, asking for a favor is a lot harder than I thought! I'm a pretty independent person that rarely asks for help. My life has generally been pretty comfortable so far so I haven't thought of anything to ask. But it's been on my mind in the form of the "Benjamin Franklin Effect," which is that if you ask someone to do a favor for you, the feeling of being trusted to perform a favor makes the person like you more. It's a win-win except that a part of me wants to never rely on people to do things for me. I can't seem to figure out if it's a problem or not. Coincidentally my PC has been experiencing some random crashing and I've decided to wait a while before getting it repaired or replaced. I recently bought Dragon Ball Fighter Z to host a little mini tournament with my family on Christmas. It was a fun family gathering and social experience. I haven't felt any addictive pull towards the game after christmas like I do for most other games.
  3. Think of it this way, If you're serious about quitting games for good, then quit. If you're not sure, then don't. If you're sure you would be better off without games, then you should get serious. Some people play games all the time, some people only play games when they have the time for it. The games aren't the problem. It's the addiction that is the problem. The games and the people playing them will be fine without you. Since you managed to find your way to this site, I think you know what the answer is.
  4. Rude

    Honesty and Trust with Partners

    Trust has to be rebuilt over time. If you've been caught in a lie more than once, it will take a lot longer than two days. You might have to simply accept that you are viewed as a deceptive person for a while until the wound heals. I hope you do end up quitting games for good, but if you do feel like you're going to relapse, you have to tell her before it happens. Keeping communication open about this and admitting to mistakes without her having to find out on her own will help accelerate the process.
  5. Hi Joeyk This sounds pretty difficult. The following will likely be a challenge to you especially after all you've put up with, but I think it could help. It's going to be hard for him to take your feelings into consideration if you respond to him with frustration. It might be worth your while to take him out to dinner and talk to him with an expressed interest in his gaming. What games are you playing? What do you like about it? What are your friends names and what are they like? etc. etc. At the very least, pretend to care long enough for him to talk to you openly about it. Around the time of dessert would be a good time to mention that you've been feeling lonely and overworked. Tell him about some of the problems you're dealing with with the new dog and how taking care of it on your own is a big burden in your day. It would be a lot better if you had the help your needed. Be very careful to avoid putting blame on him or stating problems with "you" statements. Since the addiction seems serious, it's very likely to be met with defense that way. That will make any chances of successful persuasion or negotiation very slim. His gaming experience likely does not feel like a "problem" to him, so be careful not to address it as such or he will stop listening. You might want to consider negotiating a gaming schedule where a specified range of hours is allotted in the day for no games, or scheduling a couple days a week for "us time" where you do something together without games, or maybe a short chore list that is fair. As someone who is battling a sort of addiction myself, it took me a long time to realize that I was using gaming as a space filler for any moments of free time. The more i played, the less priority I put on other things which gave me larger blocks of free time to game for longer. It's better to keep the focus of the conversation from getting into "less gaming" and rather "more doing something else" where something else is helpful to you or your relationship with him. Expect to be patient for a long time, and count your blessings. Take note of when he plays for 6 hours a day instead of 10 or 12. It's going to be a hard battle. Addiction is pretty serious and you'll likely have the best luck rewarding progress versus punishing stagnation.
  6. Rude

    Social skill "achievements"

    Made some progress over the weekend. Only played games for a couple hours. Got some achievements. Feels pretty good. That feeling of wasted time after the weekend was over hasn't manifested too hard! I went to a party and got to meet some new people which was nice. I got to make some people laugh -- and not even the kind of "polite laugh" just to be nice, i mean like good belly laughs and inside jokes. Felt great!
  7. Rude

    Social skill "achievements"

