Vlad

Welcome aboard)

Bro, just put the money in a savings account. That's a stepping stone to independence. How long do you intend to be in the army? What skills years of following orders and keeping your mouth shut can teach you? How obeying others for a career build self-reliance? Do you consider joining the police force instead? It's mostly similar but you get some authority over citizens.

Respect for your will power! But why do you make it so hard for yourself? If you are not willing to sell your console and other gaming stuff yet, why don't you just store it some place else? You can store it at a friend's/relative's house or maybe rent it out to someone. You are increasing the difficulty level of your detox on purpose)

Day 23 Today was ok, but I felt tired and drowsy. After coming home from my girlfriend's house this morning I worked for two hours and fell asleep. I was lucky I was woken up by a call. I feel like folding under the pressure of the work that I must finish. It's 2 am and I'm sitting working on documents. I'm so lucky that I've sold and given away all my gaming-related stuff, as I want to mentally check out. I find it curious that ever since my flight on a military jet I've never had an urge to play any action games. I guess I've set the real-life plank high enough, so that I don't think of action games as stimulating. This morning while driving home I wanted to play some strategy game where I can take over territories and exterminate rival empires. I guess my brain is trying to sublimate my need for business growth that requires hard work and is never linear or easily predictable with a simple point and click experience with an imaginery prizes that disappear once the game is switched off. An idea keeps coming to my mind about how the media including myths, stories, movies and games mislead the audience. I mean there is a definite skew towards the set archetype of an inhumanly powerful loner taking the world on. While in real life big achievements always require putting together a team and leading it. I can see only two explanations of this skew: 1) either the target audience can relate to plotlines with a loner protagonist more easily (so the story sells better) 2) or it's purposeful conditioning of people, so they don't learn to form organized groups. Do you think it's the fromer or the latter? Or maybe you have a different explanation? I'd really love to know, because this thought really ruins movies for me.

Daniel, some downtime is perfectly ok and is much needed by the brain to defragment all the information you get. I found it uncomfortable too when I was quitting stuff like cigarettes or caffeine. You should expect some restlessness, but it will get much better soon. Loneliness may also a valid reason, as Bob has pointed out. Maybe there's a group activity hobby you would like to take up? Board games HappyCat has suggested is a good option.

Respect for having the mental strength and stability to continue regardless of slip ups! Most people take time to bounce back, but I think you have that valuable skill mastered. My bad food habits had everything to do with meal routines. The solution was super simple. I made a rule of treating meals as a focused activity. It was tough to stop eating and working or eating and watching Youtube or eating and planning. But once I planted myself at the dinner table and focused on the food without any distractions I suddenly didn't have any cravings for the bad stuff. Soda tasted no better than water, sugary snacks became pretty much like any other food. I don't know the exact mechanics, but probably sugar in foods creates a short-term feeling of excitement about the activities you're doing while ingesting sugar. If there are no activities besides eating, then sugar loses its attraction instantly. The pressure in social situations is a little trickier, but I think it's ok to do a side-step once in a while. I'd rather do that than get a reputation for being an outlandish health nut, that brings his own containers to a restaurant for a meal with friends or business associates.

Day 22 Woke up weighing 226lbs, the same weight I was at in January 2016. Spent the first half of the day chilling out with my girlfriend. Then finished a rather complex Excel template I need for business. Started integrating my IP telephony, CRM and Email automation. Procrastinated on writing hiring ads. The day wasn't very productive overall.

True, specially in Wales I think. The really insulting gesture (like, looking for a fight) is if you do it with sideways, with the back of the hand also showing forward. Gestures are a form of art. It's just a British historical throwback dating back to the Hundred Years War, it has no significance anywhere else. The fingers were shown to the French as a way of saying that the proud owner of the fingers can still shoot a bow at the French. The French weren't overly enthusiastic about that prospect and usually cut those fingers off of their British POWs.

