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I took health and exercise courses for ~12 months a few years back now, and felt ready to take on any practical role at a gym, but it was as though I was meant to be receptive to indoctrination, or positively leaping (even more than I was mentally) to serve everyone I could see, posthaste. Another gym wanted at least 6 months of relevant experience - then I would be considered. One outgoing young man I remember was laughing nervously that he bluffed his way into an interview early in his studies, and then couldn't really back himself up. The two of us should have already been a study team is what I thought. Your summaries are among the best here, dude. I know you said that you won't believe that anyone is 'lost', but there's the good kind of loss/immersion as well. I actually doubt if I could personally provide deliberate instruction for you to do anything, compared to everyone else here who has a busy life. My most recent gym session involved 100 total repetitions of 3 exercises at a moderate-heavy weight. I just wanted to burn those movements into my brain. Memorisation indeed - my Dad often claimed to have learned by repetition, but still regards resistance training semi-seriously as 'torture'. You've got to feel at least something about the journey, as well as think and remember it, IMO. I spent some time a couple weeks of this year reading 'Surrounded by Idiots', with those 4 DISC personality colours. You know, I always imagined you fitting the Red/Dominant type. Maybe that's just an enduring ideal for a lot of males who've experienced some driven work before. People can change/revert to natural tendencies; I eventually did.  You mentioned shooter games and watching sport; I was never much good at either, but maybe you could join debating groups or work on sporting event commentary. I dunno. If you're out of steam, or even ideas in general, there has to be a change or allowance made, right? Happy mid-week Amph. 

I’ve run out of steam, barely sustaining work. I will try doing memorization for my next exam, but i dont know if i will have the necessary strength to pass it . In the past passing was a matter of putting in the time, but now i am balancing health, work and education.  I am grateful for this journal, but I would want members on this forum to run to my help and give me a hand or hug me, but that is impossible because they aren’t here. They all have their jobs and families to look after. @Cam Adair I look like a very tired guy trying to improve career prospects. Interviewers seem to be shaking their heads when they see me. skills that I learned two years ago have devalued. I had to invest money and time in new skills and I haven’t done that.

Yes, as long as it's within our circle of control, I do think we can achieve anything. Except the games that are zero-sum and either/or with a lot of competition (e.g. being the top company for lawnmowers in Colorado or becoming the president). But everybody can work on their health, friendships and the quality of their work 🙂 

Sounds like you’ve been through a lot lately — finishing your degree, health issues, and a major schedule shift. Totally understandable that gaming crept back in. The fact that you’re reflecting on it and planning ahead shows real growth. Starting the detox with your internship sounds like a solid idea — structure can really help. Whatever you decide, just keep showing up here. You’re on the right path.

Great job on making it to Day 6!  It’s awesome that you recognized your triggers and took action before a relapse. Joining the forums and being part of a more supportive space is a big step, and it’s great that journaling is helping you process everything. Keep going, one day at a time, you're doing better than you think!