    Still feeling kinda antsy. I've got my list on my mind and I'm in no rush to bang them all out immediately.
  8. Rude

    seeking advice on cold turkey

    gotta start somewhere, buddy :)
  9. Rude

    seeking advice on cold turkey

    started yesterday lol
  10. I'm kinda winging this here. I joined this site yesterday and since then I spent every waking moment playing games until midnight. Hopefully a few journal entries from now I'll have some progress made ... 😱 My main hurdle is that even though I'm married and have plenty friends, my wife is the only person I feel very close with. Everyone I know is kept at a pretty safe distance. I'm often fake nice to a lot of people. Not that I secretly hate everyone, but I really admire people who are genuine about how they feel, and after long gaming sessions I feel pretty emotionally desensitized so I'm nice to people so they can't tell i'm dead inside. I don't like that I'm not honest with people in that way, even though i've never had any consequences for it. I'd like to be someone who makes friends easily and holds really fruitful friendships with other people my age. I spent an hour coming up with 20 social skill related "achievements" that would assist in shifting my focus more on helping the world with my presence and less on escaping it with games. Easy (5/5) 1. Give a compliment to a stranger. 2. Make a stranger smile. 3. Make a stranger laugh. 4. Text someone to ask how they're doing. 5. Make three original posts on social media in one week Medium (2/5) 1. Perform an unasked favor for someone. 2. Give a compliment to three different strangers in one day. 3. Keep a texting conversation going for at least two days. 4. Ask a friend for advice about a problem I'm having. 5. Text someone I haven't spoken to in months Hard (0/5) 1. Give a surprise gift or offer to buy lunch. 2. Call a family member just to talk. 3. Hang out with someone for a day w/o weed or alcohol. 4. Trust someone to keep a secret about myself. 5. Ask someone for a favor Nightmare (3/5) 1. Roast someone! (two compliments followed by one jab) 2. Give a compliment to my boss 3. Talk to a stranger for more than a minute who isn't currently working (not a coworker or a customer service person) 4. Talk to a male friend on the phone for >30 minutes (for some reason its easier for me to hold a conversation with a girl than with a guy) 5. Talk to someone in private about something they do that bothers me or other people (people often prefer to gossip about other people)
  11. Rude

    seeking advice on cold turkey

    I thought I could do it cold turkey too, but it's not as easy as one would think. There's a large part of me that I listen to that says "well let's not get too hasty, maybe there's another way" Start small with cutting out online games and playing single-player games only. If you can manage after a few months, maybe you can cut out each game one by one until there's nothing left interesting to play. That's what I'm trying anyway. If anyone else has other suggestions or ways to go about it, I'm open to it.
  12. Hi I found out about this site by a news article on futurist and I'm very glad to see something like this come to fruition and starting to gain some traction. I think gaming addiction is way more significant than the general public is giving it credit for. I remember thinking this back in 2006 and not being able to find anyone online who agreed with me. It's not nearly as destructive as alcohol or narcotics, but the addictive pull of it is real. While i'm at work on weekdays I daydream about having a clean house and entertaining guests in my home for dinner parties. I like the thought of being a great storyteller, having a closely knit friend group, and a successful career. I like to think about how I'm going to learn new skills and challenge myself to be a better person, be a better friend, and hold an established career. But the instant I get home the games are on. I'm a gamer and as I'm writing this message, I haven't changed out of the same sweatpants and hoodie I've been wearing since Friday night. My wife is out of town seeing some of her high school friends this weekend and I'm home alone filling every hour of freetime in my schedule with games. My kitchen sink is stacked with dishes. My carpets are covered in dog fur. There are blankets and pillows and food wrappers on the floor. There's things in my house that I know need to be cleaned, organized or repaired. I could be researching a cool idea I could bring up to my boss in the next meeting and potentially get a raise or a bonus or a promotion, but I've already spent 14 hours on Saturday playing shooter games, and even after waking up today with feelings of hangover from doing NOTHING the day before, I'm already pretty sure I'm going to be doing the same thing today. I'm not obsessed with it. It doesn't necessarily effect my real life. My relationship with my wife is great, I'm not in danger of getting fired in my low-level corporate job, and I still keep in touch with friends and family every now and again. The thought of owning people in another deathmatch doesn't pollute my thinking day to day. But I do know it's an addiction because some times I won't eat until it hurts, the messes in my house stress me out and I don't do anything about it, I want to have close friends but I don't call or text anyone while I'm playing, and I know I'm capable of so much more things that I know would make me a happier person. As long as I'm playing games, I'm just not reaching for it. I'd like to know what it takes to be an accountability buddy to someone with a similar level of addiction as myself.
  13. Rude

    My New Chapter

    Right on, dude.
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