Day 21 Picked the new additional office space I'm going to rent. I'm surprised about the range of services I can get at the business center, a definite plus. I will stick to business centers in the future. The amount of work I must get done soon is overwhelming. Next week I'll hire 1-2 new employees to train at the HQ, so they can move in on September, 1st. On a different note, my cousin's son is getting shot gun married. It adds to my cautiousness about unplanned fatherhood. Watched "The Founder" movie with my girlfriend, I found it super sentimental, really heart-warming. An awesome movie about a snake of a guy Ray Kroc, very inspirational. It also made me wonder again about how I should keep my mouth shut around my go-getter buddies, so I don't give them ideas about becoming my competition. As for co-owners, I done even with the thought of it since I have already fucked up badly with my previous business. No games again)

I am? (not settling for less) They... are? (my emotions) Also, what do you mean leverage? Sorry for not getting it at first. If you want something badly that means that you can achieve it, otherwise your brain would diregard the matter althogether. I mean that the goal is within your reach, it's only a matter of the price of achieving it. Leverage (as in mechanics) is something that multiplies your efforts. When I'm commited I tend to burn bridges on purpose, so really have an option to back out. You can sign a contract with a signifact loss in case you don't deliver, you join a group and work together on a same goal (so you push each other to keep up) or make a promise to people you respect and want to keep in your life. The price of failing must be painful enough to keep you going no matter what. The fear of pain can drive you way past the point of what you expect from yourself. I also used to have troubles with going to sleep. I think it was due to feeling undecided. Becoming certain about what I wanted was a solution to that. Internally you are not defined by your past experiences. Memories are just pictures in your head. You become what you want to be working on things you want to achieve, people you want to have in your life, feelings you want to feel. I think those are the only things to concentrate on. Our families do the best they can. It's usually the bigger picture that helps to come to terms with the ways they do it. What was their upringing like? What were their life experiences that make them behave in the ways they do? Learning more about the lives of my realtives helped me understand them better and "decode" some of the hurtful things thet said or did into the real intentions they had. Imagine, who else but them in the whole world have put some much effort into you? Cam is super right on this one. We are never impacted by the facts but only by our interpretation of them. Rain can mean bad weather for some, but saved crops for others. Failures for some become dealbreakers for some and the school of hardknocks for others. A temporary agony can melt impurities from you and turn you into a higher class steel. Just add the right perspective to anything and always keep your goals in mind. Respect for posting on bad days too! Those are the days when you really put in work keeping yourself accountable.

Bob, it's always a pleasure to read your journal entries. Legendary consistency! Keep the good work, there's no stopping you.

Hmm, I was pretty sure this fashion died out in 90s... I agree, but it's a coping mechanism, not a fashion statement.)

You got me.) That's a realm I'm not going back to. Sorry if I'm pushing too hard at times. It's just that your unwillingless to settle for less and the emotions you have about that are an indicator of your potential. Sometimes people need leverage to actualize their potential. Sometimes the right leverage is a kick to the backside. I'm sure you'll find ways to apply your ambitions, just go for it. We're rooting for you. For real, man.

Welcome back! Totally agree with you on consistency. May the force be with you on this successful try.

Great job, bro! Go on with the podcast, it always awesome to listen to something interesting told in a pleasant voice. Are you aiming for perfection on your first try? Do you remember Cam's first videos with a wide lense?)) They were good even with a funny camera. There are always ways to improve and perfect something, but never the time to do so. Get the ball rolling, I'm sure you'll do great.

Day 20 The ground is on fire today. I received a call from a super sweet employee of my partner. Besides the usual technical Q&A, she delicately told me that some clients are worried about not being systematically informed. Most likely I'm over exagerrating but in my mind it sounded like: WTF, man?! Step up already! So I've got my shit together and found a few small office spaces on offer. I'm going to check out a few business centers tomorrow. I wanted to do that today, but only managed to book the tours for tomorrow. I found a very nice office really close by, with a full glass wall and stuff, but it was already in negotiations. I got a little sad, but it was too pricey anyways. Tomorrow I'll see a few sure things and maybe negotiate a structured rent plan, so I can upgrade in September-October. I'm not promising that I'll have a new office running by the end of the week, by I'm so scared I might just pull that off. More realistically I'll have everything including employees more or less set up by the end of next week. It's really bugging me that I'll have to integrate a CRM-system for the first time. That would be truly a whole new level for me. No gaming today, I guess I'm too stressed out to think about it. I'm off for a watermelon I've promised my girlfriend.

Thanks for the kind words, bro. I try to repay your support with honesty, consistency and support. You can upgrade that phrase to a native speaker level: So Russian, [shto pizdets]! That would translate: Russian as fuck . Those two short words together express an extermely superlative form of an adjective or an adverb. They can be linked to good, bad or neutral qualities or situations. Given its universal use it's obviously a swear phrase.

Bro, I'm not any stronger than you are, I'm just using leverage. I'm grateful for the support I get from you good people on this forum. I made a public promise with a deadline, so I had extra motivation to deliver. If had chickened out I would have lost trust and let you, the people that offered me support down. The only "trick" is that I knew about this mechanism before making the promise. You can do the same when you decide to rid yourself of your extra console. Thanks for the compliment btw.

Sorry bro, I underestimated you. I really respect that you have practical exposure to politics. What you have described is good political competition. What I've seen was a little more sad. All those campaigns were no-holds-barred fights for status quo. Those who actively supported the opposition were treated with wide-spread police crime, prosecution, lay-offs and a few jail sentences here and there. Plus the media was censored and the counting rigged. Those who supported the dominant party/candidate were paid enough to buy an ice cream cone and got to keep their jobs. The former was a painful and dangerous exercise in futility, the latter gave beautiful prospects of almost free grunt work for decades to come. As you understand current leaders have children and plenty of old friends with heavy compromat on each other, what's more those friends also have children of their own, i.e. there are already long lines of family insiders for the positions of power that they distribute among themselves. Luckily I wasn't overly active so I got away clean. I didn't see any good opportunities and of course my experience makes me very biased. I think if you don't predict getting jailed, killed or mutilated why not go for it? As for Trump, I think it's only a public facade, he's way more layered and snake-like. It's very hard to accumulate billions of debt being overly honest.

Thanks bro

Welcome aboard!) Quitting gaming is a big change. How would you feel if your girlfriend told you about her intention to change somthing big?

Bro, if you only talk about it, eventually people will laugh at you and think you have delusions of grandeur. The only thing that counts is the follow-through. If you make it you're the big guy "on campus", if you try hard and don't make it you're a somewhat known guy with potential, if you only tell people about it, well you already know that outcome. Go help somebody run for elections, so you'll have a realistic taste for that kitchen. I've done that a couple of times, I reevaluated my prospects and went on with my business endeavors as a medium of bettering this world, because it is quicker and way more clear for me. Your experience may differ, and I sincerely wish you to find happiness in politics. Btw in what ways are you politically active right now? What do people know you for?

The time it takes to develop or revive a gym-going habit is the hardest one. I know you will work through it. And it's very good that you know that it will be way easier afterwards. It's the same for everybody. Godspeed on your fitness goals.

I think it might help if you schedule a break some time soon and promise yourself to stick to that plan. That will help you power through the fatigue. I've been there with selling a console, just remind yourself, that it has a negative personal value for you. It's great that you've created such a great family that helps you unwind and change perspective. A really good job!

Bro, I think I totally understand your feelings on this one. These thoughts about self sabotage are super common. You've come a long way, and now you've come to point where you can feel the changes. The new you is not in some future, the new you is happening right now. You may be surprised by the new fit you're not used to. You have to push through if you want the better life, in some time this new state will become the norm, otherwise it will be like the usual stories of multiple rookie pro athletes. They suddenly get paid huge amounts of money, they don't feel that the new situation fits them and they self sabotage and mess everything up in various creative ways. Human mind is a blunt survival mechanism that clings to habits and known evils, just keep going and soon the new and better you will be the habit. Keep it up, bro!